Chapter Text
Kai is, admittedly, not having a good time right now.
He technically should be, since, you know, he’s the one that asked for this, but he still can’t seem to settle the nerves crawling along his skin. He’s been pacing holes into his living room floor for what’s felt like hours already, and yet even all those steps still can’t seem to make a dent in the restless energy humming through him.
Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe getting ideas from an off hand comment made by Beomgyu was stupid. Maybe Kai should just suck it up and get out into the real world and deal with it.
But unfortunately, once he’d heard said comment and gotten this idea in his head, he Kai hadn’t been able to think about anything else for days.
It had haunted him day and night - the thought of someone pressing against him. Holding him. Letting Kai pretend that he isn’t horribly awkward and clumsy. Whispering sweet little nothings into his skin and letting him rest in hands that could feel like they’re okay with holding him together. The mental image of it all pulls on an instinctual chord in his brain that feels so nice and idyllic that it’s actually plagued him. Being able to feel that while also skipping the whole dating process he’d been too shy for before and way too distrustful of now had sounded like a dream come true - he couldn’t pass the idea up once it’d been presented to him.
So now here he is, waiting with his only company being the mounting anxiety that feels stupid in the face of the fact that he’d chosen to do this. That he wants this.
From what he’d researched, the site he’d booked through does super thorough background checks and makes everyone sign strict non-disclosure agreements about who they meet with. Which is definitely a win in Kai’s case, because he never would’ve even dared to try something like this without that knowledge.
Even just meeting somebody normally involves enough risks that sometimes he has to sit and ask himself if it’s really worth it. If the tiny chance that something could grow between him and a stranger was worth the chance of getting personal details and unwanted pictures of himself plastered all over his timeline come morning.
The answer to that question is usually a hard and unfortunate no. An answer that shows in the way that Kai doesn’t even know what to do with himself now.
Should - should he have dressed up a little more? Worn a scent blocker, maybe? Wait, no, isn’t the point of this that he doesn’t have to worry about things like that? He’s literally paying for this alpha’s company. But still. Maybe he should’ve combed his hair a little better? Worn something other than his raggedly old dinosaur hoodie? His loose sweatpants? Beomgyu would probably sigh something forlorn if he could see him now.
Kai is just gearing up for another circle around the room and still debating on if he should change into something a little nicer when his door buzzer rings and oh god he’s here he’s actually here Kai didn’t think this through did he -
Heart full of nerves beating so harshly in his chest that he can hear it in his ears, Kai takes one final, deep, desperate breath, and makes his way over to the door. He tries to pretend that his hand is not shaking from the rampant jitters running through him, but when he has to try the lock twice, he knows it’s no good.
Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. Maybe he should just open the door, politely thank the person for coming, and then send them back to wherever they came from. Just count the money as a loss, move on, and forget this whole thing ever even happened. Because really, what was he thinking?
But that’s the thing: he wasn’t.
Or, well, maybe he’d thought a little bit, but his brain had been so convoluted by the desire to just not feel so alone anymore that it’d washed all rational thought out the window. And now he’s dealing with the consequences of letting himself make choices unchecked.
Another shaky breath, and with apologies and excuses already prepared on his tongue, Kai finally manages to flip the lock with his clammy hands to swing the door open and oh.
See, he’d been at least kind of aware of what he was getting into here. He’d done his research on the booking service and on the site itself, and had booked one of the highest rated alphas. That, of course, came with a little profile picture that Kai had pretended he hadn’t stared at for what was probably a few minutes too long. Maybe a few minutes that stretched long enough that one might consider it an hour. Or two. Or however long he’d laid in bed with his phone in his hands and fantasized about warm skin pressed against his chasing the soft ache of loneliness away.
So yes. Kai had had an idea of what to expect.
But the alpha in front of his door somehow still blows all those expectations out of the water.
Standing before him, a few inches shorter, is that wide eyed alpha in all his beautiful glory. His black hair is half slicked back as if to accent his jawline, and Kai hadn’t thought he was that interested in jewelry before but seeing the long, dangling silver from this alpha’s ear feels like it’s short circuiting a part of his brain. With full lips and a lithe build, Kai suddenly realizes that it’s no wonder this guy is one of the top rated alphas.
He’s suddenly brought back to reality when said top rated alpha tilts his head. Raises a brow and with a look of concern painting his features even though his eyes are shining brightly with amusement.
“Hello? You’re Huening Kai-ssi, right?”
Kai chokes. Audibly. Feels his blood rush into his cheeks in sheer and utter humiliation. He opens his mouth to try to say something - anything - but to his horror, all that comes out is some sort of strangled sound before he has to cough and try again.
“O-Oh! Yeah! I am. Me. Um, I’m - I’m so sorry. I just, um…” When Kai realizes that there are literally zero excuses for him to have been staring at this alpha so blatantly, he soldiers on through the crippling embarrassment. “Um, inside! Come in!”
Crap. Wasn’t he planning to send him home? Apologize and throw out any and all of the lamest excuses he could come up with before closing the door right back up again? Kai wasn’t supposed to invite him inside.
And he isn’t sure if it’s a good or bad sign when, in the face of Kai’s and nervous blundering, those ridiculously pretty and full lips pull into an even softer smile as the alpha complies and steps through the doorway.
“Thank you, Huening-ssi.” Kai’s brain blanks. Crashes and tries desperately to reboot like a game console a little too old to be trusted as his thoughts trip all over themselves in the face of that smile.
Swallowing around nothing, Kai takes a quick step back to give the alpha more room to enter and prays that the beautiful man hadn’t noticed his slip up.
He doesn’t think he’s that lucky when those wide eyes find his again after a quick scan of the living room, creased around the edges just so as if the alpha is finding something either terribly amusing or terribly cute. The thought that Kai could be either of those things has him half tempted to hide, but instead he takes a small breath for strength. He can - he can do this.
“You have such a lovely scent, Huening-ssi. It smells absolutely wonderful in here - have you been scenting a lot recently?”
Biting his lip, Kai wonders if it’s actually impossible to explode from rampant nerves because what?
