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Desperation could not even begin to describe how she felt. Despite somewhat calming down, despite saying how she’ll accept a partnership agreement with Richie and Natalie instead, despite her tears drying up on her face, she still felt fucking desperate. Irate. Restless.
It was then when she decided to shift gears and change tactics. Crying, arguing with him, trying to prove her point would only irritate him more. Her words and actions placated him the most, Carmy visibly deflating when she decided to accept and plan for the fact that he was leaving them. Leaving her. It was all a front. He was not going to fucking leave, not before she could really prove to him that he was hers.
Richie and Natalie dried their tears and returned inside to the restaurant. Carmy lingered by the door, apparently waiting for her to come inside.
She put out her cigarette, stood up and walked a few feet to him. Instead of pushing open the door, she opened her arms into a hug and embraced him, pushing the whole length of her body against his. He stiffened against her but two heartbeats later, she felt his arms moved to embrace her too.
“I’m so sorry. It’s for the best. Thank you for understanding,” he muttered against her ear. Before, it used to be that he couldn’t apologize. Now, he couldn’t stop apologizing. She pursed her lips before swallowing thickly to clear her throat.
Fuck your late ass, deceiving apology is what she wanted to say. But instead she said, “Yeah, it’s all good. Hey—uh, do you have plans tomorrow?” She replied with as neutral of a tone she could muster.
“Umm, no, no I don’t, why?” He asked and pulled his head back to look at her. It would be Sunday tomorrow, the restaurant being closed somehow perfectly synchronized with when the money clock reached 0 at midnight.
“I don’t know, I was thinking you could maybe come over,” Sydney invited him, making sure to correct her tone to that of reticence. Just the act of asking him this question was bold, for many reasons, the main of which being his murky relationship status. But Sydney had to call a spade a spade, quickly realizing that she didn’t really give a fuck if he was back with Claire or not.
Carmy blinked and she could almost see the wheels turning behind those intense blue orbs he calls eyes. “To your place?”
“Yeah- I mean you’ve never been so I just thought—”
“No, yeah. Sure. Gotta make up for last time, right?”
Last time? Oh. “What— that? That lame ass impromptu party? Carmy, don’t even trip about that, it’s fine,” she lied with a scoff. That lame ass impromptu party that everyone else went to except you. It was something that she tended not to dwell on, for good reason.
He relaxed against her and she felt his chest contract and retract with an exhale. “Ok, good. So- is this just a hang out or…”
She nodded casually. “Yeah- you know, since we’re friends. I’ll text you the time.” God, she deserved an Academy Award for being able to spit out the word friend without it dripping in condescension and venom.
Carmy nodded in that funny way of his and stepped back from their hug. “Cool. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“Yeah, awesome, great,” she says, trying and failing to hide the cringe from the awkward response. She just hoped she was going to be able to flawlessly execute it tomorrow as she was able to sell the premise to him.
At 10 am the next day she texted him to come around after 8. He didn’t question the later than normal time she wanted him to be there because she added that she would be checking on her dad earlier that day.
It wasn’t a complete lie. One look at her empty fridge had her scurrying out the door to the nearest grocery store and butcher shop respectively. Whilst shopping, she Facetimed her dad and nagged him about taking the right medications at the right time. Sydney wouldn’t dare risk being out long when she had to prepare accordingly for the night. She spent the day cleaning, tidying, making her apartment look as sharp as possible. She removed the last of the moving boxes and broke them all down. She showered, scrubbed, shaved and pampered herself to look the part.
By 7 pm, she was debating what to wear with options in front of her. It was a tough choice but ultimately she decided on the bolder option. A bold look for a bold night.
At ten to 8 pm, Carmy texted her to say he was leaving his place now. She was in the kitchen, preparing for that night's meal and it finally sunk in for her that this was actually going to happen.
At 8:23 pm, she buzzed him into enter her building. And at 8:25 pm, she heard a firm knock on her front door.
Sydney shakily exhaled and wiped her sweaty palms on her shorts, quickly checking her reflection in the wall mirror before moving to answer the door. She unbolted and unlocked her door, pulling it open to reveal Carmy on the other side.
“Hi— uh, um, Syd,” he says brightly but then stammers as he takes in her attire. Sydney wore a deep maroon silk sleep set, a sleeveless top with only thin straps on her shoulders and shorts that left most of her thighs and all of her legs exposed. Her braids were let down and she applied light makeup.
But because she wasn’t entirely sure that he wouldn’t run away immediately, she covered up with a open black cardigan that hung loosely off one shoulder. Sydney silently reveled in the way his eyes scanned her up and down, the spark of attraction in his gaze.
She smiled, blasé like. “Hey, Carm. Come on in,” she replied and stepped back to let him in. He gingerly stepped inside, glancing around the space that he could see, then back at her.
Her apartment was dimly lit, only the lamp in her kitchen, string fairy lights and a few lit three-wick candles placed around provided light. Soft music played from her speaker connected to her phone. A more clueless person like Neil Fak would presently describe her apartment as cozy but to anyone else, there was no doubt to what type of mood she set her apartment up to be. Romantic, intimate and seductive.
