When You Need Me

by oly_chic

Summary:

One hellish evening Lucifer comes home earlier than expected, only to find Alastor packing. He never meant to put their relationship aside as he fought to remain king, but it's so clear now that he did, and he doesn't know how to undo the damage before he pays the price of his failures.

Notes:

I don't own Hazbin Hotel (one day I'll stop showing my age with Anne Rice era disclaimers)

Established relationship, years after S2

I have to mention that I have never written something so tender. I'm pretty sure anyways, but def not in this fandom. 🫣

Storms in hell were rare, oddly enough. They only seemed to manifest when Pentagram City as a whole became routine, as if to shake things up to prevent getting comfortable in the inferno. As such, with storms being rare, and really only appearing when guards were dropped just enough to trust in repetitive after-living, no one really thought what would come that night.

Instead of paying attention to the building heat or the dark dustings in the dimming sky, Lucifer was trying to throw himself into his task of building a new duck. It had been years since he’d gone on a duck-building spree, and if not for recent events, now would be no exception.

Things had been rough this past month, and nothing suggested it would improve anytime soon. For Lucifer, he had spent the month so buried in ruling over the rings, with uprisings and spats forming everywhere, that he hadn’t done much beyond barely functioning as he stitched hell back together. Food and water were almost an afterthought, coming to him when he was suddenly dying of thirst or his stomach felt ready to cave inward from hunger. Where were their servants to keep such necessities around? Where was Alastor to keep watch over him, like he had countless times before, when ruling hell became a bit much for the monarch?

What answers he now knew over that last question ate him more than any hunger. Alastor had been incredibly busy lately as well, with new aspiring overlords vying to take him out to show their might, as Lucifer understood from their limited conversations throughout the month. The rare moment they had to talk always seemed to get stolen from underneath them, be it extreme tiredness swaying one on their hooves or an urgent summoning. A foggy brain kept Lucifer from remembering much more than that piece about jerks trying to move up in hell through Alastor. When Lucifer got things under control in the other six rings, he would bring order back to Pride one way or another. Alastor would probably be annoyed at Lucifer for throwing his might around instead of letting Alastor handle his own affairs, but Lucifer could only handle so much bullshit. At least, that’s what Lucifer had intended when the lonely nights permitted him a coherent moment to think about his missing partner.

None of that was what caused Lucifer to resume an anxious habit of making ducks, however. Instead, it stemmed from a somewhat-heated tiff Alastor and he had a month ago during an evening, abruptly interrupted by a panicked call from Mammon before they were even close to resolving the matter. Since then, neither demon nor fallen angel had a chance to sit down together and resume where they left off, giving it ample opportunity to fester.

Whatever festering happened abruptly came to his full attention tonight when he entered their vacant bedroom and saw that Alastor had a couple of empty maroon bags on his side of the room, beside his closets, and a few neatly folded clothes on their bed. These weren’t bags being emptied – they were empty bags being filled.

“What’s going on?” Lucifer asked in alarm as Alastor stepped out from the bathroom while zipping his personal toiletries neatly in a small colorless bag.

Static shot through the air as Alastor jerked backwards, clearly so focused on his packing that he hadn’t noticed Lucifer until the fallen spoke. Wide and startled eyes turned to Lucifer. The Sin of Pride allowed Alastor to collect himself, but when Alastor’s eyes seemed to darken and his tense smile became less than small, Lucifer couldn’t hold back anymore. “Are – are you packing?”

Alastor’s eyes turned away from Lucifer to the bags on the floor, and he grabbed one to put on the bed so that his handheld bag of toiletries could be placed in a side pocket. Finally he spoke, reluctance and regret deep in his voice. “I am.”

Lucifer bit his lip to keep it from trembling, but his shrunken voice failed to hide his feelings. “Are you leaving me?”

“I… am taking a break, back at an old home of mine, from before our days at the hotel. I think space for us both might be in order,” Alastor wearily admitted as he finally looked at Lucifer. “I’m not leaving you, but I thought I might get a head start on packing to not draw out this painful discussion longer than necessary. I was intending to speak with you when you were expected back, about an hour from now.”

“Yeah, I had a small victory and thought I’d head home early,” Lucifer absently explained. It was a feat of strength that his voice managed to not falter further, even finding some neutrality it didn’t have a moment ago. Not so much could be said about his diminishing posture as he asked the hard question. “Why are you leaving – why do you need a break? Have I done something wrong, offended or hurt you?”