Something distinctly omegan in him hums to life with purr at the compliment, but Kai is quick to remind himself - and his instincts - that this sort of flirting is this guy’s job. He’s probably dropped that line for hundreds of omegas. And yet -
And yet, his scent being spoken of so sweetly is nice. Even if it’s maybe a little fake and for a kind of unconventional reason.
“Ah, t-thank you. Um. Hyun-ssi? That’s - that’s your name, right?” Light a bolt of lightning, a horrible thought enters Kai’s brain. This is the alpha he booked, right? Of course he is, given that he knows Kai’s name, but what if by some freak mix up of nature he’s somehow someone else? And Kai had let the wrong person into his apartment? There’s no way, right -
“It is. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Huening-ssi. Though I wouldn’t mind if we were able to speak to eachother a little more casually. I saw that we’re the same age, right? You can refer to me informally if you would like.” A pause, then, as the alpha raises an eyebrow before adding, “That is, unless formality is something you enjoy. That’s fine too, of course. Tonight is about you after all.”
Kai is going to die. Why did he think this was a good idea? Ever? Because it’s not. It’s really, really not. Even with just a few careful choices of words this alpha is making Kai flush and wonder how he’d ever thought he could withstand this type of thing.
“O-oh! No, no, informal is fine. Just fine. Hyun then, I guess? Haha, great! Um, do you…” What the hell does he even say? What’s the next step of hiring an alpha escort? Kai is pretty sure asking him to sit on his couch would be considered an advance of some sort, and he does not have the bravery to deal with that right now. “Do you… Want some water?”
Maybe he should just die.
Maybe that would finally save him from the sheer humiliation of having Hyun smile at him like he’s just said one of the greatest things ever.
“I would love some water, if it isn’t too much trouble. Or, if you’re thirsty, you can just point me in the right direction and I’ll fetch some for both of us.” Hyun’s words are honeyed as he makes the offer, eyes inviting and lips still tilted into that coaxing smile, “You’re wanting to relax, right? I can take care of whatever you need in the meantime -“
“No! No, it’s fine. I’ll get it, don’t worry. Here, just, um - just have a seat? I guess? Just one moment!” And with that, Kai is booking it down the hallway, desperate to get out of there and avoid thinking about how stupid he’s being. He’s acting like he’s never even interacted with an alpha before, stuttering and blushing as if it isn’t literally his job to talk in front of people.
But, well, it’s a little different to talk to a faceless camera versus an unfairly beautiful living breathing alpha, who he’d technically paid to come spend time with him.
Kai swings the fridge door open just a tad too harshly in his haste and winces at the rattling. He just - he needs to think.
He’s got snacks. He could bring some snacks out along with the water? Is that what a good host does for the alpha they’re paying to be there? Maybe? It’s not like he has any experience in the mater. And what if Hyun already ate and rejects his snacks and Kai just ends up looking stupid?
But it’s only good manners to offer snacks along with the drinks, right? What if he doesn’t and the alpha still acts super nice but on the inside he’s thinking ’oh, that’s why this omega has to pay for a companion’.
Yeah. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
Kai doesn’t let himself think much more about it before grabbing his containers of pre-cut fruit and leftover rice balls and tucking them into his arms. It takes him a long moment to take a steady enough breath to gather the courage to walk back into the living area, but when he does he’s greeted with the sight of Hyun seated on his couch and looking around the room.
When he spots Kai, though, his neutral expression warms. Dark eyes something sparkling in the warm light of the living room in a way that Kai honestly didn’t realize was possible.
“Do you need help with that? You didn’t have to bring so much on your own, I would’ve been more than happy to help.”
But Kai is already shaking his head even as the alpha rises back to his feet. “No, no, it’s fine. I wasn’t sure what you’d like, but, um.” A short laugh because his racing heart feels as if it’s slamming into his lungs, “Figured I should at least offer you something to eat. Only - only if you want, of course. No pressure. You don’t have to eat it. I know you just asked for water, so…” It takes biting his own lip just to stop the words from flooding out of him, cheeks so warm that he doesn’t even have the courage to see what the alpha’s face is doing.
“I appreciate you thinking about it, Kai. It’s very kind of you to offer me food. It’ll be nice to have some snacks while we talk, you know?” Kai vaguely wonders if Hyun’s voice is always this cajoling and sweet, or if it’s just an occupational thing.
Does the alpha’s voice always lilt just so, as if trying to soothe Kai before they even get started? Part of him is excited at the prospect of keeping the alpha talking just so he can hear the pretty tones of it more -
Wait.
“O-Oh. Um. Talk?” Kai manages, voice terribly thin even in his own ears as he takes his own seat on the couch, pointedly a few cushions away from where Hyun had chosen to sit. He still can’t quite get himself to look up, either - eyes trained on the bottle of grape juice he’s clutching like a lifeline.
A soft laugh. “Of course. Tonight is about you, so it’s important to make sure you’re comfortable. You didn’t put much detail into the form, so I’m just trying to get a better idea of the things you like.” Kai doesn’t have the courage to say he couldn’t put much detail into the form because the thought of saying what he wanted, even in a service he’s paying for, felt humiliating. “You can tell me what you like, lovely. I’m sure even if you decide on something I’m not too sure about we could find some common ground. Like I said, tonight is all about you.”
And suddenly, belatedly, the horrible truth is dawning on Kai that because he hadn’t had the courage to write what he wants, he’s going to have to say it.
This was a bad idea. The worst idea. He never should’ve -
“I’m not the type to judge you, it’s alright to tell me. I’m here to do my best to give you what you want, remember? To take care of you.” Kai does his best, but he can’t suppress the shiver that rolls down his spine at the words. His instincts are humming behind his brain again, the thought of being taken care of so appealing after so much time spent in only the company of his own skin that Kai feels a little dizzy with it. Torn between wanting it and being without it for so long that he doesn’t even know how to accept it.
Mind abuzz with indecision, Kai doesn’t he notice Hyun moving until the alpha is sitting right beside him. Not quite touching, but it’s enough to have Kai’s nerves skyrocketing even further. What, exactly, is he even supposed to do?
