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Whatever, I'm Getting Cheese Fries by MonsegnorSnek
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
30 Dec 2025
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Summary
Eri Williams would choose her phone over Hogwarts any other day, sadly, that is not an option for her and she would like to state again and again that there's no ounce of Slytherin in her body when her only goal in this world is try to smuggle a phone in this magic castle.
Or
Eri Williams, Reluctant Isekai Protagonist 2.0, Just Wants Her Phone Back!
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 17,116
- Chapters:
- 9/?
- Collections:
- 13
- Comments:
- 334
- Kudos:
- 1,500
- Bookmarks:
- 502
- Hits:
- 23,094
Bookmarked by Lightgate
17 Feb 2026
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Ch 6 - v.funny. Troll incident Aurora interview investigation.
This needs to stop," he started. "You have the gall to continue ignoring me after two months, even after I cleaned up all your mess and hiding it from Mama and Pops—"
What's he talking about now?
"—I thought maybe you were just adjusting to the new environment away from home, and that's fine. Or maybe you want to grow out of your wings and build bonds with kids your age, and you thought spending time with me would look uncool now. It wasn't surprising that you'd try Disney spells with your wand even if Mama forbade it at home, but you still did it here. But you were almost arrested by Aurors, Eri, and Dumbledore wrote to Mama, and Mama made it my business when she wrote to me and told me to get you on a leash before she stormed here in Hogwarts. And you know she will—"
Eri's gears worked slowly as she absorbed his rant. The asshole was now pacing, throwing his hands in the air and generally looking pissed.
Oh
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The setting moon is but a shard in the sky, and it looks sharp and deadly. She wants to pluck it from its place in the heavens and run him through with it for making her feel like this.
For making her yearn.
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Hermione Granger has three secrets she keeps close to her chest.
One, she’s on the verge of failing all her classes.
Two, she can’t stop taking her use-only-when-needed anti-anxiety medication.
And three, she’s an Omega.
What isn’t a secret is her love for Borgin & Burkes, the coffeeshop right across the street from her apartment. Unfortunately for her, they just hired a new barista.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 43,268
- Chapters:
- 20/?
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- 1
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- 1,816
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21 Jun 2026
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Ch 20
1st year undergrad Hermione (omega) presented 3 months ago, very late at age 19. Trying to find the right medicine balance is tanking her educational track. Severe insomnia. On route to academic probation and getting kicked out. Both her parents have Alzheimer’s and live in a home. She feels very isolated. She never told anyone about presenting as an omega until she approached Cho (private omega) for community support. Both Ron & Harry don’t know her omega struggles and that she’s flunking her courses.
Tom (alpha) assigned as her mentor (graduate?) to get her on academic track. He also works at coffee shop across the street from her apartment. Soon after meeting her, he broke in to her apartment, stole one panty, looked at her meds, and likely installed surveillance cameras. Hermione doesn’t suspect. He also drugged Ron’s food w/ sedatives when Ron showed up to Herme’s coffee study date where he works.
Tom also has an online presence as Lord Voldemort raging about how repressed their kind are: the pharmaceutical companies are suppressing their omegas’ natural instincts and depriving the alphas of their mates. He keeps his face covered on camera for anonymity.
He likely knows Herme is GrangerDanger who he trolled online when she showed the title of her paper as a quote that he posted too (where she got the idea).Read ch 20 on Tom’s motives from Ron’s unsent text message.
She’s got a date planned with Tom on Friday.
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In 1959, by a twist of fate, Tom Riddle arrives on the island of Jersey searching for someone capable of deciphering an ancient runic artefact. There, he meets a young witch, the owner of a bookshop, and her son.
But why does the boy speak Parseltongue?
That is impossible.
Tom knows the bloodline of Salazar Slytherin better than any living wizard.
He is the last heir.
Yet the longer he looks at the child, the harder it becomes to dismiss the thought taking root in his mind.
The boy looks far too much like him.
Tom is determined to uncover the truth at any cost.
But the answers he finds will be nothing like what he expected.Bookmarked by Lightgate
16 May 2026
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Ch 17
Top reading list.current year = 1959 (TMR = 33 yo)
10 years ago, a pregnant Hermione arrived into the past. She gave birth to Henry (9/10 yo)
Currently, Tom Riddle drugged Herme & Henry so that he could perform legitimency without resistance or awareness.
He found out that a future Voldemort that’s dying (decaying?) raped her to produce an heir (public story), but more likely for some new tethering ritual. All but his snake horcrux were destroyed. Herme chosen because she had a rare magical core, even among pure blood witches.
Draco & Theo helped her escape by portkey and a Malfoy time turner.
He knows everything. He considers Henry & Herme his. He’s planning a way to insinuate himself into their lives. All his previous encounters have been under the disguise of a poly juice potion.
8: TMR moves in as their neighbour under his own face. New ID: Adam Foster
Funny scene w/ Henry. Herme invites Tom to their Sunday dinner tradition. He accepts.11: Tom gifts Henry the newest broom for Bday. He kisses Herme.
12: he sleeps w/ Herme. Contraceptive charm used. Still lying about his identity.
15: fortune teller tells him he’s spun a web he’ll be caught in. While on a dinner date (location rec’d by Abraxas), an old female acquaintance calls him “Tom Riddle.” Now Herme KNOWS.
16: Tom comes clean and asks her not to run. Admits to stealing her time turner. Tells her he wants to support Henry under his name so that he can start Hogwarts w/o an ambiguous background (likely to be sorted into Slytherin). Herme needs time to think about it.
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When sixth-year Tom Riddle suggests a fake relationship to silence Hogwarts gossip, Hermione Granger knows it’s a terrible idea—and agrees anyway. She’s tired of being a punchline. And if pretending to date the most untouchable boy in school will shut Ron Weasley up? So be it.
The rules are simple: act real, keep it secret, and never let it become anything more.
But Tom Riddle never intended to let her go. And Hermione?
She should have read the terms & conditions.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 113,251
- Chapters:
- 24/24
- Comments:
- 521
- Kudos:
- 1,677
- Bookmarks:
- 427
- Hits:
- 51,354
Bookmarked by Lightgate
09 May 2026
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Ch 24 finished (AU - Tom attends Hogwarts during golden trio’s era.)
Herme= 5th yr, Tom = 6th year