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A round table with a crisp white tablecloth laid on it was summoned from the castle; it started to groan at them in a woody voice that it belonged to Chrestomanci Castle, but Chrestomanci herself quickly silenced it, and did the same for the chairs that she brought with it. That, she explained when Ahiru asked, was an anti-theft safety measure. A minor annoyance in circumstances like these, but well worth it, for there had been incidents in the past – some of them when she herself had been a young enchanter in training – where people had attempted to steal household objects from the castle for various reasons.
Perhaps anticipating an extra member of their party, she had summoned an extra chair, and it was soon occupied as Miss Goatette hastened to join them on the lawn, seating herself in the vacant space between Mr. Katz and Rue. Dishes, silverware, cups, and of course food swiftly followed, and everyone set to taking what they wanted. There were salmon sandwiches, cucumber sandwiches, plates of cold chicken and dishes of hot roast potatoes, crumpets, pots of tea and pitchers of milk, and for dessert a pear pie with some sort of cheese baked into the crust. Uzura fussed at first over being given milk when what she wanted was tea like her older siblings, but settled down after Mr. Katz showed her that he too was taking a glass of milk. Miraculously, she made no comment about cats naturally liking milk; perhaps her mother had spoken to her after the last incident in which she’d publically compared him to a feline.
Ahiru remained troubled even as she ate, though, and after she’d scarfed down a portion of the food she’d taken, found the courage to speak up about what was on her mind. “Um, Chrestomanci?”
“Yes, dear?” Chrestomanci looked up from where she was buttering a crumpet for Uzura. “Is something bothering you?”
“W-well, um, I, I just wanted to know… a-are we in trouble for going in that private garden?” Ahiru gulped. “I mean – I think – please don’t punish Fakir or Rue or Uzura, they, they were just looking for me and trying to find me, so they kind of had to, but I shouldn’t have gone in there in the first place. I – I just wanted a reason to hide, but – but that doesn’t make it okay and I know I shouldn’t have run off, so if you’re going to punish anyone, it should be me, and I’m really sorry, I know it was stupid, and –”
“Ahiru.” Chrestomanci cut her off with a tone that was both firm and gentle, and seemed to carry a hint of amusement too. “No one is getting punished, least of all you. Especially after what you all went through. I will say that in the future, you should avoid trespassing within that place, but that is as much for your own safety as it is an admonishment to abide by the rules of the Castle. It is not something that anyone should carelessly enter, even me.”
“What is it, anyway?” Rue asked as she reached for more chicken. “Even when I was inside it, I couldn’t figure out what it could be for. We seemed to be passing through the seasons, and I noticed that it felt like going downhill on the way in, and uphill on the way out.”
“It is…” Chrestomanci paused. “Forgive me if my explanation is a touch vague, for even I am not in possession of a full understanding of all its mysteries, not yet, and many of its details are government secrets that I may only pass onto young Ahiru here when the time comes. What I can tell you is that it is older than human memory, and contains things from the dawn of all the worlds. It is full of magic, more than I can even quantify for you, and is difficult to navigate even for experienced magic users.” She looked thoughtfully at them all. “How is it that you discovered the way out?”
“Well, Uzura and I were trying various things when we saw it wouldn’t be easy, and we happened to stumble on the trick to it.” Rue turned a little pale. “A-are you saying that if we hadn’t gotten lucky, we would have been stuck in there forever?”
“Not at all.” Chrestomanci took a sip of her tea. “I would, of course, have eventually located you all, and come to retrieve you. However, it is best that you did indeed happen upon the method, for it saved you quite a bit of time. When we encountered you, I had only just returned from the village, and when Mr. Katz informed me that he saw the three of you rush outside in your search for Ahiru, the two of us immediately hastened out here.”
“I feel so bad about the village.” Ahiru hung her head. “It – it’s my fault all that happened and people got hurt and stuff was damaged and…”
“How on earth is it your fault?” Rue stared at her in wonder. “You didn’t do any of that! That was your uncle!”
