Chapter Text
Edward could not decide whether the stars and constellations streaking through the sky were tracing their path particularly fast that night, or excruciatingly slow -- and he wondered which sensation was causing the steadily increasing gallop of his heart.
Too slow because each moment he sat exposed on that dock scratched and grated at his skin, waiting to be spotted or captured, on edge that he couldn't see to Stede's safe journey to their meeting place himself. He had bribed a guard to take him, still giddy from forming his plan, but now wondered with each agonizing passing moment whether that had been a mistake. Perhaps his excitement had taken his guard down too much.
No. All was well. There was still time until dawn, and that's when they had planned to leave. All was well.
So he laid down on the dock and waited, tracking the path of the stars above him as he had done so many nights before. The constellations his oldest friends, his most constant. Only guiding, never expecting, never judging. Once he had learned their methods in his youth -- at a time when he'd just barely gotten his sea legs under him -- he knew he would never be lost again. The sea became a way to chase his freedom, rather than something to fear. And eventually, even though he had never deserved it, it had brought him to his love.
This was how it was meant to be: the stars above him, the ocean below him, and now, Stede beside him.
Except Stede still wasn't there, and now everything was moving far too fast. The constellations were beginning to fade and fall away, the sky turning a hazy blueish gray. It felt like only moments later the horizon began streaking with pinks and purples. There were several minutes where he lay completely still against the dock, unable to move or sit up, unwilling to acknowledge the passing of time, that the time was now upon him and still Stede was not there.
Why wasn't he there? He had arranged everything. He should be here.
Maybe he doesn't want to be.
That thought had him sitting up, hands planted at the edge of the dock. It was barely a whisper in the back of his mind at first but quickly grew loud and cacophonous, scrambling the rest of his thoughts and making his face hot. The more it echoed in Ed's mind, the more convincing it felt.
Of course he doesn't want to come. He had agreed to it in the moment, when he had been scared, vulnerable, but now that he's had time to think about it he realized how ridiculous it was. China, really? Why would he want to trek out across the world with Edward? Stede had seen all sides of him, and maybe he was more willing to see the good in Ed than most, but he knew the truth. And he knew better than to tie himself to a sinking anchor.
He doesn't want you.
Okay then. He resigned himself, standing as a cold numbness started to settle in his bones. Nothing to do for it.
There was a rustling that came from the brush behind him, and Edward's focus snapped to it, readying himself. He'd already stolen the damn dinghy. He wasn't going back to that camp to lick royal boots. Not now. Not when it meant nothing.
Except, it wasn't a platoon of English soldiers that came barreling through the brush, but Stede -- pale and disheveled and exhausted, but Stede, nonetheless.
And Ed was moving, hurrying up the dock towards him, not fully breathing until he had him clutched tightly in his arms.
"Hello," Stede said quietly into Ed's neck, clutching him back. The hand that had been fisted around Ed's heart finally loosened.
He pulled back some to look Stede in the eye, relief flooding him, so he felt heady and out of his body. "Where have you been, mate? You had me worried."
Stede gave him a small, reserved smile. "I... got a bit lost, I'm afraid. Must have taken a wrong turn somewhere."
Ed frowned. "What about the man I bribed to guide you back here?"
Stede winced, hesitated before answering. "Never turned up."
"Son of a bitch," Ed cursed. He knew he shouldn't have trusted anyone else to take care of Stede. He let out a breath. "Doesn't matter. Let's get out of here."
***
Ed was so focused on rowing, on getting them safe and away, that it was several hours before he realized that his normally chatty companion had kept completely silent. He stared out at the water, eyes distant, hands limp in his lap.
Ed leaned forward to reach out to him. "Alright, love?" Ed asked, surprised by how easily the endearment rolled off his tongue.
Stede started at the feeling of Ed's gentle hand on his knee, looking like he had nearly forgotten where he was. He recovered quickly, pasting on a tight-lipped smile and placing his own hand over Ed's.
"I'm fine. Just a bit tired, and hungry. And maybe... maybe in a bit of shock, perhaps," his eyes drifted back over the horizon for a moment before meeting Ed's again. "These last few days have been a whirlwind of sorts. Sorry if I'm a bit out of it."
Ed nodded, leaning back to resume his rowing. It made sense, and yet he couldn't help but feel like there was something Stede wasn't saying. Ed didn't know what to do about that. He wasn't the most knowledgeable at... emotions. It wasn't until he met Stede that he even started to feel all these new ones. And he could usually count on Stede's talking to help him think through such things.
