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Remus did like Mary most of the time. She was smart and funny and an incredible friend. Mary was fearless and always seemed to glow, and she didn’t take shit from anyone. Remus genuinely liked her.
Most of the time.
His issue with Mary, well – it wasn’t really an issue… maybe discomfort? Yeah. Let’s call it discomfort. His discomfort around Mary was that she was always touching Sirius Black, or flirting with Sirius Black, or disappearing into cleaning cupboards with Sirius Black (yes, he didn’t care that it was a year and a half ago - it happened. It happened!). Remus really liked Mary, as long as Sirius wasn’t around.
Except now Sirius was around. And so was Mary. And it was the day before Valentine’s Day, a day that up until two years ago, hadn’t bothered Remus at all, but since they’d turned fourteen, had become pure torture. Because you see, it’s not exactly easy being in love with your straight best friend. Fucking shit fuck. Fuck.
“So, have you got a date, Sirius?” Mary asked, throwing him a playful wink.
Christ, why can’t I be Mary?
“What do you think?” Sirius flashed her a wide grin and started loading his plate with mash and peas. He was still in his Quidditch kit; he and James had come straight from training to dinner without showering, and Sirius's smell wrapped around Remus. He wanted to bury his nose in Sirius’s hair. In his neck. In the soft little trail of hair that decorated his stomach next to his navel. He wanted to breathe only that until he died, he wan –
“Rem?”
“Huh?”
“Can you pass the pumpkin juice?” Remus handed the cold pitcher to Lily and smiled apologetically.
“You disappeared for a second,” she said with a gentle smile as she poured herself a glass.
“Yeah… sorry. I was thinking about the essay for Binns…I’ll probably have to work on all weekend.”
“Oh, come on,” Lily said. “It’s Valentine’s weekend – even you deserve to loosen up a bit, don’t you?”
“Oi! Evans!” Sirius cut in from Remus’s left, pointing his fork at her like a threat. “Hands off Moony! He’s off-limits! If you’re desperate for a date, go out with Potter.”
“Wow, Black,” Lily said, rolling her eyes. “I’ve been waiting for you to tell me what I’m allowed and what I’m not.”
“Brilliant,” Sirius said smoothly. “I’m glad to be at your service.”
Then he turned right back to Mary. “Anyway – like I was saying – I’ve planned the perfect Valentine’s!”
Mary snorted. “Siri, we dated for six months – I know for a fact that your definition of romance is checking there aren’t too many spiderwebs in a cleaning cupboard and then charming the floor to be cushioned.” Remus nearly choked.
You like Mary. You like Mary. Remember how she once slapped Snape for calling you a half-breed in front of everyone, Remus told himself.
“McDonald, darling,” Sirius said, winking at her, “my date this Valentine’s is someone special.” Remus already hated Sirius’s mystery girl more than usual.
Ever since Sirius went out with Mary sometime in their fourth year, he hadn’t exactly held on to relationships. In fact, this year his name hadn’t been linked to any romantic nonsense at all… and Sirius had never talked with them about ‘someone special’. Remus lifted his head from his plate and looked at James. James had to know what Sirius was on about – except, to Remus’s surprise, James was already staring at him with unnerving focus.
Remus sent him a weak look, hoping James understood he had absolutely no desire to go out with Lily Evans, and James snapped out of it and grinned back.
“So you’re not going to tell us who your lucky date is?” Mary pressed.
“Very lucky,” Lily muttered to her plate.
“Evans,” Sirius said sweetly, “were you muttering something over there?”
“I said your date has the kind of luck you get from breaking a mirror,” Lily replied, just as sweet.
Mary and Remus snorted with laughter – but mostly because of the bewildered looks from all the surrounding pure-blood witches and wizards who had no idea what was happening.
“Prongs,” Sirius demanded, “what does your girlfriend want from me?”
“Not the faintest idea,” James said, while Lily snarled, “I am not his girlfriend.”
And from there it escalated into that usual bickering where James tried to convince Lily to go out with him and Lily told him it would never happen – a conversation that happened so often that if Remus had a sickle for every time, he wouldn’t need to sell weed behind the greenhouses to fund his records. Remus wanted to go back to their room and listen to some Morrison. His mood just kept sinking from the moment dinner began, so he decided to skip dessert and started standing.