“I – I know, but he did it because of me!” Ahiru’s lower lip trembled. “He did it because he wanted to come get me, and take me away, so he hurt other people to do it, and, and…”
“Don’t be st –” Fakir stopped himself, took a breath, and then started over. “Your uncle’s actions were his own. You’re not responsible for them. You’re as much of a victim as anyone else that was affected by what he did.”
“I – I know that, it’s just – I just…”
“You just what?” Fakir fought to keep the annoyance out of his voice. After what had happened, the last thing he wanted to do was upset her further, but it was hard not to be frustrated that she was blaming herself for it all when she would’ve been hurt the worst if her uncle’s plan had succeeded.
“I – I can’t stop thinking about…” She twisted her hands in her lap. “H-how you were all nearly… you almost… you could’ve gotten hurt just cause of me, cause you came after me.”
“That’s not your fault either.” Fakir shook his head. “It didn’t do any good in the end, but that’s not because of you.” He set down his cup before his hands started shaking and he dropped it. He didn’t like to think about what would’ve happened if she hadn’t been able to trap her uncle in that clock, if he’d been able to drag her off into some other world, some other Series. Would she have ever been able to come back to them? He didn’t know and he didn’t want to ask. “A-anyway, just… don’t blame yourself for what happened. None of it is your fault.”
“He’s right.” Rue reached over and squeezed Ahiru’s hand. “We would never hold it against you, and you don’t need to avoid the village or apologize to people there the next time we go.” She sighed. “Which, not to sound callous, but… I hope that will be soon, because we didn’t even get to shop for your Halloween costume before all that happened.”
“Saturday, I think, shall be good.” All heads turned towards Chrestomanci. “I will have need of Mr. Katz’ assistance on that day, for I must investigate Drosselmeyer’s manor, so you all will have another free day. The village should be close enough to working order by then; repairs do go more swiftly when magic is utilized, after all.”
“Oh, excellent!” Rue brightened at that. “It can be our special day then, Ahiru!”
“Our special day?” Ahiru tilted her head in confusion.
“Yes! I mean, if you want to.” Rue hesitated, and then plunged on. “I was thinking that – that we could go shopping for your costume, and then have lunch or something, and then later on in the evening you could stay in my room for the night and we’d have fun together, like a sleepover party or something. I – I’ve never gotten to do that with anyone, and I figure you haven’t really either, so… I just thought we could…” She looked uncharacteristically shy, her lack of experience in this sort of thing shining through. “If – if you want…”
“Of course I want to!” Ahiru beamed at her, and Rue relaxed. “That – that sounds wonderful!”
“Can I come too zura?” Uzura asked.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Uzura, but we’ll be up way past your bedtime.” Rue shook her head. “We’ll play together a bit in the afternoon, though, if we have time.”
“But – but I want to zura… I…” Uzura’s eyes lit up as she thought of something. “Then – then I’ll sleep in Fakir’s room zura!” she declared cheerfully, causing Fakir to choke on his tea.
“Ah… I think it would be better if you stayed with me that night,” Chrestomanci said carefully, while Ahiru patted Fakir on the back as he coughed. “You can have a sleepover with Mama, all right, Uzura?”
“Oooooohhhh, okay zura!”
To everyone’s relief – perhaps especially Fakir’s – Uzura accepted this new plan without question, and everyone went back to eating lunch in peace. Ahiru began to relax more and more as she kept eating, and as she looked around the table at everyone else conversing happily she felt her heart swell with a quiet joy. It dawned on her that everything really was all right: her uncle was gone, they had all survived the encounter with him (more or less, in her case) and she was here to stay. She was home. She had a home now, with people she cared about, who cared about her in return. She wasn’t going anywhere.
“Ahiru?” Fakir’s voice startled her out of her reverie, and she jumped a little. “Are you all right?”
“What?” She could see the worry in his eyes, and it made her want to give him a hug as tight as the one he’d given her back in the garden. “No. I mean yes! I mean – I – I’m fine, so, so…” She reached under the table and found his hand, and gave it a quick squeeze. “I’m okay now, we all are, so don’t worry about me. Okay?”
Fakir nodded. “All right.” There was more he wanted to say, other concerns he had, but it didn’t seem like the right time or place.
