Chapter Text
Buck-
Buck wasn’t pouting. He definitely wasn’t pouting. He was sat, twisting his mug of tea, his Nashville mug filled with decaffeinated, boring, tea.
“You’re pouting,” Eddie sighed as he walked up behind him. Buck was sat at the breakfast bar in the firehouse kitchen, he was supposed to be filling in an after action report for Chim, seeing as that was mostly all he was allowed to do these days.
“I am not.” Buck replied, annoyed at the sentiment entirely.
“Yes you are, you’ve been pouting since you got the acceptance package in the mail.” Eddie replied with a roll of the eyes as he slid into the seat beside his husband.
“So what if I am?” Buck grumbled, now taking to pick at the offending mug with his thumb nail.
“So, you need to stop. We’ll get Chim to apply for next year and you can go to the next one,” Eddie said with the tone of a long suffering husband that he was. The tone only ticked Buck off more.
“Oh yeah, they’ll definitely accept me next year, fresh off of childbirth, with a baby in tow” Buck’s mood was not getting any better with this conversation, he just felt more like he was stewing in his own annoyance.
“You and I both know the second she’s out of you you’ll be back at the gym with her strapped to your back. A couple months and you’ll be fire fighting fit again.”
Buck knew Eddie was only appeasing him at this point, but he couldn’t help the tiny grin that slipped through the frustration, sue him, it was a cute image. The change in mood didn’t last long.
“It’s just unfair” Buck whined, “9 years Eddie. I’ve been a firefighter for 9 years and this is the first time I’ve been accepted to the firefighter games and I can’t go. You get to go, even Ravi! But me, I just get to sit at home, fat and pregnant and wait for you to come back like some kind of war wife” by this point Buck had scratched the ‘N’ off of the cheaply made mug so it read ‘ashville’ which felt fitting seeing as the taste this conversation was leaving in his mouth.
“Seems about right, me being an army medic and all” Eddie smirked. Buck was ready to throttle him. “Listen, it’s crappy timing, frustrating and annoying and feels like a personal attack. It’s all of those things, but it’s not the end of the world. You might not get to compete in the firefighter games this year, but in a few weeks we’ll have a brand new baby girl, surely if there’s any reason good enough to be missing it, it’s her right?” Eddie smoothed a hand over Buck’s bump as he spoke, gently rubbing his thumb in hopes of encouraging a kick.
“I hate this” Buck groaned.
“Now you don’t, you were just saying last night how convenient it is to have an ‘on body table top’”
“Yeah, for sitting on the couch and eating snacks! I hate everything else” Buck snapped, voice whiny and groaning. He hated sounding like this, made him feel like a petulant child.
“Come on Buck, are the firefighter games seriously that important to you?” Another hopefully comforting rub to Buck’s bump accompanied his question.
Buck sighed, “it’s not just this Eddie, it’s everything. First it was the light duty, and yeah that was fine for a bit when we got to work together again on medical cases. But then it was having to let you train Harry instead of me, because my morning sickness was so bad. And, and the auction! Sitting out of it because we knew no one is bidding on a visibly pregnant firefighter. Now this? It just feels like every week I’m losing more of what makes me, me. You know?” At this Buck lifted his gaze from the now ruined mug to look directly at Eddie, whose face had shifted into understanding instead of the previous mockery. “Don’t get me wrong Eddie, I love being pregnant, I’m so glad we’re doing this, and I can’t wait to meet our little girl. Just sometimes it’s felt like my life has been put on hold and I think I’m struggling to adjust to that”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise this had been eating at you this much” Eddie replied, calm and sweet, almost infuriatingly so, as Buck had no choice but to let his husband make him feel better. He was enjoying his not-pouting.
“Has been for a while, I didn’t say anything because it felt, I don’t know, whiny? Pointless?”
To that Eddie immediately shook his head, “no, Buck, don’t do that. You’re allowed to feel how you feel. I’m sorry I thought you were just bummed about the games. It’s perfectly normal to feel like you’ve given up your identity when you’re pregnant”
“Oh yeah? And how do you know that?” Seemed buck did still have some bitchiness left for this conversation.
“That book you bought, and never read? The one about loss of identity in pregnancy?” Eddie questioned, the point about ‘never read’ felt needlessly targeted, he’s pregnant, if he wants to stuff his face with MnMs while watching a documentary instead of reading that’s his prerogative. But, he nodded anyway. “Well, I did read it, while you were napping. And it said that feeling grief about losing the life you had pre pregnancy is completely normal. That most parents go through an adjustment period of some sort”
“You read it?”
“Yeah, Buck, I read it.” Eddie grinned.
“For me?”