“Hey, Moons! There’s chocolate cake!” Sirius said, genuinely baffled.
“Yeah. I’ve got a bit of a migraine, I think I’m going back to the dorms.” Sirius and James exchanged a look. Remus hated the way they worried about him like that.
“Fine, I’ll come with you,” Sirius said, pushing back his bench too.
“There’s no ne–”
“Moons,” Sirius cut him off lightly, “I stink, I want a shower.” He got up and walked with Remus towards the Great Hall doors.
“Hey! Rem! Hey!” A voice called behind them, and Remus turned. “Er…what’s up?”
“All good, Chris?” Remus asked in a friendly tone.
“I wanted to ask if the study group’s still on tomorrow,” Chris said. “I know it’s Friday before Valentine’s and–”
“No, sweetheart,” Sirius said sharply beside him. “There’s no nerd meeting with Remus tomorrow.”
“Sirius, what the–”
Sirius ignored him and went on, loud and cold. “Tomorrow there’s a Valentine’s party in the Gryffindor common room – Moons here is responsible for a few critical things, and after that he got a busy Valentine, but I promise you that on Monday you all can go back to worshipping the library.” Chris looked stunned. Remus didn’t even know where to start apologising. “And now, if you’ll excuse us – Moons has a migraine. We need to go. Good evening.”
Remus was still in shock while Sirius took his hand and started walking, leaving Chris behind them. When they reached the staircase, Remus yanked his hand free and hissed, “Oi! I can talk for myself, you know! And you didn’t have to be so rude.”
Sirius looked at him, utterly unimpressed. “Moons, I wasn’t even half as nasty as I wanted to be. He annoys me…always following you around like some niffler on acid.”
“A niffler on acid?”
“Yes,” Sirius said, like that was perfectly normal. “It’s a Muggle drug. Mary explained it to me–”
“I know what acid is,” Remus said, half-laughing despite himself; he really couldn’t stay angry at Sirius for more than five minutes. “He’s my friend, Pads. Don’t talk to him like that.”
Sirius looked sulky, but he only muttered, “Fine. I’ll be nice. But only because you asked me to.”
Remus sat on the windowsill smoking a cigarette. Because instead of finishing his Binns essay already, he apparently needed to listen to ABBA and watch far too many limbs rubbing against each other under the influence of teenage hormones.
He stared at his scarred hands holding the cigarette. The lights changing from purple to blue to red gave them shadows and ridges that made his veins and scars look even sharper. He lifted his eyes and scanned the room, admitting to himself that James had pulled off a bloody impressive bit of magic.
The common room looked like a deranged disco club: wooden furniture, soft rugs, a fireplace, shifting lights, and countless mirror balls floating in the air.
‘There’s not a soul out there
No one to hear my prayer’
He watched Mary and Marlene dancing with Peter. He watched James spin Lily around while she laughed. His friends were so beautiful. Fuck. What did they put in that punch?
‘Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight
Won’t somebody help me chase the shadows away?’
Suddenly, a hand yanked him up and dragged him onto the dance floor.
“Oi! Sirius!” Sirius just glanced back over his shoulder and laughed.
He pulled Remus into their group and tried to spin him, except it came out ridiculously clumsy because Remus was a full head taller. Remus let go of Sirius's grip easily when Sirius’s hand tried to loop over his head, but Sirius didn’t pull back. Instead, he slid his hand to the nape of Remus’s neck and swayed side to side.
‘Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight
Take me through the darkness to the break of the day’
The lights shifted from blue to purple to red, and Sirius looked like a god. Remus smiled at him weakly and involuntarily moved, attempting something that resembled a dance while drifting closer and closer.
‘Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight’
Sirius used the hand at Remus’s neck to tilt his head down just a little and rest his forehead against Remus’s. Sirius’s scent – cedar, jasmine, and leather – wrapped around Remus, and it was too much, till the point he couldn’t do it anymore.
Remus pulled away quickly and, without looking back, went up to their dorm. He went straight into the shower and splashed his face with cold water. What the fuck. Why did Sirius have to do that? Sirius was always touchy, especially when he was drunk – but why did it have to be today, after Remus had followed him around all day trying to figure out who he was taking out for a date tomorrow?
