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When Tommy and Wilbur first met, it was way before the SMP was even colonized. A time before L’manburg, Pogtopia, and The Greater Dream SMP.
No, this story starts with two love birds and the sea. Like any good story.
Oh.
And one troublesome mermaid.
Or merman as the cryptid had insisted upon.
[][][]
Wilbur and Sally had just set sail, courtesy of Phil who had paid for a lot of their much-needed supplies.
Yep! Sally a hundred percent didn’t threaten Wilbur’s father figure.
Wilbur would rather not think about the multiple threats of his wife eating Phil’s eye balls, thank-you-very-much!
And so, there they were, at sea with the wind tousling their hair. Chuckling at strange looking fish and other sea animals.
Or they were until they crashed at this god forbidden fuckin’ island.
“See. This is why you should have just let me sail.” Sally complained.
“Sally, sweetheart, love of my life,” Wilbur talked calmly, smiling sickly sweet.
Sally glared at the man, green eyes glaring at him like he killed her cat. Pirate hat thrown to the side as she sat under a palm tree with her arms crossed. Long red hair pulled into a lower ponytail with a dull green ribbon. Hair dried wonky because of the swim.
“Please for the love of prime, shut the fuck up.” Wilbur finished.
Wilbur loved his wife. He truly did! He wouldn’t have gotten on one knee for her if he didn’t. But sometimes she was a little bit of a bitch.
Sally rolled her eyes, Sticking up her sun-kissed middle finger and thumb.
“Worst vacation ever.” His wife complained.
“You say that as if we’ve done this before.” Wilbur deadpanned.
Sally groaned, un-appreciative of his pathetic attempt to lighten the mood.
…
Wilbur frowned at the predicament they were in.
It was sometime at night; Wilbur couldn’t be bothered to look at the moon and use the knowledge Phil had shown him when he was little to find the exact time.
Sally was most likely right with the comment about this being the worst vacation ever, seeing as most of the island was drowned with water from an unexpected rain.
He and Sally sat on a patch of sand close to the shore with no shelter, the cave they were planning on sleeping in currently flooded.
And not to mention that neither of them have their communicators on them to call for help.
“Fuck,” Wilbur repeated like saying it more would fix the situation.
Sally and Wilbur may be sea mob hybrids, but they weren’t the type that could like, breath under water!
They could only swim faster than average and communicate to fish through water vibrations!
In conclusion, they were utterly fucked.
“C’mon Wil! Time to put those Philza Minecraft genes to use!” Sally pitifully encouraged.
“Sally, he adopted me! I have no clue how he drained the ocean of all things!”
Sally groaned in frustration as they stood on the beach, a fair way away from the ocean as they got soaked by the rain.
Then they heard a rattling noise accompanied by hissing.
An unmistakable sign of a pissed off mer.
Great.
Just great.
Like these last few days couldn’t get worst, the island is guarded by a possessive mer, Its pod no doubt close behind.
“Wilbur, this is why you let the well-versed pirate guide the ship.”
“You aren’t even a real pirate,” Wilbur grumbled.
“Wait, are we seriously fighting while on the verge of becoming food?” Wilbur questioned aloud.
“Yeah, this is a kinda’ stupid plot, you’d think that the author would have better ideas. Like, I know their making this up as they go, but seriously??”
“The what now-”
Suddenly, the mer growled again as if to remind them that it existed.
“Yeah, yeah. We know!” Sally yelled back.
“Are you seriously just going to brush over that?”
“Yup.” Sally dead panned, not even sparing a glance at Wilbur.
“I’m divorcing you when this is over.”
“Cool.”
The growling suddenly grew louder like a lawn mower before a head popped up from the water and a Mer with bright orange scales on its cheeks popped up and the growling suddenly seemed a lot quieter and cuter.
Of course, this is only the case if you ignore the hissing, sharp teeth, fins with yellow webbing frayed in warning, ect.
Oh.
It was just a pup.
Just a little thing.
Tech and Phil would adore this little pup, it would look adorable inside his pods nest.
Fundy wouldn’t mind a little pup, would he?
He is always complaining that he wants to be an older brother.
“Wilbur, stop chirping at it.” Sally reprimanded.
“Sal, look at it!” Wilbur cooed
“Wil, all I’m seeing is an angry parr whose bind is probably close by.”
“Yeah, but they aren’t here now.” Wilbur said mischievously.
“Wilbur, you can’t seriously be considering kidnapping a parr!” Sally chuckled in disbelief.
The pup in question was currently chirping something along the lines of demanding why the noises Wilbur was making stopped.
Wilbur warbled an apology before continuing his chirps from before and sat down crisscross.
The pup seemed to enjoy this, as he slowly crawled onto Wilbur’s lap. It was just a bit shorter in length of his forearm, it’s head could probably fit in Wilbur’s palm.
Sally groaned in frustration but reluctantly sat next to Wilbur and scratched its scalp with her pointer finger as carefully as possible, so she didn’t hurt it, occasionally warbling little noises. The warbles roughly translating to apologies and comforts.
If a few of them also revolved around it being a treasure and part of Sally and Wilbur’s bind now, that was for them only to know.
Something tells Wilbur that the pup is going to stay.
[][][]
Later on, Wilbur would learn that the golden pup was male and preferred to stay in his goldfish form.
His name in Mer; ᓭᒷᔑ's ⊣𝙹ꖎ↸ᒷリ ⎓╎∷ᒷ.
Of course, like most Mer names that was a bit of a mouthful, like Sally’s being ⍑╎↸↸ᒷリ ∷𝙹ᓭᒷ, So they simply roughly translated it (like, extremely rough) to Tommy in English.