“Why don’t we just start slow? Get to know eachother?” Hyun offers, and Kai is sure he’d find a smile on those pretty lips if he were brave enough to look. “I saw you marked your desire for physical touch rather high on the survey. Do you want to just get used to -“
“That’s all I want.” Oh.
Kai chances a quick glance up, hands gripping his drink tight in his hands. Swallows around nothing at the sight of the alpha blinking at him before casting his eyes back down to his drink.
He hadn’t meant to say that out loud. It’s even more embarassing. But - but Hyun should probably know what Kai had brought him here for. So he takes another shaky breath and tries again.
“I, um. Just - I don’t want to… Um, you know. I mean, I know it’s silly.” Kai’s voice cracks with another laugh, humiliation a sticky burn in the pit of his stomach as he realizes just how stupid he sounds. An omega who spent so much money hiring an alpha escort, only to tell him -
“It’s not.” Now it’s Kai’s turn to blink. He doesn’t look away from his drink, but he thinks Hyun might be shaking his head. “It’s not silly. None of it. Whatever you want is a desire that’s there for a reason. Like I said, I’m not here to judge you, you know? I just want to help you.”
Teeth sinking into his bottom lip, Kai turns the idea over in his brain a few times - debates being honest even if it means looking stupid. But he just has to say it to get what he wants, right? He’s literally paying Hyun to listen to what he wants, after all.
“I…” He starts, almost chancing another glance up before thinking better of it, “I just want that. The - the touch, I mean. Like, I just want touch. Cuddling. That… Sort of thing.”
There’s a moment of silence. Kai wonders if he really does sound as stupid as he thought he would, and he feels so thoroughly humiliated that he’d just admitted to hiring an escort to come and cuddle him that he’s about to laugh it off and try to send Hyun home when -
A hand rests atop his, gentle and warm. It’s sudden enough to have Kai jumping and finally looking back up to the alpha.
“That’s perfectly fine. We can cuddle as much as you want, okay? Whatever you’re comfortable with.” The smile on his lips tilts up a little further, eyes twinkling with just a bit of mischief when he says, “I’ve been known to be a great cuddler, you know. The very best. You have to let me prove it to you now.”
Kai’s next breath comes out as a shaky laugh, relieved at the fact that he’s not being laughed at for wanting something so silly. So normal.
“I - I mean you definitely could, if you want. Only if you want. I just, um. I thought we could maybe watch a movie or s-something. Whatever you want.” And god, does the alpha look at every omega he visits like this? Listening like he’s hanging off of every word, wide eyes trained intently on them? If so, Kai is starting to get a feel for why he’d been the most highly rated on the site. The rapt attention to have him feeling like he’s scrambling to figure out his next words before Hyun beats him to it.
“I’d love to. Is there anything else you’d like to do tonight? Or try? I’d like to take care of all of your needs.” The insinuation in the tone has Kai shivering, and he knows it’s not missed given the way that smile turns just a little sharper.
And. Okay.
He’d already said the worst of it, right? Or maybe this is the worst part. Maybe this is the part where the alpha will realize just how pathetic he is. But - but he said all. And he’d been understanding about the cuddling thing, so -
Kai takes a breath. “There’s, um. One thing. If it’s - if it’s alright. But you don’t have to, I swear, I just thought -“
”It’s alright, lovely. I promise if I’m not comfortable I’ll tell you. Is that alright?” And the alpha sounds so sincere as he cuts off Kai’s rambling that Kai feels himself nod along.
Part of him wonders how normal something like this would be in a new relationship. Kai wouldn’t know, obviously, but he’s curious to know if talking about what you want is always this humiliating. If it always feels like scraping off a layer of protection, no matter how willing the other person is to hear you out. It’s probably even worse, actually; to bare yourself in front of someone you want to continue to be with. To knowingly show cracks in an armor you’ve collected for yourself for your entire life and hope against hope that the chips will be loved anyways.
But it’s not like it matters now, when he’s here in his living room with an alpha escort sitting beside him, asking what he’d like to do. Implying that most things aren’t off the table, even as Kai had struggled to say something as simple as the fact that he just wants to cuddle.
“…Okay.” Kai’s voice is nervous and uneven even in his own ears, but Hyun only rubs a gentle thumb into the back of his hand in response, eyes patient and encouraging. It’s enough for Kai to finally choke out, “Your - your scent. Could you… While we cuddle, um, c-could you scent me? Please? If - only if it’s not too much, of course!”
Horribly, saying the wish aloud only serves to remind Kai just how much he wants this specifically. Because his friends do cuddle and scent him on the very rare occasion he breaks down enough to let them, but it’s different. Different in the way that Kai had chosen to hire an alpha to keep him company and touch him like he belongs with someone.
“Oh? Of course. I wanted to start out with scent patches just to make sure you’re fine with scents, but I can take them off for you. Right now, actually.” And Hyun is already reaching up before Kai can even blink, pulling back the sleek fabric of his turtleneck to peel away the patches and oh.
It takes a moment for it to begin seeping into the air, but as soon as Kai catches soft notes of jasmine and spiced oranges, he realizes just how much he wants. Sniffs the air just a little before he can stop himself, hoping to catch more and more of it up into his lungs.
As soon as Kai realizes what he’s doing, though, he tries to stop. To not think about a soft and citrusy alpha scent pressing into his glands, saturating the air surrounding him, sinking into his brain until he’s dizzy with it -
Going by Hyun’s knowing look, he isn’t being very subtle. It’s enough to have his cheeks hot, eyes darting back to his hands in sheer embarrassment.
“‘S - Your scent is nice. Really nice.”
“Yours is too, Kai.” Is Kai imagining the alpha leaning just a little closer in the corner of his eye? Surely he must be. Surely he isn’t - “I’m looking forward to having it all over me.”
Kai coughs. Nerves so wild inside of his chest that he surges to his feet without any warning.
“Thanks. Thank you. Pajamas. I - I need. You? I can get you some. Since, um, I’m sure wearing that all night woundn’t be the most… Comfortable.” He throws out a hand to gesture to the alpha’s outfit; his black turtleneck paired with a pair of boot cut jeans that make his legs look as if they could go on for miles. It’s impressive, honestly, considering that Kai is taller than the alpha.