Fuck. Remus tried to focus on the things that he could control like taking a shower, going to sleep, and pretending he had a spine.
He showered quickly, brushed his teeth, put on boxers, and climbed into bed, closing the curtains. He didn’t have the energy for talking. He didn’t want to hear broom cupboard tales tonight. When he fell asleep, it was only to be woken by movement that made the mattress sink, and by the moment he felt a body sliding under his blanket, he was fully awake.
He whispered sharply, “Oi. This is my bed, you mutt.”
“I know, Moons,” Sirius slurred, drunk as sin.
“So how about you go to your own bed?” Remus asked flatly, that was when he noticed that Sirius was wearing boxers, a button-down shirt completely open at the front, and one sock.
“Mooooons, don’t shout at me,” Sirius said, deeply offended. “Besides, you can’t make me sleep alone on Valentine’s – It’s against the law.” He said it with deadly seriousness, pulling his bottom lip out like a scolded child.
Remus did not have the energy for this, and he’d learned long ago that it was pointless to reason with Sirius when he was drunk. “I can’t deal with your nonsense tonight,” he muttered, starting to sit up.
“Where are you going?” Sirius said, grabbing his hand.
“If you’re staying here, I’m sleeping in your bed. You kick.” And in the morning I’ll wake up hard, and you can't see it, Remus thought.
“No,” Sirius said, voice going wobbly. “No, Moons. Don’t leave me alone.”
Remus closed his eyes. “Fine,” he grumbled. “But the second you kick me, I’m kicking you out.” I am a weak, weak, weak man.
Sirius’s face lit up with a massive grin as Remus lay back down. Remus was afraid to look at him, so he turned his back and tried to fall asleep again. He felt an arm wrap around his waist. Sirius pressed against him from behind and kissed the nape of his neck. “Happy Valentine’s, my Moons.” Remus froze. He didn’t manage to sleep properly for a long time after, not with Sirius’s steady breathing on his neck.
When he woke up, the sunlight suggested he’d missed breakfast. Their room was suspiciously quiet, and he was alone. He turned over and buried his face in his pillow, breathing in his own personal Amortentia scent. He wondered how long it would stay there and whether Sirius would notice if Remus swapped their pillows once the scent was gone. Pathetic, he thought, and groaned out loud.
There was no point dragging it out. He got up, went to the shower, and tried to focus on his immediate tasks to banish Sirius from his thoughts. Cold water to wake up. Then a quick bite from the kitchens. Then finish Binns.
It looked like all his friends had gone to Hogsmeade.
Remus tried very hard not to resent Sirius for clinging to him all night, mumbling and kicking in his sleep, and then going off in the morning for a date with “someone special” without even waking Remus up so he wouldn’t miss breakfast. He’d loved Sirius for so long that the internal battle between being the friend Sirius deserved and the small, bitter ache of never being more had basically become part of his personality. He reminded himself, again and again, that Sirius loved him (just not the way Remus wanted), and that he should be grateful.
He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror: the scarred face, the long, thin body, and he twisted his mouth. “It is what it is,” he said out loud.
The mirror answered cheerfully, “That’s the spirit, mate!” He left the bathroom with nothing but a towel around his waist. He knew the room was empty – no reason to get dressed in the bathroom.
“Good morning, my moonbeam,” a voice said, far too cheerful.
“What the fuck, Pads?” Remus startled and tried to make himself smaller, which was ridiculous, for two reasons –
One, he was one meter ninety-six.
And two, since the fifth year, Sirius had seen him naked at least once a month – so this was hardly new.
Still, Remus felt awkward. “What are you doing here?” he demanded. “Aren’t you supposed to be in Hogsmeade with everyone?”
“Thank you, Sirius, for bringing me breakfast after I slept in,” Sirius said, outrageously posh about it, and with an elegant flick of his wand, he floated a plate piled with all Remus’s favourite things straight towards him. Remus smelled bacon and eggs, and his stomach immediately betrayed him with a quiet little growl.
“Thanks… um. I just didn’t expect to see you here. I thought you went to Hogsmeade with the others.”
