Chapter Text
The thing was, none of Jaskier’s songs were about Geralt. No, that was a lie. Jaskier had written plenty of songs about Geralt back when they were together, but he never played them. Not now that he had made it big. And Jaskier certainly didn’t write songs about Geralt now. Geralt liked to tell himself that this was because breakup songs weren’t a part of Jaskier’s brand— Jaskier’s hits were lust songs and like songs, no love songs, and certainly no breakup songs. But Geralt knew he was lying to himself. Jaskier probably didn’t even think about him anymore. He definitely didn’t think about Geralt enough to write a song about him.
Once, Jaskier had called Geralt his muse. Now, Geralt didn’t even warrant a vengeful breakup ballad.
Which was, obviously, no one’s fault but his own. Geralt had pushed Jaskier away so thoroughly all those years ago that Jaskier’s opinion of him seemed to skip right past hate and into indifference. Yen confirmed as much, on the day that would have been his and Jaskier’s anniversary, a year after the breakup.
Geralt had found a bottle of red that Jaskier had been saving for a special occasion. He decided to drink it, in some strange act of spite, or closure, or something. How the hell was Geralt supposed to know the significance of these things, Jaskier was the poet, not him, and besides it didn’t fucking matter, because he couldn’t make himself drink the fucking thing. Instead, he ended up bracing against his kitchen counter to stop shaking, clutching a corkscrew in a vice grip, and taking deep, heaving breaths through the pain suddenly in his chest. When he could breathe again, he poured himself something stronger, sat on his kitchen floor, and called Yen.
“It’s been a year, Geralt,” Yen had said, her voice as close to soft as it ever got, “He’s moved on, and you should, too.”
Geralt hadn’t replied. He wasn’t trying to be purposely uncooperative, he just hadn’t quite been able to process what she was saying. Regardless, Yennefer was unamused by his lack of engagement.
“Look, you can’t have expected this to end any other way. I know you cared for him, but he slept in every bed he came across before he met you, and I’m sure he’s more than happy to be back at it now. You were always going to break up eventually.”
Her reasoning was… not the most charitable. But, she was right. If maybe Geralt had dreamed that it wasn’t true— that maybe he and Jaskier were it for each other. Well. It was just that— a dream. So Geralt had grunted in agreement.
Yennefer, just for a moment, looked more compassionate.
“You loved him while you had him, Geralt. That’s all you can ever do,” she had said, and that was that.
Until.
Until now.
They hadn’t spoken about Jaskier in the four years since that first anniversary, but now, inexplicably, Yen had sent him a link to a video on Jaskier’s YouTube channel.
In the message accompanying the video, Yen had simply written, “We were wrong.”
The thing was, Jaskier was supposed to be writing an album. That was the whole reason he was here, in his beautiful and remote coastal home with no one but his horror of a songwriting partner, bandmate, and frien-emy, Valdo, for company. This was supposed to be a sort of writing marathon, in which he made significant progress on the band’s new album.
He had been making progress. Everyday except for today, the day of an anniversary that five years later he should definitely not be thinking about. At the very least, he shouldn’t be mourning over it which, despite his best efforts, was exactly what he was doing.
Jaskier told himself he would be able to ignore it. As he lay in bed before getting up, Jaskier told himself that it was just a normal day. There would be no wallowing, and in fact, no sadness of any kind. Only creativity and productivity. He was determined! This determination lasted all the way until he went to get dressed for the day, and realized that he had unthinkingly picked up a shirt he had stolen from Geralt. It was the only one that was still in his regular wardrobe, if only as loungewear.
Jaskier should have put it back in the wardrobe, maybe convinced himself he had never seen it. But, instead, he slipped it on over a pair of leggings, donned his slippers, and padded out to start the coffee. By the time Valdo arrived, Jaskier’s head was carefully devoid of thoughts but filled with an oppressive and inescapable sense of loss.
This was, to put it mildly, an unproductive state of mind for song writing. By lunch, Valdo had become fed up with Jaskier’s melodrama.
“Look,” Valdo began, setting his guitar down with more force than was strictly necessary, “I’m going to go get lunch. You are going to sit here and work until I get back. No twiddling your thumbs, no staring off into the middle distance daydreaming or whatever the fuck. Work. Do a productivity stream if you want to, the fans loved it last time.”
Valdo surveyed him with a look of vague disgust, and then turned to stomp out the door before Jaskier could reply. Jaskier huffed in annoyance, turning back to the piano in front of him.