But even though he’s the one standing, he doesn’t feel any taller. Hyun has a presence to him that feels as if it could swallow him whole. It’s enough to have Kai feeling just a little more disoriented. Maybe it has something to do with the alpha’s scent? But it couldn’t - not when Kai had already felt the beginnings of it before Hyun had ever peeled his patch away.
“Oh, if you have an extra pair. I think if I’m going to keep my clothes on it’d be better for me to be wearing something softer for you.” A pause. Hyun tilts his head, dark eyes glittering, “Though, you never specified that I would. I’m perfectly alright if you would like me to cuddle you na-“
“No,” Kai chokes, face aflame with the thought of this pretty alpha wrapped around him naked, the lean lines of his body overlaid with Kai’s, body warmth and scents mixing together - “No, no, hah - um, pajamas!” His voice cracks so bad Kai thinks he might die right here in his own skin, so he starts walking back down the hallway as if he could escape the rampant humiliation, “Yes. I’ll go! Just - just one second.”
Vaguely, he wonders if Hyun had noticed the way his steps sped up until he was practically running down the hallway, but he snaps his door shut behind him and prays the alpha had missed it.
But now that he’s standing alone, back against the door, Kai has a chance to actually think.
This whole thing is definitely going better than he’d expected, but still. What if the alpha is just too good to show a real reaction to requests such as these, and he’s just sitting out there laughing to himself right now? As kind as he had been to Kai’s face, surely Hyun makes enough money that faking non-judgement comes as second nature.
But - But all things considered, the request was fairly… Easy, right? Not easy in a way that makes it less important, but it’s not like Kai is asking to be bent over the couch and railed by the alpha. Just that Hyun holds him for a little, scents him a lot, and pretends like Kai isn’t just a little pathetic for hiring an alpha escort to do it at all.
Right. That’s the gameplan, so Kai needs to actually work up the courage to get to it.
Yet even as he begins digging through his pajama drawer, shuffling things around with little care in an attempt to find the fluffiest and cutest set he owns, his mind continues to wander. Not for the first time tonight, he thinks of just how silly he’d been to go through with any of this in the first place. He hasn’t had the courage to even tell Beomgyu that he’d taken that one-off comment to heart, but he wonders what the other omega would have to say about it. How he would probably rip Kai a new one for going through with it without breathing a word to anybody about his intentions.
Finally managing to find his set with colorful penguins, Kai immediately shifts into rummaging for the alpha. His frame is a little more lithe, height just a little shorter, so surely he would fit anything of Kai’s, right?
And that’s another thing, too. Usually whenever Kai meets someone for the first time with no scent blockers on, the new person in question always does some sort of double take. If not over his height then over the wide frame genetics had dictated him to have. And if not over those things that are the first signs to scream that he’s unable to fit into a stereotypical omegan box, then at least over his foreign-like features.
It had been a small surprise all of its own whenever Kai opened the door and the alpha didn’t even blink at any of that. Had still continued to act as if he found Kai cute, even as he stumbled around and tripped all over his words.
Even if the reasoning for the lack of reaction boils down to something as simple as this being Hyun’s job, Kai’s still grateful. To not have had to sit through that long extra up and down gaze followed by questions of his origins had been a breath of fresh air.
Maybe it was that, combined with his kind eyes and willingness to listen, that had given Kai the courage to say anything about what he wanted at all. Hell, before Hyun had even rang his doorbell, he’d been ready to kiss that money goodbye just so he could try to wiggle his way out of it and escape the situation he’d crafted with his own hands.
But then Hyun had sat beside him on the couch, held his hand and told Kai that it was okay for him to ask, and, well.
The money might not be going to waste after all.
“Okay.” He breathes after he’s changed and is clutching the pajamas he’d fished out for the alpha in his hands. “This is fine. This is good. Good.”
And it’s only when he lays his hand on the doorknob to go out again that Kai realizes he hadn’t accounted for how embarassing it would feel to walk out of his room like this. To approach the alpha still dressed to the nines in day clothes wearing one of his softest and most colorful pajama sets. Not only that, but he’ll be handing Hyun another set of soft pajamas and expecting the alpha to wear them. While they cuddle.
Suddenly, horribly, the thought of opening his door is too much. Maybe he should’ve just thrown on his usual baggy hoodie and sweatpants. Something like that would’ve been less try-hard, right? More normal?
Then again it’s not as if Kai has been giving off the vibe of anything less. What’s more try-hard than hiring an alpha to come and cuddle you? Very little, probably. So what difference is it going to make if he walks out wearing this?
Biting his lip, Kai’s hand hovers over the knob for just a little longer, contemplating the merits of just continuing to hide until the alpha eventually realizes he’s not coming back out when he hears it.
“Huening? Are you alright? Do you need me to get you anything?” Kai’s heart tumbles to a halt inside his chest even as something instinctual in him blooms.
Crap. How long has he been in here, that the alpha would come to check on him? Apparently both too long and not nearly long enough. Not enough time for him to feel anything close to ready to step outside of his room in his pretty fluffy pajamas for the alpha to cuddle.
But now that Hyun is literally right outside of his door, Kai is painfully reminded that he’d chosen this. Been so willing to get it that he’d paid for it, in fact.
And the alpha is being so kind about everything so far. Hadn’t judged him when he’d admitted to just wanting to be held, and had gone along with all of his silliness without question. Kai is pretty sure he would be fine with this, too, no matter how embarrassing it feels.
So before he can think about it anymore, Kai grabs the door handle and practically yanks it open to reveal Hyun standing in the hallway, wide eyes as concerned as they are surprised.
“Oh!”
“S-sorry. I’m ready now.” Kai’s doing his best to sound brave, but there’s a shakiness he can hear even in his own ears that has him flushing.