Sirius sat sprawled on his own bed and said, “I’m not going to Hogsmeade without you, you idiot,” rolling his eyes like it was obvious.
Remus was too busy trying to get dressed in a way that exposed as little of himself as possible to answer. Once he’d pulled on ripped jeans and a deep burgundy jumper, he sat on the floor between his bed and Sirius’s and started eating. “Thanks for this, Pads,” he said between bites. Sirius offered a small smile and dismissed it with a wave of his hand, as if to say it was nothing.
Remus kept eating, and Sirius said, “You know – we learned something in Muggle Studies and I think you’ll like it!” Remus chewed and gave him a look that meant ‘Go on’. Sirius pulled a strange face, and Remus assumed it was the usual pure-blood uncertainty about pronouncing “electricity” or “telephone" correctly.
Sirius turned towards his nightstand, muttering, “I wrote it down somewhere…” A second later, he came back with a scrap of parchment, cleared his throat, and began –
“She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.”
He looked up at Remus, cheeks flushed, and Remus blinked. “They teach Lord Byron in Muggle Studies?”
Sirius somehow looked even more embarrassed. “Uh…James asked Professor Kirsch for something for Valentine’s,” he said quickly, not looking directly at him. “And…well…I read it and thought… you’d like it.”
Remus huffed a laugh. Pure-bloods were honestly so strange sometimes."Yeah, it’s lovely," Remus said dryly. "I’m sure I’d swoon dramatically and need smelling salts if this were 1850 and my corset were laced too tight." He laughed into his plate and picked up the last bit of bacon.
“I didn’t understand a single word you just said,” Sirius replied, “but the tone carried it beautifully. Just so you know Moons, I think it’s a very nice poem.”
Remus paused, staring at him. Something about Sirius's behavior was off. Was he planning to use this on his date? Maybe a Muggle-born girl from Ravenclaw? Remus went through a mental list of the Muggle-borns Sirius had dated, but abandoned the thought after three names. It was pointless; he didn't actually know anything about them. Swallowing his doubts, he decided to help. That's what you do when you love someone, right?
“Pads,” Remus said carefully, “if you’re trying to impress, maybe you should use something more…current?”
Sirius looked offended. “When you're trying to win over someone who's read every book in existence, you have to find a way to surprise them.”
Shit. She was clever, or at least interesting.
“You’re Sirius Black,” Remus said, forcing a smile. “I promise you’ll be fine without reciting Byron.”
Sirius considered that and seemed to decide not to answer. “Right. Finished eating?”
“Yep, you saved me a trip to the kitchens, which is brilliant – I’ll be able to grab the table by the window in the library.”
“Oi!” Sirius shot up. “No library today. Didn’t I tell you and that nerd you’re on break until Monday?”
Remus blinked, confused. “Don’t you have plans in Hogsmeade today?”
“I absolutely do,” Sirius said. “Which is why you should put shoes on instead of making us late.”
Remus rolled his eyes. “Sirius, I’m not in the mood for Hogsmeade…” He really didn't want to go to Hogsmeade just to be left behind whenever Sirius decided to disappear with the girl he’d bothered to learn Byron for.
“Remus, get ready,” Sirius insisted. “I know you’re Anti-Valentine for some reason, but I promise to buy you chocolate – and besides, you need a new quill!”
Remus did need a new quill. And… It would be nice to walk with Sirius to Hogsmeade; they didn’t get much one-on-one time. Usually, there was always someone else with them.
“Fine. Fine. I’m getting ready.” He put on his shoes and his brown leather jacket with the white wool lining. Earlier in winter, Sirius had charmed it so it would always stay warm inside ‘So you don’t freeze on me, Moons.’
Remus headed for the door where Sirius was already waiting in his biker coat and a black turtleneck. That combination shouldn’t have worked. But on him, it did. Sirius opened the door, then held it and gestured for Remus to go first. Remus didn’t question it until he passed him, and Sirius cleared his throat softly and said, “You look very nice.”
What is wrong with him? Is he still hungover? “Er. You look very nice too,” Remus said, and knew he sounded strange – probably because he was lying. Sirius didn’t look nice. Sirius Black looked ridiculously gorgeous in an illegal way.
