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  1. Tags
    Summary

    The 80s are in full swing, and the golden decade of Nintendo Gameboys’ and Sony Walkmans’ has never looked better. In the neon jungle, Stede Bonnet, a young salaryman, meets enigmatic mechanic apprentice Edward Teach, and the pair strike up an unlikely friendship via fax machine, page beepers and gifts in the mail.

    IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GO CHAPTER BY CHAPTER HERE IS A LINK TO THE PLAYLIST ON SOUNDCLOUD! It is updated when each chapter is added and may be less tedious than having to click back and forth all the time.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    112
    Chapters:
    17/?
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    5
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    93
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Hypothetical Season 2, as required under Muppet Law. Starts where Season 1 ends. There will be mmmmnnnnnsix chapters? it depends on how the final edit shakes out and how much story AO3 can take in one hunk.

    Tags/characters may expand with more chapter posting, I'm kind of heavily medicated right now.

    Content notes: all the swearing, criminal assault, mugging (the crime kind not the face kind), death, fake death, grave desecration, Catholicism (half-assed), mention of flogging, mention of sex work, mention of cannibalism, suicidal ideation, murderous ideation, ableist language, attempted murder, bad gun safety, bad edged weapon safety, canon acts of violence recalled, arson, canon maiming, animal deaths but they're a fish and a storytime rabbit. Hit me up if you feel other tags should be here.

    I was going to do footnotes but they're TERRIFYING and I lose this computer in 20 minutes, so you get in-text bracketed notes instead unless someone volunteers.

    Song links to come.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,057
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    15
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    130
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Edward Teach owns a small café. He's just trying to live a quiet life and put his past behind him. Stede Bonnet is an accountant with a divorce and a failed relationship under his belt. When their worlds collide chaos ensues, but perhaps that's just what they both need.
    Featuring a fake relationship, a dark past, copious misunderstandings and a little black cat named Ollie.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,789
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    25
    Kudos:
    61
    Bookmarks:
    15
    Hits:
    408
  4. Tags
    Summary

    AU modern setting

    Stede Bonnet is the owner of The Lighthouse, a new restaurant just across the street from Blackbeard's, the pub where both Edward Teach and Izzy Hands have been working for the last twenty years. Will a new face be enough to finally break the precarious stability between Ed and Izzy?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,362
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Kudos:
    2
    Hits:
    3
  5. Tags
    Summary

    'Hi, I'm Stede and I'm giving this crafting thing a go! Come see my stall at the East Pier Craft fair every second Sunday!'

    Stede Bonnet, an amateur glass artist, moves to the seaside town of East Pier and joins the fortnightly craft fair there. Edward Teach, a successful ceramicist going through an artistic crisis, ends up manning Blackbeard Pottery Studios' stall.

    Social media AU I'm crossposting from my twitter (@doctor_moth, come say hi). Tags to be updated as I go and any CW to be added at the beginning of each chapter.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,830
    Chapters:
    166/?
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    1461
    Kudos:
    582
    Bookmarks:
    106
    Hits:
    13404
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Professional thief Edward Teach is tired of hole in the wall apartments, shitty pub food, and skipping town every few months to keep the cops off their tail. He’s well past the age he meant to flee the country and retire, and all he needs is One Last Job to set him up for life. When he hears that some rich bastard outside of town has just the sort of treasure he’d trade his good knee for, Ed sets out in disguise to get the lay of the land.

    What he gets instead is a case of mistaken identity. Yanked into Stede Bonnet’s multimillion dollar home and greeted with relief instead of fear, Ed suddenly finds himself entrusted with the care of the recently-separated Bonnet’s two children. And he’s not hating it. Not at all.

    But there’s still a mysterious treasure to find. There’s still Izzy Hands, breathing down Edward’s neck about finding the money and moving on. And there’s still Stede Bonnet, with his easy smiles and soft, kind voice, and his silly talk of second chances.

    The Bonnet house is enormous. It’s no wonder a kid who grew up in dingy squats and group homes would get little lost in it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    63,283
    Chapters:
    6/8
    Comments:
    245
    Kudos:
    353
    Bookmarks:
    109
    Hits:
    5152
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Izzy is kidnapped by a rapist. Stede and Edward save him.

    From far off, he could hear the loud clang of a door opening and closing as well as the echo of footsteps on dirt. Izzy immediately stopped struggling and intently stared at the entrance to his cell. He needed to see who he needed to murder once he was free.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,006
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    27
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    148
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Islington, 1989. Stede Bonnet’s knowledge of London’s gay scene is lacking in everything but rose-tinted glasses, as he leaves his marriage to run a halfway-house for ‘waifs and strays’ in the city centre.

    Izzy Hands, the best mate of Bonnet’s new paramour, has been without those glasses for years.

    OR: an 80’s AU from two different sides of the coin. Also, Ed runs a Greasy Spoon café, and Lucius has a great deal of shit to outrun.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,662
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    67
    Kudos:
    88
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    814
  9. Tags
    Summary

    “I moved to a new flat because I’ve just walked out on my wife of twenty five years. And our two children. Without telling them. Well, I left a letter, but it was brief.”

