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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Just a simple classic tale of texting the wrong number. Where will it go? Who knows

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    30,251
    Chapters:
    9/?
    Comments:
    60
    Kudos:
    71
    Bookmarks:
    12
    Hits:
    887
  2. Tags
    Summary

    What if Stede HAD shown up at the dock after Chauncey blew himself to Kingdom Come?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    40,648
    Chapters:
    9/?
    Comments:
    26
    Kudos:
    139
    Bookmarks:
    30
    Hits:
    1956
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Alternate Universe. Mary makes the first move of ending her and Stede's marriage.

    When Lucius is brought in to take care of Stede while he digests this process, they end up at a strip club where Stede lays eyes on a tall drink of water, his mind forgetting about Mary.

    What he doesn't know is that this handsome, tall drink of water has some secrets of his own.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    79,671
    Chapters:
    20/21
    Comments:
    43
    Kudos:
    119
    Bookmarks:
    27
    Hits:
    3103
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Stede Bonnet was a highly renowned professor at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. Now he manages a soda shop called "Fiiz"
    Choosing to finally come out and divorce his wife, newly ex-Mormon Stede Bonnet lost his cushy job and looks to his young, college-aged queer employees for guidance in this new turn his life has taken.
    ~
    I wanted to heal my own trauma that came with being raised Mormon, in Utah, while being queer. I see myself in Stede, but that alone wasn't enough for a fic. Then, I was explaining the concept of Utah's soda shop culture on the Our Flag Means Brainrot Discord server, and I realized how much Edward "dollop of milk and seven sugars" Teach would love these absurdly sugary and caffeinated drinks.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,833
    Chapters:
    9/10
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    115
    Kudos:
    171
    Bookmarks:
    26
    Hits:
    2166
  5. Tags
    Summary

    The 80s are in full swing, and the golden decade of Nintendo Gameboys’ and Sony Walkmans’ has never looked better. In the neon jungle, Stede Bonnet, a young salaryman, meets enigmatic mechanic apprentice Edward Teach, and the pair strike up an unlikely friendship via fax machine, page beepers and gifts in the mail.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    46,032
    Chapters:
    98/?
    Comments:
    1810
    Kudos:
    2435
    Bookmarks:
    658
    Hits:
    50808
  6. Tags
    Summary

    2021.

    Notting Hill, London, U.K.

    Stede had a mid-life crisis and gay awakening simultaneously, which resulted in an amicable separation from his wife, a not-so-amicable separation from his father, a complete wardrobe overhaul, and the purchase of a bookshop.

    This left him more content with life than he had ever been, but also made him crave someone to share it with. He’d never craved anything before. 

    Los Angeles, California, U.S.A.

    Ed Teach shot to higher levels of fame than he’d ever imagined he would. He truly loved acting, but it became a chore when suddenly the whole world knew his face and he couldn’t ever let the mask slip, even when the cameras weren’t rolling. He missed home, he was tired, and he was just so bored.

    He needed something to change before he lost his mind.

    An 'Our Flag Means Death' Social Media AU, originally posted on Twitter. @thatllbemybrand
    Tags will be updated as the fic continues. Original thread has hit post 195.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,194
    Chapters:
    30/?
    Comments:
    72
    Kudos:
    98
    Bookmarks:
    19
    Hits:
    1926
  7. Tags
    Summary

    It's the Roaring Twenties and Stede Bonnet was a wealthy land owner from New Zealand. He was as rich as could be and lived a comfortable life. But comfortable does not mean happy.

    Stuck in a loveless marriage with the need to get away, Stede decided to move to the land of the free to get into the bootlegging business and opened a Speakeasy. It was a rocky start, but he eventually got the hang of it and it was going great. That is until the notorious Mafia boss, Blackbeard, learned about him and gained an interest in who he was.

    At first the interest came from the story of a fancy man selling illegal alcohol, but then it grew after news came out that the same fancy man had some blood on his hands.

    Then it became something more when it turned out the man was actually horrible at his job.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    34,483
    Chapters:
    12/?
    Comments:
    59
    Kudos:
    73
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    1806
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Lucius never thought he'd have to use the CPR certification his job made him get.

    He never expected to play matchmaker for the person whose life he saved, either.

    And it's just getting more complicated from there.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,235
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    21
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    122
  9. Tags
    Summary

    When newly divorced and newly out Stede Bonnet is dragged to a rock concert by his assistant, he thinks it will be a fun night out and a chance to be more social after isolating himself. Little does he know, he is about to attract the attention of the legendary Blackbeard, frontman of Queen Anne's Revenge.

    Their meet-cute hits a bit of a snag when an incident at the concert threatens the nationwide tour Blackbeard and his band are about to go on, putting Stede under a spotlight he never wanted or asked for.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,782
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    20
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    231
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Who is Mary Bonnet?

    She doesn't know, but after a life spent in a loveless marriage with no hope of a happily ever after, she's more than ready to find out.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    21,451
    Chapters:
    23/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    26
    Kudos:
    56
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    704
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Stede Bonnet is settling into his roles as a boyfriend and an involved dad. So when he sees a flyer for a Halloween baking competition at Alma and Louis's school, he can't wait to enter. Unfortunately, the very people running the contest are the people Stede has tried so hard to avoid: The Badmintons. Luckily, he and Ed are a team, and together they're determined to bring about social ruin for his nemesis once and for all.