And Wilbur couldn’t love him more.
[][][]
1.
Phil was currently hiding in his nest with Techno.
Sally had threatened to eat Phil’s eye balls if he didn’t let her and Wilbur go on a vacation a couple of months back.
The only thing is that when they returned, they brought a small goldfish with them in a fishbowl with a leather handle that allowed them to wear it like a satchel.
That wasn’t even the worse part. No, no, no.
The worst part is that they treated it like it was a human being.
Like Wilbur would occasionally feed the goldfish scraps of cod and pork.
Raw cod and pork, blood and all.
It has been a week since Wilbur brought in the fish in question.
Phil and Techno had made a journal to try and figure out what is up with that fish and Wil.
So far, they’ve come up with four solutions.
- The goldfish is controlling Wilbur
- Wilbur is training the goldfish to kill people
- The goldfish isn’t a goldfish and is actually an alien
- The goldfish is sent by the government to kill them, and Wilbur is also part of the government (worse case scenario)
Phil personally hoped it was the second one, it seemed the most beneficial to them.
It was also the most likely, but you can never take any chances.
Today, Techno was going to track down Wil and pin him down, then bring him back to Phil’s nest for interrogation.
Techno had multiple potions; strength, invisibility, weakness, slowness, and slow falling incase he pushes Techno off a cliff for his fucked-up fish master.
Sure, it might be just a bit overkill, but they’ve gone too far off the deep end now.
Phil helped Techno secure the leather straps of the nethirite chest plate and gave him lady deaths blessings for a safe and successful return.
Phil held both of his hands close to his chest, “Go on mate, catch that little shit for me.” He spoke hopefully.
Techno bobbed his head once, “Anything for you Philza.” Before spinning around and charging out into the hallway with a battle cry.
Once Phil couldn’t see Techno, he let out a completely not overdramatic sniffle.
“Go get my fledgling.”
/Wilbur pov\
In all honesty Wilbur has no idea how it came to this or how things escalated so quickly.
One second, he’s feeding his pup some yummy raw pork and crow meat that chat had sacrificed to him, the next he hears Techno and Phil scheming to take away his pup?
Who do they think they are! Threatening to take him away from his care and watchful eye, where anyone could scoop up his pup and take him away?
They will pay for this threat.
So, his plan?
Pull some ‘Home Alone’ type shit.
Tommy thought it was idiotic, but he was just a baby, just an itty-bitty thing.
Unfortunately, Wilbur did need him to agree to this plan, which was a lot harder than it seemed.
“Dad, I’m not doing that.” Tommy said, his hands pressed against the glass, face unimpressed.
Wilbur sounded an upset coo as he looked at his pup, brows furrowed and crouched down to make sure they could see each other at eye level.
Tommy froze up and Wilbur knew his call worked.
His pup immediately started chirping out apologies and reassurances.
It was a little cruel of him to use Tommy’s instincts like that, but Tommy didn’t understand!
Tommy needed him.
His pup in question was currently glaring at him.
Oops.
He’s started spiraling again.
This just proves that Techno and Phil can’t take away his pup even more.
“Pretty please Toms?” Wilbur begged.
“Fine. If it’ll make you happy.” Tommy conceded.
Wilbur jumped up from his position and stuck his fingers in the bowl to gently cup Tommy’s face.
“Thanks, little sun!”
Tommy hummed in agreeance as he leaned into the touch.
“Hold up, ‘m not little-”
/ Phil pov \
After a series of crashes that sounded suspiciously like multiple paint cans and swords swinging, Techno came stumbling in.
“He hit me with fucking paint cans.” Techno shakily announced, barley holding himself up.
“Mate? I didn’t know you swore…”
“Whatever the heck is happenin’ with Wil and that goldfish, leave me out of it.” Techno complained before face planting and passing out.
“What the fuck...”
[][][]
2.
Tubbo was having a horrible day to say the least.
Wilbur had just gotten revived. And when he messages Wilbur to check if its real and see if they can discuss his revival, Instead of Wil saying, I don’t know. Sorry for blowing your home to smithereens, the first thing he asks is, and I quote; “Where the fuck is my goldfish.”
What sort of asshole dose that?
I mean, of course Tubbo knows who has it. It was Wilbur’s last wish before he went: “You know what would be a grand idea? Fuckin’ dying.”
So, like the very reasonable boy Tubbo is, he slammed the door to his mansion in Wilbur’s face.
And now he has a very much homeless man banging on the door to his mansion.
“YOU CAN’T HIDE HIM FROM ME FOREVER TUBBO.” Wilbur screamed from outside.
The most concerning part about this was that it had been morning when he first showed up.
It was now the evening.
Tubbo is pretty sure that Wilbur has frostbite.
Scratch that, completely sure.
“C’MON TUBBO! LET ME IN.”
Ranboo came down from the stairs, worried expression clear on his face.
“Hey bee, just tucked in Michael-”
An incoherent scream from Wilbur cuts him off.
“Dang, he still going at it? Maybe we should just let him in.”
“No, I’m still pissed.” Tubbo immediately shot down.
“But Michael is going to have a hard time sleeping…” Ranboo tried with pleading eyes. (As much as he cared for Tubbo, he rather not have a revived, war criminal president banging at his door throughout the night.)
Tubbo scrunched up his face in distaste.
“Fine.” Tubbo conceded.
Tubbo reluctantly turned around to face the door like it pained him and marched to the door and swung it open.
Wilbur must have been putting his full weight against the door, because as soon as Tubbo opened the door he fell flat on his face.
Wilbur lifted his face from the floor.
“Oh my prime, I’m so fuckin’ cold.” Wilbur deadpanned.