But apparently Remus’s internal screaming stayed inside, because Sirius flashed a grin bright enough to light all of Hogwarts and said, “Thanks, Moons! I don’t want my date looking around, do I?” and he threw Remus a cheeky wink.
Remus laughed. “As if that’s possible.”
And Sirius’s grin only got bigger.
They reached Scribbulus in Hogsmeade. Remus stood by the quill display stands while Sirius flirted with the clerk at the counter. Remus tried to ignore the distant sound of their conversation and focused on choosing a quill that would last as long as possible. After several long minutes of testing different nibs on the sample parchment, Sirius appeared beside him and said, “Here. This is for you.”
He held out a small square box, oddly shy. Remus took it, confused. “What is it?” he asked.
Brilliant, Lupin.
"Your pens always seem to fall apart after a couple of weeks," Sirius muttered, shrugging as if it were no big deal. "I ordered this for you. It’s built to last a lifetime, and it works perfectly with any magical ink."
Remus opened the box. Inside was the most beautiful fountain pen he’d ever seen. It was the colour of the night sky, engraved with a crescent moon and stars.
“Wow, Pads,” Remus breathed. “You didn’t have to. This is… too much.”
Sirius flicked his hand dismissively. “Don’t be stupid. The moment I saw it, I knew it was yours. I told them to keep it aside for today.” His smile was shy, and Remus’s heart nearly burst.
He’d never had a friend like this in his life. He wished he could repay him properly one day. “Thanks, Pads,” Remus murmured. “It’s incredible.”
For a moment, they just stood there looking at each other, awkward and soft.
“Right!” Sirius said suddenly, louder than necessary. “Perfect time for tea!”
“Okay,” Remus said carefully. “I’ll head back to the castle, yeah? See you later?”
Sirius looked genuinely confused. “Why would you go back to the castle?” He stared at Remus like Remus had just insulted him.
“Um… you said you had a Valentine’s plan…” Remus held the pen-box tighter. He could already picture Sirius taking someone to Madam Puddifoot’s. He could already feel the ache in his ribs.
Sirius still looked at him strangely. “Yeah, I planned a whole day…Why would you go back to the castle?”
Remus couldn’t exactly say, ‘Because I'd rather not be around to watch you meet up with some girl while my heart breaks for the millionth time.’ He could feel his fingers crushing the box. This is what Sirius can give you, he reminded himself. And it’s a lot.
“Okay,” Remus said hoarsely. “The Three Broomsticks?”
“Moony, don’t be ridiculous,” Sirius said. “I booked us a table at Madam Puddifoot’s. Do you have any idea how impossible it is to score a reservation there today? Let’s go.”
Remus stiffened.
“And I know they’ve got that jasmine tea with the little flower that blooms in your cup,” Sirius added, smug. “The one you pretend you don’t love.”
Remus squared his shoulders and straightened up, muttering, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Sirius laughed and hooked his arm through Remus’s half-bent elbow, dragging him towards the small tea shop, which looked like it had been hit by a confetti bomb. Once inside, Sirius guided him away from the crowds to a surprisingly secluded corner table that looked out onto a quiet garden rather than the busy street.“The best table here,” Sirius declared, sitting down.
Remus sat opposite him, uneasy. He’d never been here with any of the Marauders. He’d come a few times with Lily and Mary, but not with the boys. The Marauders usually sat at the Three Broomsticks, drinking butterbeer or mulled wine if Sirius managed to charm Rosmerta into it.
“Ready to order?” a voice asked above them.
Sirius answered immediately: “One jasmine blossom tea, one butterbeer, and one chocolate cake.” The waitress smiled and disappeared.
He couldn't piece it together. Why wasn't Sirius waiting? The only logical explanation was that she was arriving later, and Remus was merely there to kill time until she made her grand entrance. He hated how uncomfortable he felt.
The order arrived almost magically fast, and Remus distracted himself by wondering whether it worked like the Hogwarts house-elves in the Great Hall or whether the objects were being duplicated. The last time he’d argued about it with Lily, they’d nearly got thrown out of the shop. Maybe he should just ask Madam Puddifoot directly at some point.
“Moons,” Sirius said brightly, watching him. “I can see you’re thinking very hard. Is it about how incredible I am?” Sirius smiled flirtatiously.
