Chapter Text
"Absolutely not! That is my final decision!"
Maekar glared down at his youngest son, who stood defiantly before him, his eyes filled with fierce determination that was most likely mirrored in his own. He certainly didn't look like the discussion, which had dragged on for what seemed like an eternity, was over on his part, much to his father's disdain.
He was a stubborn boy who, once he'd set his mind on something, didn't give up easily. Usually, such a trait would be quite admirable for a dragon prince, but unfortunately, it only seemed to surface when it was time to go against his sire's will.
All the cleverness, eloquence, and strategies that Aegon seemingly managed to conjure out of thin air only served the sole purpose of doing what he wanted. And that was, without a doubt, the opposite of what Maekar wanted for his son. When that happened, he usually found himself where he was now: Face-to-face with the young prince who used all his debating skills to outwit his father in order to have him agree to these stupid ideas.
It was frustrating to know that the teachers he had hired to foster his son's intelligence and encourage his social skills were ultimately helping him to defy him with well-thought-out arguments. Aegon was easier to control back when he based all of his reasons on "because I want to", he figured.
"I don't understand why we're even having this discussion, as if I would ever allow something like this!" Still cursing, he threw his arms up above his head dramatically before slumping heavily into the chair that was conveniently positioned behind him.
One might think that a man would be sufficiently experienced in exercising discipline and order when required after he had sired six pups. And, after all, Maekar had always been more dominating and temperamental than his brothers. Unfortunately for him, however, half of his sons had inherited these very traits from him, and the other half had become increasingly skilled in playing around them.
He might still invoke respect and authority in people everywhere he went, but unfortunately, the ten-year-old he spent hours arguing with didn't belong to that group of people. So instead, he became increasingly frustrated about having to explain to his son why a prince couldn't wander around the realm like a peasant.
All of this took place in Lord Ashford's solar; a cursed room, if one would ask Maekar. Whenever he lingered in that dreadful place for more than a few minutes, it was only a matter of time before bad news came knocking as if to punish him for even setting foot into that room. He didn't know what it was that angered the gods so much, though he could think of quite a few things from the top of his head, but they were very stern in their wrath.
For him, it had been why he was pushing so hard for them to leave Ashford as soon as possible.
Maekar felt his brother's eyes piercing into his skull from the side as he grimly reached for his goblet, still brimming with wine. Baelor sat to his right at the far end of the table, twisting the rings on his finger one by one. It was a habit he'd acquired when he was a young prince, one that started always betraying his nervousness when the omega had first become the King's Hand. Confidence and routine had eventually slowly made him less nervous, causing him to fiddle around with things out of boredom or to keep his hands busy instead. But knowing that man his whole life, Maekar knew that this old habit had found its way back to its origin.
And, Gods be good, Baelor had all the reason to be nervous that evening.
Just a few hours earlier, the older of the two brothers had been thoroughly amused by the beta's reasoning for wanting to decline Lord Ashford's invitation to an official farewell dinner. His explanation, that he no longer wished to enter the solar, so as not to further provoke the gods, had been met with particular delight.
'That's so superstitious of you, Mae. Don't worry, your big brother will always protect you from Lord Ashford's evil chamber!'
The omega didn't make a secret out of the fact that he didn't believe him. As far as he was concerned, the younger Targaryen was simply imagining things, for admittedly, he did possess a certain flair for the dramatic. It was another character trait that went hand in hand with his temperament.
He even started to believe his brother, started to think that maybe there had been a part of him imagining things and trying to find reasons to get out of another pesky dinner with the Lord, who hosted them for over a moon now. But it turned out that this wasn't the case at all. Something he made clear to his brother by pinning him with a sharp "I told you so" look.
Baelor immediately looked away, pretending to take a large gulp from the cup Maekar knew must be empty by how often he had done so in the past couple of minutes in order to escape his brother's glares.
You did this to me, he wanted to bark at the other man as Aegon took another breath to continue his homage for the life of a hedge knight. Little lungs preparing for another five minutes of uninterrupted examples of why "a hedge knight is the truest knight".
At least he has the decency to act ashamed, he thought as Baelor looked down onto his hands, worrying his lips with his teeth.
He took his eyes off his brother before sighing, motioning for his son to stop talking since he had begun listing things he had learned from Ser Duncan during his short period as a nobody. Aegon remained motionless and steadfast before him, so defiant and insolent that the man's right eye began to twitch when his son still refused to listen, though he did stop talking as his father commanded him to.
