Work Text:
“I think maybe it’s time for me to move out.” Yeah, and where did THAT come from? Did I just say that? I mean, really, is that me? Glancing over my shoulder I can see that Jim is just as surprised as I feel.
“Where is this coming from? Is this Carolyn or Sam?” His accusations hit just a little too close to home. I spread my arms out wide, turning back to him, letting him see it all.
“This is me, man. This is the ex-anthropology student who is playing at being a cop who is your partner and could really get you killed with something stupid. I’m still a rookie for all intents and purposes here. I need more time and I know I can’t take the time for that. And it’s not like you really need me anymore when you can have any partner you want…”
Um, I think I said something wrong. He’s on his feet in an instant, crowding me back against the smooth glass of the balcony doors, and boy am I glad the latches on those things are so tight, no chance of them popping open and dumping me on my ass.
“You are my partner, Chief. You, no one else.” And really, how can you argue with that much patience, that much conviction… that much, faith? Have you noticed how stupid I can be, for one of genius status even?
“So instead of my getting you killed out there on the street, I kill your career? No way man, I am not doing it. I’ll walk away first.” Told you I was stupid sometimes.
Jim just looks at me with those beautiful blue eyes of his and sighs quietly. “Blair, don’t you see it? You’ve already walked away… you just haven’t made the next step of walking out that door for good. Now the question is do you want me to let you go? Or do you want me to drag you back?”
Trapped. I’ve been trapped by my actions and his words. His physical presence before me means nothing. If I asked, he would move. I don’t ask him to move. I think I need him to stay where he is. In my fight to leave things normal, natural, in my struggle to be the kind of cop that others would accept, the kind of person that others can overlook, I’ve lost something very vital to me.
I’ve lost… me.