ameliavry
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All he wants to do is sleep. Sleep until all this is over. Until everything’s magically better again. TK thinks about relapsing and taking drugs to forget. To survive. But he knows he can’t relapse. He won’t make it through the withdrawals and rehab. He won’t. He isn’t strong enough for that. Not this time. He knows that if he were to touch a drug again, he wouldn’t ever be able to come back from that. No matter how much support and help he gets. Because it is his destiny.
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TK has been struggling with it for years now. On and off. What happens when Carlos finds out about yet another unhealthy coping mechanism of his?
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He thought those thoughts would stop now that he had been through the worst of withdrawal, but they didn’t. The thoughts of relapsing and going through this is more than enough to simply put an end to it. Why put in so much effort into something that isn’t forever? That has the chance of failure?
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What would have happened if Ethan had taken Spencer in and helped him through withdrawal.
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Sometimes he thought he actually died and no one ever saved him. He knew how reality felt and this was not it. In that shed he wished to die, dying would have ended the torture. What he didn’t know back then was the pain afterwards. Not even once did he think about what he has to deal with now.
He remembered the sound of never ending beeping in the hospital shortly after his team had found him digging his own grave. The beeping was annoying him, not because it was loud but because it meant he was alive.
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How the traumatic events in Georgia affect Spencer Reid.
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The urge to do it again is there, like a daily reminder, reminding him of the people he hurt, of the pain he deserved. This time he resists. He doesn’t want to disappoint JJ. But it’s only a matter of time until he’s too tired to fight the thoughts. Until he is too tired to fight for himself.
What scares him the most are the times when cutting doesn’t satisfy his urges, when it doesn’t help the way it should, despite how deep he goes and how many times he does it. He tries not to let his thoughts go this way but sometimes he can’t stop it and that scares him, because what is he capable of when he lets these thoughts be thought? He wants it, knowing he shouldn’t. It’s not his first time thinking about the ‘easy way out’.
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What happens after Spencer Reid is released from prison and pushes away the people he needs the most in times like these?
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With all his heart he wished he could turn back the time and enjoy Maeve’s presence more. He wished he had taken Maeve’s place and died. He never had anything to live for, but Maeve was someone to die for and even that he failed.
It’s been six years, six years without relapsing in either drugs or self-harm. Six hard years trying to stay clean and figuring out if the thoughts will ever stop. They don’t.
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Or Maeve is dead and Spencer falls back into old habits.
Recent bookmarks
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“You know, approximately forty to sixty percent of people relapse within their first year of recovery? I—I—did you—?”
“Pretty boy,” Derek’s voice echoes through the phone. “Did you relapse?”
“Did you—did you know that Robert Louis Stevenson used cocaine to write faster? He—he wrote sixty thousand words in six days compared to his—”
“Spencer.” His tone shifts from worry to sternness. “Did you use dilaudid?”
“Derek—I—” He pauses. “Will you come over?”
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or... spencer relapses on dilaudid, he's the only person he'll have forever, right?
Bookmarked by ameliavry
02 Jul 2026
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Not long after making things official, Carlos thinks he's caught TK trying to sneak out before dawn.
Written for the Sicktember Day 1 prompt, "Why are you up? It's the middle of the night."- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 973
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 30
- Kudos:
- 173
- Bookmarks:
- 16
- Hits:
- 2,100
Bookmarked by ameliavry
17 Apr 2026
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TK winds up sick because he’s not sleeping well since learning about his dad’s diagnosis and because he’s pushing himself too hard to be a better son. (Also, Carlos doesn’t really vibe with fever sex.)
Bookmarked by ameliavry
06 Mar 2026
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Mike has been struggling ever since his only living family left died, his grandmother. He won’t talk to anyone about his problems anymore, so Harvey decides to solve the problem in his own way.
Bookmarked by ameliavry
15 Sep 2025
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The wrong decision at the wrong time puts a wrench in Spencer's image of recovery.
“Reid-”
“Let’s just get out of here,” Spencer dismisses, already turning, the sound of approaching agents reassuring him that the men in here were someone else’s mess to clean up.
Morgan hurries to follow him as he makes for the exit. His ears are ringing, from the gunshots and from something else entirely, something nameless and shocking and completely unexpected.
Series
- Part 7 of Spencer
Bookmarked by ameliavry
01 Jun 2025