"We can't rest quite yet," Ed finally said. No, they needed to cover more distance before they could let their guards down like that. At least until nightfall. "But we can do something about the hunger. Guy I mugged for this dinghy had some coin on him," he said, flashing a pirate smile that he was glad to see brightened Stede ever so slightly. "We'll stop over somewhere soon."
"Oh, Ed. You don't have to do that," Stede said fondly. "If you think we need to keep going, I can."
"Nah. Let's get something to eat. Not like I'm not fuckin' starving myself," then softer, smiling. "A meal will do your spirits some good, which is good because I miss shootin' the shit."
That seemed to draw him out a bit more, his smile becoming more relaxed. Maybe Ed wasn't so bad at this after all.
"Well, alright. As long as it's not too much trouble."
Ed scoffed. "I'll be deciding what is and isn't trouble, thanks," he said, trying for a joke. "Besides, we should probably stock up on some rations while we have the chance. Don't know how long it's gonna take to catch up to the Revenge."
Stede quirked an eyebrow at that. "The Revenge? I didn't realize we were trying to find it."
"Can't very well expect me to get us to China in a dinghy, can you?"
Stede's lips quirked to one side, fighting a smile. "I don't know, I suppose I expected the legendary Blackbeard would be a bit more competent."
Ed threw his head back and laughed, relief flooding him again for the second time that morning. Stede was making jokes. Everything was fine.
"You know, just for that, it's your turn to row. My fuckin' arms are killing me."
***
It was only a few more hours before they stopped off at a small island that Edward had known was nearby, and by the time they did, they were both ravenous.
There was a small fishing village where Ed haggled for bread and cheese and salted meats. He'd let Stede try his hand at it when they found a vendor who sold oranges, but having grown up wealthy, he accepted the second offer the vendor had given him, which was still more than the fruit was worth. He looked so proud of himself after the sale ("Look at that, Ed. I'm a proper haggler!") that Ed couldn't bring himself to correct him. He silently reminded himself to handle such things in the future with a small smile, stepping forward to handle the purchase of the rest of their supplies.
Ed looked for some navigation tools to buy or subtly swipe as well, but didn't find much. Best he could do was a compass -- rusty and old, but worked just fine, which was what mattered.
The last thing they did before retrieving their dinghy from its hiding place was ask around about the Revenge. Or, well, Ed did. He had more experience in subtly sussing out information like that, and Stede heartily agreed, coming along to watch his back.
Ed had chosen this island due to its proximity to Blind Man's Cove, and while he doubted that Izzy had stayed there, it was a lead.
Sure enough, he found his answer after talking to a bartender at a local pub. The Revenge was spotted yesterday, headed North-West.
***
Stede did seem to come back to himself some once their bellies were both full, but still more reserved than normal, and Ed still caught him staring at the horizon on occasion.
It's not that Ed wasn't unaccustomed to silence from Stede. They shared many comfortable silences together in the past, happy just for the company. It was one of the things that Ed loved about him -- the ability to just be. He didn't know how to explain to himself why this felt different.
A small curl of panic tugged at his stomach, his poisoned thoughts from the dock rearing their ugly heads again.
He regrets...
No. No. Just because Stede was feeling a bit off didn't mean he regretted running away. He was here. He wanted to be here. Ed should be deliriously happy, not trying to ruin things for himself. He was getting everything he ever wanted, with a man who made him want to be good.
Stede had taken care of Ed time and time again, doing the work that no one thought needed doing. Everyone thought that the mighty Blackbeard could take care of himself, and he could. But Blackbeard was shit at taking care of Ed. And Ed liked being taken care of, being thought of -- liked Stede thinking of nice things to do for him or give him.
Ed could take care of Stede now. Even if he wasn't good with the emotions bit, or the talking bit. He could do his best and take care of the rest of it.
Ed busied himself rowing, or with the compass, or obsessively checking over their rations to chase away those poisonous thoughts.
Stede was yawning by the time night fell and the stars came out.
"You should get some sleep, mate," Ed said when Stede stifled his fifth yawn, smiling slightly. "Another long day tomorrow."
"I can't sleep while you're up getting us where we need to be," Stede protested. "You've been working so hard. It's the least I can do to keep you company."