Maekar, instead of engaging in further discussion with the stubborn young prince that would lead nowhere, his eyes drifted to the hedge knight standing obediently beside the boy. The alpha looked as if he were about to faint like a maiden or vomit, and Maekar couldn't decide which he would prefer as a distraction from this disaster of an evening.
By now, he was willing to do anything to put an end to this nonsense.
He wanted to be furious with the alpha for putting ideas into Aegon's head about a life not meant for the blood of the dragon. However, the giant looked so miserable at the mere fact of having to stand before him that he knew that the whole thing hadn't been his idea. Ser Duncan had barely spoken since entering the room and had made himself so small that he was almost at eye level with the beta when he stood. Nervousness was etched on his face, and he didn't even try to meet the stare Maekar directed at him.
That he could work with.
"I allowed you to teach my sons because they apparently tolerate no one but you, Ser Duncan," he spat, leaning back in the chair where he sat with his legs spread wide, not caring about etiquette. "That doesn't mean I'm going to allow Aegon to ride around Westeros like a fucking peasant and sleep on the side of the road like a beggar. This whole idea is preposterous!"
"Prepesta-... posta?" The knight looked helplessly at Aegon, who returned his gaze.
"Proposterous is a fancy word for stupid, Ser", the boy replied.
Maekar ran a hand over his face, realizing that the headache he had acquired over the last couple of hours was getting worse. He didn't need a mirror to know that he was most likely not looking too well; exhaustion painted beneath his eyes like his skin was a canvas.
It was their last night in Ashford. Maester Yormwell figured that Baelor was doing well enough to travel back home safely, so the brothers decided to return to Summerhall. It was closer than King's Landing and far away enough that rumors about the prince's condition wouldn't spread like wildfire. From there, Baelor would continue his duties as Hand of the King until he was strong enough to return to King's Landing on horseback.
The servants had already stowed away most of the chests containing the Targaryen family's personal belongings onto the carriages. The horses were healthy, fed, and well-rested. Maekar knew about the current whereabouts of all his sons, and Baelor was largely able to look after himself now. The beta had almost begun to believe that a journey with his family might, for the first time, start smoothly, when Aegon strutted into the solar, closely followed by Ser Duncan.
Apparently, his youngest had assumed he wouldn't be returning to Summerhall with the rest of his family. Instead, he would be taking a separate route together with the hedge knight, traversable only on horseback or foot. Ser Duncan seemed to have known this path rather well and made the mistake of telling Aegon about it. Naturally, the young prince was immediately passionate about the idea of being able to play a peasant again.
"My lord-... your Grace," the alpha quickly corrected himself, glancing uncertainly at Maekar. "Of course, I always intended to keep the oath I swore to Prince Baelor and return to Summerhall with you. This has not changed! H-however, I thought the simple life of a hedge knight might do Egg- ah, I mean, Prince Aegon some good."
The oath the giant was referring to had taken place two days earlier in a small, private gathering. Maekar had explicitly told Baelor that he would not entrust his sons to a hedge knight, no matter how noble and good-hearted he might appear. Either Ser Duncan would swear himself to House Targaryen and officially enter its service, or they would return without him.
He had made it clear that he would not compromise on this point.
And so it came to pass that the big alpha swore his sword to the Crown Prince of Westeros, Baelor "Breakspear" Targaryen, first son of Daeron II Targaryen. He swore his fighting prowess, his eternal loyalty, and his life to the omega, and Baelor swore to never command him of anything that would tarnish his honor as a knight. Ser Duncan was thus no longer a hedge knight, but officially a member of House Targaryen, which, while it didn't erase the bitter taste in Maekar's mouth, helped him to bear the entire situation at least a bit better.
Men like Duncan were loyal till the end. Even though he still didn't take a great liking to the alpha, he knew that he would protect his son even if it meant that he would give his own life. Even before the oath, the respect and devotion with which the knight treated his brother were so honorable in themselves that Maekar would have been disgusted by their pureness if he didn't feel the same way.
That still didn't mean he was thinking more positively about him, though.
"You thought," Maekar mocked sharply, pointing his index finger at the other man. "Stop thinking."
"Y-your Grace? I don't understand-...", Duncan stammered, somewhat bewildered, and the silver-haired Targaryen rolled his eyes.