    I started to think he’d hung up. Then he said “go on".

    *

    A preposterous AU with a preposterous meet cute. Featuring Ed's terribly named sex shop, Stede being a proud ally of the LGBT community and surprisingly tame sex given the premise. Unbetaed.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    52,143
    Chapters:
    13/14
    Comments:
    265
    Kudos:
    389
    Bookmarks:
    85
    Hits:
    5900
  10. Tags
    Summary

    “Quite unfortunate how that worked out, isn’t it? I mean— he’s gone and here I am. No matter how hard you tried to get rid of me.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,288
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Kudos:
    2
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    45
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Inspired by @sourgoats (on twitter) amazing art: https://twitter.com/Sourgoats/status/1519548835734994944/photo/1

     

    After Izzy betrayed Edward, is he even worth of being his anymore?

    or, Blackbeard decides to reclaim his mark.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,406
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    16
    Hits:
    66
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Stede Bonnet is a popular and successful wedding planner whose wife kicked him out and is currently going through a divorce. Ed Teach owns a catering company (and a bar & grill) - and has been madly in love with Stede since he laid eyes on him almost seven years ago. With Stede going through his divorce, will he finally have his chance at last? Or will other people and forces stand in their way?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    44,361
    Chapters:
    13/20
    Comments:
    637
    Kudos:
    417
    Bookmarks:
    91
    Hits:
    7726
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Edward Teach is the increasingly dissatisfied co-owner of Blackbeard Antiques with his best friend Izzy. He loves the fine things they sell, but is sick of a life surrounded by obnoxious rich people. Then one day he encounters a pretty posh boy (well middle aged man) he can actually stomach and who might just change everything…

    Stede Bonnet has channelled his mid-life crisis into becoming an unconventional Saville Row tailor, making beautiful bespoke suits at Bonnet & Friends with a merry crew of misfits. The trouble is they don't have any paying clients and the business is on the brink of failure before it's even really begun. Then one day a gravelly voice calls out of the blue with a business opportunity that might help the struggling tailor find his feet personally and professionally…

    A modern AU set in England that no one asked for, but popped unbidden into my head out of nowhere anyway! Relatively long form, mostly fluff with some angst and a bit of smut down the line.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,990
    Chapters:
    5/28
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    29
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    315
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Stede Bonnet has spent two years living alone in a secluded beach paradise, running from a past that he’s scared will catch up to him. It’s a lonely life, but at the end of the day, it’s one he thinks he deserves – as long as it can keep his loved ones safe.

    Edward Teach has spent years trying to escape his own past but has unfortunately needed to start over in a new town more than once. It’s a lonely life, but at the end of the day, it’s one he thinks he deserves – because people like him don’t deserve a life of happiness and something more.

    Mary Allamby is tired of seeing both her ex-husband and her new friend be so lonely and decides to do something about it. Who better to play matchmaker than her?

     

    (as of 7/6) Updates Every Wednesday

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    60,780
    Chapters:
    17/?
    Comments:
    380
    Kudos:
    506
    Bookmarks:
    139
    Hits:
    10517
  15. Tags
    Summary

    An ofmd reincarnation smau by @FirstMateArlo on Twitter

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,180
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Kudos:
    4
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    41
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Once upon a time, Eevla decided to write a quick, explicit post-S1 reunion fic. Things Did Not Go As Planned...

    "You're still wearing my cravat." Stede pulled back to look again at Edward's impossibly handsome face, into his glittering brown eyes as he huffed out almost involuntarily,

    "Never took it off."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    42,490
    Chapters:
    14/?
    Comments:
    37
    Kudos:
    126
    Bookmarks:
    37
    Hits:
    4050
  17. Tags
    Summary

    AliuIce0814's summary:

    20-year-old Israel Hands finds himself 30 years in the future. First Mate Izzy Hands sits him down for a talk. They both learn a little about themselves.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    36
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Hits:
    25
  18. Tags
    Summary

    An omfd SMAU by @blu3dan13l

    number neighbours: A number neighbor is someone who has the same phone number as you, except the last digit is one lower or higher (dictionary.com)

    (copied over from twitter)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,159
    Chapters:
    21/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    19
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    117
  19. Tags
    Summary

    When the Kraken clipped Izzy's wings, he knew he was going to be alright. He just had to wait until new feathers grew in. Until then, he was just glad to have his Blackbeard back.

    And then he fell.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,926
    Chapters:
    4/5
    Comments:
    29
    Kudos:
    208
    Bookmarks:
    30
    Hits:
    1571
  20. Tags
    Summary

    A smouldering naval vessel with no attackers in sight, a girl covered in bruises floating in the water spewing lies, and a reminder of his childhood Izzy didn't want. However, Blackbeard had issued his orders so they'd keep the girl, and it looked like she'd just become Izzy's new roommate.

    UPDATED WEEKLY!

    ON HIATUS UNTIL AUGUST 31ST

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    57,014
    Chapters:
    9/?
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    35
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    899

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