He’s almost too nervous to even keep eye contact. Would’ve already dropped it had he not seen Hyun look over his outfit once and watched the alpha’s face begin to practically glow. It’s… Satisfying, somehow. To be given a once over not out of some curiosity about being such a big omega, but because he’s wearing a pair of cute pajamas. To see the stunning alpha’s lips tilt up into something Kai thinks he could say is endearment.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to rush you. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.” As he speaks, the alpha steps closer. Kai can catch hints of jasmine and orange in the air even like this, and he wonders if Hyun ever gets told how intoxicating his scent is. Sweet and earthy and spiced even as faint as it is now - a combination that Kai thinks he might sink completely underneath if the alpha actually decides it’s alright to scent him. The thought has him fiddling with the spare clothes in his hands, nerves alight with the urge to hide as well as the urge to know.
Because as nice as his friends are about scenting and touching him, it’s different. When he doesn’t see them in that way whatsoever and everyone’s in a committed relationship, it’s not like they can bathe him in everything the crawling instincts underneath his skin needs.
Kai wants to be held like he’s wanted. Like an omega that an alpha has been craving - like he’s something precious and delicate. In his silly fantasy, that comes with being scented within an inch of his life. Until he gets to experience that high he’s been hearing so many people talk about for years at this point.
He wants it.
Wants it so bad that he gathers another shred of courage and tries to reach for it.
“Oh. Yeah. I’m all good, thanks, but here’s - um, here’s your pajamas. I don’t know your size, but I usually wear baggy stuff, so I think it should work.”
Hyun reaches to take them, finger grazing Kai’s as he does in a way that has him shivering in a way he desperately tries to suppress. “Thank you. I can go ahead and get changed, then - where do you want to lay down at? We can do the living room, of course, unless you were wanting your -“
“The living room is great.” Kai rushes, feeling bad for interrupting but also knowing that what Hyun was about to ask is an absolute no go. As curiously excited as his instincts are about this pretty alpha, he’s still an alpha that Kai doesn’t know. There’s no way he could invite him into his nest.
Thankfully, Hyun takes the rejection without missing a beat. Merely nods with the smallest shrug of his shoulders, like Kai had just told him he preferred green grapes over red.
“Alright.” There’s a pause, then. Another glint of mischief in those wide eyes and oh. “Would you mind pointing me to a bathroom? If you don’t want me changing in front of you, that is. But I’m more than alright with making a show of it for you.“
“No! No, haha, that’s alright! Um, it’s - it’s down there on the left. The door has a dent in it. You - you can’t miss it.” Maybe Kai will mention to Soobin another day that the older’s drunken mishap is helping Kai lead people around his home. Maybe. Not likely at all since mentioning that will naturally lead into Soobin asking who he was leading around, and then the older will eventually pry the information out of him and freak out.
There’s a reason Kai hasn’t told anyone about his plans for the night, and he’s planning to keep it that way. No information gets out means that no one has to worry, right? Right.
It’s what he’s been telling himself this whole time, anyways. And it’s not like Hyun is going to just randomly decide to hunt down his friends to tell them what Kai’s been up to, so it’s up to Kai to not say anything.
“Gotcha. Just give me a moment, then.” While he walks down the hallway in the direction Kai had pointed, the alpha throws a small, glittering smile over his shoulder, “Just let me know if you change your mind.”
Kai chokes. Opens his mouth to vehemently decline before getting ahold of himself and deciding to not dig himself any further into his grave out of embarrassment.
He moves back into the living room instead. The snacks and drinks are still on the coffee table, and Kai gathers them all to the side closest to the couch in order to make reaching for them easier. Pulls one of the fluffiest blankets he owns out of the basket and lays it over the back of the couch. Hunts down the tv remote for easy access.
In summary, Kai does everything he can think of to get the living room ready for them save build an actual nest on the couch, and yet he’s still somehow done with his preparations quickly enough that he’s left to sit awkwardly on the couch and wait.
Getting underneath the cover feels too eager, after all, and starting up a movie kinda feels too uninterested. And he’d already promised Hyun that he could pick the movie that they watch, so. There’s just nothing left for Kai to do but sit and wait and ruminate about how the heck he’d gotten himself into this.
If it goes well he knows it will have been worth every single won and every single awkward moment he’s endured thus far. But on the flip side, if it doesn’t go well, Kai wonders if he should just give up on this sort of companionship altogether. Managing to fumble and ruin the night when the alpha with you is being paid to be there would have to be some kind of new low, and Kai is very much hoping that he’ll never have to find that out for himself.
Thankfully, he isn’t left to sit on the couch for too much longer before the sound of a door opening catches his attention.
Except Kai only realizes then how stupid he probably looks right now. Sitting on the couch that’s prepped and ready for the alpha, staring down the hallway waiting for the man to make an appearance.
The realization has him snatching his phone off the coffee table to unlock it, even though he feels way too shaky with nerves to actually look at anything on his screen. He opens kakao only to close it just as quickly, does it again, opens up his most recent email on a whim; anything to look busy and resist the urge to be caught waiting doing nothing.
It would be so lame, right? But then again, Kai has done nothing to give this alpha the impression that he’s anything else so far. All he’s done is stutter over all his words and run around his apartment frantically because he can’t seem to do anything right. Even while he’s paying for an alpha’s company, he still can’t seem to get out of his head enough to even -
“Huening?” Kai jolts back into reality and snaps his head up to find that Hyun has somehow already come to stand right in front of him. The alpha looks unfairly attractive wearing the pajamas - looking more like a model getting ready for his cover shoot than an alpha getting ready to cuddle. He’s so pretty that something in Kai aches with it.
Hyun smiles.
“There you are.” The alpha’s eyes are velvety and soft as he reaches up. Kai doesn’t have it in him to move away from the touch, lets it rest softly along his jaw before sliding to thread into the hair at the nape of his neck. The contact has something tremulous rolling down his spine. An affection so easy and lulling to his instincts that he has to actively stop himself from swaying into it. “You’ve set such up such a lovely space for us in here, haven’t you? Why don’t we go ahead and get settled?”