Ed's heart thumped a bit at that. "Don't worry, mate. I'm taking a load off too," he said, lowering himself from his seat to the floor of the dinghy. He couldn't help but smile again at Stede's baffled expression. "The wind and the tide are in our favor. Don't worry, we'll still be on-course when we wake up," he explained, leaning forward and pulling Stede down on the floor beside him.
They both laid down, stretching themselves out next to each other. The dinghy wasn't very wide, so they were pressed quite close together, shoulder to shoulder.
They had no lantern and weren't close enough to land to see distant lights, so the stars above shone in brilliant clarity, the milky way streaking above them. There was just barely enough starlight to see the outline of Stede's profile, the whites of his eyes, that celestial light highlighting his golden waves of hair. It was enough to make Ed feel very small, in the grand scheme of things -- but also for this moment to feel very big, as though they were the only two people left on Earth.
Ed was surprised to still feel nerves at this proximity. And not just because of his overwhelming attraction. Even though they had kissed, even though they had agreed to run away to China together, this thing that had blossomed between them still felt new and fragile, and Ed had never had to take care with anything like it before. He didn't know what people did when they were in love, when they actually cared about each other. It left him feeling uncertain about what he was even allowed to do.
So, Ed was very thankful when Stede was the one to grasp his hand.
Ed relaxed slightly, letting out a breath and allowing himself to settle into a more comfortable position than the ramrod-straight one he'd been in. How could someone feel so comfortable around someone, and yet also feel like every nerve was on fire? It made no sense.
"You're quite knowledgeable about this kind of thing. I never would have known that about the tides," Stede said, impressed.
Ed smiled. "Well, you don't become a famous pirate without knowing a thing or two about navigation," he squeezed Stede's hand. "You'll get the hang of it in time."
"Could you teach me some?" Stede asked, nudging with his shoulder. "You can navigate by stars, right?"
"Sure. These aren't exactly ideal conditions for learning, but I can show you a few tricks," Ed said, waggling his eyebrows.
Stede chuckled, a low thing that made Ed's pulse race. "Like what?"
Ed thought for a moment. "Well, normally you need a sextant and the like to measure the angle from the horizon to a constellation, but if you're savvy you know that the width of your thumb is about two degrees when your arm is fully stretched, and you can count it out."
"Fascinating! How did you learn that?"
Ed shrugged, which was a bit awkward in their current position. "Just something I picked up. When you're a pirate you don't always have the tools you need. You learn to make do with what you've got."
Ed told him more about using the stars and constellations to navigate, talking about calculations and seasonal changes and how to use your gut. He suspected that Stede would need several lessons before he was actually any good at it, but he listened to him, rapt, nonetheless.
When Ed was finished, Stede asked. "Which is your favorite constellation?"
"My favorite?" Ed frowned. He'd never really thought about it. He had always admired the celestial beauty of the heavens, but all constellations were useful in navigation. "I suppose... the Little Dipper," It held the North Star, good for finding your way, never set below the horizon. Steadfast, reliable.
"Ah, Ursa Minor. Good choice."
Ed turned his head to look at him curiously. "What are you saying?"
In the starlight, Ed could just barely see Stede's expression brighten. "Have you ever heard the myth of Ursa Major and Ursa Minor?"
"Can't say I have. Tell me?"
Stede grinned, squeezing his hand, and Ed's heart squeezed in response. "Lucky for you, I have a particular interest in constellation mythology," He pointed up at the Big Dipper. "The ancient Greeks believed that Ursa Major used to be a human woman named Callisto. The god Zeus fell for her, had an affair, and they had a son together named Arcas," Stede's pointer finger now moved to the Little Dipper. "When Zeus's wife, queen of the gods, Hera, found out, Zeus was afraid of what she would do to Callisto and Arcas in her jealousy, so he turned both of them into bears, grabbed them by their stubby little tails, and flung them into the heavens -- which I suppose also stretched out their tails. And now they can't be harmed, immortalized in the stars."
Stede dropped his hand, smiling at Ed.
Ed frowned in confusion. "That doesn't make any sense. Why turn them into bears if you're just going to fling them into the sky anyways?"
"Hmm. I suppose I don't actually know."
"Seems like he was trying harder to cover his own tracks with the wife rather than actually protect his lover and son if you ask me."
