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The Fast & the Fluffiest, Or: UNLIKELY ANIMAL FRIENDS RETIRED RACING DOG AND ALPACA LOVE EACH OTHER REAL NOT CLICKBAIT by bizarrelittlemew, serpent_and_dahlia
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
07 Jul 2026
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Summary
“Stede,” Ed said slowly, and even to his own ears he sounded a bit faint, “why do you have a llama in the living room?”
Stede closed the front door behind him with a sigh. “Actually, Jeff’s an alpaca.”
Felt like that was sort of missing the point here, but sure. Ed would play ball. “Okay. Stede, why do you have an alpaca in your living room?”**
Other guys have their mid-life crisis, they buy an irresponsible sports car. But Edward Teach—formerly one of the greatest Formula 1 Drivers of all time, now Just Some Guy—already has a sports car. Actually, he has six.Ergo: Ed buys an irresponsible hobby farm instead. Weirdly, this does not fill the hole in his heart.
But his highly neurotic rescue dog and hot new vet boyfriend might...
If Stede would fucking call him back.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,886
- Chapters:
- 1/9
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 9
- Kudos:
- 20
- Bookmarks:
- 5
- Hits:
- 117
Bookmarked by moonlightymoth
07 Jul 2026
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Summary
It’s only when he’s trying to get dressed and his pants won’t button that he notices the swell in his stomach. He hasn’t been eating, so he shouldn’t exactly have been gaining weight. He runs his hand over the bulge, the firmness of it, the heat of his skin seeping through the leather of his gloves. It shouldn’t be possible. He’s fucking Blackbeard, he can’t be…
But thinking back on it, he hasn’t bled for months now.
He’s been nauseous, tired, sick, and he thought it was because he’s been running himself ragged, not sleeping, not eating. Not drinking because just the smell of the stuff has been making him gag.
Fuck. Fuck fuck fucking dickfucking fucking fuck.
He’s pregnant.
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A canon-divergent AU where they do more than just kiss that day on the beach. Stede still leaves, and leaves Ed with more than he bargained for.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,879
- Chapters:
- 2/?
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 20
- Kudos:
- 63
- Bookmarks:
- 10
- Hits:
- 478
Bookmarked by moonlightymoth
07 Jul 2026
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Summary
Stede Bonnet has spent his life in the shadow of his own failures. Being born an omega, his marriage to a beta instead of an alpha, his failure as a father to his pups. The only thing he's ever had going for him is coming from a pure-blood family and all the duties that came with it. It wasn't until he met a wolf-dog, the infamous Blackbeard, that he came into his own and realized that there could be more to himself than the failure he'd been living as. But on the cusp of finally coming into his own, old ghosts reared their heads sending him fleeing from the love of his life.
Edward Teach knew from the moment he was old enough to speak that having a wolf from a mother had damned him in the eyes of the civilized world. He'd accepted that until he met a retriever who smiled at him and told him he wore fine things well. Who made him laugh and brought light into his life. But the light went out and the old rage burned.
A rage that Ned Low was happy to take advantage of as Ed finds himself in the grip of the English, controlled by a madman and stripped, piece by piece, of his memories and sanity. All he remembers is once the sun had shown on him, but the sun's gone out, leaving only shadows and darkness.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,021
- Chapters:
- 1/?
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 6
- Kudos:
- 13
- Bookmarks:
- 9
- Hits:
- 200
Bookmarked by moonlightymoth
04 Jul 2026
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Summary
Ed stood, transfixed, staring at the projection. He gasped as the android turned its head to look at him, smiled, and held out the rose. Ed almost reached forward to take the flower, as big as he was, before it was withdrawn and the android looked to the side again and resumed its original position. Ed shook his head. For a moment he had thought it really was looking at him, like there might have been some kind of connection, before he remembered it was merely another intrusive advertisement for the highest echelons of society.
Stede, a bot belonging to Bonnet Corp, has been pulled from the front line of a never ending war after thirty years to be used as a propaganda machine.
Ed is entranced a beautiful person, and uncovers a plot by Bonnet Corp to have him assassinated to bolster their war fundraising.
Together, Stede and Ed will uncover something far more sinister and work to free the hold Bonnet Corp has over the planet.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,679
- Chapters:
- 1/5
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 14
- Kudos:
- 13
- Bookmarks:
- 3
- Hits:
- 99
Bookmarked by moonlightymoth
04 Jul 2026
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Summary
Stede Bonnet is Amish. The trouble is, he has never been very good at belonging.
He doesn’t know who he is yet. He doesn’t know where he’s meant to fit. All he knows is that the life laid out for him has never felt like his own. So when he finally leaves his Amish community behind and finds himself alone in the middle of a bright, unfamiliar city, Stede has no idea what to do next.
Then a gruff but unexpectedly kind stranger offers him a place to stay.
Stede has no way of knowing that accepting will change everything. That this strange new world, overwhelming as it is, might be the place where he finally begins to understand himself. Or that the man who takes him in, with the help of his friends, might help him discover, for the first time, what it feels like to truly belong.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,843
- Chapters:
- 2/9
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 21
- Kudos:
- 34
- Bookmarks:
- 5
- Hits:
- 194
Bookmarked by moonlightymoth
03 Jul 2026