Remus snorted. “I was thinking whether this is a duplication magic or if they’ve got house-elves like Hogwarts.” He took a sip of his tea. Perfect as always. Maybe he should also ask how they brewed it here.
“Of course,” Sirius said, hesitating slightly, like he didn’t know what to do with that answer.
There was a beat of silence. And then Sirius scooped up a piece of chocolate cake and before Remus could even process it, leaned over the small table. He held out the spoon, offering it right to Remus’s mouth. “I promised you chocolate today,” Sirius said, summoning that flirtatious smile again – except there was still something uncertain behind it. Remus felt himself flush, and without even meaning to, he opened his mouth.
Sirius fed him cake.
At Madam Puddifoot’s.
On Valentine’s Day.
They held eye contact, and Sirius murmured, “Good?” Remus didn’t know if it was a question or if Sirius was saying it about him, but he knew he couldn’t survive this. Not with Sirius’s date walking in at any second, seeing Remus sitting there like an idiot, being fed cake.
Remus bolted upright, stammering, “Er… one second. Toilet.” He scrambled out of his seat, not daring to glance at Sirius’s reaction. The moment he hit the bathroom, he threw cold water onto his face, his heart hammering. Fuck. He had to get out of here. Get a grip, Remus. He straightened his shoulders, pulled his wallet from his pocket, and went to the counter.
“Can I help you, love?” the waitress asked, confused.
“Yeah… um. I want to pay for that table.” He pointed toward their table. Sirius’s table. Sirius and his date’s table. Leaving a handful of coins on the counter, Remus didn't bother waiting for change. He turned and made a swift exit without saying goodbye. The last thing he wanted was to let Sirius coax him into staying until his real date made her appearance.
He walked quickly up the path back to the castle. Fellow students greeted him, but their faces were nothing more than a blur. He simply nodded, keeping his eyes fixed ahead and his feet moving. He felt like he might cry.
He didn’t. He hadn’t cried in years.
When he reached their room, he placed the pen-box gently in his drawer, grabbed his bag, and headed for the library.
His old quill still worked perfectly fine.
He walked toward the Gryffindor table. The Binns essay was finished, and he’d even made progress in Transfiguration. His productivity had cheered him up enough that he genuinely felt like he could sit with his friends and listen to their Valentine’s stories without dying a little inside. He saw them sitting with the girls and joined them.
The energy at the table was… tense. Weird.
Remus served himself chicken and potatoes. Nobody spoke. He looked up and saw James staring at him strangely. He still thinks I'm going out with Lily, Remus realized. Suppressing a groan, he rolled his eyes, silently resolving to make it blindingly clear later (for the millionth time) that he had absolutely no interest in Lily Evans.
They ate in silence until Mary said, “So, Remus? Did you have a good day?” It sounded forced, like she was trying to break the unnatural quiet.
“Yeah,” Remus said easily. “Finished Binns and even got ahead on a couple of other things.”
“Of course he finished the bloody Binns essay,” Sirius snapped from across the table. “Nothing more important than that, Innit?”
Remus stared at him. Sirius looked furious. When Sirius got angry, he had a habit of blowing up at everyone. Remus had learned a long time ago not to feed it. So Remus lifted his pumpkin juice, nodded at Sirius, and said, “Cheers.” Then he drank.
Remus saw the vein in Sirius’s pale neck pulsing with rage, but what surprised him was that James looked furious too.
“Oh, Remus,” Mary said with humour, trying to lighten it, “I wouldn’t start a fight with Black right now. He’s been snapping at everyone since dinner started. Apparently his special date didn’t go so well.”
Peter let out a startled little squeak. Peter always panicked when Sirius went into one of his tantrums, James usually responded with sympathy and understanding, and the only one who ever told Sirius to grow up was Remus.
Apparently, he had to do it again. “What happened, Pads?” Remus asked.
Sirius stared at him in disbelief for a second. Then he turned to James with a can-you-believe-that look. Then he snapped back to Remus, fury blazing. “I’ll tell you exactly what happened,” Sirius hissed. “My date stood me up.”
"Ironically," Mary chirped, "the only time Black bothers to try, he gets dumped."
Sirius flashed his teeth at her, a dangerous glimpse of Padfoot breaking through his human features. "And you're just loving every second of it, aren't you?" he snarled.