“Mama?” Uzura leaned over in her chair – rather precariously so – and laid her tiny hands on her mother’s skirt. “I don’t want to take a nap today zura. Can I stay up zura?”
“Hmmm… yes, I think that just this once that should be fine.” Chrestomanci nodded. “Do you want to spend the rest of the afternoon with Mama?”
“Don’t you have work to do zura?”
“Not today.” Chrestomanci smiled, but there was something in her eyes that prevented the smile from fully reaching them. “I think it can wait till tomorrow. Let’s spend the day together, and then we can all eat dinner together and later on Mama will put you to bed. Does that sound good?”
“Yes zura!” Uzura clapped her hands together, and nearly fell out of her chair, but her mother caught her just in time and pulled her onto her lap. “Hooray zura!”
“Yes, it will be a lovely afternoon.” Chrestomanci stroked her daughter’s hair and kissed the top of her head. “Mr. Katz?”
“Yes?” Mr. Katz looked up from where he had just finished another glass of milk.
“Would you be willing to go down to the village and see if anyone needs any immediate assistance? I know they are capable of taking care of themselves, but an extra pair of hands never hurt anyone. In times of great darkness, even a single match may help light the way home, after all.”
“Of course.” Mr. Katz dabbed at his mustache with a napkin. “I was already thinking of doing so, if I may be honest.”
“Then, if you don’t need me to take care of Uzura, I think I’ll go with him,” Miss Goatette spoke up. “I – I have family there, and I’d like to check on them and make sure they’re fine, and do anything else I can.”
“By all means.” Chrestomanci nodded. “Take the rest of the day off and accompany Mr. Katz into town. Do what you need to do.”
“Oh, thank you!” She turned to Mr. Katz, a slight blush on her face. “You – you don’t mind if I go with you, do you?”
“Of course not.” He shook his head. “You must be very worried about your family. We should make haste.”
“O-oh, yes.” She seemed to deflate slightly as she nodded.
They excused themselves then, and set off towards the village to see what they could do. Footmen appeared seemingly out of nowhere soon after that to clear away the dishes, and the table and chairs were sent back to wherever they came from. Chrestomanci took Ahiru’s pendant and the clock that Drosselmeyer had been trapped in and headed up to her office to lock them away, Uzura in tow. Ahiru, Fakir, and Rue, meanwhile, headed back up to the playroom together, for lack of other ideas. None of them wanted to be outside any longer, and neither did they wish to be alone just yet after all that had gone on.
“What should we do?” Ahiru flopped down in one of the armchairs in the playroom. Someone had lit a fire in the fireplace while they’d been away, and it was warm and toasty in there. Too warm, in fact, for the thick coat she had been wearing, and so she discarded it and hung it over the back of the chair. “There’s not really much, since we can’t go to the village or anything.”
“I’m fine with just reading and relaxing in here until dinner.” Rue sat down in a chair by the window and opened up a book she’d left there the previous day. “After what happened, I don’t really feel up to much more than that. Anything that’ll take my mind off it all is good.”
“Yeah, I guess…” Ahiru watched Fakir walk over to the window on the other side of the room. His back was to her, so she couldn’t see his face to try and guess what he was thinking. He was usually pretty unreadable anyway, though, so she didn’t think she could’ve made a great guess unless he accidentally let something show. “Um, I’m worried about Uzura. I – I know you told her I just fell asleep, and I don’t know if she really understands death yet, even though her mother has nine lives too, so maybe that part will be okay with her, sorta, cause she probably doesn’t get that I died and then I came back to life, but she got threatened with a knife and saw you two get threatened too, so I’m kinda worried she’ll have nightmares tonight or something…”
“No…” Rue sighed. “No, you’re right, she doesn’t really get that, I don’t think. She’s never seen her mother lose a life, and I think she just knows that her mother is really powerful and has a very important job. I don’t think it’s been properly explained to her about the nine lives. That’s why I told her what I did about you falling asleep, because I needed to calm her down without explaining something she doesn’t really get. That should be her mother’s responsibility, you know? But you’re right that the rest of it is going to be pretty traumatic for her for some time to come.”
“We shouldn’t have brought her with us.” Fakir leaned his head against the window. “We should have left her behind. She shouldn’t have had to go through that.”
