Chapter Text
Going from living alone to living with two pets was a more difficult transition than Nureyev (Peter? … Nureyev.) had made it out to be.
Nureyev had said that the Rabbits were half of a set of four native to earth’s moon. The last four of their kind, though he had sold the breeding pair to a conservation trust in hopes that perhaps one day that would no longer be the case.
When Juno had asked (ordered) Rita to look up any information on Lunar Rabbits she had only come back with a bunch of wild stories about talking magical Rabbits that lived on the moon and ate cheese or something.
Man, it seemed like the closer you got to earth the weirder things became. Perhaps he really should consider taking that trip to a resort on Neptune like Nureyev kept suggesting. Nice views, good food, (almost) no one trying to kill him, and no insane animal myths.
But for the time being he had two new pets and no idea of how to take care of them, especially given that Nureyev had left one day after the party at the Murakama’s citing an urgent job. Apparently he would be meeting a contact in the floating market commonly found drifting in the horse head nebula. Though he had assured Juno that the job should take no more than a month to complete.
Not reassuring
And NOT helpful
Because first off: they refused to sleep in the box nest he made them.
Having cut an entry hole in the side of the sturdy box Nureyev had hid them in and padding it with his oldest and softest bits of clothing and towels. Instead they would vault up onto his new bed and sleep in a pile on Nureyev’s pillow.
Which, okay, was kind of nice. Especially when he was having a bad day and they would cuddle hard into him and make soft grunting noises. So that was fine
But then there was the food thing They refused to eat proper rabbit-y food. Rita had researched what earth rabbits were supposed to eat and he had tried that, the whole veggies and hay and grass thing, but they had hauled the hay and grass into the box to nap on and ignored the rest. So Juno had to figure out how to cook a load of fresh vegetables and fruit before they went bad. Because he wasn’t about to fucking waste good food.
Breaking out pots that hadn’t seen more than canned soup in years and churning out soups and stews from recipes he had found online ended up being more enjoyable than he had thought; and the results were surprisingly decent.
He had sent Rita out for bread from the deli down the street from the office and they spent the night binging on fresh bread and vegetable stew before breaking out the whiskey and bad holodramas.
The next morning found them both curled in his ridiculous fluffy rainbow duvet nursing raging hangovers. It was only when he heard the strange hollow huffing noise from the living room that Juno slunk out of bed to survey the war zone that was his kitchen and living room.
They must have started eating directly from the large stewpot at some point because it was on it’s side beside the couch along with the whiskey bottles. He jumped in shock when a black furry bunny bottom appeared out of the mouth of the stew pot, followed closely by the rest of Pollux. Looking more closely Juno found Castor with his head stuck in an almost empty bowl chowing down on the leftover bread and stew, while Pollux had begun nursing an upturned whiskey bottle.
They both looked at his accusingly as they did this. As if to say “finally!"
Which of course was when Castor barked "Well Finally! We figured we would starve before you figured out how to feed us!"
And Juno fell over.
He woke up to two furry faces pressing into his line of sight, snuffling worriedly.
"Holy shit. Okay. I may be getting too old to drink this much” he muttered, placing a hand on his forehead and levering himself into a sitting position against the couch.
His illusions were shattered pretty much instantly.
A deep voice sounded on his left as Pollux placed a paw gently on his hip “No such luck, sorry. But seriously, good move with the stew there Boss. Could have used some more salt, but not bad for a guy who lives on alcohol and spite most days"
"Hey!”
“C'mon Juno we live with you. Before this the last thing you actually ‘cooked’ was a three-day old Chinese take-out with blood on the carton"
The familiar raspy voice of Castor piped up on his right. The rabbit giving him a look at appeared to be skepticism laced with worry, a great achievement for a bunny.
"So we’re just skipping the part where you talk now?! Or I’ve finally gone crazy, one or the other!"
Juno tilted his head to look both animals in the eye with a slightly crazed look in his own. Castor and Pollux exchanged a look before inching closer and resting their front paws on his lap like a conference table.