A deep sigh escaped Alastor, suggesting he wasn’t fully prepared for this conversation he planned to have under different conditions. He sat down sideways on the bed, his torso turned to face Lucifer. “Perhaps you’d like to sit down?” he asked as he gestured to an overstuffed yellow stripped chair near Lucifer, one that allowed the pair to still face each other.

Lucifer dimly shook his head, his tongue and hooves felt as if they were made of lead.

“Please sit, my angel,” Alastor softly pleaded. “You look one short breath shy of passing out.”

Perhaps Alastor was right; Lucifer did feel weak in his legs, if not all over. Dragging his hooves, Lucifer sat without further fuss. The fallen angel stared blankly at Alastor, feeling as though the writing was on the wall and he was waiting for his world to crumble beneath his hooves so hell might swallow him whole once again.

Alastor started, his voice soft. “We haven’t addressed our last argument over whether we further formalize our relationship. You spoke of wanting to marry me, and I spoke of wanting to remain where we are.”

“So now you’re leaving?”

“I think we need time to take perspective by allowing space, among other things.”

“But we’ve already had space and time – we haven’t really seen each other since that argument from a month ago!”

“Yet it feels like the argument hangs over my head every time I see something from our lives entwined, including our shared bed that hasn’t been shared in so long that we haven’t need to switch to a cooler summer comforter,” Alastor softly explained as his fingers ran along the thick quilt to illustrate his point.

“Oh, I guess this month would’ve been a bit too warm to share a thick blanket if we’d both been under it,” Lucifer lamely realized. They’d been working such long and hard hours, they spent very little time in bed together. Be it the irregular sleeping hours from each day’s chaos, or either of them only sleeping their individual bare minimum hours needed to function the next day. Not only that, but sometimes Alastor worked the night or Lucifer did, and never at the same time. If Lucifer really thought about it, he might not need a whole hand to count how many nights they shared.

“No, we haven’t,” Alastor agreed. “If you wish to talk more about it, we can, but I do want to keep packing so I’m not leaving in the middle of the night.”

“I… I need to think first.” His scattered thoughts ran wild, ranging from panicked fear to numb despair.

That’s how Lucifer found himself at his old workbench, previously barren and dusty, worrying over how to make ducks once more. It was easier to try recalling the long-forgotten steps of how to make a duck than to think through his muddled thoughts over how Alastor was packing right now. That didn’t mean stray tormented fears about Alastor leaving didn’t sneak through, bringing a whimper or strangled cry from him.

Each pause in duck struggles gave way to a desolate image of the future, sometimes paired with a wretched moan. Why was this happening? What could he have done to stop it? Was it really this bad that he wanted to marry Alastor? Or was it really this bad letting the conversation continue unfinished because everything snatched his attention away from his love, an allowance on his part that might be their undoing?

Picking up a small brush to coat the eyes, Lucifer nearly painted his sin-stained hand white when a violent boom struck outside the palace. Scrambling to the window just as a second boom hit, the window lighting up as if heavenly angels were suddenly appearing, only to disappear in a thunderous escape. Standing at the window, Lucifer finally noticed the rain lashing the outside palace walls, winds howling so harshly as if to embarrass most hellhounds.

“Ah, shit,” Lucifer uneasily wetted his lips at realizing a storm had struck, and a vicious one at that. Anxiety spiked as Alastor came back to the forefront of his mind. He couldn’t be caught in that! Had he left yet? Surely he wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye, unlike the last time Lucifer had been left behind. Alastor was better than that. Lucifer needed to make sure Alastor was safe, and not feeling forced to leave the palace in such dangerous conditions.

Portaling outside their bedroom double doors, fully intending to knock rather than risk irritating Alastor by invading his space during an emotional time by teleporting directly into the room, Lucifer’s curled hand was halfway ready to knock when another boom hit. A shudder swiftly followed the noise, felt throughout the palace. Lights flickered before they were just as suddenly gone as the lightning flashing by. All sounds of electricity coursing through the palace, from lamps to digital displays of rotating family photos (next to key printed copies, a comprise between them), abruptly died and left only eerie silence and darkness in its wake.