“Ew, you’re getting your nasty snow-covered shit all over my nice hard-wood floors.”
Hm, maybe being rich is changing him.
EH! Too late now.
“Fuck you, help me up.” Wilbur demanded.
“No.” Tubbo said as stared Wilbur down.
Ranboo awkwardly stared at the two of them before slowly sliding over to Wilbur and heaving him up, Tubbo and him not breaking eye contact for a moment.
.
.
.
“Guys?” Ranboo said, clearly concerned.
Tubbo carefully drags his eyes away from Wilbur to look at his platonic husband, eyes rapidly watering from how long they had been open.
Tubbo eventually blinks rapidly from the pain in his eyes and to stop Ranboo from worrying about him.
Wilbur frantically slams both hands on the coffee table and springs up from the leather sofa opposite to the one Tubbo and Ranboo are sitting on like he just won the lottery.
“SUCK IT, PUSSY ASS GOAT BOY!” Wilbur screams, face only slightly crazed.
Ranboo jumps a little from the sudden noise with a little ‘vwoop', particles around him slightly increasing.
Tubbo glares at Wilbur and raises his eyebrows.
Wilbur, suddenly feeling awkward sits back down, mumbling a sorry to Ranboo.
Tubbo brings up a fist to his mouth, coughing a little and effectively drawing the rooms attention to him.
“So.”
“There is no ‘so’ Tubbo, where the fuck is my goldfish child.”
“Your what.” Ranboo deadpans, obviously concerned.
Tubbo’s ear flick a bit, choosing to ignore Ranboo.
Wilbur had always been weirdly obsessed with that goldfish of his, treating it similarly to Fundy and his creepy mermaid wife.
What was her name again?
Selina? Selkie? Salad?
It didn’t matter, the point is that Wilbur was always borderline obsessive with that prime forsaken fish.
His problems only got worse when they were in Pogtopia, trilling at it and forbidding anyone to come near it.
(Tubbo’s surprised Fundy didn’t seem too bothered by his dad acting like this over a pet fish. Whenever Tubbo brought it up, Fundy always looked like he just heard a really funny joke.)
During the L’manburg days, he’s pretty sure Niki threatened to eat the fish a multitude of times.
()()()
“I swear Tubbo, that fucking fish knows exactly what it’s doing. What an asshole.”
“Niki.” Tubbo said staring at her
“I swear as soon as Jack figures out how to build nukes, first one is going at that fish.”
“Niki. It’s a fish.”
“No, No it’s not. Looks at me too closely. That thing is some sort of eldritch horror.” Niki had accused, both of them behind a couple of crates that had been recently shipped to L'manburg. Sneaking glances at Wilbur rambling about something to the goldfish.
()()()
Back then, he thought Niki was losing it. But after Pogtopia and having to take care of the fish after Wilbur died, he knew what Niki meant.
The fish just stared at you too closely, like you’re some kind of cool science experiment.
That’s why as soon as he learned Wilbur was revived, he dreaded this moment.
“I don’t have your fish-kid-thing, Wilbur.”
“Tubbo.” Wilbur said, obviously starting to panic.
Tubbo remained unfazed, he should probably get Wilbur to Puffy at some point. Panicking this extensively over a lost goldfish can’t be healthy.
“Tubbo.” Wilbur stressed.
“Yep, that’s my name boss man.”
“Tubbo where is Tommy, I swear to prime, XD, and lady death herself.”
“Have you gone deaf because of your revival? I said I don’t have your fish.” Tubbo spoke calmly, a singular eyebrow raised.
(After L’manburg, Tubbo got closer to Quackity. It seems that it’s starting to pay off.)
If looks could kill, Tubbo would probably be a dead man because Wilbur is giving him the nastiest glare.
“If you don’t have him, Tubbo, then who on this fucked up server does.” Wilbur hissed out.
Tubbo pauses to think for a moment.
In all honesty, he’s not quite sure.
First, he passed it to Eret.
But Eret mentioned in the past that they gave it to Dream for a while. Their excuse being something along the lines that he was having nightmares of the goldfish killing her.
But knowing Dream, he probably forgot about it or got too scared of it and released it into the wild.
Either that or he still has it for ‘leverage’. A nasty habit Dream picked up when he was an orphan and sailing the seas with Puffy.
If he did pass it on, Tubbo has no idea who has it now.
Tubbo isn’t exactly, say, close to Dream.
The guy has always been a bit off to Tubbo.
“Last I heard, Dream’s got him.” Tubbo answered truthfully.
“Dream?” Wilbur said incredulously.
“You, You gave him to, to that green Teletubby, homeless bastard? That Dream?” Wilbur fumed.
Tubbo glares at Wilbur harder, trying to convey the words ‘yeah’ without repeating it for the hundredth time.
“You guys are helping me find him.” Wilbur demands.
“Why the hell would we do that.” Tubbo asks, unimpressed.
“Because I’m ten times cooler now that I’m revived AND I was an amazing leader.”
“Ten times zero is still zero.” Tubbo mumbled under his breath.
“Jokes on you I can’t remember how to do multiplication, Now let’s GO!” Wilbur exclaimed as he hopped up from the couch, already heading towards the door.
Ranboo leaned his face into his palms and made a muffled sobbing noise.
Tubbo sighed.
“Congrats Ran, because of your shit decision were going to contract forty diseases from this rat man.”
“I can’t remember why I even joined this ender dammed server.” Ranboo complained, his hands muffling the words.
“Clout boss man. We do it for the clout.”
[][][]
3.
Niki was going to back some bread for the next syndicate meeting, plus some for Jack, but was stopped in her tracks as she saw the trash man himself. Wil spiky fruit carbon remains.
