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Woonhak lives for nights like this one.
It's gotten rarer and rarer to be able to do this, to spend an entire evening just doing nothing. No further commitment beyond simply enjoying each others company. A treat not often given.
There's a movie still playing on the T.V, though no one is paying attention anymore. Woonhak is on the center of the couch, surrounded by the people he loves more than anything— Jaehyun fell asleep first, a pillow under his head and another clutched in his arms, his body sprawled out across the floor. They're in the lower dorm, so he could have very easily walked to his room to sleep, but Woonhak knows he just wanted to stay close, even if it meant waking up a bit every time someone laughs a bit too loudly.
Donghyun is to his left on his switch; whatever game he's playing is one Woonhak doesn't recognize, but he likes the little chimes and sound affects that occasionally but through the speakers. Donghyun is quieter than usual when he's focused on a game, but Woonhak doesn't doubt for a second that he's still somehow following along with the movie.
On Woonhak's right sits Sanghyuk, his legs pulled up onto the couch, head half-resting on Woonhak's shoulder while he stares at his phone. When he peers at Sanghyuk's screen out of curiosity, he sees him on weverse, scrolling through fan posts and liking ones that make him smile.
And on the other side of Sanghyuk is Dongmin, his arms both draped over the edge of the armrest and his cheek smushed in the fabric of the couch. It makes Woonhak laugh a bit, because Dongmin had teased Jaehyun a lot for falling asleep first only to be the next to go.
Sungho is on the floor, his back to the couch between Donghyun's legs, his own legs supporting the pillow beneath Jaehyun's head. He's doodling in his sketch book, pen softly etching at textured paper. Woonhak can't see what he's drawing, but he's sure it's good, Sungho is really talented.
Woonhak sinks a little further into the couch. His eyelids are starting to feel heavy, but he doesn't wanna sleep just yet. Tonight is rare, after all.
Now don't get him wrong, being an idol is the best thing in Woonhak's life; it's something that he wouldn't trade for anything, but it can be incredibly exhausting too. It's not often that him and the rest of the members get to sit in the quiet like this for longer than fifteen minutes. And when they do get the chance, when they can have dinner and laugh and put on movies until they all dissolve into their own separate things, Woonhak gets reminded how special it is that he has the five of them by his side.
He's grown up with them, after all. Woonhak has known them before he really got a chance to know himself. They've all become adults together, hand in hand, and when he thinks about it, Woonhak realizes that he's is only the man he is because he had each of them beside him for the journey.
So, while Woonhak is tired and the idea of his bed sounds pretty appealing, he stays right where he is. He lets himself drink it all in.
"Are you zoning out, Woonhak-ah?"
He jumps a bit, turning to look at Sanghyuk. His phone screen is still on, illuminating his face in soft ivory. He smiles when Woonhak blinks hard and clears his throat.
"Yeah, just—just thinking."
Sanghyuk raises an eyebrow, Gives him a look that says 'go on?'
The thing is, Woonhak isn't exactly sure how to explain his thoughts. He winces when all that comes out is "What if we weren't…here."
Sungho snorts from his place on the floor, but he doesn't look up from his sketchbook.
Woonhak sighs, motions with his hands like he's trying to conjure his thoughts into something physical.
It's hard for him to imagine his life without being an idol, but it's even harder for him to imagine his life without the boys that currently surround him. Every time he thinks about if his life was different, that's where he runs into the problem. He just can't leave them out of it.
He thinks it would've been nice to be a baseball player. Woonhak used to have dreams about it as a kid, still does sometimes. He pictures himself on a field, ball in hand, winding up and then throwing it with all his might. But when baseball-player-Woonhak turns around, and looks at the crowd, their faces are all familiar. Somehow, the entire sea of people shifts into the smiles of his members, pointy teeth and straight ones, dimples and crescent eyes.
Woonhak pictures himself then, in college for something incredibly mundane. He walks to the outside of campus, shouts for the attention of his friends, and sees them all turn to him. He imagines Jaehyun in a Letterman jacket, Donghyun in square glasses, Sanghyuk sprawled out in the grass. He imagines Dongmin bothering Sungho, because that probably happens no matter what.
Now, Woonhak knows realistically that if it weren't for all joining the same company, it would've been hard (maybe even unlikely) for them to all meet. They're all from different areas after all, but in Woonhak's heart of hearts he still thinks it could be possible. Possibly even guaranteed.
Maybe he would run into Dongmin outside of a gas station, compliment his headphones. Maybe they'd start talking about music and he'd recommend Woonhak some cool, edgy sounding album that he's never heard of before but ends up loving.
Maybe Woonhak would go overseas after graduating, like a trip to Chicago. Maybe he'd see Jaehyun there and ask him for directions. Jaehyun would give them happily with that charming smile of his and Woonhak would know immediately that he should keep him close, call it instinct.
Maybe he'd see Donghyun by the ocean in Busan, head tilted back and arms extended to feel the sea breeze. Woonhak might be a bit too intimidated to talk to him first, it's not often you see someone who seems to belong somewhere so naturally, but Donghyun would feel him looking and offer him a grin. They'd be fast friends.
Maybe he'd take the same bus as Sungho. It would be crowded, and they'd have to sit all crammed together, and he'd tell Sungho that the stickers on his notepad are cool. He'd ask where he got them, and Sungho would answer that he made them himself, and that would be more than enough to earn Woonhak's admiration.
Maybe he'd move to heart of the city and meet Sanghyuk in a dance class. He'd probably be the one teaching actually, and maybe he'd take a liking to Woonhak, form that same soft-spot for him that he has in this life. He'd pretend it bothered him, but let Woonhak annoy him forever.
Woonhak likes to think that it would work out no matter what. That despite factors like distance, or the path of life that Woonhak takes, that he would find his way to them. That perhaps strings of fate are real, and they're carefully looped around each of their fingers.
He sees it for the rest of them in the same way; Donghyun and Sanghyuk could always find each other on an online game. Dongmin and Jaehyun could meet at a little record store. Sungho and Sanghyuk might visit the same museum, while Jaehyun and Donghyun could sit side-by-side at a ramen stall. He could see Dongmin and Sanghyuk sharing a table at the library, or Jaehyun and Sungho splitting a cab from the same bar.
Maybe all five of them would end up at the same placed at the same time, and maybe, just maybe, they'd feel like there was a piece missing.
At the end of his runaway train of thought, all Woonhak can think about is that it doesn't truly matter. The only world, the only reality that really counts is the one he's in now. The one where he has his members, and the one where his members have him.
They're all threads stitched into the same tapestry. If they were the one constant in all of Woonhak's lives, he'd be happy with that.
"Woonhak," Sanghyuk says again. Shakes him out of his mind with a teasing tone. "Jesus, you zoned out again. Maybe you need to go to bed."
"Sorry," Woonhak mutters sheepishly. Donghyun turns to him now, for the first time in a while, resting his switch in his lap.
"What'd you mean by 'if we weren't here'? I was waiting for you to finish but it never came."
Sungho snorts again from the floor. Woonhak lets out a soft laugh. Shakes his head. "Y'know what? It doesn't even matter. I'd find you all anyway."
They look at him like he's crazy, but Woonhak doesn't mind. He's right where he needs to be.