"We’ve learned to wait before talking to new owners” Castor started “Some people take it better than others and the ones that don’t, well, it’s always a surprise how often humans react with violence when they don’t understand something."
Juno felt his heart twinge a bit in sympathy and, remembering what Nureyev had said about their last keepers, hesitantly rested a hand on both of their backs. Not stroking, but allowing them to rest there gently in reassurance that he would never hurt them like that.
Pollux continued after a moment, his voice vibrating dully up Juno’s hand.
"We had to make sure you were who we wanted you to be, before we talked to you. See how to reacted to problems and inconveniences."
Realization dawned
"You were testing me"
Castor bobbed his head in a semi-nod
"We were. We had to be sure of the kind of person you were. We had a pretty good idea from how much your mate talked about you while we were in the box, but we wanted to be sure. You understand?”
Juno felt the flush creep up his neck
“He’s not my, my, mate or whatever! He’s just… Nureyev"
Pollux tapped a small paw on his thigh in what Juno interpreted as a reassuring way
"Whatever you say Boss"
Juno stared at them, overwhelmed.
"So you guys eat stew I guess? And, and whiskey? How the hell is that okay for you?"
Castor twitched his nose
"We need our food cooked, but it doesn’t have to be hot or anything. Just not raw. And our bodies don’t process h2o the way human bodies do. A half-half split of alcohol to water is best if you can manage it"
Juno nodded absently
"Makes sense any pet of mine would drink booze too” He stopped “Can I still call you guys pets? I mean, is that offensive or anything?"
Pollux levered himself into his lap and stretched up with his paws on Juno’s chest until he was tall enough to give Juno’s chin a small affectionate lick
"Pet is fine Boss. You take care of us, and we’ll take care of you okay?"
Juno though about this, arm tucked protectively around Pollux’s back to keep him from falling. Thought about Tuesday of last week, and dragging his eyes open to a reality of crushing apathy and the stomach churning creep of depressive sadness. Remembered the weight of Castor and Pollux as they cuddled close and let him hug them to his chest. How they grunted and pushed at him until he levered himself out of bed and shuffled to the washroom. How the clang of them knocking their bowls rattled him just enough to slump into the kitchen to try at feeding them again, and how his failure pushed him to call Rita for information.
Yeah. They would help each other.
He gently moved Pollux to the floor and began grabbing the overturned pots and bowls. The Rabbits started to nudge empty bottles towards the kitchen one at a time, piling them beside the recycler. Juno grinned a small grin at the help and popped the bottles into the machine as they arrived.
He piled the empty dishes in the washer and went to put the leftovers in the fridge before pausing.
"You guys still hungry?"
Pollux stopped where we was, pushing the last bottle of cosmic-cola mixer across the living room floor.
"We could eat” he sounded hopeful
Juno bent and grabbed the two blue soup bowls he had been using as food dishes for them. He washed them out in the sink and ladled a healthy portion of leftover stew into each. Then he unscrewed the last bottle of scotch in the cupboard and poured it into the fancy water dispenser they had come with until it was half full before topping it out with water and stirring.
“There. Sorry it took me so long” Castor hopped up to the bowls and started to eat. “Better late than never Juno” he said between bites
Pollux pushed the bottle against his foot before heading over to his own bowl “Thanks Boss. We’ll be fine if you want to go back to bed y'know. Maybe take today off."
Juno knew a dismissal when he heard one, and he figured they probably needed time to come to terms with their new circumstances as much as he did. He lobbed the bottle in the recycler and padded back to the bedroom.
Rita was still snoring under the covers on the other (Nureyev’s) side of the bed. He grinned helplessly as he imagined her reaction to his talking pets when we woke up. He made a mental note to grab some earplugs.
Then he lifted the edge of the duvet and curled himself back underneath. He let his eyes drop closed and allowed himself to relax into the arm Rita had thrown over him as she cuddled closer to the new source of warmth.
A day off sounded good