“Take off your shoes and here, let me take your jacket,” she cheerfully instructed. He did both and their hands brushed when he handed her his leather jacket, their eyes locking briefly before averting their gazes.
She hung up his jacket and led the way into the kitchen. Sydney went directly to the pot on the stove, putting the finishing touches on the dish. She heard Carmy take a seat at the table behind her.
“So what’s up? You cooking dinner?” Carmy asked, his voice higher than usual.
“Mmhm,” she hummed her reply. “It’s almost done, just two more minutes.”
Carmy deigned to respond, giving Sydney the chance to glance at him. He sat ramrod straight in one of the two chairs around her tiny table. Both of his hands were fidgeting, one in his lap and the other on the table. He glanced around the room and then back at her, eyes resting on her legs for more than necessary.
“I really have to apologize for last night,” Sydney cautiously started. “I was a blubbering mess and wasn’t thinking clearly.”
With her back turned, she could not see his face but reckoned that her words threw him for a loop. She dipped her spoon into the pot to taste test it, finding that the food tasted just right.
“What? Syd you— uh, don’t have to be sorry for last night. I completely understand why you reacted like that,” Carmy reasoned, his calm voice threatening to make her passive resolve snap. She only hummed in reply again.
“So, we are going to eat tonight…?” He trailed off in question.
She nodded and reached for a nearby plate to scoop the food onto it. “Yeah. We’re going to eat, talk… and…”
He met her eyes as she approached him with his plate. “And?”
Sydney set down the plate with a flourish and sat down opposite of him. “And,” she simply said, not elaborating, hoping he would be able to catch her meaning.
After a heavy moment, Carmy brought his gaze down to the plate in front of him. Sydney watched with bated breath as he immediately recognized what she prepared for him and took notice of the way his breath slightly hitched.
“Cola braised short ribs with risotto,” Sydney revealed quietly. “Enjoy.”
His eyes met hers, an inscrutable look in them before looking back at the plate. “Syd, what—”
“I gave you a fork and a knife,” she interrupted him and pointed to them on each side of the plate. A glass of red wine courtesy of Alpana stood next to it. He grabbed both of them and reticently cut into the short ribs and risotto. He briefly met her eyes before bringing the fork to his lips.
Sydney looked around the room while he chewed, crossing her legs, accidentally brushing his under the table in the process. He surprised her by diving in to fervently take another bite. His low moan of approval sent a jolt of excitement through her.
“How is it?” She asked, feeling so much like the wide-eyed, bushy tailed girl she once was, desperate for her idol's approval in his family’s shitty sandwich shop.
“It’s perfect,” he succinctly answered and set down his fork and knife. For a few moments, neither of them said anything, simply staring at each other in careful assessment. Then he spoke again. “Why did you cook this?”
“Because it’s special.”
He nodded once and twisted his jaw. “Why am I here tonight?”
She smiled ruefully. “Because I need you.”
“Need me— what, here? Like, in your apartment?”
She shook her head gently and shrugged. “Here, The Bear, everywhere. I was wrong last night. I had to find a way to make you stay. I am not going to be so used then easily discarded and set aside by you, Carmen. That’s not what friends do to each other.”
His watery eyes grew large and his mouth opened to reply, then closed again. Sydney took that as her cue to continue talking. “That’s what you said last night. I thought we were partners but you said that we are friends. Well, if so then you are mine. My partner and my friend. I need you and I want you. We need each other. Tonight is the night that I am going to convince you to stay.”
Carmy blinked furiously and stammered. “And—and — Fuck , Syd— and how the fuck are you going to do that?”
“You said it yourself, I love to take care of people. So, I’m going to take care of you. In any way you want. I’m sorry that I’ve been such a neglectful partner, not taking care of you and pushing you away,” Sydney sighed, the words tasting bitter in her mouth but she said them anyway.
“No— Syd you didn’t—”
She shushed him and nodded solemnly. “I have, I did. You have been such a great EC, handing off the reins to me and Richie, helping push all of us to the next level. We need you there. I need you there.”
Carmy stared at her in horror as if she suddenly grew a second head. “What about the new partnership agreement with Richie and Sug? You said you needed him last night.”
“No offense to Nat and Richie but nobody’s as good as you, Carmy. The best anyone could ask for. You ran the best restaurant in America for a reason. All of the good reviews for Bear only mentioned you for a reason. If we lose that, if we lose you, we’d be even more fucked. I want you to push me, just as you said you would when we started.”
He breathed in and out heavily, listening to her words. She continued. “Tell me what I need to do to prove it to you and I’ll do it. Anything you will ask of me and I will do it.”
Carmy shook his head in disbelief and his voice sounded pained. “Why are you doing this?”
Their eyes met again and he saw her no-nonsense expression and resolute determination in her gaze.
“Will you please let me take care of you?” Sydney calmly asked him again instead of answering.