He opens his mouth. Closes it. Watches as Hyun’s lips curl into another sweet smile laced with something silky, and Kai quickly finds that he can’t find his voice at all. But nodding seems to be enough for the alpha, who hums something pleased before using his free hand to pluck Kai’s phone out of his hands and set it on the table. It’s close enough that he could grab for it whenever he needs, but the thought of this alpha doing it to keep Kai’s attention fully on him has a thready sort of warmth curling along his brain along with a fresh wave of nerves.
“Good. Let me help you lie down, alright? I’ll show you.”
Kai tries to let him. Does his best to unlock his steel clad limbs and allow Hyun to maneuver him how he sees fit, but the feeling of warm hands guiding him into something as simple as cuddling has yet another jolt of shame shooting through him. A reminder of something he should be used to by now but isn’t because he can never seem to escape the nerves in his skin long enough to properly try.
Somehow still, Hyun manages to work with him through it. Even though the alpha is smaller by almost every comparison, he guides Kai with such sure hands that he once again feels that sense of being smaller. It’s heady here like this, when he’s being adjusted just so, and it isn’t long before the alpha is sliding into the open space behind him.
Kai knows that this is the part where he’s probably supposed to lean back, but instead he sits still. His spine is ramrod straight, too afraid of leaning forward and seeming avoidant or leaning back at all and seeming too eager. Too desperate. He isn’t sure when it’s okay for him to, doesn’t want to assume that the alpha will want quite so much bodily contact right away.
And yet.
“What are you doing, lovely? C’mere.” The alpha loops an arm around his waist and makes the decision to move for him, guiding Kai to lean backwards until his back is resting against a solid chest.
The angle of their position makes up for the height difference; Hyun just far back enough that when Kai is leaned fully against him he’s just a little shorter, and yet it’s just enough to give Hyun the perfect amount of access to his neck and oh.
He really is good at this.
“Told you.” The alpha hums in response, and the smile is his voice is unmistakable even as Kai wonders if there’s any possible way for him to combust on the spot. He’s unfortunately used to just saying a lot of the things that come to mind - it’s kind of his job, after all - and yet that skill is coming back to bite him hard.
“Sorry.” He murmurs, not even sure what he’s apologizing for except for maybe the fact that he can’t stop making such a fool of himself, but the alpha laughs like it’s cute.
“Don’t apologize. It’s nice - such a pretty omega in my arms telling me that I’m doing a good job for you is a wonderful thing.” When Hyun speaks this time, there’s a certain sort of lilting purr in his voice and Kai can feel those plush lips just barely brush against the shell of his ear. It has him shivering in a way that he knows the alpha couldn’t possibly miss, mortification over how easily he reacts to even this much continuing to swell in the pit of his stomach.
But just like the rest of the night, Hyun doesn’t call any attention to it. Instead just hums something indulgent as he noses into the skin just behind Kai’s ear. His lips continue to ghost along Kai’s skin, never quite a kiss but somehow enough contact to have his head spinning just a little.
“Gonna get you all nice and relaxed, hm?” But unfortunately for the alpha, Kai’s body apparently lives to be a walking talking contradiction that gets some sort of sick sense of enjoyment out of doing everything wrong, because the slowly increasing proximity of those lips to his scent gland only has him tensing further.
Kai does want it. He wants to be scented. But the fact that it’s such an unfamiliar experience for him is something his body isn’t letting him forget for even a moment.
“Sorry.” He apologizes again, hating himself just a little more for it.
“What did I tell you, pretty? Don’t apologize. Tonight is all about you.” Whatever air that’d been left in his lungs escapes him in a soft breath when Hyun’s free hand comes up to thread through the strands of hair on the opposite side of Kai’s head. It’s gentle, even as the fingers tighten just so to have Kai’s head tilting into the grip. “Just have to be good for me and let me do what you asked.”
Kai grips the blanket with his next shiver, nodding as much as he can with that careful hand still gripping his hair. The thought of baring so much of his neck to this alpha is electrifying in his veins - terrifying and exhilarating in equal enough parts that he feels caught between the urge to curl into himself and the urge to get more.
Is this how it always is? An awareness so visceral in your brain that it feels as if sparks are being left behind everywhere you’re touched? Because Kai’s touch starved skin is eating every spark alive as if a furnace of greed lives beneath it.
He doesn’t know how normal it is, but he knows that he wants more. His omegan instincts a tremble in the back of his brain begging for the alpha that is actively mouthing along his skin to come just a little closer.
“Hyun.” Kai’s voice is shaky and breathy when he speaks, another sharp wave of warmth flooding into his cheeks at how affected he already sounds. It’s an embarrassing state to be in after just a bit of maneuvering and mouthing at his neck, and yet it only seems to have the alpha pulling him closer. He hums as if to tell Kai that he’s listening, and then slides just the barest hint of teeth into his next kiss in a way that has Kai jerking in his hold.
He really wants the alpha to just get it. To not even need Kai to say anything and yet seem to understand regardless. Speaking his wants into the air still feels just as humiliating as it had earlier, but maybe it’s the feeling of being so close that gives Kai the last bit of bravery he needs to step off the cliff.
“I - I just - ah, um, s-scent?”
There’s a small hitch of breath by his ear, and then Hyun’s next breath is carrying a rumble and oh god.
Kai gets just a second to brace himself - to feel the hand is his hair and the arm around his waist tighten just so - and then that wandering mouth finally finds its way home to his scent gland.
The noise he makes is something crossed between choked and desperate, body giving another jerk of its own accord. He’s not sure if it moves in an attempt to get closer or away, but the hold on him doesn’t budge regardless, and it has another thrum of something heady gushing through his brain.
Jasmine and spiced oranges dance through Kai’s senses as if he were being steeped in all of its pretty notes, every lave of Hyun’s tongue feeling like it’s soaking the scent further and further into his skin. In his ears his heartbeat is roaring, dull wave after dull wave crashing through until he feels like little pieces of himself are being carried away in it.
It feels like his instincts are buzzing rabbit-quick in his skin, even by Hyun just doing this much. Just with this little bit of scenting.