Stede huffed a laugh. "You know, you might be on to something there. You would be amazed at how much of Greek mythology stems from Zeus' illicit affairs angering his wife. Bit of a bastard, I'm afraid."
"Man can't keep it in his pants and now everyone has to suffer? What a dick."
Now Stede really laughed, and Ed's insides melted a bit at the sound of it.
"If you think that's bad behavior, you probably won't like the rest of the legends. I'll leave it at that."
"No," Ed said quickly. He wanted to hold onto this moment -- Stede's laughs, his excitement to teach Ed what he knows. "Tell me more," he tentatively, carefully brushed golden hair away from Stede's face, tracing the contours of his face until his hand came to rest on his cheek. "Please."
Stede stared at him in something like bewilderment for a moment, until his smile came back, broader this time. "Alright. Let's see... ah. Andromeda. Now she got a pretty bad deal herself. Her mother was a real piece of work..."
It went on like that for a while, Stede pointing out constellations he knew and telling their stories, patient with Ed when he asked questions. And Ed really was interested in what Stede had to say. The stars had been Ed's constant friends throughout his life, and now Stede was showing him a whole other side to them -- breathing life into them, giving them personalities, wants, dreams, hopes, and heartbreaks. Just like Stede had exposed a whole other side to Ed; a side that was gentler, more hopeful, hurting but now finally healing.
Was there anything that Stede Bonnet couldn't do? He gave importance to everything. Made everything meaningful. Made life less dull.
And again, Ed thought that this was the way life ought to be: stars above him, ocean below him, Stede beside him. His guide, his freedom, and his heart. What more could a man need?
At a certain point, Ed stopped looking to the sky, shifting to watch Stede with wonderment instead, rapt in the passionate way he wove his tales, painting the sky into a storied mural. And Ed thought he would be content to be this way with him forever. Even though the dinghy was too small to lay comfortably in, and the hard wood hurt his back, and he really would have killed for a pillow that wasn't a lumpy sack of oranges.
Stede was in the middle of telling Ed about Aquarius, the water bearer, when Ed reached out again, running his knuckles along Stede's jaw.
Stede's sentence dropped off as he met Ed's heavy gaze. Not shocked, exactly, but maybe realizing, as Ed was, that they actually had each other. Alone.
"Can I..." Ed began, his mouth unexpectedly dry. "Can I... touch you?"
"You are touching me," Stede said, awed, but he nodded nonetheless.
Ed shifted closer, arranging them so they weren't squeezed next to one another, but embracing, pressed together -- one of Ed's arms sliding under Stede's head, his other hand shifting so that his knuckles now brushed the exposed skin of his neck.
Stede shivered, briefly closing his eyes, and Ed was amazed to think that this man was as affected by his touch as Ed was by Stede's presence. It felt powerful and frightening.
It took more courage than it should have for Ed to slide his fingers to Stede's chin and pull him close. When their lips met, Ed was reminded of everything he felt the first time, his guts twisting into a knot. There was less fumbling this time, less culminating desperation, but he still felt that same irrational relief when he realized that Stede was indeed kissing him back, that he wasn't pulling away, that he felt this too. And his heart was ready to burst out of his chest. It already felt like there was a bloody gaping wound there, but Ed felt like he would have been happy to present the bloody organ on a platter to Stede if that's what he wanted. That in and of itself was terrifying.
Stede shifted closer, catching Ed around the waist and pressing them even closer together. Blood roared in Ed's ears, pulse pounding. He pulled away from Stede's lips only so he could press more kisses to his neck, the hollow of his throat.
"I'm so glad you're here. With me," Ed rasped between kisses, hand skimming over Stede's shoulder, his arm, his hip. "I love... talking to you. I love being with you. You've changed... everything."
When Ed kissed Stede's cheeks, he was sure he tasted the saltiness of tears. He pulled back slightly to look at him, taking Stede's face in his hands. "Alright, love?" he asked, gentler than he knew he could.
Stede nodded his head, trying for a smile even though his lips quivered. "Yes. I just... I love being with you too. I just hope I haven't taken too much from you."
Ed frowned, the very idea ridiculous. "You've given me everything."
Stede's lip quivered again, and he burrowed into Ed's shoulder. Ed wrapped his arms around him tightly, and Stede did the same in turn. Each of them holding on like they were afraid the other was going to slip from their fingers.
They stayed like that, the warmth of each other and the gentle rock of the ocean eventually lulling them to sleep.