He closed his eyes and sighed. A million emotions passed through his eyes when he met hers again. “Okay,” he quietly answered.
She smiled serenely again and leaned back into her chair. “Okay.”
They parroted nods back at each other before he turned back to his food. “Why does this taste better than last time?”
“Well I took your advice. Added some acid,” Sydney says, smiling at the memory of the text he sent after she quit in anguish.
“Where’s your plate? You should have some too,” Carmy suggested, looking around for hers.
“If you say so,” she replied with a shrug. Not wanting to get up, she reached for another fork and took a swipe off his plate. “You’re right, it is good. Thank you.”
“Thank me? It’s all you, chef.”
She ducked her head shyly. “Without the acid element, it wasn’t perfect. I understand why it wasn't on the menu before. You were— are — right.”
They finished eating in comfortable silence and Sydney took his plate as soon as he finished, bringing it over to her sink. He stood up to help her but she shook her head at him.
“Oh no, let me do this. Why don’t you sit on the couch and wait for me to join you?” Sydney asked and started washing the plate.
“Okay,” he conceded from behind her and she turned briefly to watch him walk out of the kitchen and into her living room.
When she finished watching the plate and cutlery, she moved to join him on the two-seater couch. He rubbed his palms on his jeans and looked at her as she sat down with her feet under her. She smiled shyly at him, finding it really easy to slip into this diminutive role.
“Do you like how I set up the place?” Sydney asked and gestured vaguely around the room.
Carmy nodded vehemently. “Yeah, it’s nice…” He trailed off, though she could see the questions building behind his eyes.
“You know, you can ask me anything. Tonight’s about you. You deserve complete clarity from me,” Sydney firmly reminded him again.
She could see him struggle to choose what to say. Finally, Carmy settled on something, hand waving at her. “You look— uh, very relaxed. And pretty,” he added with an afterthought.
Sydney brightened. “Oh! Thanks! I wanted to look my best for you. And yeah, I do feel relaxed. Are you relaxed right now?”
Carmy let out a little scoff. “Syd, you always look your best. And uh— yeah I am.”
She tilted her head and scanned him quickly. “I don’t know, I think these last few days have had you on edge. Are you sure?”
He nodded shakily but she barreled on. “Are you getting enough sleep? You look tense.”
“I— I do?”
“Your shoulders are hunched over and your hands are still fidgeting. I can fix that,” she says. “Will you let me help you relax, Carmy?”
He hesitated then nodded with a heavy exhale. “Yes, Syd. Please.”
She pretended to think about it for a second then perked up with the idea. “How about a massage? Those always help me relax and unwind.”
A furrow developed between his eyebrows, confusion evident. “You’d want to do that? For me?”
She laughed softly. “Of course, Carmy. I have everything here. Be right back.”
She got up and disappeared into her room, coming back out with the massage oil that was strategically placed by the bedroom door. She returned and stood in front of him.
“This is a really good oil for massages. You’ll need to take off your shirt though,” Sydney relayed.
Carmy looked like a deer struck in headlights. She arched her eyebrow and gestured with her head towards his body.
“I— ok,” Carmy says and reaches up the back collar of his white T-shirt. He pulled it off over his head and folded it in half, placing it next to him gingerly.
She tried not to show how seeing him shirtless, abs clenching and biceps bulging, affected her. “Good, now sit down on the floor in front of me. Use this pillow for your butt,” she pulled the aforementioned object off the couch and onto the floor. He stood up briefly, making them face-to-face before keeping their gaze as he sunk down to the floor in front of her.
Sydney swung her legs over him and sat down on the couch behind him. From this view, his curls seemed less like a tangled mess but an oddly attractive mass that she wanted to run her fingers through. She also spotted a weird scar in a straight line, in the spot where his neck met his back but she tabled that for another day.
“I need you to lean back, Carmy,” she instructed and shrugged off her cardigan.
“Oh! Yeah, sorry…” he says, following her instructions and became bracketed in by her bare thighs.
Sydney shook the bottle of oil and opened the small opening. She poured a generous amount onto his back, closing the bottle and setting it next to her. Her hands came up to both sides of his upper shoulders rubbing the oil in. The effect on him was almost immediate, his head lolling forward and a deep groan emitted from him. He rested his arms on her upper thighs.
She hadn’t even started to massage him yet. She pressed down harder, rhythmically squeezing and relaxing her hands on his upper shoulders.
“Oh fuck, Syd,” he moaned. “Oh my fucking god, right there.”
She grinned like the cat who caught the canary. “You feel really tense here.”
“Yeah, fuck, I know….”
She continued her ministrations before moving lower, using her knuckles and the round ends of her palms to massage his central back. When she focused on a knot near his spine, he surprised her by letting out a low pitched whine.
“Right there Syd, right fuckin’ there, god fucking damn it,” he groaned gutturaly.
She switched from using her hand to her elbow on this particular spot, scooting closer to him. “So, what were you planning to do after retiring?”