“‘Sit here and work until I get back,’” Jaskier repeated mockingly, “he’s such an ass,” he confided in the piano keys.
Jaskier played a sympathetic little tune, as if in reply to his complaining.
“But maybe he’s right about the stream. It worked last time.”
They’d done it a few times now, streaming their workshopping sessions on youtube. It was a bit unprecedented, and for good reason, but Jaskier desperately needed the feedback. He couldn’t imagine going on this genre-bending, brand-remodeling journey without a little guidance from his listeners. Mind made up, Jaskier began the familiar process of preparing to film. Thankfully, most of the equipment was permanently set up— one of the many perks of having a permanent residence, Jaskier had learned once he lightened his touring schedule. Soon, Jaskier was back at the piano, addressing his lovely audience.
“Hello everyone! Thanks for being here!” Jaskier said cheerfully, watching as the number of viewers slowly rose, “This is a sort of productivity stream. I’m going to be workshopping some new songs, and I’d love to hear your thoughts! However, as it is a little abnormal to be sharing anything this early in the process, Valdo and I would appreciate it if this wasn’t leaked to… the wider public. This video will be unlisted after the stream, so you can share it with your friends in different timezones.”
Jaskier watched as the viewer count began to slow down as it reached a reasonable number. Satisfied, he arranged his notes and prepared to start working in earnest.
“I hope you’ll stick around and work along with me!” he announced, before launching into the song he and Valdo had been working on yesterday, before his forlorn mood hit.
Jaskier ran through a few songs like this, editing as he went along. Occasionally, he would stop to discuss edits or inspiration with the chat, often leading to tangents that ended with him scribbling out new lyrics. Valdo, at least, wouldn’t be attempting to murder him upon his return. Jaskier decided he’d been productive enough to warrant a break, and began idly poking out a tune that had been stuck in his head all day. It wasn’t anything of his, but he couldn’t quite place it either. Jaskier was pretty sure it’d been a while since he’d heard it, whatever it was— since he was with Geralt, at least. He wondered why it was in his head now.
Unfortunately, he was still playing the tune and daydreaming when Valdo walked in.
“What’s that?” Valdo called, as he put his keys up and came swaggering into the music room, proffering a tempting bag of takeout containers.
“Nothing. It isn’t mine, just something that’s stuck in my head,” Jaskier said dismissively, thinking more about the food just out of his grasp than music, for the moment.
Surprisingly, Valdo didn’t seem annoyed that Jaskier was half covering a song he couldn’t remember rather than working on their music. Instead, Valdo hummed a contemplative noise and gazed over Jaskier’s shoulder to read the chat. He raised an amused eyebrow at what he saw.
“Chat says it's an old Taylor Swift song. Are you quite alright, Julian?” Valdo said, his mocking tone not fully covering his genuine concern.
Jaskier’s face flushed as he suddenly recalled the song in question. Well, at least now he knew why it was stuck in his head. This was so fucking embarassing.
“Well?” Valdo said, with a flourishing gesture, “Play it properly, then.”
“I don’t even remember all the lyrics!” Jaskier protested.
“So play what you do remember. It’s the only way to get it out of your head,” Valdo said, and then shook the food bag in his hand as if Jaskier were a particularly stubborn dog, “Then you can eat your lunch. I brought you ramen!” he singsonged.
Jaskier huffed but relented, and began to play the song that had plagued his mind.
Geralt tapped the link and was surprised to see that it led to the last few minutes of an unlisted stream. How had Yennefer gotten the link to an unlisted stream of Jaskier’s? Had she been watching live? Had someone sent her the link? Both seemed equally unlikely.
On screen, Jaskier was mid-song. It wasn’t one of Jaskier’s songs, Geralt could tell, but he didn’t recognize it beyond that. He wondered if whatever it was Yennefer wanted him to hear was after the cover.
“So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are
Hope it's nice where you are."
Geralt ignored the music, carefully suppressing any thoughts about how nice it was to hear Jaskier’s voice again. Instead, he studied Jaskier’s surroundings, using the background to paint a picture of Jaskier’s life, five years beyond him.
“And I hope the sun shines
And it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you
You wish you had stayed.”
It looked like a beautiful house, all sunshine and bookcases and high ceilings— just Jaskier’s style. If Geralt listened closely, he could hear the rhythmic crash of waves… The house was on the coast, then. Good. Jaskier had always wanted to visit the coast. Geralt hoped Jaskier was able to rest and enjoy his vacation before he went back on tour.