"Every time you try to concoct an idea in that empty head of yours, the result is devastating for my family. Two of my sons bear scars on their faces because of your bright ideas." Maekar saw Aegon take another breath, ready to speak, and immediately leaned forward to silence his son.
"I think I'd like to speak with my brother alone." Maekar's mouth snapped shut with a click before he turned to Baelor, who seemed to have found his voice again and was now commanding everyone's attention.
"Of course, my Prince," Ser Duncan said immediately, jumping at the first chance of escaping this whole situation, nervous wreck that he was.
But the tall knight wasn't the only one relieved to leave the room. Along with him and Aegon, the servants and Lord Ashford himself, who had been sitting motionless among them the entire time, scurried from the room. Though Ashford's presence had always been so irrelevant in Maekar Targaryen's world that he had completely forgotten about him even existing.
As the door slammed shut, leaving the two brothers alone in the dimly lit room, the beta slumped back, rubbing his eyes, which had begun to ache in exhaustion, with his thumb and forefinger. Unlike Ser Duncan, he wasn't relieved by the change of events, knowing what was coming next as he heard his brother move on his right.
"Don't even think about it," he warned without looking at him.
"Maekar-..."
"No, I don't want to hear it!" When he turned to face the omega this time, the embarrassed man from before had vanished, replaced by the calm and diplomatic Baelor he knew.
"Aegon will always stand in your way if you are not willing to compromise at least somewhat," he said so incredibly calmly that it made the beta's hair stand on end.
He always loved his voice. Some of his fondest memories were when Baelor would tell him stories after a nightmare of a heavy storm had scared little Maekar into his brother's bed, seeking protection from the darkness that crept. Back then, strong arms had wrapped around him, and Baelor started telling him stories, voice half slurred with sleep, yet so gentle. Always so gentle.
But that was years ago. Now it was his turn to protect, to make sure no harm would befall his pups. Words could only do so much when actions were needed in order to ensure that.
"I've already made compromises, brother. Like when I allowed a fucking hedge knight from Flea Bottom to teach my sons how to become a knight. Not only that, but I let him join our house after he nearly beat my son to death after he demanded a trial by combat." Baelor exhaled wearily and sighed as Maekar addressed Aerion again.
"I was the one suggesting a trial by combat, not him", he admitted, and the beta's head flew in his direction, brows furrowed.
"You what?!" Mouth agape, he felt like he must've misheard what his brother just said.
"You would've sacrificed him in order to wash Daeron's sins away once again. I couldn't let that happen. I wanted him to demand a trial by combat, hoping Aerion would not bother with going through with that. But I did underestimate his pettiness. He really is your son." Blinking, Maekar stared at his brother as if he had just grown another head.
"And why, pray tell, did you think to keep this little bit of information to yourself for that long?"
"Because I knew you would be against it. A trial would've worked out in your favor, Ser Duncan would've been executed for high treason, and your pups would've been the victims in this situation. I couldn't let that happen." Baelor's mismatched eyes sternly held their weight against his own.
"Oh, so I guess you nearly dying was also because you 'couldn't let that happen'?" Maekar's eye twitched again, and he cursed under his breath to rub them with his fingers once more. "For a fucking hedge knight, I can't believe it!"
"Him being a hedge knight has nothing to do with anything", his brother tried to reason, clearly also getting fed up with this conversation.
"Oh, so what was it then? Is he well hung? Is it that? Did you fu-"
"Finish that sentence, I dare you." Baelor had one finger pointed at him as his voice slightly rose with annoyance at the beta, who just rolled his eyes before turning away with a grunt.
"Whatever, I still compromised a lot for the lack of knowledge I had about my own brother's involvement in this whole situation. Let him be our knight and all that nonsense", he murmured, trying to redirect this conversation into less hostile territory.
He really didn't feel like fighting with his brother, even though he was frustrated and about to snap with built-up anger.
"You know that I would have taken him as my knight whether you permitted it or not, brother. He is a good knight and will do your sons a great service," the omega reasoned again, his voice calm once more tho it was a bit more tense than before. "Learning to squire on such simple terms, with nothing but honest work and the clothes on one's back, will make an amazing knight out of him one day. Away from the prestige and stuck-up lords who act on his whims whenever he pleases."