“There’s nothing we could have done,” Rue said consolingly. “She would have followed us, and maybe gotten lost, and that would’ve been bad too.”
“You’re right. We were pretty useless.” His hands curled into fists at his sides. “We didn’t do any good at all for anyone.”
“Fakir, don’t say that!” Ahiru looked alarmed. “It – it’s not your fault! You didn’t know! You couldn’t have known that would happen! I – it means a lot to me that you cared enough to come after me, isn’t that enough?”
“No. It really isn’t. What if things had gone worse? What if something terrible had happened because we did that? Foolish sentimentality about us caring enough to look for you wouldn’t have made that better.” He swallowed past the lump that was forming in his throat. “It’s useless to feel glad about that when the fact is that we’re extremely lucky that we didn’t cause something awful to happen. You should be angry at us for potentially making things worse.”
“I’m not, though!” Ahiru’s voice rose. “Why are you saying these things? We’re all okay, and thinking about horrible what-ifs doesn’t do you any good! It’s just making you unhappy and miserable, and I don’t want you to be unhappy and miserable.” Tears pricked at her eyes, making her voice quaver. “Please, Fakir – please stop. I – I know it was scary for you and it’s okay if you feel sad about it for a while, that’s natural, but please don’t make yourself feel worse than you should. I mean, I don’t think you should feel bad, that’s not what I mean, I just…” She trailed off, and stared down at her hands in her lap. “I just… don’t want you to beat yourself up over it, okay? Especially when it was my fault to begin with for going into that garden at all, so please don’t do this to yourself. Please…”
A tear slipped down her cheek in time for Fakir to turn around and see it, and his heart sank into his stomach. He hadn’t wanted to, but he’d upset her anyway. Fresh self-loathing rose up within him – couldn’t he do anything right? He’d failed to protect her, had failed to even help her at all, and now he was upsetting her with his words. And it wasn’t the first time he’d done that, either. He understood less than ever why she’d told him she liked spending time with him. “I… sorry.” His gaze dropped to his own feet. “I didn’t mean…” He shook his head. “I’ll leave. Sorry.”
“No, please!” Ahiru sprang up and caught his arm as he moved to walk past her. “Please don’t go! I – please stay. I want you to stay. Please, Fakir?”
As he looked down at her, he was tempted to ask why in the hell she would ever want him around, but he quelled the impulse, knowing it would only cause an argument that would further upset her. “… All right.” He pulled his arm out of her grasp and walked over to another chair not far from hers.
“Are you two done then?” Rue peered at them from over her book. “I’m not feeling up to arguing with either of you, so I’ll just say that I would really like it if you both stopped blaming yourselves for things out of your control and focused on getting your minds off it all, at least for a while. You’re not doing anyone any good by doing this to yourselves, and obviously the people benefitting the least are you two.”
“S-sorry,” Ahiru mumbled.
“No. No more apologies from either of you.” Rue shook her head. “I’m pretty firm on that. Find something to do that’ll take your minds off this, and try to feel better, and don’t blame yourselves. And if you want to talk about something, don’t be afraid to interrupt me while I’m reading. All I ask is that you stop feeling like anything that happened is your fault, because that man would’ve tried something terrible to achieve his goals no matter what, and he alone is responsible for his actions. This goes for the both of you.” She looked right at Fakir. “All right?”
“Y-yeah, all right,” Ahiru said, sinking deeper into the chair. Fakir merely made a “hmph” noise and shifted in his seat. There was a book on the floor nearby, so he picked it up and started reading, or at least pretended to read it. It didn’t matter what it was actually about, as he doubted he could focus on any subject material at the moment.
There were several minutes of quiet before Ahiru spoke up again. “Um, R-Rue?”
“Yes?” Rue glanced up from her book at where Ahiru was peeking at her around the side of the chair.
“A-about my costume… for Halloween… wh-where were you thinking of going to get one? Are there any costume places in town?”
“Sort of.” Rue placed a bookmark – the one of the ballerina that resembled her that Ahiru had bought recently for her – into her book. “There’s a clothing store that specializes in costumes and vintage outfits. There’s also a neat antique shop on the same street, that we’ll have to go into sometime. They sell some very nice old things, and restore anything that needs it to good working condition. I think you might like it.”
