schmuck
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Albus Dumbledore plans. That's what he does. He makes plans for everything. His backup plans have backup plans. There is not only a plan B, but also plans C-Z. So when he was looking down the barrel at an early demise and knew for a fact that he wouldn't be there to check, verify, and activate back up plans as needed, he put more back up plans into place. Most he passed off to his Apprentice Over-Planner Severus Snape, but what if Severus died too soon, or was incapacitated, or truly did lose hope and rejoined Voldemort in truth? Surely he should have backup plans for that too?
Or
Dumbledore makes one backup plan too many, Fate is a bitch, Harry is irreverent and deeply chaotic by nature, and Death likes him that way.
Or
Death is a Slytherin who sees absolutely no reason why they can't screw Fate over and pay their debts at the same time. What's a little cheating anyway?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 54,471
- Chapters:
- 17/?
- Comments:
- 826
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- 2,026
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- 838
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Bookmarked by schmuck
24 Jun 2026
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Jon had jinxed it.
In the middle of the kriffing night, he had shot awake with the intense urge to go, the Force apparently having decided he was rested enough. He was up and in the cockpit of his small ship before he even registered moving.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 44,349
- Chapters:
- 8/?
- Comments:
- 514
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- 3,161
- Bookmarks:
- 1,284
- Hits:
- 60,946
Bookmarked by schmuck
21 Jun 2026
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Congrats, it’s triplets (Now grab them and run) by ICanStumbleOnStraightPavement
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
08 May 2025
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It’s the first day after Winter break with snow quietly falling outside the large, gothic windows, though you can hardly get anyone to go out into the cold, especially this early in the morning. For the past week, Harry had been trying to scrape together all his supposed bravery that let him get into Gryffindor, and the current peaceful atmosphere of the mid-breakfast Great Hall really isn’t helping his nerves right now.
“Hey, Hermione?” he casually asks over the buttered toast on his plate he hadn’t touched since Ron put it there. His hands are cold and wet and shaking and he hates it. “Do you think I have any living relatives outside the Dursleys?”
***Or: what if the Golden Trio decided that fuck it, they are getting Harry out of the Dursleys? Which of course means that they need a way to do that, which results in an impromptu break-in into the Restricted Section, some questionable decisions, and… Accidental Parent Acquisition.
Because I’m a sucker for Parent Tom Riddle, apparently.
***HP doesn’t belong to me and I don’t own any of the canon characters or accidental quotes from the book.
Series
- Part 1 of Golden Trio Dadoption
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 314,647
- Chapters:
- 45/45
- Comments:
- 2,658
- Kudos:
- 4,828
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- 1,708
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- 257,710
Bookmarked by schmuck
18 Jun 2026
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After being Sorted into Slytherin, Harry had to deal with shunning from his Housemates, disappointed looks from professors, and avoidance from other Houses. He’s used to being alone, and is mainly studying hard for his NEWTS so that he can find a job in some country other than Britain. Theo Nott changes that in seventh year.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 77,729
- Chapters:
- 26/?
- Comments:
- 1,858
- Kudos:
- 12,700
- Bookmarks:
- 3,948
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- 330,658
Bookmarked by schmuck
16 Jun 2026
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AU. Harry was born with a power the Dark Lord knows not: the magic to see into shadows, to walk the shadows, and to send the shadows everywhere. This changes his life rather dramatically.
Series
- Part 18 of July Celebration Fics 2018
- Part 1 of Shadow Magic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 48,243
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 798
- Kudos:
- 21,756
- Bookmarks:
- 4,636
- Hits:
- 362,195
Bookmarked by schmuck
14 Jun 2026