Chapter Text
I remember back in 2012 that there was a video game called Dumb Ways to Die, there was a brief period in my where everyone I knew was obsessed with it. The game even had this ridiculously catchy theme song that would get stuck in your head for hours, yeah, THAT one. What was it about, you ask? Well, it showcased all the dumb ways people could die like lighting your hair on fire or taking expired medicine, the kind of ridiculous stuff you'd think only an idiot would do. Anyway, there I was, fresh off watching an anime, thinking, why not write a quick story about it? Correction: I thought I was going to write a quick story. What actually happened was me spending 12 hours straight writing under a blanket, lying in bed, lost in my own world.
Now here is where the "Dumb Ways to Die" part comes in; my 10-year-old laptop was struggling. I had 10 tabs open and was charging it for 12 hours in a hot space where there was no air circulation. In hindsight, what was going to happen was obvious when the laptop's fan sounds like a helicopter getting ready to take off. Of course, being a big brained individual, I never contemplated the possibility of my laptop catching fire til in had already happened. This shouldn't have been that big of a problem, just dump some water on the laptop and call it a day, right? Well, that blanket I was under was flammable, very flammable. And guess what? The pajamas I was wearing? Also very flammable. That is a "Dumb Way to Die" if you ask me, but what do I know?
Needless to say, that hurt a lot! Like a lot a lot, I don't recommend dying to fire at all! But hey, whatever, at least my laptop was destroyed getting rid of things that would ruin my legacy. It's not like I was a loser or anything. I was never at the top of any social hierarchy, but I've always stayed in the middle. I had a girlfriend, I had friends that I did stuff with, but I was also a degenerate. I lived a two-faced life as a normal person by day, smut writer by night.
But death is the end, the one thing nobody can escape supposedly. That's what confuses me really, as if I died, which I know I did. Why am I sitting in front of a desk in an office cubicle? Even more so, why is there no exit from, the walls being, if I had to guess around maybe 10 feet? And the ceiling I can't even see how high it is. Through the cubicles walls I hear computers typing, phones ringing, copying machines... well copying, but not one human voice. This must be one elaborate prank, that or a drug induced fever dream. I'm leaning towards the latter as my body does not feel like it was just lit on fire from head to toe and covered in third degree burns.
My vision spun and before I knew it my face slammed into the desk. After the impact I shake my head in an attempt to clear my vision and once the spinning stops, I see that the room I was in is completely changed. I still sat in front of a desk, but now at the other end there was a young man wearing a suit and tie with brown hair and blue eyes. He was looking at me will a calm almost sympathetic smile seemingly waiting for me to get settled. Looking around the room, it had shifted from the office space to a cramped dark room with green wallpaper and a singular metal door behind where the man was sitting across from me. Outside the door I hear wheels rolling sounding like a stretcher and moans of pain as people walk by the door. The cherry on top to this disturbing setting was classical music being played across an intercom distorting the audio making it staticky.
Glancing at the man again, he still wore that calm smile. Unable to stand the silence any longer, I asked, "Where the hell are we?"
The man's mouth opened and then closed again, his expression shifting to one of slight embarrassment as he glanced around the room. "Ah, sorry, I didn't expect you to ask that," he said, offering a sheepish smile. "I believe the year is 1854. The Crimean War is raging, and we're in the city of Constantinople, at a war hospital. The same war hospital where Florence Nightingale resided if you know of her." He paused, placing a hand thoughtfully to his chin. His tone slowed, as though he were carefully piecing his thoughts together on how to explain.
"Well, not exactly. We're in a twisted version of the tale where she does not succeed, but where we are doesn't matter." Another pause followed, and he shrugged faintly, his voice now tinged with resignation. "I'm just doing a favor for a friend, and this was the easiest place to do it."
I raised an eyebrow. "And this favor is...?"
The man's eyes brightened, and he smiled grew wide. "I'm glad you asked! Originally, my friend was supposed to be the one to deal with you, but he made me do it because something came up. Now, I'm going to explain a lot to you, but first, you're probably wondering who I am, right? Well, you can call me your Patron. We'll get into the ins and outs of what that means soon enough!"
Leaning back in my chair the tension that I previously had leaving just a bit from the mood change of my patron. It's obvious that he is friendly maybe crazy as being in 1854 is impossible unless somehow the man can use magic. That does seem to be making increasingly amount of sense though. Awakening in that office cubicle only then to be somehow transported to what is 1854 that does sound like magic. The man looking at me with his head cocked to the side and waiting for my approval to move on, to which he doe after a quick nod on my part.