“Really? That does sound interesting. A-and you think that other shop will have a ballerina costume for me?”
“I don’t see why not, they have a pretty good selection. And even if they don’t, I know they do special orders, so we’ll get you one no matter what.” Rue smiled. “I promise you’ll get to dress up the way you want to for Halloween. Your first Halloween here should be really special. You’re finally going to have a fun one, I hope.”
“I think I will.” Ahiru smiled back. “I – I don’t know if I’ll look good in the costume, it probably won’t suit me, but it’ll be fun anyway, and I’ll be here with you and everyone, so that’s already much better than being anywhere else.”
“I agree.”
They went back to what they had been doing then – Rue to reading, Ahiru to sitting in her chair trying to think of stuff to talk about with them that would be nice to have a chat about. She glanced at Fakir a few times, but he seemed to be focused on whatever he was reading, with an inscrutable expression on his face, and didn’t seem to notice her looking at him. She felt a little sick when she thought about how close she had come to losing him, and Rue, and Uzura, and her lunch threatened to get up and leave her stomach via northward travel, but she tried as best she could to banish those thoughts and think about something else.
Eventually, in the course of trying to distract herself, her eyes and then her whole head drooped, and she finally gave in to exhaustion and fell asleep. It was only when she made a small chirpy noise in her sleep that Fakir finally felt brave enough to look over at her and found that she had dozed off in what looked like an awkward and uncomfortable position. For a few horrible seconds, it reminded him too much of when she’d been lying so still on the ground after having one of her lives ripped from her, and he tensed up. He relaxed almost immediately, though, when he saw that she was breathing and how content she looked. It seemed like she was having a good dream, which was such a relief that his own expression softened slightly without him realizing it.
“Something wrong?”
Fakir jerked in surprise at the sound of Rue’s voice, and tried not to look as guilty as he suddenly felt as he met her curious gaze. “No, I…” He closed the book and set it aside. “I heard something, so I looked over… she’s asleep.”
“Really? Huh.” Rue put her book down and got up to check. “Well, I can’t say I’m that surprised, she must’ve been exhausted after all that, and full… I’m just glad she was able to relax enough.” She studied the way Ahiru was positioned in the chair, and frowned. “That does not look comfortable, though – she’s going to have a sore neck if she stays there. Help me move her, will you?”
“What?” Fakir could feel his face starting to turn red just at the very idea. “I – she’ll wake up if I do that.”
“No, she won’t, not if you’re careful enough.” Rue rolled her eyes. “Come on, I see you move Uzura without waking her up all the time, so I know you can do it. Get up and help.”
Fakir didn’t budge. “By help, you mean I carry her to her room and you… do what, exactly?”
“I carry her coat, and open the doors for you. But if that’s not enough for you, if you’d rather let her wake up in pain…”
“Hmph.” Fakir got up and walked over to Ahiru’s other side. “Go open the door, then.”
“Fine.” Rue made a face at him, but she was secretly glad she’d gotten him to agree. It felt a bit mean, preying on his obvious desire to not cause Ahiru any more distress, but whatever worked and got their friend somewhere better for her nap was fine by her in the end. She picked up Ahiru’s coat and strode over to the playroom door, which she opened as quietly as she could.
Fakir bent over Ahiru and carefully lifted her into his arms. She didn’t move or make a sound at first, but then she suddenly shifted, and he froze. All she did, though, was snuggle closer to him and slip her arm around his neck; her breathing remained deep and even, and she didn’t open her eyes. She mumbled something that almost sounded like his name, but he couldn’t imagine why she’d say that in her sleep, so he assumed it must’ve been gibberish.
“Told you,” Rue whispered as he moved past her and into the hall. She closed the door as quietly as she’d opened it, and hurried to walk just ahead of Fakir, who was moving a little more slowly so as not to jostle Ahiru. “She’s sleeping pretty peacefully.”
“For now.” Fakir resisted the urge to look down at Ahiru’s face. “I… don’t think Uzura’s the only one who will be having nightmares, though.”