"You do realize that we are the stuck-up lords?" Maekar rested his head against his fist, elbow placed on the armrest, glancing at the other man.
"All the more reason to send Aegon off with Ser Duncan", Baelor argued, seemingly unyielding in his stance.
"I'm not going to send my son off with a singular hedge knight when I know that thieves and other scum could be lurking everywhere," Maekar spat at him, and Baelor stood up before walking around the table.
Now, strangely enough, it was Maekar who couldn't look into his brother's eyes. He knew what he would find there, knew that he would give in if he lost himself in their beauty once more. Gods, he was weak, but who wouldn't be?
"I know you're scared…", the omega began, and Maekar just let out a defiant noise before folding his arms across his chest. "I know you don't want to worry again now that all your pups are finally safe. I have seen the amount of stress you went through ever since we came here… seven hells, ever since Dyanna passed."
A strong hand gently rested against his cheek as Maekar scrunched his face at the words, his skin marked by the pox scars and years spent worrying. The warmth it radiated drew him in, and so he closed his eyes as he surrendered to the touch as if it was everything he ever wanted.
And maybe it was, if he was being honest with himself.
"How can I not worry?" Maekar left his eyes closed, finding it easier to speak that way, coward that he was. "Daeron is suffering ever since he was six years old, Aerion thinks I don't want him around anymore and gets crueler by the day, and Aegon doesn't even want to travel with me anymore. I made him hate his life so much that he gives all of it away willingly to spend time with… with a nobody."
He swallowed hard as he leaned against his brother, who had stood next to his chair and carefully put his arms around him.
"You always act so unapproachable and devoid of emotion, Mae," he murmured as he began to gently caress his hair, "but at the same time you always take everything so personally."
And wasn't that the irony of it all? The contradiction that Maekar Targaryen was?
He knew he had trouble expressing his emotions, and he knew that a part of him had been rotting away alongside her the day she left him. He grieved so strongly yet acted the most unaffected of all. It had nearly torn him into pieces, having to say goodbye only months before he dragged himself to Ashford.
No one had told him that a house full of children would feel so empty without her, and no one had warned him how cold a heart could become even towards the people he loved the most. Why was harshness easier than gentleness? Why was it easier to stand before his sons as a prince than as a father? Was it for that reason that he had forced Daeron to participate in that tourney? A way to prove to himself and everyone around him that he wasn't completely lost without Dyanna?
He loved all his pups. May the Gods help him, but it was true. They were the gift his late wife had given him. Little hearts that beat so strongly they made his whole world tremble when they became part of his life. It was a love that ran so much deeper than anything Maekar thought he was capable of feeling, so clear and undeniable that it guided him even in the darkest of times.
The beta couldn't explain to himself why he could never show this love. All his pride and devotion to the people who enriched his life each day they were together, no matter what they did. He would fight armies for each one of them; he would bleed and give his life if it meant they were safe. Yet when it came to hugging them and telling them how happy he was to call them his children, somehow he couldn't do it.
"I can't, Baelor," he finally gasped, confessing his failings into the silent room. "I can't let go, can't let them get out of my sight, but I also can't cradle them in my arms like I did when they were babes. It feels like I become estranged to my own pups while they are only a few feet away from me."
His whole body was tense after saying that out loud, as if it physically hurt him to confess to all of this. He drew in a sharp breath and stood up, shaking off his brother's touch as he would with a heavy blanket, the walls he had momentarily lowered rising once more.
It felt easy, returning to this state of mind, and maybe that was why he never tried to fight his way out of it. Because it was so fucking easy.
"I will not let Aegon wander the lands alone with a hedge knight," he repeated, as if trying to shake off any form of weakness that had previously been so present in his voice.
"Ser Duncan is no longer a hedge knight."
"He's not a trained knight, and certainly not a Kingsguard like Ser Donnel or Ser Willem. He didn't defeat my son through proper swordsmanship, but through sheer muscle power, like a barbarian." Maekar's hands clenched into fists as he recalled the images of that day.
"And this is why Aerion is still alive today, Mae," Baelor said, and the beta whirled around, his eyes ablaze with anger. "You know it's true."
Maekar gritted his teeth, but he couldn't say anything against those words that would matter. And it pissed him off.
"It must be an easy decision for you. After all, it's not your son who's spouting such nonsense. It's never him doing anything stupid," he finally hissed, before turning away again when he could no longer bear his brother's gaze.