“Of course, but, maybe, also for me? It’s been so long since I’ve done this I felt like I wanted a refresher. We’re in this together and I wanted to be prepared. I’m not making the same mistakes I made with Shannon, not this time, not with you. I wanted to be there this time”
Buck looked up into Eddie’s eyes, the fact he’d gone on to read the whole thing just so he could comfort Buck when he needed it was near enough to make him cry. He blinked a couple times willing his eyes not to fill up.
“Damn you Diaz” Buck chuckled a little, releasing his death grip on the fucking mug, finally.
“Buckley-Diaz to you” Eddie winked. “Anyway, I think I have an idea that might make things better”
Buck lifted an eyebrow in suspicion, “what idea?”
“Well, you’re 34 weeks right now right?”
“Yeah?”
“The games are next week, and the doctor said you could fly until 37 weeks, so I’m thinking, you come with me?” Eddie had a cheeky smile on his face, “we make it a baby moon? That’s a thing right? Anyway, you come with Ravi and I, cheer us on and check out the competition for next year”
“Eddie, I can’t just take off work for a week” Buck grumbled, loving the idea but knowing it was a pipe dream at best. If he wasn’t competing there’s no chance Chim would let him go.
“Well, that’s what I had come over to talk to you about. I already spoke to Chim, seeing as your paternity leave starts at 36 weeks anyway, he said he’d be happy to start you a week early. So that way, you come with me, start your leave and come back after a fun few days in Nashville already on your leave”
Buck took a second to think about that, it was bittersweet almost. Dropping out of his last few shifts with the 118 for 6 months at least. He already knew he was going to miss the chaos and busyness of working, to cut it shorter felt a little wrong. But he couldn’t deny he liked the idea.
“And, Chim’s okay with this?”
“Already agreed, said he’d just need your go ahead and he could start the paperwork for the floater from the 133 covering you” Buck could see how much this meant to Eddie, he was practically giddy, or as giddy is a Texan army medic could be.
“Okay, let’s do it” Buck smiled at his husband, overcome with just how much he cared about him. “On one condition” he added.
“Which is?”
“You better win”
“Oh I intend to, can’t let my babies down” Eddie laughed, sealing their agreement with a quick kiss.
“What have I said about office PDA?” Chim shouted across to them as he approached the kitchen.
“Sorry Cap” Eddie smiled as he pulled away from Buck.
“Anyway, you won’t have to put up with it much longer seeing as next week I’ll be going on paternity leave” Buck tacked on, Chim lit up.
“That’s great! So you finally stopped pouting about Nashville?” Chim laughed as he rounded the kitchen island.
“I was not pouting!” Buck exclaimed, heaving his massive body from the barstool, the guiding hand from Eddie on his lower back not going unnoticed.
“You definitely were” Chim responded.
“Just for that, I’m going to be taking a city funded nap on company time” Buck groaned, hands under his bump as he trailed towards the stairs.
“He’ll probably still pout in his sleep” Chim snickered to Eddie as Buck moved steadily away.
“Heard that!” Buck called back, flipping him off as he went down the stairs.
—————————————————
Eddie-
After Eddie carefully watched Buck waddle down the firehouse stairs and disappear into the bunk room he turned back to Chim, who had taken up residence at the head of the dining table after picking up the incident report that Buck had abandoned.
“Listen, cap, I know I already said this, but thank you, for making the Nashville trip happen. He needs this I think” Eddie said earnestly, sitting bedside Chimney.
“Don’t mention it, honestly, it helps me out too. Don’t tell him I said this but Buck is the most efficient admin assistant I’ve ever seen, aside from faking a medical emergency he can help out on I’m running out of things for him to do” Eddie smiled at that, Bucks dedication to everything his did was one of the most endearing things to him. Even mindless paperwork he threw himself into it with reckless abandon. “Do you know he even signed up the whole squad for voluntary defensive driving classes? In case we ever need to get through a pileup faster and the rigs too big” Chim chuckled with a shake of a head. “I’d be annoyed about a class outside of work hours, but honestly, it sounds fun, so I’m pumped”
“Sounds like him” Eddie chuckled in reply, but the smile on his face didn’t last long, too caught up in the conversation he just had with his husband.
“Everything okay?” Chim asked, moving his focus from the scattered papers onto Eddie.
“Yeah, I think, just something Buck said earlier” Eddie mumbled, not knowing if he should be talking about this with both his brother in law and Captain.
“He alright? Baby okay?” Chim questioned, seeming a little worried himself.
“Baby’s fine, it’s more Buck I’m worried about” screw it, eddie thought, I’ll talk about it.