Now, don’t get Niki wrong, she’s still completely pissed at Wil. The only reason she’s playing nice right now and walking besides him and not beating his ass is because Ranboo and his close friend Tubbo were being dragged by him.
Literally.
Tubbo was sat as casually as someone can be while getting dragged by the back of their collar, messaging someone on his communicator while Ranboo was getting dragged by his right wrist sobbing.
“Um, Wil…” Niki tried.
Wilbur side glanced at Niki; grin having not stopped in the last hour.
“Yes, Niki.”
“I- “
“Nihachu.”
Niki stared at Wilbur, a little upset that he cut her off.
“As I was saying- “
“What. Do. You. Need.”
Niki stared at Wil, confused on how she insulted him. She decided to shake it off and to continue.
“Where are we going anyways? We’ve been walking for a while.”
“We’re going to beat up the green Teletubby.”
Niki made a noise that signified her confusion.
“He means Dream.” Tubbo said for the first time this entire trip.
“Oh.”
Wait.
Hold it.
Don’t tell her.
“Are you going to go to war with Dream because of drugs, again.” Niki blurted out.
“No, no it’s so much worse Niki, run while you still can-” Ranboo spoke quickly.
“SHUT.” Wilbur shouted, turning his head oddly as he glared at Ranboo before snapping his head back at Niki, grin clearly being forced as one of his eyes twitched.
Wilbur took a long breath before changing his expression, so it was less forced.
“No, Niki, we’re fighting Dream this time because he stole my goldfish child.”
No.
NO.
NOT AGAIN.
NIKI WAS SURE SHE KILLED THAT FISH.
SHE GAVE IT TO DREAM FOR XD’S SAKE.
THE MOST TERRIBLE AT KEPPING PETS ALIVE PERSON SHE’S EVER SEEN ASIDES FROM SAPNAP WHO WAS BUSY WHEN SHE NEEDED TO GET RID OF IT.
WHATEVER IS IN THE SKY PLEASE TELL ME THAT THING IS DEAD OR SO HELP ME-
“Ah, I see.” Niki said, slipping on a calm façade.
A silence fell over the group as they walked on.
“Small problem Wil.” Niki interrupted.
“Where dose Dream live again.” She scrutinized.
Wilbur finally came full stop turning his full body towards Niki, causing Tubbo and Ranboo to be sat awkwardly.
“Shit.”
A silence falls over the group.
“If I tell you where Dream is will you release me and Ranboo?” Tubbo interjected.
Wilbur pouted before vigorously nodding his head and looking over his left shoulder.
“Where can we find him.”
Tubbo looked away from his communicator, leaning back his head to look upside down at Wilbur with a smile that radiated the energy that only middle schoolers once possessed.
“Woah! don’t get so cocky boss man. You’re going to need some help to get into that prison and kill Dream with no consequences.” Tubbo said playfully, yet Niki knew the chaos the simmered under the tone.
How could she not?
She had heard that same exact tone when it once demanded her taxes.
Everyday Tubbo reminds Niki a little bit more of Schlatt.
She’ll have to bring it up at the next syndicate meeting, just in case.
Wilbur stared at Tubbo icily, and it’s safe to say that If looks could kill, Tubbo would be a mere corpse.
“Well, who the hell does know where he is, Tubbo underscore.”
Tubbo smiled mirthlessly, knowing he’d won.
“There is one person who knows.”
[][][]
4.
Quackity sat on his swivel chair, spinning in circles to procrastinate on the inevitable workload Sam had dumped on him earlier.
I mean, who knew that running a casino would take so much work?
The papers on his desk were mostly Win loss statements, payrolls, and advertising. Yada, yada. It was boring work for him.
Prime, he hopes something exciting happens so he can have a real reason for putting off his responsibilities other than that he enjoys looking at the dark red carpet as he spins around behind his desk.
Foolish bursts into the room like he came straight out of a soap opera.
Quackity flinched a little at the sound, interrupting his spinning.
“Thank you Prime, this is why I pray to you.” He mumbled under his breath as Foolish gabbled frantically.
Quackity gave his head and wings behind him a little shake to focus on whatever Foolish was rambling on about.
“Whoa, whoa,” Quackity interrupted.
“Slow down man, can you start from the beginning once more?”
Foolish nodded his head enthusiastically.
“Yeah, sorry, I’ve been told that before by many others.” Foolish responded with a mischievous smirk.
“Anyway, as I was saying, Tubbo sent me a direct message a bit ago-" Foolish rambled as he shifted his weight from foot to foot.
“Why didn’t you tell me this as soon as you got it?” Quackity interrupted.
Foolish's smile turned sheepish, “I would’ve but lately I’ve been caught up rebuilding Tubbo and Ranboo’s chandelier and some other projects. Apparently, when they were out doing something, their son Michael had jumped up on it. But I know better, I know they did it to spite me. They know how much work I spent on that stupid chande-”
Quackity made a coughing noise, growing unnerved by the way Foolish’s voice had changed from his usual sunny demeanor to darker in seconds. He made sure to make a note to self to not fuck with Foolish when it came to his chandeliers.
Foolish shook his head as if snapping himself out of the slightly terrifying display.
“Anyway.” Foolish said casually as if that hadn’t just happened.
“As I was saying, Tubbo sent me a direct message basically saying how he messed up and that Wilbur, Niki, Ranboo, and him were all coming over because Wilbur was revived and deeply misses his pet goldfish?”
Quackity smiled at the reminder of the goldfish.
Back in the earlier days of the SMP, he, Dream, and some Mexican off brand of Dream had created a cult church in honor of the god they believed in, Twitch Prime (more commonly referred to as simply Prime.). The main reason why they had done this was because they found Wilbur’s goldfish unintended. Suddenly overtaken by a wave of dumbassness the two had stolen the goldfish, claiming it as the speaker of Prime themselves.
