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Commander Fox learned about slugthrowers entirely by accident. Which was highly unfortunate for Chancellor Palpatine.
It started because Fox had reached a level of exhaustion previously believed to be medically impossible. The Coruscant Guard was drowning in gang wars, Senate scandals, assassination attempts, stupid amounts of paperwork, and one truly horrifying incident involving a senator, six loth-cats, and illegal fireworks.
Fox had not slept properly in four days. So naturally, instead of resting like a sane being, he ended up sitting cross-legged on the floor of the Guard barracks at two in the morning reading about Mandalorian military history on a datapad. As one does.
His vode had been reconnecting with their Mandalorian culture for months now. It started small. Then somehow it escalated into twenty shinies arguing over clan structures while Commander Thorn threatened to throw them all down a hole they’d dubbed ‘The Body Chute’ if they mispronounced anything again.
Anyways, now he was three hours deep into a historical archive about the Mandalorian-Jedi Wars. His caf had gone cold, his bucket sat abandoned beside him, and his datapad displayed an old combat analysis discussing anti-Jedi weaponry.
Fox skimmed absently at first. Then slowed. Then reread the paragraph.
“Slugthrowers proved especially effective against Jedi combatants, whose lightsabers could not cleanly deflect solid ballistic projectiles. While energy bolts could be redirected, physical rounds often fragmented into molten shrapnel upon contact…”
Fox blinked slowly. Then looked up at the ceiling. Then back down at the datapad.
“…Huh.”
Across the barracks, Thire glanced up from his own reports. “What?”
Fox held up the datapad vaguely. “The Mandalorians invented anti-Jedi weapons.”
Thire stared. “…That’s cool.”
“Yeah.” Fox went back to reading.
The article continued in alarming detail. There were even diagrams. Mandalorians had apparently looked at the galaxy’s most terrifying warrior-monks and collectively decided: What if we simply shot them differently?
Fox respected that immensely.
And unfortunately Fox had also discovered literally yesterday that Chancellor Palpatine was a Sith Lord. Not suspected. Discovered. Because the Chancellor had finally become annoyed enough during an argument to shoot Force lightning at him. Which, in Fox’s opinion, was deeply unprofessional behavior from a head of state.
Fox had escaped the encounter mostly unharmed, aside from minor burns, worsening homicidal tendencies, and the burden of now knowing the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic was an evil space wizard. Which had made the week significantly worse.
So now Fox sat on the barracks floor at two-thirty in the morning holding a datapad explaining that Mandalorians had historically solved Sith-related problems with bullets. And suddenly Commander Fox had an idea.
Thire looked up again and narrowed his eyes immediately. “…Why do you look like that?”
Fox stood up calmly, with the cadence of a man about to commit either treason or have a stroke of brilliance. Possibly both.
“Commander?” Thire asked carefully.
Fox picked up his bucket. “I have an idea.”
Thire went pale instantly. “Oh no.”
The next evening, Fox stood before the Chancellor’s desk in full armor, bucket tucked beneath one arm. Palpatine’s office was warm, quiet, and smelled faintly of expensive wood polish and corruption.
Palpatine smiled pleasantly. “Commander Fox. Back so soon?”
Fox looked exhausted. Which was true. He was exhausted. Specifically, exhausted of Sith Lords.
“I have updates regarding the Guard deployments,” Fox said flatly.
“Excellent,” Palpatine purred. Then his eyes sharpened slightly. “You seem calmer today.”
Fox nodded once. “I solved a problem.”
“Oh?”
“Yes.”Fox reached behind his back.
Palpatine smiled thinly. “Tell me, Commander… have you finally reconsidered our previous discussio—”
Fox pulled out a Verpine shatter rifle and shot him directly in the chest.
The noise was unbelievable. It was not the elegant hiss of a blaster. It was a horrific metallic CRACK that echoed through the office like a ship engine exploding.
Palpatine jerked backward in absolute confusion. The bullets had punched straight through him. There was a moment of silence as Palpatine stared down at the blood blooming across his robes. Then slowly back up at Fox. Fox stared back.
“…What,” Palpatine wheezed.
Fox shrugged. “Mandalorian history project.”Then he shot him again.
Palpatine attempted Force lightning this time. Unfortunately for him, getting Swiss-cheesed by high-velocity metal had severely impacted his concentration. The lightning fizzled sideways into a decorative lamp. The lamp exploded. Fox shot him a third time.
The Sith Lord collapsed backwards over the desk with all the dramatic dignity of a sack of wet laundry. One hand twitched weakly. Fox walked around the desk, looked down, then shot him again just to be safe.
Silence settled over the office as Fox waited. Nothing happened. There was no resurrection. No dramatic final speech. No evil monologue. Just quiet.
“…Huh,” Fox muttered. He nudged the body once with his boot. “Worked better than expected.”
There was a long pause. Then Fox sighed heavily and pulled out his comlink. “Thire.”
Static crackled. Then: “…Did you do something illegal?”
Fox looked at the corpse of Darth Sidious. Then at the shattered office. Then at the smoking remains of the lamp. “…Define illegal.”
The Coruscant Guard disposal teams operated with terrifying efficiency. Mostly because nobody ever asked questions anymore.
“Wrap the body tighter.”
“Yes sir.”
“No, not like that, vod, you’re folding the Chancellor weird.”
“Sorry sir.”
“Force, this is embarrassing.”
Thire stood nearby with both hands over his face. “We are disposing of the Supreme Chancellor.”
Fox adjusted his gloves. “Correct.”
“You shot him.”
“Yes.”
“With an antique Mandalorian firearm.”
Fox looked mildly offended. “It’s not antique. It’s vintage.”
The body vanished into a highly illegal industrial furnace beneath the Senate approximately eleven minutes later. Fox watched it disappear with complete emotional neutrality. Then checked the time. “Hm.”
Thire stared at him. “Hm?!”
“I still have paperwork due by morning.”
Three days later, the Republic descended into absolute chaos.
“The Chancellor is missing!”
“Kidnapping?”
“Separatist plot?”
“Political assassination?!”
“Has anyone checked the security footage?!”
Unfortunately, all relevant footage had mysteriously corrupted. The Coruscant Guard expressed deep concern about this tragic technological malfunction.
Fox stood before a Senate investigation committee looking profoundly tired. A senator leaned forward, “Commander Fox, you were among the last individuals confirmed to have seen Chancellor Palpatine alive.”
Fox nodded once. “Yes.”
“And where is he now?”
Fox shrugged. “I don’t know.”
Technically true. By now he was mostly ash. And that stuff went everywhere.
Another senator slammed their hand onto the table. “You expect us to believe the Supreme Chancellor simply vanished?!”
Fox blinked slowly. “Yes.”
“…What?”
“Nothing.”
And that was that.