“He said he feels like he’s losing himself, and he didn’t want to tell me because he didn’t want me to think he was whining or bitching about it. Said it felt pointless to talk about it…
I guess, I’m just worried, what if there’s more he’s bottling up? Or something he doesn’t think is worth talking to me about. I’m trying so hard to be there for him, I really don’t want to fail him”
“Eddie” Chim’s tone left no room for anything but sincerity, gazing directly at him. “The last thing you could do is fail him, from the second you knew about the baby you’ve been there for him in every way he’s needed. Trust me, I know how scary it is, when Maddie was pregnant with Jee I spent the whole time terrified something would go wrong or that there was something I was failing to do for her. But, I swear, it all works out in the end. If you’re really worried, then try talking to him. Tell him you’re worried, use those big baby cow eyes and he’ll spill his guts”
“Baby cow eyes?”
“Don’t even try to pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about, Diaz” Chim laughed, “but seriously you two just need to talk it out, baby will be here for you know it so sooner the better”
“Thanks Chim, that helps, it’s all just overwhelming, you know?”
“All to well” Chim offered a sweet smile. “Now, I’ll finish this report and get his paternity leave pushed through so you can have your romantic getaway to Tennessee”
“Hardly a romantic getaway with Ravi coming along” Eddie rolled his eyes.
“You never know, he might be into it, seems the man is very sexually adventurous these days” Chim teased, although his look was slightly horrified.
“Do I even want to know?” Eddie replied, preemptively repulsed.
“Let’s just say, he may be getting the shovel talk from Athena some time soon…”
“No fucking way” Eddie’s jaw hit the floor. “May and Ravi?!” He exclaimed.
“Evidently… I went to break up a fight between him and Harry and realised I had no leg to stand on when it comes to dating a coworkers sibling. Staying far away from that mess” Chim held his hands up, Eddie laughed, he couldn’t wait to tell Buck after his nap.
Reassured after his conversation with Chim Eddie busied himself with chores until the end of shift. He quietly slipped into the bunk room, finding his husband passed out, his work pregnancy pillow under his bump. Gently he approached and stroked his fingers through Buck’s curls, carefully waking him up.
“Buck, baby, it’s the end of shift” he quietly roused him. Buck groaned and fluttered his eyes open.
“Already?” He grumbled.
“Yep, slept the whole afternoon away, come on we need to pick up Chris from the bus” as Buck pushed himself into sitting up, Eddie offered his hands, which Buck greatly accepted and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet.
The rest of the evening passed in their usual domestic bliss, they picked up Chris from the school bus, Buck made dinner while Eddie struggled through 10th grade homework. Once Chris was settled in his room, playing video games no doubt, and Buck and Eddie were tucked up on the sofa mindlessly watching a documentary Buck had picked, Eddie thought it was time to bring it up.
“Hey, about what you said earlier, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?” Eddie had his arm around Buck’s shoulders and was playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. Gently, Buck turned his head to look at Eddie over his shoulder.
“I know” he muttered, graze dropping slightly.
“So why didn’t you tell me how you’re feeling?” Eddie questioned softly, hand still massaging Buck’s neck a little.
“Just…” Buck took a deep breath, voice wavering slightly, “just, after last time, I feel like I need to be grateful, like I can’t complain. We never thought we’d get the chance again and now it’s happening I don’t want to take any risks”
Eddie’s heart broke instantly, he pulled his arm fully around his husband and encouraged him to cuddle in further, his other hand slipped to the bump again and rubbed it in smooth circles.
“Baby, what happened last time isn’t happening this time. She’s safe, you’ve kept her so safe and done so well. But you’ve been suffering, the nausea, the blood pressure, all the tests. You’re allowed to complain, you’re allowed to feel however you feel. I just don’t want you to bottle things up, I want you to talk to me”
“It’s just so hard to talk about” Buck’s voice was thick, throat sounding clogged and tight.
“I know, but there’s nothing you can’t tell me. I love you Buck, nothing you say or do will ever change that, I promise” Eddie punctuated his sentence with a kiss on Buck’s birthmark, he heard his husband sniff below him and furiously blink to stop any tears. “You wanna go to bed?” Eddie asked, seeing how drained Buck looked. Exhausted from the day Buck just silently nodded in response.
Eddie helped him up from the sofa, they went about their nightly routines and before long resumed their position cuddling up against one another in bed.
“I love you too” Buck tiredly mumbled, head on Eddie’s chest and bump pressed to his thigh. Buck kissed his bare chest before adding a small “thank you.”
“Don’t ever thank me for taking care of you” Eddie replied, nose pressed into Buck’s hair, which had gotten so long and glossy over the course of his pregnancy, his curls popping out more every day. “Now, get some sleep, you’ll need your energy for Nashville and all the cheering you’re gonna do”
Buck quietly chuckled, before his eyelids got too heavy to fight anymore and his soft snores filled the room. Pre pregnancy he could sleep in minutes, these days, seconds. Eddie smiled fondly at him before settling himself down for bed too and let the day drift away.