Thought it wasn’t nearly as funny when Wilbur refused to talk to him or Dream for a good couple of weeks, locking him and that goldfish in his room.
When Quackity had sent out Dream to spy on Wilbur, Dream swore that he heard Wilbur talking to another, considerably younger voice.
At the time, he wrote Dream off. Guessing it was just Tubbo. The odd thing about that is that when Quackity brought it up in hopes to share a laugh with Tubbo years later, the younger had sworn that he wasn’t the other voice.
Quackity blinked away the memory, it wasn’t the main concern.
Quackity leaned forward as he placed his hands in a bridge formation to rest his chin on.
“That’s lovely and all, but why is Wilbur coming to me for his pet goldfish. I certainly don’t have it.” Quackity snarked.
Foolish paused his frantic shifting to make a loud snap on time to a lightning strike somewhere off in the man-made desert that made Quackity’s wings ruffle.
Foolish paused the conversation to wait for Quackity to smooth down his feathers, having the common decency to not bring it up.
“In all honesty, I have no idea Quackity!”
Quackity sighed, unhooking his fingers to rub at his temples before shifting in the chair to fold his arms.
“Great. Great.” Quackity complained sarcastically.
“So, we just have to wait around until Wilbur decides to show up?” Quackity questioned rhetorically.
“Yup.”
Foolish moved his hands behind his back, swaying idly back and forth, beaming smile never seeming to leave his face.
Quackity’s mind wanders after two minutes and breaks eye contact with Foolish, side glancing at the small dark blue box on his desk, golden patterns here and there. The contents of the box were mostly old rings from past relationships, photos of loved ones and not so loved ones, and casino chips.
After a few good more minutes, Foolish piped up,
“So, uh, Mr. Quackity, can I like, leave? Cause I need to talk to god and-”
“What.” Quackity deadpanned.
“What?” Foolish mimicked.
“No, wait, you can’t just-”
The door to Quackity’s office burst open a second time revealing Wilbur standing menacingly with Niki and Tubbo close behind.
Huh. He thought Niki hated Wil’s guts.
Wilbur whipped his head up, a crazed look in his eyes that reminded Quackity of the Pogtopia days when Wilbur was in a downward spiral.
“Big Q!” Wilbur cheered as he and his posse tried to shove past Foolish who showed no sign of budging from where he stood.
Wilbur grimaced before politely asking Foolish to move, who complied when given the respect he deserved.
“Wilbur!” Quackity copied, pulling on a completely positive mask.
“Hey big Q.” Tubbo greeted with a small nod.
“Hello Quackity, how have you been?’ Niki queried with a small bob of their head.
“Hey Tubbo, Hello to you also Niki! I’ve been doing great!” Quackity responded before taking a moment to pause and do a quick glance at Wilbur.
“Less great now that he’s here.” Quackity mentioned.
Wilbur gaped at him while Niki giggled at the remark.
“First of all, fuck you, you-”
Foolish put a singular hand on Wilbur’s shoulder, smile eerie in the situation and caused Wilbur to freeze up.
“Wilbur, if I remember you had something to discuss with Quackity.”
Wilbur shook off the ex-gods hand before Foolish continued.
“Oh, and please don’t threaten my boss, gives me a bad rap as his bodyguard y’know?”
Wil nodded, eager to get Foolish’s stare off of him.
“Uhm, yeah, sure, whatever.”
Foolish took a few steps back into the left corner of the room and near the door, close enough to stop anyone who tried anything.
The office was in all honesty a little cramped, Quackity hadn’t really ever expected to have more than three people at a time inside of it, leaving little room for Tubbo and Niki to stand.
“Uh, there isn’t much room for all five of us in here…” Quackity awkwardly brought up.
“Tubbo, would you mind stepping out for more room-”
“Nope. He’s here to help.” Wilbur immediately denied.
A second of awkwardness fell over the room before Quackity tried to speak up once more.
Key word: tried.
“Alright then, Niki, would you mind-”
“Nada, she’s my emotional support human.” Wilbur shot down.
Quackity nodded his head in defeat.
“Why doesn’t Foolish leave if it’s getting-”
“No.” Quackity rejected.
If Foolish creeps Wilbur out then Quackity’s not moving him an inch out of the office no matter how cramped, you need to keep any win you can if it means you have even the smallest upper hand against your enemy.
Wilbur hummed in slight annoyance,
“It seems that we’re at a bit of an impasse then. You don’t want to remove your guy to free up space and I’m not removing Tubbo or Niki.”
Niki side-glances at Wilbur before she looks Quackity dead in the eye to catch his attention.
“I really don’t want to be here, I’m fine with leaving, and I can make up an excuse for you two to argue in private.” Niki signs.
There have been three times where Niki and Quackity had to learn sign language to talk to each other and friends for a while.
The first was when Tubbo went temporarily deaf after the red festival. The second was when Quackity had briefly gone deaf in both ears and permanently deaf in one ear, courtesy of Wilbur. The third and final time was when Niki had gone mute for a while after Wilbur’s death.
The good thing about this is that it meant communicating in secret was far less complicated.
“Yes please, Wilbur’s being stubborn and not reading the room.” Quackity signs, relieved.
Niki smiles and simply nods her head while Wilbur is simply watching the conversation unfold, recognizing a few signs but not enough to decode the entire conversation.
“Okay, what the hell did you two just say.” Wilbur complained, squinting at Niki and Quackity like it was his first time seeing them.
Perhaps in a way it is.