"Valarr has always been different from your sons, Mae. He's insecure and anxious about what lies ahead, and he has a lot of weight to carry as the future heir to the Iron Throne. My job is to guide and teach him so that he will grow into his role bit by bit. But each pup is different in their needs and their personality. And even what I want for Valarr isn't always what he needs. Forcing things would never help anyone, and recognizing that is important." Baelor always had the ability to make parenting sound like the easiest thing a person could do.
Of course, Maekar appreciated him trying to help; appreciated the words his brother said to him with the intention to make himself sound relatable. But each time he shared his stories with him, the beta couldn't help but think that it were words of a man who never had to spend hours searching for his son, only for said son to vomit all over him the moment he was found in some shady inn miles away from his home. When Baelor talked about his pups fighting, it was about simple sibling stuff, the kind of fights Rhaegal and Aerys had when they were children. Not about one of them drowning a cat in a well, because that poor thing happened to be loved by Aegon and in Aerion's proximity.
The difference between Maekar's and Baelor's children was like night and day, and not for the first time did he wonder what would've happened if his older brother had been the one to have six pups instead of him. How would his unruly children have turned out if it had been Baelor giving birth to them instead of Dyanna?
Would they be happier if they had him as a father?
It was a bitter thought that had been clawing its way into his brain more and more each time he felt like he had failed as a parent yet again. Baelor wouldn't have a son who tried to drink himself unconscious every day. Baelor wouldn't have a son who possessed a cruelty that sometimes even sent a shiver down Maekar's spine. Baelor wouldn't have a son who seemed to see it as a disgrace to be part of House Targaryen.
A hand on his shoulder pulled him out of his spiral, and the gentle smile with which his brother looked at him made him relax as if it melted all the tension away.
"You're trying to control your pups by tightening the leash on them with more and more violence, but it'll never work. As they grow into adulthood, as they become men, they will only start fighting against the hold you have on them even more. And some day, they will hurt themselves because of it, as Aerion did. They're as stubborn and unmoving in their way as you used to be, little brother." Baelor's hand felt warm as Maekar covered it with his own before leaning against the omega's strong body. "Maybe the best way is to just let go of the leash and trust that they'll come back to you instead of chasing after them. They love you as much as you love them, let them show you that."
"The last time we sent Aegon and Daeron out on their own, I had to go after them with a fucking search party, and it ended in a Trial of Seven. How can I not constantly chase after them when they're pulling this stupid shit behind my back all the time?" Baelor hummed sympathetically and wrapped his arms around Maekar's waist before resting his chin on his shoulder.
"The reason Daeron went into hiding is that you tried to force him to become a knight. You have this idea about what his life should be like and how he should behave based on your idea about how an heir should be. I know you compare Daeron to Valarr, but unfortunately, Daeron knows this too." Maekar tensed as he heard this, feeling ashamed about the truth being said out loud for the first time. "Daeron will never be the son you hoped he would be. He won't be like you or me or Father. He has his own battles to fight, and the best thing you can do to help him is stand by his side and try to understand him. Fuck traditions and all that bullshit if all it does is hurt the ones we love."
"Where does this boundless knowledge come from, brother?" The beta's words were sharper and more aggressive than his brother deserved. "You are such a rebel, all of a sudden."
But Baelor only laughed, a rich sound that made even Maekar Targaryen's cold heart beat faster.
“It’s always easier to look at things from an outsider’s perspective,” he admitted, and Maekar felt the older man’s mouth curl into a smile. “Maybe it would do you some good to get away from all this for a while.”
The silver-haired man turned to his older brother, who just smiled innocently back at him, raising an eyebrow.
“I’m not going to let Aegon travel back to Summerhall on some wacky road with a hedge knight,” he repeated himself, but his brother’s smile didn’t fade.
“Former hedge knight,” he corrected instead, before taking a step back from his brother. “And who says Aegon has to travel alone?”
“I doubt the little shit wants the Kingsguard with him,” the beta muttered, rolling his eyes.
"No, probably not. But what did I just tell you about compromises? You didn't even let Ser Duncan prove himself, and you immediately dismissed him as useless, as if he couldn't protect your son. At the same time, you want him to deal with all three of your sons at Summerhall." Annoyed, Maekar looked at the older man, not in the mood to figure out what he meant by that.
"Your point?"