Carmy exhaled sharply. “I don’t fucking know, I really hadn’t thought that far ahead yet.”
Of course he hasn’t, Sydney thought, his admission confirming her suspicions. She used both elbows on his back, forcefully pressing and rubbing into his skin. Carmen kept on moaning, giving her inappropriate words of encouragement. She decided to finish up by moving the flat of her palms up and down on his back.
“Your hands feel so good. Like I knew they fucking would,” Carmy drowsily confessed, his head lolling from side to side. Was he even aware of what he was saying? Her hands reached up to briefly massage the back of his neck, occasionally brushing the ends of his hair.
“All done,” she whispered and retracted her hands. “Do you feel more relaxed now?”
Carmy slowly raised his head and slightly turned to the side to look at her with one crystal blue eye. “Fuck yes, Syd. You were tremendous, as always.”
Sydney let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding at his praise. She knew all too well that his tremendous does not mean the same as his perfect but took it in stride.
“Thank you, I’m glad you liked it and feel better,” Sydney says. “Should I continue the massage elsewhere or…”
Carmy stalled and stuttered. “Like your arms or your legs? Tension can be held there too,” she continued suggesting.
He shook his head. “No no, we can do something else now. But uh, thanks for the offer.”
Sydney watched as he slowly stood up and looked down. His hands flexed and released in and out a fist twice, a tell tale sign of something being wrong.
“Carm? You ok?” Sydney asked in concern.
“Yeah, yeah I just— uh— well do you mind passing me my shirt?” Carmy said, his head turned around to look at her and one of his hands outstretched from behind.
She grabbed it and passed it to him. “Here you go.”
“Thanks.” To her surprise, he didn’t put the shirt back on, only held it awkwardly against him. The way his hands were positioned, it looked as though he held it against his crotch.
Oh. It was all she could think and say out loud when Sydney realized what was wrong. She stifled her laugh as best as she could, but apparently not well enough.
Carmy bristled at the sound of her soft giggle. “No, Syd, this isn’t fucking funny.”
Sydney bought her hand to her lips and tried to contain it. “I never said that it was.”
He sighed harshly. “Fuck. What the fuck am I gonna do now?”
“Please, just sit down. I don’t mind at all,” she says. When he didn’t budge, she tried again. “Carm, I know it sucks but you’re safe here with me. Please sit.”
He turned around slowly, with his face as red as a Roma tomato. He avoided her gaze and sat back down next to her, T-shirt still pressed to the front of his jeans. She shifted in her seat to face him.
“Well, at least I know my massage worked.”
Carmy’s dry huff of laughter made her smile. “Yeah, you could say that. It worked a little too fucking well.”
Sydney purposely let out a small, listless sigh. “I’m so lucky I’m not a guy. You would never even know it affected me too, unless I told you.”
That made him look at her. He eyed her sharply and licked his lips. Carmy blinked rapidly and in a quiet voice said, “It affected you too?”
She gave a half-smile and a blase shrug. “Both of our secrets are out now. So, what are we gonna do about that?” She asked and gestured towards his crotch.
His eyes grew impossibly large, practically bulging out of his head and he shook his head hard. “No, Syd, no. I— I don’t know what you’re suggesting but if it's that then no—”
Sydney shook her head too and shushed him. “You agreed to let me take care of you in any way you want tonight? Is that something you want?”
His expression looked pained. “Sydney, I’m not gonna use you like that. I– I– this is so fucked!”
You’ve been using me since the day you met me, Sydney wanted to yell at him but that would break her facade of calm resoluteness. “You didn’t answer the question. Is that something you want?”
Carmy seemed to fight with himself, his hand coming up to harshly rub the side of his face. He covered his mouth, clearly stressed by the question. Sydney tried her best to keep the passive expression on her face, waiting with bated breath for what he would say next. She admittedly did not have a plan on what to do next if he said the words “girlfriend” or “Claire” in his answer to her.
“I– yes, Syd, I do but we fucking can’t!” He exclaimed, hands gesturing out in frustration.
“Yes we can. Who says we can’t? I want to, too,” Sydney revealed, biting the bullet by telling him a partial truth.
He closed his eyes with a hard exhale. “This is not how I…” he trailed off with a shake of his head.
“Not how you what?”
“Not how I imagined this– us – to happen,” Carmy finishes his thought, meeting her gaze before looking away quickly again.
Sydney took that as her cue, scooting closer to him and leaning her face closer to his.
“It’s okay,” she reassured him. When he met her eyes, looking down at her lips then back into her eyes again, she closed the small gap left between them and gently kissed him.
She pressed her lips to his softly, then harder when she didn’t feel him respond. “This is okay, Carmy,” she whispered against his lips, kissing him again. Only then did he start to kiss her back, capturing her bottom lip with his and moaned.
Their kiss accelerated, becoming more heated quickly. She brought her hand up to touch his bare pectoral and at his slight gasp of being touched, she moved her tongue into his mouth. Their tongues met, stroking each other’s languidly and Sydney felt his hands come to rest upon her waist.