“You can plan for a change in weather and time
But I never planned on you changing your mind.”
The hair on the back of Geralt’s arms stood up. There was an odd amount of emotion in Jaskier’s voice. Geralt’s eyes were pulled to the musician’s form almost against his will. Jaskier was more underdressed than Geralt expected him to be. Usually, Jaskier would violently protest appearing publicly in any sort of loungewear. He wouldn’t go to the grocery store in an oversized t-shirt and leggings, much less appear in a livestream. For a second, Geralt imagined that he actually recognized the shirt Jaskier was wearing. But, no, Jaskier had certainly replaced his wardrobe several times over in the last five years. Besides, it was just a black t-shirt with a white logo. If that white logo looked familiar to Geralt, even mostly obscured as it was, well, that was just a coincidence. Must be a coincidence.
“So I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss.”
A gentle breeze blew through the shot, ruffling Jaskier’s hair lightly; Geralt could almost smell the salt of it. The sun seemed to dim for a moment… Perhaps wherever Jaskier was, a summer shower was rolling in. Jaskier would probably like that, though— he had always claimed to find the rain atmospheric. Romantic.
Geralt’s chest ached. He rubbed at it absentmindedly.
“Never thought we’d have a last kiss…”
On screen, Jaskier’s bandmate— Valdo, Geralt remembered, though they’d only met a few times— walked into frame and addressed the camera.
“That’s all for today, my friends. This livestream, as always, will remain unlisted, but please use the utmost discretion when sharing. We look forward to seeing you next time.”
The camera jiggled for a moment before cutting to black, but the progress bar indicated that the video was not yet over. Geralt’s brow furrowed in confusion as the soft sounds of movement and crinkling paper emanated from the speakers. He turned the volume up, struggling to hear.
“It’s been such a long time, Julian. When will you be over him?”
The sound of Jaskier’s laugh, muffled and humorless, followed the question.
“I’ll let you know when I figure it out.”
There was a moment of silence. Geralt glanced at the progress bar— the video still wasn’t over.
“I don’t enjoy seeing you hurting.”
“That may be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, Marx… but unwarranted. I’m fine. Most of the time.”
“Most of the time,” Valdo echoed, before saying, in a dread filled voice, “oh, fuck.”
At last, the progress bar reached its end. Not fully processing, Geralt scrolled down to read the comments on instinct. He found an ‘unable to load comments’ error message waiting for him.
Geralt refreshed the page, only to find a blank screen staring back at him.
Error loading. Tap to retry?
He taped.
This video is unavailable.
From: Geralt
What happened
From: Yennefer
He deleted it.
From: Yennefer
Not surprising, but not my main concern.
From: Geralt
You think he was talking about me
From: Yennefer
Obviously.
From: Yennefer
I’d always thought such long term commitment was outside of his interest. You said as much, when I asked.
From: Geralt
I did
From: Yennefer
Geralt
From: Yennefer
Please tell me you actually asked him what he wanted for the future. That you didn’t just assume.
Seen✔️
Entertainment News @cont_entweekly ✔️
A New King of the Break-Up Song?
“After an emotional moment in a secret livestream, fans of the pop-icon Jaskier clamor for more…”
Read More
Priscilla the Bard™️ @pri
Valdo: “you need to come over, I can’t deal w/ J’s moping”
Also Valdo:
[Video Description: Valdo and Jaskier are side-by-side, both cocooned in blankets. Their eyes are fixed on a laptop screen, on which Taylor Swift croons “All Too Well” while playing the piano. Jaskier appears to be fidgeting with a necklace, in a self-soothing gesture, though it is hard to make out in the dimness of the video. The camera turns to reveal Priscilla, who rolls her eyes fondly before the video ends. End Video Description.]
Reply to @pri
actually im a troubadour @v_marx
Stop, you’re ruining my reputation.
JaskierOfficial ✔️
[Image Description: A photo gallery containing two photos. The first shows Jaskier sitting at the piano. It is a candid shot, and Jaskier seems to be gazing thoughtfully out the window which serves as the light source. The second photo is significantly more jovial, as Jaskier has now turned to face the camera, grinning over a bowl of ramen. End Image Description.]
JaskierOfficial ✔️
Thanks for all the well wishes, loves. All is good here, no need to worry.
(p.s. the love is stored in the ramen)
actually im a troubadour @v_marx
friendly reminder that i can and will ruin your life if you reupload our content :)
actually im a troubadour @v_marx
for legal reasons, this is a joke. but reuploads will get taken down. please respect our privacy.