problemsloth
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Recent works
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IN WHICH A STUDLY CHERUB USES THE DIRK HUMAN AS HIS OWN PERSONAL "PORN STAR". AND HAS NOTHING BUT CORRECT, MANLY FEELINGS ABOUT IT.
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TG: u heard me
TG: that thing in ur loverboys belly? egg -
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Sometimes Dirk reminds you of someone else you once knew.
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After a mere eleven years of marriage, Caliborn comes to a stunning realization.
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won't abscond, bro by the meat machine (problemsloth) for Midnight_Disasters
Fandoms: Homestuck
02 Mar 2025
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There's plenty of perks to being a beta, really. Assloads of 'em. It's pretty much all perk, in your opinion.
But getting to stay cool as a cucumber when mating season rolls around and your stoic asshole of a brother goes out of his mind with rut? Yeah, that's the biggest perk of all.
Recent series
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Summary
It's always been you and Lil Cal against the world.
- Words:
- 10,280
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 20
Recent bookmarks
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Summary
CALIBORN: The stupid shades. Are not going to be disgusting. Here in my mind.
HAL: Is that where we are?
HAL: Explains the emptiness.
GAMZEE: (honking laugher)Alternatively, 4 dudes, 1 skull. A play in 3 parts (and some change.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,625
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 5
- Kudos:
- 4
- Bookmarks:
- 3
- Hits:
- 23
Bookmarked by problemsloth
13 Jun 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
HOLY FUCKING SHIT. Absolutely INCREDIBLE exploration of what is going on between the four dudes who compose Lord English's soul. I am begging you to read this
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He looks younger than you, even though he’s not, and you remind yourself that he’s here because he wants to be. This is his gig. You’re just here to not fuck it up.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,450
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 14
- Kudos:
- 80
- Bookmarks:
- 12
- Hits:
- 471
Bookmarked by problemsloth
12 Jun 2026
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"You won't have a choice once that belly is swelling and your tits start aching." You tut Dirk as you walk him backwards, up until his legs hit the bed frame. Dirk lets you lead him and place him wherever, almost hypnotized by you.
Bookmarked by problemsloth
09 Jun 2026
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Summary
Dave and Rose find an apartment, and the three of them get to work settling into life in Southern California. Slice-of-life stories that take place between Dirk's fourteenth and seventeenth birthdays.
Series
- Part 10 of The One Where Dave's a Vampire
Bookmarked by problemsloth
29 May 2026
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Summary
Dave goes to Dirk for advice on how to talk to Karkat about his feelings, among other, more awkward things...
Dirk has some unconventional suggestions.
Bookmarked by problemsloth
27 May 2026