Niki smiles politely, “Oh nothing, it’s just that me and Tubbo we’re planning on making some bread today with Eret. So, I asked Quackity if he could send them a message explaining on why we’ll have to rescheduled.”
It, of course, was a complete lie, but a necessary one.
“I did?”
“You did?”
Tubbo and Wilbur both exclaim in surprise at the same time.
Wilbur looks over at Tubbo at his surprise.
Tubbo sweats nervously as he pulls at his shirt collar,
“I, uh, mean yeah, yeah, hm, Eret.” He jumbles, looking everywhere but Niki and Wilbur’s eyes.
Wilbur raised a singular eyebrow at the two of them but knew better than to fight with Niki.
Niki truly was terrifying at times.
Niki walked over to Tubbo and grabbed onto his wrist as she led him outside of the office.
“Bye Wil and Big Q, See you next time!” Niki cheered.
“Wait, wait, Niki don’t leave me!” Wilbur cried, watching the pair leave helplessly.
“See you!” Niki said, ignoring Wilbur’s clear cry for help.
“Wait, Niki!”
Wilbur’s complaints were muffled by the door slamming in his face. He turned slowly to face Quackity, staring suspiciously.
Quackity kept up a steel face, not letting a crack of emotion slip out.
Wilbur cleared his throat to draw the attention of the room to him.
“Anyway, I am here for a reason.”
“I’m aware of that Wilbur.” Quackity complained.
“Well then, I guess you already know what I need.”
“To an extent.” He agreed mildly.
Wilbur cocked his head to the right, not unlike a hungry vulture or a crow ready to strike.
“Oh? Does the all-mighty Big Q not know everything?” Wil mocked.
Quackity suddenly had a strong urge to punch a certain someone in the office, and it wasn’t Foolish.
“Are you asking for little old me, to help you?” Wilbur said in a singsong tone, obviously trying to piss him off.
He doesn’t give into his urges; he knew better after Techno put a pick through his teeth, instead just gritting his teeth in annoyance.
“Yes, Wilbur, I’m asking you to explain why you are barging into my casino while the front gate clearly says it’s closed over a random goldfish that probably is dead by now.” Quackity grits out.
Wilbur perks up, not expecting the admission, but his expression quickly turns sour.
“He is not just a random goldfish Quackity.” Wilbur hisses with an almost uneasy certainty, turning the air of the room cold.
Foolish took a step half block closer and pulls out his trident, growing warry of Wilbur’s sudden mood shift.
Quackity put up a singular hand to both stop Wilbur from advancing and to stop Foolish from taking unnecessary action.
“Wilbur, If we’re going to have a civil conversation here, I’m going to need you to calm down and work with me here.” He spoke firmly, not letting any room for argument.
Wilbur let out an angry huff but nodded his head in compliance.
“Fine Quackity.” Wilbur said like an angry child, crossing his arms.
Quackity shifted himself, ready to actually take the situation at hand seriously.
Well, as serious as a conversation about a lost pet goldfish due to the chaos of grief and war can be.
“So, I’m aware you’re coming to me for your goldfish,” Quackity states and Wilbur practically preens at the mention of the goldfish.
“What I don’t understand is why you’re coming to me for it, I don’t have it. I’m sure Tubbo and Niki have already told you that though. So, why me Wilbur?”
Wilbur smirks mischievously.
“Because Quackity.”
Quackity raises one of his eyebrows.
“I need your help to get back my goldfish from that green motherfucker Dream.”
A spell of silence cast over the room, Quackity’s eyes widened.
And then promptly burst out laughing.
“You, You!” Quackity tried to say before his voice devolved into cackles again.
This only seemed to piss Wilbur off more, not that Quackity particularly cared.
Once he finally reigned his laughter back in, he tried again.
“You want me, to help you? For some goldfish?” Quackity said, still giggling in-between sentences.
Wilbur glared at him, annoyed expression clear as day.
“Quackity, I don’t think you’re really grasping at what’s on the line.” Wilbur complained.
“Uh huh. I think I know what’s on the line, Wilbur. A goldfish.”
Wilbur banged his fists against Quackity’s desk as he grit his teeth with his fins flared out, causing Quackity to do a full-body flinch backwards.
Foolish carefully brought out his trident and threw to the left of Wilbur. Purposely missing, only wanting to send a warning shot.
Wilbur flicked out of the way of the trident; a bit shaken up and breathing heavily.
“Sorry, Sorry. I’ve been working on that. Working on the whole rage thing” Wilbur stammered out, chuckling between sentences.
Wilbur gulped as he turned to face Foolish, “Do you have a chair perhaps?”
“Yeah, here.” Foolish responded, pulling out a second swivel chair from a corner of the office.
Wilbur nodded his head and sat down, leaning his elbows on his knees, his hands balled together and resting at his mouth. Mumbling a thanks under his breath as Foolish returned to the corner he was previously stationed at.
Quackity settled down in his seat, feathers flattening.
Wilbur shifted his hands from being at his mouth to under his chin.
“I’m sorry for blowing up on you there Quackity but, my child is missing. He’s only a kid.”
Quackity’s eyes widened. The air in the room suddenly turning solemn.
“He’s just a little thing. Still has trouble shifting. All I’m asking from you is giving me a single chance to get him back.” Wilbur pleaded his eyes squeezing shut.
“That goldfish is a kid?!” Quackity exclaimed as he sprung up.
Wilbur jumped up in surprise at the sudden yell, fins rising slightly before settling down.
“Yeah? Wasn’t exactly a secret.”
Quackity tucked a hand on his waist and the other pressing against his eyes before swinging out his hands in exasperation and chuckling in disbelief. His wings copying the motion.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE GOLDFISH IS A KID?!”