Her lungs burning for air, Sydney broke their kiss but quickly resumed kissing him on his jaw, his chin, moving further down to his throat.
“Fuck, Syd,” he groaned.
She tried to hide her smile as she kissed and sucked his neck. She smoothed both of her hands down his body and brought them to his lap. She grabbed his shirt and pulled it away then lightly touched his burgeoning erection over his jeans. He moaned and cursed again, giving Sydney the green light to rub it.
Carmy grabbed her by the chin as she was in the process of sucking a dark bruise on his neck, pulling her in for another desperate kiss. Her other hand joined the first in his lap, unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans in one go.
She tapped his hip twice, a nonverbal gesture for him to lift off the couch slightly. He obliged, and she pulled down both his jeans and briefs in one go. Carmy broke from their kiss and panted, “Syd.”
She licked her lips and spit into her hand, then gently resumed touching him. His dick was soft to the touch and twitched delightfully when she wrapped her fist around it. Going up and down, they held eye contact as she jerked him off slowly.
“Is this good?” she muttered, wondering if her grip on his dick was right.
“It’s perfect,” he practically purred in her ear. She upped her pace, stroking him harder and faster. He moaned again, eyes falling closed and his head tilted back, giving her view of the hickey she sucked onto his neck.
An imaginary lightbulb sprouted over Sydney’s head. She started to slip away from him, her fist still encircling his dick. Carmy’s half lidded eyes tracked her movements as she moved off the sofa, kneeling in front of him on her knees.
“Syd- what?”
“It looks so heavy and so good. I want to taste it,” Sydney admits, eyes going back and forth between his gaze to his throbbing erection. “Can I suck it, Carmy? Can I blow you, make you feel better?”
He stammered, tongue tied for a few moments then ended up nodding his head shakily. Sydney moved her hand to the base of his cock then licked a stripe up the vein of it, culminating the act by swirling her tongue around his red tipped cock head.
She opened her mouth to envelope his thick dick in her mouth. The few times she did this in the past with her ex flew past the forefront of her mind, the knowledge of how to do this coming forward. Her eyes were closed but she opened them when the sound of Carmy’s melodic moans reached her.
She had always loved his eyes, piercing and all encompassing as he gazed at her in the many ways he’s looked at her before, but this was different. Sydney’s gaze met his, half-lidded to half-lidded, lust filled to lust filled. The fact that he was in her apartment, practically naked on her couch with his dick in her mouth, the night after their explosive partnership ending fight made her want to pinch herself. This wasn’t a nightmare and this was too elaborate to be a dream. There would be no coming back to the relationship, however fraught, fragile and messy, they had before.
Sydney closed her eyes again and swirled her tongue around his dick, bobbing up and down on it. Her hand helped her cover the parts her mouth couldn’t reach, circling and pumping the base back and forth. From the corner of her eye, she saw his hand fidget by his side.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he groaned, his hips lifting slightly more of it into her mouth. “You’re doing so well, Syd.”
She pulled off of him and leaned back, catching her breath but still focused. “Carmy, stand up for me?”
“W-why?”
“It’ll be easier to do this,” she answered and he stood up shakily, his cock standing to attention right in front of her face. “Fuck my face, Carmy.”
His eyes widened, but Sydney saw that he wasn’t any less turned off. She took hold of that same fidgety hand, moved it to the back of her head and said, “I couldn’t get to all of your dick leaning over like that. Just fuck my mouth and you’ll feel so much better.”
Sydney wrapped her lips around the head of his dick, sucking and looking up at him with what she hoped to be a pleading expression. Carmy finally started slowly thrusting his hips, and he gripped her head, fingers dipping in between her braids. She breathed in and out of her nose and brought both of her hands to the back of his thighs.
His dick filled her entire mouth and she prayed that her gag reflex would not be triggered by this. He kept moaning, cursing and groaning, starting to fuck her face in earnest, gently pulling her head back and forth as he pumped in and out her mouth. She inhaled and exhaled air through her nose, stirring the wiry pubic hair at the base. His cock head reached the back of her throat and she swallowed against it.
“Oh, FUCK, Syd! Shit, you’re gonna make me come, I’m so fucking close,” Carmy moaned, fingers stroking her cheek.
She swallowed around him twice more and the effect was immediate. He tried to pull out of her but her grip on his thighs was strong and she kept him in her mouth. Carmy came inside her mouth, salty come spurting on her tongue and down her throat. Sydney moaned at the taste of it and swirled her tongue around the head.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck Syd,” he moaned repeatedly like a mantra. When he stopped cumming, he pulled out of her mouth slowly and Sydney opened her eyes to see a thin string of saliva connected to his dick from her mouth.
She opened her mouth and chased after it, collecting it and kissed his softening dick. She met his eyes, the dilated pupils showing his satisfaction at her job well done and she made a show of swallowing his load.
Carmy not-so-gently fell back into the sofa, hand rubbing his pink dick. She stayed on her knees, wiping her mouth, chin and at the little tears that left the corner of her eyes.
