verdancing
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Summary
Hot Rod wonders if he's cursed by something he did in a previous life. Normal mechs don’t have to deal with the slag he gets put through—namely getting stranded on a Quintesson-occupied planet with no means of contacting home, encountering strange, mutilated Cybertronians seemingly built just to kill Quints, and being ordered to babysit said strange, mutilated Cybertronians.
All of this is to say that everything currently wrong with Hot Rod’s life can be attributed to the stray that followed him home: one maybe-empurata victim calling himself “Thunderclash”.
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Before the Kaiju came to Earth, Thunderclash used to dream of being an astronaut, and after the longest two decades of his life, his boyhood dream has somehow come to fruition.
Sure, it’s been a bit more fraught than he’d imagined as a kid—what with him piloting a mecha instead of a rocket, helping giant robotic aliens fight off Kaiju, and dealing with a language barrier that has resulted in said aliens mistaking him for being one of them—but Thunderclash wouldn't give it up for the world.
Besides, with Hot Rod guiding him through these unfamiliar stars, Thunderclash thinks that everything'll turn out fine.
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“If you could cease your incessant squirming—” Minimus starts, grabbing Rodimus by the hips in an attempt to keep him still.
Not that it does anything, obviously. Rodimus keeps grinding down and grinning up at Minimus, taunts spilling past his derma. “Aw, c’mon, I’m not allowed to tease back after all you—”
Abruptly, Rodimus goes very silent and still as something… catches. Minimus’s spike finds purchase and he finally pushes forward.
Not into Rodimus’s valve, but into the tiny waste port set just above it.
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OR: Minimus fucks Rodimus in the wrong hole.
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When the mech crawls closer, everything snaps into place. A long curving spine that doesn’t end in legs, but one long, slithering tail, tall metal fins that flatten back against a smooth frame that wasn’t made for driving or flying, but for swimming. Derma pull back into something that could be a smile or a snarl, and underneath are rows of pointed dentae. Not just the sharp fangs that Deadlock sports, but teeth like sawblades.
“What the frag,” Deadlock breathes out. He sounds rough even to his own audials, and thinks about the effects prolonged water exposure might have on a bot’s vocalizer. Then he thinks about why he’d even ponder such a thing and gets a little sad before shoving the thought aside entirely.
The creature—the mermech—makes a low sonorous noise, dragging itself a little ways closer, optics peering up at Deadlock with unabashed curiosity.
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OR: Deadlock gets thrown overboard, is saved by a mermech, has some truly remarkable sex, and finds love in the big blue. Broadly speaking, anyways.
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“I want you to fuck Drift for me.”
If Rodimus had, say, been sitting up by the bar at Swerve’s, having a nice sip of engex while hearing that sentence, he absolutely would have spat everywhere upon its completion. Maybe fallen off his chair, too.
As it is, despite having no drink to spit nor chair to disembark, he still chokes on nothing, sputtering helplessly at Ratchet’s stone cold serious face.
“I—you—I’m sorry, did—I—” Rodimus finally gives up and simply asks, “What?”
“I want you to fuck Drift for me,” Ratchet repeats, like it’s any more comprehensible a second time around.
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OR: In which Rodimus fucks a married mech that he definitely doesn’t have any romantic feelings for, no siree.
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Let’s Put on a Show for the Folks at Home by verdancing
Fandoms: Transformers - All Media Types
14 Feb 2026
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When Arcee, Hot Rod, and Springer wind up in a Decepticon prison block following a mission gone awry, Deadlock is one of the very last mechs they expect to come calling. Well. He's one of the last mechs Arcee and Springer expected to come calling. Hot Rod was all too excited about the possibility that Deadlock might come find him again, even if they've never done this with an audience before. Hopefully, they'd put on a good enough show for the two Autobots.
OR: Deadlock pretends to rape Hot Rod in a prison cell while Arcee and Springer look on in horror.
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“Stop. Stop it,” Arcee hissed, pressed up against the bars separating her from Hot Rod, her half-horrified pleading underscored by the angry growl of Springer’s engine. “Don’t you dare fragging touch him—”
But it wasn’t as if she could do anything to stop him as Deadlock lifted Hot Rod’s head and stuck a thumb into his lax mouth.
“Look at you, pretty thing,” Deadlock murmured, ignoring Arcee entirely. He pulled his digit free a moment later as his panel retracted and his spike pressurized right over Hot Rod’s head. “Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle with you.”
Frag, but Hot Rod hoped he was lying when he said that.
Recent bookmarks
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Stuck in the Middle (of a Foreign Scientific Institution) With You by Wishing_B0ne
Fandoms: Transformers - All Media Types, Portal (Valve Video Games)
10 Jun 2026
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When Jazz woke up in a strange facility with no real memory as to how he wound up there, he was mildly concerned but mostly annoyed. When the facility turned out to be run by an evil robot, well, it feels almost like a regular Tuesday, except instead of Shockwave and trying to beat his face in and be a general menace to the Decepticon's, he's running around with an experimental gun and a potato that's powering what remains of the original avatar that ran the facility.
Not his typical Tuesday, or really any day of the week, but he supposed there are worse fates. Maybe if they manage to pull this off, he can figure out how to help Prowl too and give him something to feel useful again. If he doesn't get hungry enough to eat Prowl's only source of power first, that is.
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Gold Heart by gardengalaxy
Fandoms: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, percy jackson - Fandom, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
10 Jun 2026
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The end of the world, no way out, and an unlikely pair.
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It turns out that being wired into giant war machines doesn’t play nice with human brains. The Earth Mechanical Defense Force, or EMDF, learned that the hard way when their pilots started going… neurotic, let’s say, after a few missions.
The obvious solution to that problem was to simply wire the pilot into their mecha permanently, that way their mind wasn’t being strained by the constant in and out. Unfortunately that strategy backfired and the pilots started going neurotic much, much faster, and this time they were giant and made of metal and much harder to put down.
So, the obvious next step would be to pull the plug on that idea and go back to the drawing board, right? No, that’s ridiculous, the next step was obviously to simply…
Make the mecha forget they’d ever been human in the first place.
Somewhere along the line someone should have pulled the plug, but they’d already invested so much into the project, and you know what they say about sunk cost fallacy.
Series
- Part 2 of As Hubris Blinds The Mighty
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- Words:
- 46,085
- Works:
- 13
- Bookmarks:
- 27
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Summary
In this case, beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder.
Series
- Part 3 of Metaphorical Coffee