[][][]
5.
Currently, Tommy was in a cell of some kind, his fishbowl perched oddly on a lectern. The human (?) was across from him just... staring at a clock like it held the secrets of the universe.
Tommy stared at the person outside of his fishbowl.
Tommy’s pretty sure their name is Dream, but he’s not entirely sure in all honesty. It was a bit of an odd name.
Then again, Dad’s dad is named Philza and the family friend who is basically Dad’s brother is named Technoblade. So, really, who is he to criticize their name.
Speaking of dad, Tommy really misses him.
This person is really scary and big, and Tommy doesn’t feel as safe as he usually is now that he’s shifted as a human.
The big person kept talking in the language his family and Fundy sometimes spoke in.
Sometimes Fundy tried teaching him it, but Tommy only picked up a few words because it was boring. Something he now regrets because the big person kept ranting about something to him and Tommy had no fuckin’ idea what he wanted. Well, Of course, the person wasn’t as nearly big and manly as he was.
“Fuck, Wilbur is going to ☍⟟⌰⌰ me.” Was all Tommy could translate from the humans rambling.
So maybe Tommy’s main priority was learning all the swear words in ‘English’.
What? You expect that to not be the first thing he wants to learn?
Of course, Tommy knows the man isn’t actually speaking Ender, but English sure sounds similar to it.
Tommy’s also pretty sure that they said something along the lines of a bathtub and quacking it, but he’s not entirely sure.
After all, what does is mean to quack a bathtub?
That’s not the point though! The scary man is still there and dad’s nowhere to be found!
Tommy really misses his glint.
He chirped a few calls for them even though Tommy knew that if they were there, Tommy would know. The obsidian box is certainly not big enough for them to hide. And no matter how serious the game of hide and seek, when Tommy called for them, they always came rushing to apologize.
Well, at least they used to.
It’s been a good couple years since his caretaker came rushing.
It’s fine though!
Really!
Dad has been at his vacation! That’s what Fundy said at least, and he’s never lied.
Well, there was that one time when Fundy said he didn’t infuse Henry into his machine but then he did.
Fundy was cool and a great glint-mate!
Tommy can’t remember much about Sally. Though he remembers she was an amazing protector and mom.
When Fundy and Tommy were scared by Techno and Phil, Sally would step between them. Her fins flared and hooked teeth bared, ready to step in and fight for them. Even though that if ever placed to fight with them she would not survive long. It was the sentiment.
The human started talking again as he approached Tommy’s bowl, shaking Tommy from his thoughts.
Tommy popped and croaked warnings as he swam under the sand, trying his best to hide.
The sand tickled his gills, causing him to sneeze and cough.
Much to Tommy’s instincts displeasure he only hit another curved side.
Wilbur had another nice bigger tank for Tommy he stayed in, the bowl was only so Tommy wouldn’t be far from him. Fundy had been working on a square one for him that wouldn’t hurt Wilbur’s hip.
According to Fundy, dad had old hips and a single jab could hurt him! So, Tommy didn’t complain. Even though the rounded corners sent a wave of panic through his head at times, being near his dad soothed both of their instincts.
But now that he’s with this person the good no longer overruled the bad. It was just bad. Because Tommy didn’t know this person, They weren’t apart of his glint, and they sounded angry.
The person walked over to him, properly talking to him.
“⟟'⌰⌰ ☌⟒⏁ you food.”’ They mumbled.
They leaned down and split the potato before taking a bite from one side. Tommy couldn’t help but curl to the not-corner of his bowl and wine. “You food” Does not sound promising, even if the smell of the potatoes enticed him.
The human, luckily, only shredded the potatoes so it was easier for him to eat and placed a few inside of the tank. Tommy greedily lifted to the surface and grabbed the potato chunks as it was placed in the bowl.
“There ⊬⏃’ go.” They said gently, attempting to pet the side of his tail.
Key word: attempted.
Tommy doesn’t truly trust this person yet, so he snapped at their fingers.
The person flinched back mumbling something along the lines of an apology.
“⎅⍜ you ⌇⌿⟒⏃☍ English?” They eventually spoke up after a second of cradling their hand to their chest.
Tommy’s fins perked up at the question. Even if he didn’t fully understand what the human was saying, he could get the gist that they were asking if he could speak English.
Tommy thought back to Fundy teaching him English back in the sheep hybrid’s office and eventually found the words he needed and lifted his head to the surface.
“Little bit.” Tommy said, the sounds unnatural in his throat.
Once Tommy said what he wanted, he bobbed his head under water to let the water fill his gills which were stinging from the air.
The human breathed a sigh of relief.
“I’⋔ called Dream, you?” The- no, Dream said, their head quirked to the side.
Tommy blew happy bubbles at getting the humans name right before hastily going to reply and lifting his head from under the water once again.
“I Tommy!” he replied, a smug smile from understanding them. Though the smirk quickly disappeared when he coughed from the suffocating ash and smoke in the black box and quickly retreated to the safe waters of his bowl.
Dream reached out in concern before retreating their arms back to their sides.
“You alright?” they asked, concern barley in their tone as Tommy rubbed at his gills.
Tommy nodded blowing a few bubbles in reassurance.
Dreams shoulders slumped in relief and huddled back to the opposite wall, nodding, not exactly to answer a question but more to himself.
Tommy circled once in his bowl as reassurance to show he wasn’t harmed.
“Alright, that’s good.”
An awkward silence once again fell over the two leaving Tommy to just frow and swim around in his bowl until something interesting happened.
It seems that Prime was working in his favor when a loud static blared in the cell causing noisy vibrations in his water that slipped in his gills uncomfortably causing Tommy to grumble and scrunch up his face in annoyance.