“How was that?” Sydney asked coyly.
“So fucking good, Sydney. I- I’m fucking speechless,” he slurred and panted.
“Do you feel better? More relaxed?” She asked and slowly got up off the floor. His eyes tracked her movements as she joined him on the couch again.
“God, I can barely fucking move so yeah, you could say that,” he said incredulously. “I don’t know what I did to deserve that.”
Sydney smiled shyly, a million answers rushing to the tip of her tongue. You don’t deserve shit, you barely deserve me. “I just want to take care of you and make you feel better, Carm. I’ve wanted to do that for some time now.” Another half truth.
She hesitated with the hem of her silk top before pulling it off and over her head. She shimmied off her shorts and underwear, pulling them down her legs in one go. Naked, she stood up off the couch, Carmy staring slack jawed at her body. She fought all of her instincts that screamed at her to put her clothes back on and run away but the appreciative way he leered at her helped steel her.
“Syd, wha—“ he says but she cuts him off.
“Tonight has been fun and you’ve been a great guest. I hope I made you feel sufficiently cared for and appreciated. You’re one of the most important people in my life, Carmy and I never wanted you to leave,” she revealed, suddenly feeling shy at the naked truths she spoke. “If you feel as if you haven’t been taken care of well enough or that you need me to further prove it to you, join me in my room. I won’t hold you to any decision.”
Carmy’s eyes, intense, big and blue held both a confused and aroused look in them. She held his gaze for a moment before turning and walking slowly into her room. Sydney fluffed up the pillows to stand upright, pulled back the sheets to her bed and got in. She rested with her back against the headboard and spread her legs apart.
He still hadn’t joined her yet and her mind started to race, casting doubt on the night thus far. How she had done something she had never imagined herself doing, sleeping with her boss to prove her point and get ahead. How even after all of it, this may not be enough to convince him. How he probably lost all respect that he had for her prior to walking into her apartment tonight.
Sydney heard movement out in her living room and the approaching sound of shuffling feet. A moment later, Carmy, now redressed in only his boxers, appeared in her doorway.
Neither of them said anything or moved for a few seconds. Finally, he spoke.
“Why do you feel as if you have to prove something to me?” His voice was quiet and his eyes were piercing.
“You’re leaving, aren’t you?” She asked in response, fighting the urge to fix her face into that of sadness or disgust.
“Yeah but- but that has nothing to do with you,” he countered, stepping closer to her.
“I don’t believe you,” she replied calmly, though on the inside she felt anything but. They began to talk over each other.
“I told you last night, I am not good for the place anymore—”
“Only you alone came to that decision, and-”
“We— the restaurant is not where it should be because of me, Syd-”
“Well, not everything is about you, Carmy!” She snapped, raising her voice for the first time that night.
He startled and almost flinched. Sydney sighed harshly, her cool and calm mask finally failing. She patted the space next to her on the bed.
“C’mere,” she invited him closer.
Carmy padded over to her and she withdrew her legs closer in so that he could sit. He stared ahead of him at some distant point on the floor but glanced at her.
“I don’t think everything is about me, Syd. I never have,” he murmured.
“It’s kinda hard to believe that Carm. I hold you in high regard but that…” she replies but ends up trailing off.
There were so many things she wanted to say in return. So many things she’s wanted to say to him since the day they met, but never did. Somehow, she found the courage to be naked in front of him but couldn’t find it as easy to honestly speak her mind.
“I don’t want to fight,” she says instead. “I just want to make you feel better, Carmy.”
“Is that what this has all been for? The risotto, massaging me, touching me, fucking sucked my dick to- to- to what? To convince me to stay?” He asked sharply, fighting his stammer.
She shrugged tiredly. “Every other method seemed pointless. I talked, I yelled and I fucking cried in front of you and still nothing. You gave me nothing,” she replied, her voice as drained as how she felt. “I thought, maybe you’d be better convinced if I catered to you and batted my eyelashes. Put you at ease, help you to unwind.”
“What gave you that idea?” He turned to look at her fully, confused.
Because of Claire, she wanted to say. It had dawned on her earlier as she was getting ready, staring at her silk sleep set and realizing it was the same color as the dress she wore to the wedding. And in truth, she had no idea if that’s how she really behaves around him (she only caught glimpses of their interactions at the wedding) but it was a bet she felt she had no other option but to take. “Does it matter? You could’ve said no to everything I’ve done so far and walked out. You even could have told me no when I invited you over last night or not shown up at all.” That last option seemed more his speed.
Carmy nodded and sighed, seemingly deflated too. For a while they said nothing, digesting the night thus far. She shifted uneasily on the bed, folding her arms across her chest, finally uncomfortable with her nudity. As if he sensed her apprehension, he spoke.
“I just want to make you happy, Syd. I want whatever you want,” he told her, blinking rapidly as if it just dawned him.