“Oh, don’t be dramatic. It’s not like that,” Mary said. "It's just hilarious, I distinctly remember telling you that reciting Byron was a terrible idea."
Remus laughed out loud. “Right? I told him we’re not in the eighteenth century!”
Sirius shoved back from the table and stood up so abruptly that if he’d been on a chair, it would’ve toppled backwards – but Hogwarts benches made the gesture less dramatic and more…stupid.
He muttered, “Fuck it,” and walked off.
“Drama queen,” Remus mumbled.
James cut across him sharply, “Shut up, Lupin.”
Remus froze. Something was wrong. James never spoke to him like that and he looked properly furious, while Peter wouldn’t meet anyone’s eyes.
“What the hell is going on, Potter?” Remus demanded.
“What’s going on,” James said, voice tight, “is that you’re being cruel for no reason – and we’re not opening this here.” He stabbed his fork too hard into his steak. “I’ve lost my appetite,” he said, standing.
When James was already halfway to the doors, Remus shoved himself up and followed. If Potter wanted a fight, he’d get one. It's not Remus fault that Lily didn’t want James, and Sirius being dumped by the girl-of-the-week didn’t make Remus cruel –
Remus stormed after him into the corridor. “Oi! Potter! What was that back there?” Remus shouted at James’s retreating back.
James spun on his heel and marched straight toward him, furious. It was a deeply unsettling sight because James Potter was rarely, if ever, genuinely angry.
“If you weren’t interested, you could’ve just told him!” James shouted. “You didn’t have to act like that! Do you even understand how much courage that took?” His voice cracked with anger. “For God’s sake, Remus, I want to jinx you right now! That was so cruel, and he didn’t deserve it!”
Remus stared at him, completely lost. “What are you talking about?”
“You just vanished on Sirius,” James snapped. “And then you laughed about it in front of everyone!”
“I didn’t want –”
“Then you couldn’t have said it to his face like a man?” James cut in. “You had to humiliate him?”
“Humiliate?” Remus repeated, stunned. “What are you talking about?”
James shouted, “Since December he’s been tearing the library apart trying to find something to impress you! In January he ordered that stupid pen because he’s been watching you, trying to figure out what to get you. He paid Emmeline Vance twenty galleons just to bribe her into giving up her table at Puddifoot's, so you could have your jasmine tea on Valentine’s Day! If you didn’t want him, you could’ve said it kindly; you didn't have to run off and turn him into a joke for everyone to laugh at!” James was practically roaring now. Thank God they were in one of those corridors no one used.
Remus stood there in shock. “What are you talking about?” he whispered again.
James dragged in a breath, rubbed his temple, and said, bitterly, “Do you know what the most fucked up part is? I was sure you wanted him too.” He dropped his hand and looked Remus dead in the eye. “I can’t believe I convinced him to do it.”
Remus’s heart slammed against his ribs. He wasn’t sure he’d heard James correctly. All he could manage was, “What are you talking about?” a third time.
James stared at him like he was trying to read a foreign language. “Are you taking the piss?” James demanded. “Didn’t you just laugh at Sirius at the table about the poem he read for you? Or did I dream that?”
Remus’s brain short-circuited. “What?”
James’s voice cut off instantly. “Shit,” he whispered, looking entirely thrown. The realization seemed to hit him out of nowhere. “He didn’t tell you,” James murmured, completely stunned. Remus just got more confused.
“You do realise,” James said slowly, “that you were his Valentine’s date, right?”
And Remus felt like the Great Hall's enchanted ceiling had just collapsed directly on him.
Suddenly, he was running. He bolted toward Gryffindor Tower, his bad hip flaring with a sharp, white-hot ache at every stride, but he couldn't bring himself to care. As he rounded the corner near the moving staircases, he nearly collided with Chris, who was holding a stack of parchment.
"Oh, hey, Rem!" Chris called out, leaping out of the way just in time. "When are we meeting again? I still don't get the –"
"Not now, Chris!" Remus yelled over his shoulder, not even slowing down as he tore up the steps.
He burst into their dormitory, panting hard, colliding with a suffocating silence. Sirius’s four-poster bed curtains were drawn. Remus straightened, squared his shoulders, marched over, and yanked them open. “Get up.”
