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“Jim… I think there’s something wrong…” Panic, pure and simple panic runs through me now. I’m confused, scared, frustrated, and generally angry. Something in me has been changing, something I didn't want. I’m not who I was. Who am I now? I can’t be a Guide if I can’t even see my own path.
Pushing gently (Oh so gently, Blair. Let’s not scare off the man you have all these strong feelings for after all!) I look around the room trying to find what is different. I know there is something because something had to set all this off... right? Or maybe it was me. I set it off with my actions, my reactions...I glance over my shoulder to stare at my friend. My best friend, the one man I trust above all others to tell me the truth.
“Jim, what happened?”
He laughed… I mean really, is that appropriate right now? Maybe it was worse than I suspected in the first place. Sitting down hard on the sofa, staring incredulously, I await his explanation. My expectant face must have snapped him out of his temporary insanity. He sobered quickly, happy to give me answers finally, it would seem. “Well, Chief… I mean, um…”
Ok, maybe no answers just yet. What, I won’t even let him call me Chief? Before I can digest that little nugget he’s talking again. “The truth of it, I didn’t notice there was that much of a change until a week ago. It dawned on me, the attitude towards your work, the attention you were paying to get things just right. Your… hair… you cut your hair Chief…”
That's when he broke. Tears began to slip from his eyes as he looked at me, really looked at me and I knew - I had gone too far. On the pretense of trying to protect him I had taken away, literally stolen away, the something and someone Jim needed to survive. I'd cut my hair, changed my clothes and attitude, shit, I'd changed my entire fucking life. Stepped so far away from who I really was that it was like I had taken my soul and thrown it away like so much garbage. And Jim... Jim was trying to get it back for me. No, for the both of us.
Cause my soul was more important than the rest of the world to him. Me, Blair Sandburg, neo-hippy, witch-doctor punk. Not Detective Blair Sandburg, ex-anthropologist turned cop. He was still looking for his Guide. I had taken away his Guide.
“Oh, Jim…”