And there it was again. Him turning the situation back on her so that he could run away. Whatever she wants? She wanted her dad to be healthy and for him to not worry about her, for The Bear to be as successful as it was in her dreams, for at least one singular Michelin star, to receive professional recognition within the culinary community, to build a life that satisfies her endless curiosities, for her credit score to finally not be in the red, for someone to see, accept and love her despite her flaws. For a present partner who gave his full focus and attention to her, who collaborated and communicated effectively so that she wouldn’t have to worry about the other shoe dropping at any moment. For him to stay.
She opened her mouth to answer then closed it. “Let’s just fuck.” The words slipped out of her mouth in a mumble, quickly finding that she didn’t regret them. They had already come so far that night. It was easier to say those three little words than the mounting script building up in her head.
He looked at her, lips parted in an expression she couldn’t yet categorize. “Is that what you really want?”
“It’s what I need,” she replied dryly. Last night’s conversation flashed through her mind. Telling partial truths and partial lies came to her naturally at this point. “Yeah?”
Carmen nodded shakily but he pursued his lips. “Yeah.” Maybe it came naturally to him too.
She leaned in and he met her half way, hand caressing the side of her face as they kissed. She brought her hands up to his broad shoulders, rubbing the hard muscles there as they kissed softly. Then he advanced on her, taking charge of the kiss and pulling her in close. His tongue invaded her mouth and swiped at her inner cheeks and stroked incessantly against her own.
Sydney moaned, her first real moan of the night. His other hand stroked her hip then he suddenly pulled her into his lap. She disconnected their mouths and let out a surprised gasp but he took it in stride. He pressed kisses onto her cheek, her jaw, her ear. She moaned again at the feel of his wet tongue licking the rim of her ear then again at the pull of his teeth on it.
“You’re giving me what I want tonight, Syd? Whatever I want?” Carmy’s voice sounded foreign. It was deep and lust drunk.
She managed to nod in the tight grip he held her face in. “Yes, Carmy, yes. Anything you fucking want.”
Sydney shook her head so he could loosen his hold and backed up on the bed, pulling him down with her. He bracketed her in with strong arms on either side of her head. Slowly, he lowered his body onto hers and kissed her again, almost reverently. Any resistance they might’ve felt towards each other when this began, finally faded away as they melted in each other.
Carmy left her lips, kissing and nipping at her throat and he grasped at her breast, squeezing and relaxing at it. He pulled and plucked at her nipple then moved down, sucking hungrily at the other. Her hands came up to run through his unruly curls and he switched to tonguing her other breast. She shook and twisted in his embrace, gasping at his dual touch. The presence of his erection straining against his boxers and rubbing deliciously at her inner thigh made her snap out of her stupor.
She managed to scoot and lean over to the side, hands grasping at her side table. She pulled open the drawer, blindly grabbing at items. Her toys were briefly touched but she moved on to what was next to it. Sydney grabbed the foil wrapper that was collecting dust and retracted her hand from the drawer.
He stared at it in her hand for a second too long, giving Sydney the sense that he didn’t recognize it. “Condom or no condom?”
Carmy blinked at her. “What?”
She felt shy now. “I’m clean and I heard it feels better for guys without a condom too, so… I’m on the pill…”
He slowly reached up and took it from her hand. Carmy’s eyes never left hers as he held it between them, then rested the condom gently at their side.
For the second time that night, they parroted small nods of understanding at each other. She wiggled her limbs, signaling to him that she was about to move.
“Take off your underwear,” she ordered as she turned around on her hands and knees.
From behind her, Sydney heard him undress and she waited for his touch. She arched her back low and spread her knees apart wide, bringing her head down into her arms embrace. She felt his hands brush her hips and smooth up her back slowly.
She gasped when she felt him kiss a spot on her upper back. He pressed another gentle kiss into another spot, where she’s sure the tattoo of her mother’s old car was.
“I fucking love your tats,” he whispered. “You’ll tell me about them one day?”
“Yeah, sure. Any day now, Carm…” she trailed off purposefully, changing the subject and prompting him to fuck her.
“Don’t we need lube or something?”
She huffed out a laugh. It was so Carmy, to get confused at the sight of a condom and yet had enough discernment to ask about using lube. “We actually don’t. I’ve been wet since I sucked your dick.” Another partial lie. He definitely didn’t need to know that she’s been wet ever since their first kiss.
Sydney reached back and spread herself. She touched herself, lightly touching her arousal from her clit to her pussy. “See? No lube necessary.”
He surprised her by brushing her hand away and touching her where she left off. Carmy sunk two fingers inside her and thumbed at her clit before she could react.
“God, Syd, you’re fucking soaked,” he groaned. He pumped once, twice then three times. She clenched around his thick fingers and moaned into her hands.
Carmy withdrew his hands and slowly brought his dick closer, swiping it against her pussy, rubbing her slick along his cock.
He pushed in slowly and circled both hands against her hips. He pulls back just as slowly then slams back into her, filling her now. She whines and tries to move her hips but is unable to go against his hold on her. His thrusts are measured, slowly and methodically sawing in and out her. Carmy fucks like he cooks.