Sirius looked at him, sitting on the edge of the bed with his knees pulled up, face soaked in tears and full of rage. “Go away,” he hissed.
“Get up,” Remus said quietly, measured, even though his heart was hammering like it wanted out. “Please. I need to apologise properly, Sirius.”
Sirius looked at him, not moving.
“Please,” he added again.
“I forgive you,” Sirius said fast. “Now go away. I want to be alone.” He shoved himself under the blanket and turned his back to Remus.
Remus kicked off his shoes and climbed under the covers, wrapping himself around Sirius from behind. Sirius tried to move away, but Remus was stronger.
“Oi, I told you to go away,” Sirius snapped.
“You can’t make me sleep alone on Valentine’s,” Remus murmured into the back of his neck. “It’s against the law.”
Sirius froze for a second. Remus felt his chest tremble. “Maybe there should be a law against abandoning your date too,” Sirius whispered. He sounded like he was holding back tears.
“Turn around,” Remus said softly. Gently, he tried to roll Sirius toward him. Sirius resisted at first, but eventually he turned onto his back and stared stubbornly at his own bed curtains. Remus looked at his perfect profile. At the tear slipping from the corner of his eye into his hair. “Browning or Poe would’ve been better,” Remus murmured, inching closer, “but if I’d known you meant me, even Byron would’ve made me happy.”
Sirius huffed, offended.
Remus lifted a hand and wiped the tear away. “I love you,” he said.
Sirius sat up so fast it was violent. He shoved at Remus and shouted, “That’s not funny!”
Remus fell onto his back to keep from being thrown off the bed, grabbed Sirius by both wrists, and pulled him down. Sirius landed half on top of him, shocked.
Remus seized the moment, the words spilling out of him far too fast. “Next time, maybe actually tell me I’m your date. I spent all day convinced you were just killing time with me until some girl would show up. I am so sorry I left you there, I’ll never do it again, but you have to understand... I've spent two long years watching you go out with girls on Valentine’s while my heart breaks.” He ran out of air halfway through. He stared up at Sirius and refused to look away, even though terror flooded him.
“What,” Sirius breathed.
“I love you, Pads.”
And then Sirius kissed him.
Remus didn’t remember when he let go of Sirius’s wrists, but suddenly his hands were at Sirius’s hips, and Sirius’s hands were in his hair, and Sirius’s tongue was in his mouth. Sirius’s tears soaked Remus’s face and somehow it was still the best feeling in the world. Remus pulled him closer, and Sirius made a small, broken sound into his mouth. They kept kissing until Sirius pulled back slightly, holding Remus’s face between both hands, his eyes shining with tears and something brilliant and raw.
“I really love you,” Remus said once more. It felt like the moment he’d said it the first time, he lost all ability to stop.
“Yeah?” Sirius’s flirtatious smile returned, but softer now; it looked sweet.
“Yes,” Remus said, blushing. “Absolutely. For far too long.”
Sirius’s grin widened. “Good,” he said, and started to climb off Remus.
Remus blinked. “Oi – good?! Where are you going?”
“Oh, my Moony,” Sirius said, wearing that infuriating, posh little bastard grin, “You are absolutely adorable if you think that after you casually abandoned me, I’m just going to fall at your feet that quickly.” Remus was addicted to that grin. “No,” Sirius went on, folding his arms and tipping his chin toward the ceiling. “Now you have to chase me. Make it up to me with a date that is out of this world, and then maybe I'll forgive you.”
Remus laughed out loud and murmured, “Come here.” He pulled Sirius back down, and they didn’t speak for a very long time.
The next morning, Remus buttered toast and slid it onto Sirius’s plate. Sirius smiled at him and rubbed his knee under the table.
“Black,” Mary said, eyeing him with a meaningful look, “I see you ended up having a successful Valentine’s.” Her gaze flicked to Sirius’s neck, where there was a massive hickey. Remus wanted to Glamour it away, but Sirius had said there was no need; he said that he wanted everyone to see.
Sirius grinned at Mary and said, “McDonald, you’ve got absolutely no idea.”
Remus laughed. He did like Mary; she was a good friend.