Dream also didn’t seem to enjoy this as their hands flew up to cover their ears with a groan.
The noise crackled loudly and ringed off the walls, and Tommy was too distracted to focus on translating what it was saying.
The horrible vibrations seemed to stop causing him to breath in relief and Dream rolling his eyes saying something along the lines of “Drama”, though it had more to it so Tommy’s not entirely sure.
While the lava outside the room finally stopped and slowly lowered, netherite blocks lifted from the ground.
Ooh, holy shit. we’re those real netherite blocks? That’s so fuckin’ cool. He’s going to ask if he can have one.
Wait was that his dad?
Tommy could recognize his dad from across the pit where the lava had been covering just moments before, now starring a white streak in his hair and a couple of butterflies around him.
Then again, Tommy has been in this prison for a bit so he might be seeing things.
On his dad’s left there was a shorter person with a nasty scar spread from their eye to mouth exposing their teeth.
They both stepped onto the redstone contraption, his dad stumbling a little as it began moving towards the cell.
Dream seemed unimpressed and picked up Tommy’s bowl carrying him as far outside of the cell as he could.
His dad purred happily and took Tommy’s bowl, whispering small apologies and comfort in mer.
The shorter saw Tommy and burst into laughter causing his dad to glare at him.
.
.
.
/Wilbur pov\
Wilbur tapped his foot impatiently, as he watched the lava wall slowly lower until he could see the entrance to the cell. Quackity stood on his left who was relaxing against the wall, Sam somewhere near the levers keeping watch. A few butterfly’s float idly near him that have been around him since he got revived, always brushing them off when they landed on him.
Wilbur could feel himself light up when he could finally see a familiar fishbowl, his impatient tapping slowing to an eventual stop.
“Alright, step on the machine and make sure to walk with it.” Sam said tiredly, most likely repeating a line he’s had to repeat thousands of times before this moment.
Wilbur made an affirmative hum and stood carefully on the honey block, Quackity close behind.
The machine sparked to life and Wilbur stumbled slightly as they started moving.
Wilbur stared ahead and watched as Dream picked himself up from the ground, shifting his mask as if to check if it was still secure on his face. He walked over to the lectern in the box and picked up the bowl that was teetering carefully on the ledge of it before walking over to the netherite block barrier and leaned over it lazily.
Wilbur stepped off the machine along with Quackity and grabbed the bowl from the kidnapper eagerly and immediately started whispering reassurances in their native tongue, Tommy purring up a storm that Wilbur couldn’t help but return in full force.
He was mildly aware of Quackity and Dream having a small conversation.
“So, can I get out yet big Q?”
“No Dream, you may not.”
A groan followed by a telling noise of plastic hitting metal, followed by a small ‘ow’.
“You set multiple houses on fire and exploded multiple buildings.” Quackity pointed out.
“I know, I know…”
Wilbur finally relaxed and saw Quackity lean over, prompting Wilbur to show off Tommy and he took the offer full force with a wide smile that immediately fell once Quackity burst out laughing.
Dream picked up his head in interest at all the fuss, matching Wilbur’s confusion with a slight quirk of his head. For wearing a mask all the time, the man could show a surprising amount of emotion.
“What’s so funny?” Dream asked pressing his hands on the barrier at an attempt to see what Quackity was laughing at.
Quackity eventually rained in his giggling to give a proper explanation,
“It’s just that-” the avian chuckled again before continuing. “Wilbur has been calling this mer kid of his, a goldfish this entire time when it’s clearly a koi fish!” dissolving into a fit of laughter once more, now with Dream joining in with a loud wheeze.
Wilbur’s face fell further at this realization and looked down at Tommy.
“Are you really a koi fish?” he whispered as quietly as he could even though Dream and Quackity didn’t know a thing about how to translate mer.
“Yeah? Why big dubs?” Tommy responded.
Wilbur carefully placed Tommy’s bowl on the netherite blocks and crouched down to the floor, arms around his knees with his head leaning against the cold metal before losing his balance and falling over, much to Tommy’s alarm. Though this action only caused Quackity and Dream to laugh harder.
[][][]
+1.
Wilbur finished as he shared his point of view around the campfire.
Tubbo leaned against Tommy as he chuckled at the recounting Tommy hiding his face in embarrassment with a groan, Ranboo sitting on the other side of Tubbo, covering his smile with one of his hands though his eyes betrayed him in the end. They sat on the log opposite of Wilbur, obviously made for two though the three refused to separate and sat on it anyways out of pure spite.
“I still can’t believe you never thought to tell me or Techno that Tommy was actually a hybrid this whole time.” Phil complained half-heartedly, next to Niki.
Fundy on the grass floor, back to the log across from Phil and Niki as he grinned. The log in question was currently taken over by Quackity who had his palms pressed to his face with a quite laugh at the memory.
“We’ll, I never did tell you what happened to Sally for a while either!” Wilbur replied cheerfully, smile wide on his face.
The parties grew quieter in confusion, Tommy lifting his face from his hands and Quackity leaning up. All prompting Wilbur to continue.
Wilbur’s face dropped in realization.
“Wait did I never tell you what happened to Sally?”
“No?” Fundy said with his eyebrows scrunched together.
Phil’s face seemed to light up with realization and his mouth slightly agape.
“Wil- No-“
Wilbur chuckled sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck.
“Oh, well, we had her for dinner back when Tommy was just a baby and Fundy was smaller!”
Everyone’s face seemed to drop, tension clearly in the air.
“What?” Wilbur asked, tone still light as Phil muttered something under his breath with his head tilted down.
“We did what.” Fundy said grimly.
end…