“…No.” Rue shook her head and rubbed her temples. “If what she’s been going through up to now is any indication, Uzura definitely won’t be alone in that.” She sighed as they rounded the corner to the corridor where their rooms were. “Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if I had some.”
There was no doubt in Fakir’s mind that he would be having them too, but he didn’t say so, and not just because he didn’t want to talk any further and risk waking Ahiru. They moved the rest of the way down the hall in silence, and it seemed to take twice as long as it normally did, but soon enough Rue was easing Ahiru’s door open. Fakir felt his face turn red again just from being in Ahiru’s bedroom, but he forced himself to ignore it and moved to the side of the bed, where he began to gently lay her down. He took her hand so that he could move her arm from around his neck; her small fingers curled tightly around his, and he had to carefully pry them off. She stirred only once as he finished easing her onto her bed, but didn’t wake up, and sighed in her sleep. The job done, he didn’t waste any time leaving, and immediately turned his back and hurried out of the room after Rue, who’d hung Ahiru’s coat up already and was waiting to close the door behind them.
“Fakir?”
Rue’s voice stopped him as he started to walk back down the hall. He glanced back to see her standing in front of Ahiru’s closed door. “What?”
“I meant what I said back there, you know.” Rue folded her arms. “Just like Ahiru’s not to blame for what happened, you’re not to blame for any of it either, and I don’t want you giving yourself grief about it. What we went through is bad enough without that, okay? I know how powerless you feel over not being able to help her or Uzura, because I feel that way too, but crafting those horrid what-if scenarios in your head over what might’ve happened but didn’t really doesn’t do you any good. And if that doesn’t discourage you, then think about how much it bothered her to see you acting like that, and stop. I don’t –”
“I know,” Fakir interrupted, his voice low. “I don’t want to upset her any more than you do. I’m not going to say those things in front of her anymore.”
“But you’re going to think them, aren’t you?” Rue sighed deeply. “Don’t play dumb with me, I know how to tell what you really mean from what you don’t say by now, and she’s getting to know that too, so don’t think you can fool her either. For your own good, please try to stop thinking them too.”
“Since when do you care about what’s good for me?” He started to turn away, but the stricken look on Rue’s face stopped him, and for the second time that day wished he could take his words back.
“How can you – okay, no, I won’t pretend I don’t know how you could say that.” Rue pressed her lips together and sighed through her nose. “I know we don’t get along and I’ve said some awful things to you. But you also know that you’re like a brother to me, and so you should know that I wasn’t just scared for myself and Uzura and Ahiru, I was scared for you too. Any one of us could’ve died back there, and Ahiru almost got taken away by that horrible man, and…” Her voice broke.
“I’m sorry.” Fakir looked away. “I… I know I’m not perfect either. Far from it. You’re not the only one at fault for how things normally are between us. But that doesn’t mean I don’t… that I wasn’t…” He sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.” Rue rubbed her forehead with one hand. “Look, it’s just… it’s been a rough day for all of us, so we’re on edge, and lashing out. It might be better if we went back to our own rooms and tried to unwind separately.”
“Probably.” Fakir looked past her, back at Ahiru’s door again. “I just… hope she doesn’t wake up and get scared because she’s alone.”
“Yeah, I…” The words died in Rue’s throat as she studied Fakir’s expression. All of a sudden, it was like a switch had been flipped inside her, akin to turning on a lamp in an unfamiliar room and seeing its shape for the first time. And what that shape was, was that Fakir was almost certainly developing feelings for Ahiru that went beyond friendship. She wondered why it hadn’t dawned on her before now, but internally shrugged and chalked it up to the fact that Fakir actively tried to make himself hard to read, so she really couldn’t blame herself for not seeing it sooner. Plus, it was entirely possible that he himself wasn’t fully aware of what was going on.
“What?” Fakir frowned. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“… Nothing.” Rue shook her head. “I just… zoned out for a moment. I’m fine.” She patted him on the arm. “I’m going to my room now. Try and relax, and think about what I said.”
Any other day, she might’ve teased him about what it was she now suspected, but this was not the time or place, and it was only a faint glimmer of a suspicion anyway. She’d have to wait and see.