The man takes a breath in an says, "As it stands you are dead, so The Company and I would like to extend a job offer to you. If you accept, you will be given your life back in a new world and be tasked with the mission of collecting and/or capturing fictional character to be cloned and sold via the Waifu Catalog. The original copy of the character you will be allowed to keep and use to your liking; you will be allowed to travel across fictional worlds and will occasionally be given mission which the company may need or want you to complete. Now, it's important that you listen to this next part carefully. If you accept, this offer you will have to effectively enslave people. Now, I know that it may be immoral and you may need some convincing, so just let me tell you that-"
"I accept." I cut him off with, it may be selfish, but this is the only way to guarantee my life. Everyone loves to preach morality, but when it comes down to survival, morality doesn't matter. And who wouldn't want this new life? A chance for power to see new worlds and adventure? I can't lie, the prospect of getting to collect the hottest women across fiction is irresistible. And as fucked up as it is, the idea of enslaving them, I don't really mind it as long as I keep the ones I care about close and happy, that's all I need. I wish I could say I'm hesitant, I really do, but that's not the type of person I am.
The man blinked, "Well... that was easy. I mean, this is usually the more difficult part of the recruitment process, you know? Most people hesitate, every now and then someone will shout or preach about how wrong this is. But you immediately went to 'Sign me up to be a slaver' I can respect it, I think?"
"Well, it wasn't that hard of a decision. I don't know what to tell you," I defend.
"I just expected you to... I don't know... be more morally opposed to slavery. It normally takes more convincing, but I'm not complaining," he says with a shrug, then continues his tone shifting back to business. He pulls out a long contract and a pen and places them on the table. "Just sign this when you're ready you can try to read, but well, it's in a magical language that even I can't understand." When I got it, I of course still tried to read it but I just couldn't. I recognized the letters but when I tried to read it was just not understandable. But it's not like I have a choice, I just have to trust this man and sign this or I die so signing it is as simple as it gets.
Upon finishing my signature, it burned out of existence and what replace it was a feeling I couldn't quite place. Servitude, binding, ownership, but also freedom? "It's a strange feeling, isn't it? Word of caution: the name you had in your old life? Don't use it anymore, not unless you're signing something for the company. A name is everything for someone in our business, if someone gets yours, it can be badly." He says in a serious tone and before moving forward, "Well with that out of the way, we have to set your build up. It's essentially a set of powers the Company grants you to enhance you while capturing characters and completing missions. The Company supports you by providing you the means to get stronger, and everything runs on credits, our own digital currency. You'll track your credits and manage your build through a Company issued phone."
He reached down, picked up a laptop from the floor, and placed it on the desk in front of us. When he opened it towards me, the screen displayed various fictional worlds ranked from DR1 to DR10. "The first choice you need to make is your starting world," he explained. "As you can see, their ratings can range from DR1, which are paradises with little to no danger, to DR10, which are brutal hellscapes where death is common, and life is short and harsh. The higher the DR of the world you choose, the more starting credits you'll receive, but don't focus too much on that! When I picked my starting world, I went straight into a DR10. I barely survived for months and only just managed to escape. My advice? Choose a mid-level world you think you'd enjoy, preferably one with Waifus you'd want to go after. Don't stress about knowing the language of the world you're in, as a contractor of the Company, you can understand and speak all languages. So just take your time to pick a world, we aren't in any hurry."
Two Hours Later
"How about the forgotten realms from DnD?"
"That would sound like a good world, at least until you think about all the gods in it. One of them would notice that there is something off with you and give you the red mist treatment."
We've been going back and forth with ideas for what world to start on for hours now with only a few contenders for where I would go. We've been trying to find somewhere with high enough difficulty rating but at the same time, wouldn't give me the aforementioned red mist treatment. "What about High School DxD?" I question.
"That would not be half bad... It's a DR6, so you would get a decent number of credits to start with and there are a lot of targets to capture. There is some danger here, however the high-level opponents in this verse are strong, like ridiculously strong! But you'll probably be fine. Unless of course you're a grade A asshole, none of these high-level people on the protagonist's side will want to murder you. So, the red mist treatment is not that big of a threat at the start, you should have enough time to get strong!" He replies animatedly with a thumbs up.