"Let Daeron and Aerion travel with Ser Duncan and Aegon-", he started, but Maekar was already raging.
"Absolutely not! Have you gone mad? I'm glad that all three of them are more or less alive enough after everything that went down, so I'm certainly not going to let them out of my sight again!" Baelor was not further deterred by his brother's outburst and waited until he had finished his rant before continuing.
"Why not? It's Ser Duncan's chance to prove he's up to the challenge. All three will be officially placed in his care by you and will begin their journey to Summerhall following his command. If they arrive before us, then you know that Ser Duncan is up to the task, and if they arrive after us, then Aegon will never demand to travel with Ser Duncan as a hedge knight again and resume training with him, as we agreed." Maekar stood there with his mouth agape as he listened to Baelor speak, overwhelmed by what he was hearing.
"Oh, and if they never arrive and are killed along the way, well, that's just bad luck, isn't it?"
"The chances of that happening when they travel as commoners instead of princes are slim. They will most likely all share the same goal to arrive back home as fast as possible. Have some faith in them. You've been constantly on your feet and worried about everyone and everything for over a moon, now. Use the time to reflect and calm yourself, and afterward, everything will come so much easier to you." The beta stared wordlessly at his older brother before returning to the chair and collapsing into it dramatically once more.
Baelor himself also sat down again, though he no longer looked as exhausted as he had a week ago after standing for a while. He was getting better; things would turn out fine once more, all he had to do was keep going.
"You place so much trust in Ser Duncan," Maekar muttered, raising an eyebrow. "Sure, I shouldn't be jealous?"
The annoyed groan he got was at least amusing him somewhat.
"Just so you know, you'll be the one who explains to Aegon that he has to travel with his brothers," he added after a few seconds, and Baelor sighed deeply before nodding, probably realizing that he did that to himself.
As expected, Aegon and especially Duncan didn't seem thrilled with the idea when it was presented to them a few minutes later. The young prince had walked back inside the room with a cocky smirk on his face, probably knowing that Baelor had convinced his father, judging by how pissed off he looked.
Maekar never did well in keeping his annoyance off his face.
But he also struggled to hide his smirk when that cocky expression turned into shock the moment Daeron and Aerion were mentioned. He would never admit it out loud for how pathetic it already sounded in his head, but not just allowing Aegon to get his way felt like a little victory on his end.
What he also didn't admit was that he and his son had found their first common thing to dislike that evening. He felt like it would undermine Baelor's position if he showed his displeasure with the arrangement, especially after he had told his brother to deal with it himself.
It wasn't like Aegon hated the plan for the same reasons he did, anyway.
"That is so unfair! Aerion is horrible and mean, and Daeron will probably want to stop at every inn to get drunk and not bother to tag along!" Maekar grimaced at the unrestrained tone Aegon used, and he couldn't keep his mouth shut any longer.
"If your hedge knight can't even keep the three of you under control, how is he supposed to teach you back at Summerhall? If it were up to me, I wouldn't allow it at all because it is fucking ridiculous, but your uncle said I should give it a chance, which I'm granting right now. So either you travel with your brothers, or with the rest of us." Aegon folded his arms, but the beta could see that the boy was thinking.
He was probably weighing the options in his head, wondering if there wasn't some way he could get away with it on his own.
"This is the compromise your father is willing to make. You'll still be Ser Duncan's squire, and you'll still travel back with him, but you'll do it with your older brothers." Baelor looked up at Ser Duncan, who just stared at him helplessly. "You must agree that they could use some of that simple life you refer to so much, no?"
Duncan opened his mouth to respond, but that's when Aegon opened his mouth again, too.
"And what if we don't make it on time?" The boy still didn't look too enthusiastic, but Maekar could see that his interest had been piqued.
"Then-..."
"Then you'll never ask me to travel around the realm like a peasant again, and Ser Duncan will join the Kingsguard, fighting for your uncle. You'll serve your time as a squire for another knight without a word of protest, and then you'll learn to fight like your brother," Maekar interrupted Baelor, whose head snapped in his direction at the same time as Aegon's.
"You can't do that!"
"Maekar... that wasn't the agreement." The omega's eyes narrowed slightly as a result of his little brother's sudden change of heart, but he simply waved him off.