    A fluffy sequel to DOUBT THOU THE STARS, where Ed runs a campground and Stede lives in a city nearby.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,792
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    79
    Kudos:
    142
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    1240
  12. Tags
    Summary

    She had her own room, after that – apparently she was now a young lady who needed plenty of space to herself. She hadn’t especially minded sharing with Louis, but the view from her new room was of magnolia trees, which couldn’t be faulted. Not to mention, no one noticed how she started nicking Daddy’s few remaining things from around the house and squirreling them away in her partly-filled hope chest.

    The fanciful, adventurous bedtime stories Daddy used to tell her and Louis sounded more appealing than ever. Alma had prided herself on never flinching at the scary bits, even as Louis curled into her side, but now she thought she was relatively used to excessive amounts of blood and didn’t see why she should be deprived of the other exciting fixings of life at sea.

    //Alma Bonnet, aged eleven, talks her way onto the Revenge under the guise of getting to know her father. Really she just wants to be a pirate. Mentorship and fluff ensues.

    Also Alma is non-binary and lowkey idolizes Jim because I said so. Alma's pronouns might change later in the fic.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    31,917
    Chapters:
    27/91
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    148
    Kudos:
    230
    Bookmarks:
    39
    Hits:
    3907
  13. Tags
    Summary

    It’s been twenty years since Stede Bonnet left Neverland with a broken heart. Convinced there was nothing left for him there, Stede settled in San Francisco, married Wendy's daughter, Mary, had 2 beautiful children, and became a workaholic lawyer at his own firm.

    Now, Neverland isn't even a hazy memory. Time and distance have completely erased it and its inhabitants from Stede’s mind.

    Something broke in Blackbeard when The Gentleman Pirate left. For the last two decades, Neverland has lived under the tyranny of The Dread Pirate and his capricious moods.

    When Blackbeard’s first mate, Izzy, hatches a plan to kidnap The Gentleman Pirate’s children as payback for all he’s wrought, Blackbeard jumps at the chance to avenge his broken heart.

    With his children gone and no *plausible* leads on their whereabouts, Stede will have to dig deep to remember who he is and what he gave up in order to rediscover the real meaning of family.

    _______________________________________________________________________________________

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,070
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    7
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    159
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Stede's first 5K goes terribly. He's dead last. But he's an enthusiastic dork, and celebrates crossing the finish line in style.

    "He stopped and cupped his hand to his ear, demanding (and receiving) louder cheers. He danced the Robot back towards Alma, who was cackling, then did the Running Man to a burst of applause from the crowd. Finally, he jogged through the chute, and collected his medal."

    Ed is announcing the race results when the hot blonde guy coming in dead last in the 5K busts a move at the finish line.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,765
    Chapters:
    11/?
    Comments:
    64
    Kudos:
    70
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    859
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Edward Teach, lead vocalist for a metal band, has been taking wedding singer gigs at a local event venue for the past few months, finding it a fulfilling change of pace in his life. A hopeless romantic, Ed is engaged to be married in less than a week and is completely in his element when he meets Stede Bonnet, a recently relocated professional attending a wedding where Ed is performing. Stede is swept away by Ed’s charismatic performance and the two hit it off right away. Stede promises that once he eventually sets a date for his own wedding with Mary, he wants Ed to be the wedding singer for theirs as well. Tragedy strikes when Ed’s fiancé leaves him at the altar, sending Ed spiraling into depression and swearing off wedding gigs entirely. In an attempt to help Ed get back on his feet (and hopefully spend more quality time with his new friend), Stede convinces Ed to help him plan his own upcoming wedding. Needless to say, as Stede’s wedding grows closer, so do Stede and Ed <3

    This story is loosely based on The Wedding Singer (1998) and inspired by the parallels between Ed's Episode 10 songs and the infamous "Somebody Kill Me Please" scene from the movie.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,485
    Chapters:
    28/?
    Comments:
    88
    Kudos:
    80
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    1906
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Day 2 of OFMD Kinktober using clothed sex as a prompt.

    Stede made a sound of agreement as he enjoyed the sensation of Ed's fingers on the base of his skull. A soft moan escaped Stede instantly producing a blush that creeped through his lily-white skin. Dark eyes darting around to make certain no one had heard while he chewed on his bottom lip. No one was around, and under all the music no one would have heard.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,795
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    12
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    165
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Edward Teach, known on the internet as "Blackbeard" is an internet comedian. But he gained popularity too fast and he didn't get enough time to enjoy the fun parts of it. Now he has stupid upload schedules he has to follow and it's all so boring! So, in order to change things up for once, he takes a shot at some stand up comedy at an open mic night where he meets comedian Stede Bonnet.

    After this first meeting, sparks fly for Ed, and his laugh exists only for the comedian, but will their silly love story be an easy one? Or will it be a comedy of errors?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,845
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Kudos:
    1
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    28
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Ed Teach and Mary Bonnet get along like a house on fire, as they find out when a totally reasonable attempt to drop off birthday gifts for Alma goes off the rails. Alma gets into knives, Louis is definitely either going to invent anesthesia or become a serial killer, and Mary & Stede discover their talent for collaboration when they've got a common goal (railing Ed to within an inch of his life).

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,880
    Chapters:
    7/10
    Comments:
    76
    Kudos:
    85
    Bookmarks:
    13
    Hits:
    1607
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Ed and Stede are throwing a party.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,085
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Comments:
    40
    Kudos:
    64
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    1226
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Kids were not a part of Ed’s plans. He’d had an asshole dad, and he figured the easiest way to avoid being an asshole dad was to not be a dad. But then Stede Bonnet waltzed into his life, took root so quickly it made Ed’s head spin, and Stede was a package deal. So Edward bought it hook, line, and sinker.

    **I post chapters out of chronological order and will routinely update the chapter order as I post.**

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,919
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    35
    Kudos:
    74
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    806

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