“Hyun,” He breathes, body giving another little jolt at the scrape of teeth against his gland, but the alpha only hums and soothes the hint of sting with his tongue. The feeling has Kai’s eyes fluttering shut of their own accord, and he has to fight to open them again. It’s more and more difficult with every blink, the scent of jasmine and oranges blooming inside of his skull sticky against his eyes and cottony in his ears. It feels as if every inhale of oxygen he takes only adds to it, every lungful coated in that scent and making his brain more and more fuzzy.
Kai isn’t sure how long Hyun continues for. The haze has him fuzzy along all of his edges, the only thing sitting in sharp contrast being the alpha’s mouth on his scent gland. It’s as if all of his senses have rewired themselves to hone in on this, until Kai is left untethered and dizzy in the aftermath.
By the time the alpha finally relents, Kai’s vaguely aware of how much of a mess he is. Heaving lungs and hands twisted into the blanket as he fights to keep his eyes open and not lose himself completely in the warmth continuing to blur his thoughts together.
“So good,” Hyun murmurs, placing another kiss on the column of Kai’s throat, right over the pulsing of his heart. “You taste so good, Kai. Good enough to eat - such a pretty omega.” As he whispers the praises against his skin, Kai feels the hand in his hair and around his waist begin to draw away.
It has a sharp feeling of something like disappointment cutting through the buzzy feeling in his stomach. The light weight of a hand pulling on his hair had felt nice, as did the arm around his waist keeping him held. Kai had liked being held like he was wanted.
He takes a breath, relishing in the scent clinging to the lungful, but he doesn't even have a moment to speak before Hyun is threading a hand through the hair on the opposite side of his head. An arm clamps in place once more around Kai’s waist just as his head is tilted to expose the opposite scent gland.
”H- Hyun -“ Horribly, Kai’s voice is nothing more than stilted and pitched syllables as he realizes.
“Gonna scent you just like you wanted, hm? Make sure you smell like me for days.” And then that tongue is laving across the gland and Kai’s lungs trade a gasp of air for a sound that has his ears hot.
The jasmine and spiced oranges begins to fill his brain with cotton once more, every nerve in his body beginning to light up with the overwhelm, and Kai’s feet kick out uselessly as his body twitches and warms.
Hyun rumbles something soothing, the hand around Kai’s waist rubbing soft circles into the strip of skin exposed by his pajamas due to his jerking and fidgeting. Everywhere he touches, the skin feels like it’s buzzing and Kai’s brain, so soaked in instincts and alpha, only wants more of it.
Suddenly, the thought of those hands pressing into even more of his skin sounds utterly and absolutely euphoric. Would Hyun continue to hold him like he wants him? Lick and nibble and suck marks into his skin like he wants to devour him?
Another breathy sound escapes Kai at even just the thought.
Those sharp canines scrape across his sensitive gland once more, and Kai’s mouth drops open into a whine. He feels as if he’s dry drowning in Hyun’s scent, no hope of clearing his lungs because there’s no watery surface to break through. There’s only this - the alpha scenting him, the hands holding him steady, and the jasmine that’s already seeped well into his veins.
By now, all of the teasing of his scent glands have Kai’s scent spiraling so thoroughly that even he can catch his own scent in the air. Vanilla and honeysuckles blending with the spices in Hyun’s scent until his mind is a cacophony of it that Kai can’t help slipping into as his eyes close once more.
The room blurs around him once more until Kai has no idea how long passes before Hyun seems to deem him properly scented and begins trailing soothing kisses back up the column of his neck. Below his ear. Along his jaw. There’s a soothing, pleased rumble filling the air and pressing against Kai’s back. It’s a sound that feels like it threads through his instincts, smoothing over his thoughts like the softest of touches that has his instincts warming inside of his ribcage as if ready to respond. As hazy as he is, it takes Kai longer than it should to figure out that the alpha is purring to him.
“Look at you, so sweet and so pretty for me. So good for alpha, letting him scent you like this until you’re all soft and cozy. Letting me hold you like this so well.” The praise drips from Kai’s over-warmed head and straight down into his stomach. Hyun’s voice is honeyed and almost cloyingly sweet, like he’s fully aware of what his words and tone are doing to Kai as he continues to press soft butterfly kisses into his skin.
It’s utterly and completely intoxicating.
Is this what he’s been missing all this time? The kind of scenting that Beomgyu talks about with a pretty pink on his cheeks and that has Soobin glancing away? The thing that Kai’s wanted to reach for but never been able to grasp for how hard his shell had become in the wake of his life decisions?
It makes sense, then - why his instincts would be clawing underneath his skin with the echoing reminder of how lonely it is. The need for more that has haunted Kai like a second shadow no matter how many weighted blankets he piles atop himself or how many candles he buys in an effort to fill his apartment with something other than his own scent.
Hyun runs his hand through Kai’s hair as his other continues to rub soft shapes into the exposed skin of his stomach. It’s enough touch to feel utterly electrifying, and yet now Kai is faced with the fact that he still wants more.
And Hyun would give it to him, right? Surely the alpha pressed so close behind him would continue to touch Kai so sweetly. And then maybe those hands would continue to wander until they reached somewhere that could soothe the restless heat beginning to pool in the pit of his belly, soft voice continuing to tell him that he’s being good as he -
“What are you thinking right now, hm?” Hyun purrs, lips back against the shell of Kai’s ear and causing another shiver to jolt down his spine. “Your scent just got sweeter, lovely.” The hand on his stomach slides upwards just so, the touch barely scraping his ribcage but even just that much has Kai’s teeth sinking into his lip just as Hyun’s gently clamp on his earlobe.
He pulls in a shaky, uneven breath as the feeling - torn between being disappointed that hand didn’t go lower and disappointed that it didn’t go higher. The touch teetering on that middle ground feels maddening when Kai already feels as out of his mind as he does.
“Want to tell me what’s getting you so worked up?”
With a soft jolt, Kai realizes that Hyun had asked him a question.
He opens his mouth to respond, but the thought of answering with anything that might be true to just what he was thinking has his tongue suddenly incapable of moving. So he swallows, but it doesn’t help as much as he was hoping for.
Long moments stretch like that, Hyun purring soothing and sure against him as Kai tries to grapple with the warm cloud hanging over his thoughts as well as the thrumming of his instincts. Everything in him is buzzing at even the idea of more, but voicing any of that is a feat that’s too much for Kai to bear. A humiliation too thick in his throat to push out into anything resembling words.