"We had this agreement before Aegon decided to break it. Allowing you to travel with him is a risk I'll take because you want it so badly. But I expect the same from you. It will be Ser Duncan's first mission, and if he fails, I see no reason to let him train any of my sons." Maekar's tone was unyielding, which made Baelor sigh beside him. "Of course, you can still forget about this stupid idea and travel with us to Summerhall like a fucking prince, before training with Ser Duncan, as we agreed. The choice is yours."
"Not even you can control us! How is he supposed to do it?!" Aegon stared at him angrily, which only made Maekar glare back at him.
"Careful," he simply said, his tone calm but his voice menacing.
Duncan slowly placed a hand on the boy's shoulder, and Aegon looked up at him before glancing at Baelor for help.
"Such disrespectful behavior toward your father is inappropriate, even if you're frustrated, Aegon. He's giving you a choice, and it's up to you which one you make. Not all choices will be perfect and without risks, most choices aren't, in fact." The omega smiled confidently, managing to defuse the tension that had threatened to boil over just seconds before with his soft spoken and diplomatic approach.
Meanwhile, Maekar hoped this ultimatum would deter Aegon from his plan. After all, he had just been promised to train with the big alpha and be his squire when they would return to Summerhall. Risking all that for a few weeks in the dirt seemed too great a risk for him to take, especially since all he had to do was travel back with his family.
"Okay, I agree," Aegon said, however, and his father looked at him in surprise. "But if we arrive before you, then I want to travel the lands with Ser Duncan as squire and knight! For at least five years."
The words made Maekar sit up straight, his hands gripping the arms of his chair so tightly that the wood creaked under his strength.
"Not over my dead body!" Ser Duncan flinched at the beta's outburst, looking as if he wanted to hide behind Aegon, which certainly would have made for an amusing picture.
"If Ser Duncan will to get back before you, then he has clearly proven he can look after me! When I return after five years, it will be my fifteenth name day! I will almost be a man by that time and I will have learned a lot and experienced even more." His son's eyes sparkled as he thought of all the adventures still untold.
Something in Maekar's chest tightened at the sight, so pure and imbued with childlike joy. A wave of nostalgia threatened to sweep over him and carry him back to a time when that look appeared more often on his son's young face. Back then, that joy was meant for him, and it always surfaced when Aegon had persuaded him to tell another story. Oh, how he loved when Maekar would tell him about the time before Aegon was even born, when he had fought side by side with his brother against the Blackfyre bastards.
Back then, his white hair wasn't a hideous trait he shared with his brother, so unbearable that he cut it off, but something he found pride in, because he looked like his father with it. Back then, Aegon was obsessed with being like him. He was strutting around in a way that was supposed to resemble him and it would've been insulting if his heart wouldn't have clenched in joy everytime he saw it. He was small enough for Maekar to carry him on his shoulders for hours because his little legs couldn't keep up with the tall beta's pace. Not, his shoulders would be arching way too soon.
Now, Aegon avoid looking in the mirror for too long.
Maekar didn't know when that sparkle had faded; the sparkle he'd always seemed to find in his eyes when he looked for it. It just had been too much too handle for him to notice that it was missing, as if he had forgotten what his pup's joy looked like. It was a horrible thought, but it wasn't like he has a grasped on joy as an emotions as a whole after Dyanna's passing.
But now he saw it again, only was it Ser Duncan who inspired it instead of him. In all his clumsy, odd, and foolish ways, he'd managed to bring back a version of his son he didn't even realize was gone before. And something inside Maekar was furious about that. That another man seemed to have taken his place while Maekar had been so desperate to hold everything together that he didn't even realize he was starting to tear himself apart.
It was still his job. He was Aegon's father; he was meant to be the one under whose care his boy grew into a man. He had-
"I will be a good knight, Father. I can make you proud, I know it!" Maekar gasped as the words struck him like a thousand blows to the chest.
His mouth opened, but he didn't know why, for there was nothing on his mind he could speak out loud. Instead, he slumped back into the chair, like a doll whose ropes had been cut. He saw Baelor glancing at him from the side before he closed his eyes to take a deep breath.
He couldn't handle those eyes on him. Expressions filled with hope, expectation and concern, demanding an answer. His palms hurt with how hard they pressed into the edges of the armrest, the pain grounding him.
'Maybe the best way is to just let go of the leash and trust that they'll come back to you instead of chasing after them'
His hands relaxed their hold on the chair.
"Then so be it," he spoke, all fight leaving him at once.