“Syd, fucking shit, Sydney,” he crooned behind her. “You’re so good, so wet…”
He starts to move faster, both hands leaving her hips. One found the small of her back and the other on her shoulder to help pull her back on to him. Finally free, she starts to push her hips back. Sydney fucked back on him whilst he pounded her harder and faster.
“Carmy! Carmy! Please— I…” she babbled and trailed off, feeling him hit deep within her core, the sensations making her beg for him.
Carmy’s head bore into hers from behind, she could both feel and adeptly hear each harsh breath he took, every curse he let out, the cool of his gold chain hanging down on her back. He moved his hand from her shoulder to her lower stomach and gently pressed.
“You feel me in there, baby? Yeah, that’s right. Never fucking letting you go,” Carmy keened lowly. She mewled at his declaration.
His rough, calloused hand trailed down her mound and he rubbed her exposed clit in circles. Stars began to appear behind her eyelids and she reached back to keep his hand there.
“Oh, oh! Fuck, I’m coming!” She threw back her ass once, then twice more and felt her insides spasm and clench. She came on his dick and he slowed his thrusts to feel clench around him.
Sydney tapped his thigh and rolled her shoulders, signaling for him to move. He eased up off her and she leaned her head up to catch his eyes.
“What’s up?”
“Nothing, I just wanna change positions. Lie back,” she ordered and he did just that, flipping onto his back on her bed.
She crawled over him, grabbed his wet dick and slowly sank back down on him. Sydney put her hands on his chest and lifted off his dick then slid back down again. For some moments, they just stared into each other's eyes, moaning quietly but saying nothing whilst she rode him.
Finally she asked, “Are you close?”
“Yeah, I am,” he grunted. His hands on her hips helped her bounce on his dick.
“I need to tell you something.”
“Anything Sydney, anything.”
“This is never going to happen again so you had better be listening,” she warned and his eyes widened as he took in her words. Slowly, his eyes trailed up from watching her breasts bounce with each thrust, utterly mesmerized, to her eyes staring back at him.
“Everything you think about yourself is wrong, Carmy. You say I’m considerate, well so are you. You said that I’m a natural leader and teacher, so are you.” How could he not see it? Giving her a second chance, buying her that expensive Thom Brown embroidered chef’s coat, giving his knife to Tina, sending Richie to Ever and Marcus to Copenhagen, teaching them new recipes when it was still The Beef.
She saw that he recognized the words she repeated back to him from last night but did not move to interrupt her. “You say, the good started when I walked in and the possibility of it surviving is with me but you’re wrong. I’ve only ever felt good and confident doing it with you, it’s with you where I feel the most secure,” Sydney revealed as she quickened her thrusts atop him, shuddering as she clenched around him. “I know you leaving me will disrupt all the fragile good The Bear has left.”
“Syd, what? I only want what’s best for you, for the team, fuck,” he wailed, hips stuttering against hers.
“You are. You are the best. Say it,” she demanded. She could tell he was drawing closer to his end.
“I am!”
“You are- what?”
“I am the best, Syd! I’m the best!”
“Are you staying with me?”
“I’m staying- I’ll stay! FUCK, FUCK, Fuckfuckfuck, Sydney!” Carmy shouted as he came, his cock twitching inside her and his balls strained upwards. The feel of his come spurting inside her made her groan and she rubbed her raw clit quickly to trigger another orgasm.
They both panted and Sydney rocked her hips a few times before coming to a stop. “The best, most excellent chef at the most excellent restaurant in the entire United States of America,” she mumbled, fighting off the drowsy slur that came with her orgasm as best as she could. The memory of their first meeting, something that’s lately made her somber, warmed her to her core.
Sydney slipped off him and his softening dick and fell back next to him on the bed. Their chests rose and fell sharply at the same pace and she glanced at him. Carmy turned his head and looked at her, Sydney recognizing it to be a look that he hadn’t given her since Friends & Family night, before it all went to shit and spiraled them into the last five months of madness.
“So, you’ll stay?” Sydney asks, apprehensive at his shouted promise. It could’ve just been orgasmic heat-of-the-moment mumbo-jumbo, and she had to be sure.
“Yes, yeah I will, Syd. I believe you,” Carmy replied, a relaxed smile on his face. His hand found hers and he intertwined their fingers.
Sydney broke their gaze and looked up at her water-damaged ceiling, the brown stains ruining the otherwise clean, white roof. Like her ceiling, their partnership wasn’t perfect and she will never forget his attempt to self sabotage and abandon her, abandon them all. But like her ceiling, they’ll have to work at it, to try and patch and repair it so something like this never happens again. She sighed, content that her huge gamble tonight paid off and the potential rewards to come.
“I need a cigarette,” she says, a laugh playing on her lips.
“You— You’re still not good at it, Syd.”
She turned her head and gave him a mean, albeit harmless look. He scoffed and shook his head.
“Yeah- shit. Me fucking too.”