Now that does sound good, a decent number of characters to capture which I've been told is important because whenever I capture someone, I will get credits relative to their Tier. Their tier being based off their strength and abilities ranging from T1-T10. Another good thing is, being the world that DxD, I should have opportunities to capture people early on. Then a new concern hit me, "Can we write people out of the story or genderbend them?"
"Of course you can, you just need to buy [Universal Calibration] and it's cheap, it being only 10 credits. With that you could change people's age gender or even existence! But if you were to change significant things that could change the danger rating of the world. As long as you don't remove any big names, you should be good!"
"Great, let's lock-in DxD as my starting world, but I'll pass on [Universal Calibration] for now."
"With that choice, you'll have 155 credits to make your build, more than enough. Next will be how you are dropped in, how does taking over the body of an unnamed character sound?"
"Fine, but just make sure they go to Kuoh Academy."
"No, actually I want to send you to Antarctica." He says with a sarcastic tone. "Listen, I'm on your side. Okay? I want you to succeed because, if you do, then I get credits. I get one crash for every three you make, now that may not seem like a lot, but trust me, it adds up. And before you get mad, someone else has the same deal with me it goes all the way up the chain."
"And who's at the top?"
"Believe me, I'd like to know too, but we don't need to care about that. Besides, we already have everything we could want. Multiversal travel with any number of ways to get powerful and claim everything we desire. I stopped trying to figure out who sets the stage of this show thousands of years ago. Let me tell, you it's best not to worry about."
That would never happen, how can I not worry about some thing so powerful that it allows anyone to travel the Multiverse? How could I not worry about a being so strong that it can contain beings so powerful that they are considered on the level of the author of their universe? It's human nature to fear the unknown, and in that aspect, I still very human. "I can't share your view on this, but there is nothing to be done for that."
A small sympathetic smile tugged at the man's lips as he said "I wonder how long you'll keep that opinion..."
He shook his head to clear his thoughts and then continued, "So about bindings, you'll have this stamp, it works very simply. All you gotta do is hold the stamp to the targets flesh for 3 seconds and then bang! 72 hours later it will form a matk with your sigil in the center, it is imperceptible to anything outside your retinue. Once it fully forms, they are captured, and your credits get transferred. Also, fair warning, if you capture someone you find attractive, they will adore you so much that they will act ridiculously horny and throw themselves at you. This of course can be turned down if you want by using the company issued phone."
"You're making such a big deal out of this, I think I can handle a few girls with a high libido."
"Never said you couldn't" he says smiling shaking his head, "But once you spend enough time, you'll have 20, or 40 captures most of which you probably won't care about. And so, when that happens just know that you can turn down or even turn off the mental effects of the binding. But I digress, whatever that means," He flipped the laptop he had been typing on for the past few hours around to face me, what I saw was an endless list of fictional characters. "This my friend is the Waifu Catalog, being the gracious patron I am I will grant you one free T5 companion to start with in your world. Choose wisely!"
The options were limitless, every single fictional character I have ever heard of was in here with there being a seemingly endless amount that I didn't know. I guess I should just be glad that there's a search feature which I can use to narrow down the selection to female characters in the T5 range. You may ask why they have to be a girl? Well, I'd ask you why wouldn't they be a girl. I don't have anything against other guys, but if I could spend more time with one of the two genders, the choice is obvious. I'd also want them to be able to pass as a high school student, I was going to Kuoh academy after all, so having them close by would always be helpful. Looking through the list now with the specifications, no girls were standing out to me, that was until I saw Fern. She checked all the boxes. Girl? Check! Hot? Check! T5? Check! High schooler? Check as long as pick a version of her from earlier into the story.
"You've made your choice?" My patron asked.
"Yeah, I'm sticking with this pick. Why, you disagree?"
"Nah, just making sure because you and me are almost done. Now then, the rest of your build is something you're gonna have to do on your own. While you're getting sent to High School DxD, the Company will scan your mind to see what build you desire most and grant it to you. So, me and you are done for now... buuuuuuut,"
"What?"
"I'll contact you in like a day or two after you start your new life!"
"You're telling me I'll have to deal with you for longer? But really, thanks for the help, I'll try to pay you back by getting some credits for you."
"Don't stress about that take your time, we're not in any rush! The Company is transferring your soul now, I hope you like your new name!" He said with a laugh my senses started to fade as a feeling of being flying at incredibly high speeds hit me. Memories overflow my brain as everything I've ever experienced, I experience again. No, wait, these aren't my memories. Faces I don't recognize, names I don't know, I hear everything, see everything, feel everything! Until finally, silence.