Aegon's cheers followed a second later, before he turned to Ser Duncan, his eyes wide and a wide smile on his lips. The former hedge knight also looked pleased, though he had the decency not to cheer too loudly. Maekar watched the scene unfolding before him with a mixture of hatred and longing as Duncan's hand patted the boy's head proudly, his eyes gentle and caring in a way that made Maekar turn away in rage.
He didn't listen to what the tall alpha said to his boy next, but only moments later, Aegon burst out of the solar while exclaiming that he was going to check on the horses and pack the things they would need for tomorrow's journey. Now that they were no longer traveling with the official House Targaryen convoy, they would make some changes.
As Ser Duncan turned to leave as well, having muttered something to his brother like the respectul idiot he was, Maekar stood up with such foce that the heavy chair behind him was lifted off its front legs for a short second.
"Ser Duncan," he said, and the alpha paused before turning to face the white-haired prince.
Maekar felt teleported back to the first time he met those blue eyes with his own. Just after their arrival, with his son's missing and him worried out of his mind. Now it was worry driving him once more, but the rage was gone, leaving him with a calm that felt no less heavy.
"If anything happens to my sons while they are in your care, no matter if it's Aegon, Aerion, or Daeron, there will be no oath, no promise, and no excuse that will save you. Neither my brother's words, nor Aegon's excuses or the king's demands will protect you from me. And if I must traverse all seven of the kingdoms on foot and slay each and every single God in whose favor you seem to be with nothing but my fists, I will find and kill you." With none of these words did he raise his voice or shift his tone to be threatening.
Because it wasn't a threat, nor was it a promise he uttered in the walls of this cursed solar. It was simply a fact like when the sun was shining or the wind was blowing. May the God's burn him in all seven of their hells, may he forever be damned and forsaken, he will make it come true and he knew it as clearly as he knew that he loved his children.
The alpha's eyes were opened so widely that Maekar could see the whole of his bright blue iris. Little remained of the healthy rosy hue of his complexion, formed through a life spend outside under the sun. Now, the only thing making his pale face distinguishable from a corpse was the trembling breath coming from his slightly parted mouth. The beta himself hadn't even registered that he'd taken a few steps toward the man in front of him. Only when he realized that he could see himself reflected in the black pupils did he notice how close they really were.
Maekar could smell his fear. It was a particular scent, unmistakably etched in his memory after years on the battlefield; salty and pungent in a barely perceptible way. It made his hairs stand up, his heart beat faster and for a moment he had to remind himself that Duncan was not the enemy.
Not yet, at least.
"Don't let yourself regret that I trusted you."
Duncan blinked and nodded before muttering something the beta didn't bother to understand. Before he knew it, the man had vanished from Lord Ashford's solar, and before the door even fully closed, Maekar could hear the sounds of someone throwing up and a guard cursing.
"I think your message got through," Baelor quietly said, trying to break the tension that was sharp in the air.
Maekar was still standing with his back to him, his hands clasped behind his back, his spine so incredibly straight it was beginning to hurt. Part of him wanted to run after Aegon, change his mind, and have his pup travel with him, no matter how angry he would be about it. Another, bigger part inside of him still thought about his son's shining eyes and the broad smile on his face when he'd received his father's permission. It was that part that was holding him back.
Once again, a hand landed on his shoulder.
"You made the right decision, Mae." Baelor spoke even softer now and he knew that it was because not even the omega knew whether or not his little brother would snap at any moment.
Always the one to be loud and difficult, all of his brother's have adopted ways to handle him and his antics. They knew that his anger was nothing but loud words and glares, things that never resulted into actions. But Baelor could probably sense how serious he was in that very moment. How close he was to break that alpha's neck once his pups were involved.
"They're the last thing I have left of Dyanna," he said simply, still staring at the door as if to burn it down with his eyes alone. "I swore to protect them, and now I'm letting three of my sons travel alone with a stranger."
"Ser Duncan is a good man; he'll never let anything happen to them." The words did little to help him calm.
But he slowly shifted.
Once more, he placed his hand on his brother's, and for a moment, it was as if they had never moved. As if they were still positioned exactly where they had been not so long ago. But there was this heavy feeling on his chest that didn't seem to go away as he leaned against his brother this time.
"You don't know that, and neither do I. But the Gods know that I will never forgive myself for it."