And yet -
Hyun’s hand slides down from where it had been carding through his hair to rest on his throat. Kai’s body stills under the touch when Hyun’s index finger presses underneath his chin, tilting his head back to rest against the alpha’s shoulder. “You can have anything you want, you know. You just have to tell alpha and he’ll do it all for you.”
Kai tries. He tries his best to swim his way out of the sea of murky warmth his mind has become, but the jasmine is too thick in his senses and it feels like he can barely move at all. Tries to swallow around the heaviness clinging to his tongue but he can’t quite manage to. When he opens his mouth, the only thing that escapes is a soft and thready whine that has the alpha crooning sympathetically into his ear. Vaguely, he knows it’s embarrassing to feel his body thrumming and shaken after only being scented, and yet the way Hyun continues to handle him so gently only makes him burn hotter.
“Or,” The alpha starts, nosing below Kai’s ear, “We can stay just like this. You don’t need to push yourself, pretty. Just stay relaxed for me, hm?” On instinct Kai tries to nod, to show that he’ll listen, only for another part of his brain to short circuit when he’s quickly reminded of the hand on his throat. It’s a hold light enough that it would take barely any effort for Kai to break free of, but the reminder of it is somehow so heady that he doesn’t even try to. “You’re being so good. Letting me scent you so well.”
He has to bite his lip in an effort to not let another whine escape. The sweet praise sinking into the velvet in his head until it’s continuing to drip straight down into his belly.
“You wanna keep being good for me?” Hyun murmurs, and Kai knows better than to try to nod and yet that leaves his only option as speaking. Chancing his voice to form anything close to words feels too dangerous when he feels like his nerves are alight in his skin from the jasmine and oranges, but from the way Hyun had phrased it, Kai knows that the alpha wants him to try.
“Hm?”
“I…” Kai’s voice is still something so close to a whine that it has his cheeks burning hotter, vision dazed as he stares at the ceiling like it could offer any strength while his head spins like a loading screen.
The thing is, those humming instincts inside of him do want to. Kai had read countless comments and stories of what it’s like to be held and scented intimately in the time leading up to tonight, and yet that still hadn’t prepared him for how overwhelming it would be to be scented in the way someone would scent a lover that they want to devour. Kai wants that. Knows that as soon as he were to say so, Hyun would indulge in every want and desire he can smell tinging Kai’s honeysuckle scent because he’s being paid to.
And yet…
Kai lets his eyes slide closed, lungs taking a soft breath as if the oxygen could replace the embarrassment that have his hands twisting even further into the blankets.
“Want to.” He murmurs, heart skipping when the soft admission gets him a pleased hum and more kisses along the column of his throat. It has something inside of Kai preening, enough that his voice bubbles out of his lips once more to bare another piece of himself before he can stop it.
“I - I want to. Good - good. Like this.”
“So good.” Hyun agrees, hand massaging soft circles into Kai’s hip once more. “So good, such a good omega. I’ll take care of you now, don’t worry - you were so stressed, hm? Just relax.”
Kai doesn’t respond, but he doesn’t think the alpha is expecting him to anymore. Instead he sinks a little further into Hyun’s warmth, delighting in the soft rumble it gets him.
Hyun shifts them a little, after - releases the gentle hold he’d had on Kai’s neck to begin carding it through his hair once more and leans just enough that Kai is still wholly rested against him.
Kai makes an effort to open his eyes one, two, three times, before deciding that there would be no point in doing so anyways and instead allows himself to sink just a little deeper into the jasmine clouding his brain.
It’s a strange feeling to be so inundated with a scent. Familiar and yet so wholly new that is has him spinning until he wonders if he’ll float like this forever.
And yet if he wanted to, Kai thinks he could try to shake himself of it. To get himself together and begin to claw his way out of the webs spun around his senses.
But maybe this is yet another reason people enjoy this so much. Because even though he knows he probably could, there’s a thrill in not even wanting to. Of submitting himself to the cloying scent tinging his lungs and leaving him pliant and warm in this alpha’s arms. To let himself continue to be wrapped up in it until he’s dizzy no matter how securely he’s held.
Part of him is almost regretful to not have chased after this sooner, another part even moreso that it had taken paying for it for Kai to experience it at all.
He knows he isn’t unlovable - his career choice is kind of convincing that he’s quite the opposite - but the emptiness that echoes back at him inside of his own skin is a haunting reminder that it’s more a matter of Kai needing to be careful of just who he lets close.
His friends. His family. And now, apparently, the most expensive alpha escort he could find.
But it is really so bad?
Even if the stack of NDAs are the only things that are balancing this moment to keep it from collapsing around his ears, it feels real enough for now. Hyun feels warm and solid and real behind him. The hands that are cradling him feel real. The tingling that lingers in his skin from everywhere the alpha touches feels real. The way his omegan instincts have finally finally finally calmed at being scented and touched feels real.
And if this is the most real that Kai can get, then he’ll let himself enjoy it for as long as he can. Drift in the overwhelming contentment that washes over him when Hyun lifts Kai’s wrists and begins mouthing across the scent glands there, too. Strong limbs keeping Kai held even as he gasps and twitches and his lungs toe the line between whines and purrs.
Because eventually, when Hyun leaves and he’s left to return to only his own scent and skin, the memory of these moments will be all he has.
Even if he can’t mention it to anyone else. Even if he has to wash off the pretty scent of jasmine and orange that makes his head spin in order to make sure that no one suspects anything. Even if he’ll have to feel his instincts slowly descend into desperation at the loneliness clinging underneath his skin once more. Even if Kai will have to wake up tomorrow and grapple with the humiliation of needing to pay to feel this at all.
After all of this, he’ll still have the memory, and that will have to be enough.
So it’s alright if he just enjoys this for now, right? Plays his favorite game of pretending he’s an omega desired by an alpha so pretty that Kai thinks he’ll be dreaming of him for weeks.
He’s played countless games before, after all. Surely one more won’t hurt.