“Ah, double shit,” Lucifer cursed as he knocked in the dark, only able to see anything thanks to the faint lighting coming through the windows.

Shuffling noises from beyond the door reacted to his knocking, as if the lone inhabitant was struggling to safely and swiftly move around, before one door creaked opened. A darkened form stood within the gap, the heavy curtains of the bedroom drawn so not even the storm’s lightning shined through. “Lucifer?”

“Yeah, it’s me,” he gave an awkward wave, the faint light catching on his claws.

Alastor wistfully sighed. “Angel, what are you doing knocking on your own bedroom door?”

“I was trying to be considerate.”

“What a foolish notation,” Alastor scoffed without any real haughtiness to his voice. “Get inside and help me light this room so we can at least see each other.”

Rubbing his forearms as if his anxious thoughts could relax the same way as the fine hairs standing up beneath his palms, Lucifer focused on the task first. They each manifested lit candles and strategically placed them around the room, just enough to see each other and large shapes, but still leaving angles and edges softened. Their room’s temporary lighting glowed a strange blend, mixing Alastor’s green flames with Lucifer’s white blaze. When Lucifer completed half of the room, the half closest to his personal closets, he swallowed before turning to face Alastor. The demon was lighting up the last of his candles by his side of the bed, beside his almost-fully packed bags. One wasn’t zipped all the way shut, a couple of shirts on the side.

“So, uh…” Lucifer fidgeted as he tried to figure out how to explain his reasons for coming back before being ready to face the situation. “How are you doing? Because I don’t want you thinking you have to leave tonight. This storm doesn’t exactly seem safe for travel. Even if you’re planning to shadow travel all the way – I don’t know how far it is, so maybe not? – it could still be dangerous.”

“Is that why you came here, to reassure me that I don’t need to leave tonight? Angel, I don’t think tonight is exactly a bed-sharing night,” Alastor gently declined.

Wringing his hands, Lucifer tried words that left his tongue thick. “I mean, this is a palace that’s pretty empty. I don’t even know where the servants are. There are dozens of unoccupied rooms with beds you or I could take so the other sleeps without being bothered.” Speaking about the prospect of sleeping alone burned his throat, knowing that he would be sleeping without companionship for the first time in years, and it haunted him to return to such loneliness.

“I suppose that’s true enough,” Alastor agreed. He looked over his bags, and it was then that Lucifer caught a slight sway in Alastor’s stance. It wasn’t the sway of someone thinking to go or stay, but the sway of someone so tired they couldn’t quite stand straight on their hooves.

Examining Alastor a little more mindfully, Lucifer couldn’t help but suddenly notice the dark circles under Alastor’s eyes, the thin and worn expression on his face, or his tailored clothes hanging a little too loose for someone already rail thin. Even his skin looked a tad too pale.

New concerns took over, his heavy pain now overridden with worry for his beloved. Lucifer stepped cautiously to their bed, his worries determined not to let even more slip through his fingers. “Can we sit?” he asked as he gestured downward.

“We have chairs and even a couch here. There’s no need to treat our bed as if it’s the only resting surface available,” Alastor evaded giving him a real answer.

“Yeah, well, none of that is set up to easily see you in our darkened room unless we’re straddling the couch to talk. Besides, I suspect you want to finish that last bit of packing.” Somehow his voice didn’t deflate or crack, Lucifer resolutely telling himself that giving Alastor autonomy to pack or sit as he wished would keep their conversation flowing. Their conversation needed to continue in order for Lucifer to find out why Alastor looked unkempt, even bordering on ill.

With a bite to his lips, rolling his bottom lip between sharp teeth, Alastor nodded and Lucifer sat down on the edge of the bed so he could still see Alastor. It hurt to see Alastor stare at his clothes, perhaps unsure if he wanted to resume packing in front of Lucifer.

Lucifer waited until Alastor stood a little steadier as resolution finally came to the demon. Just as Alastor’s outstretched hand ran alongside the comforter to either find a spot to sit or to grasp a shirt, Lucifer softly asked, “Can you tell me what’s been happening this month? Doesn’t need to be about us, but I can’t help noticing you look more tired than I’ve seen in a long time.” Actually, Lucifer had never seen Alastor look so worn down, but he didn’t think it was wise to make such a statement.

A startled gasp slipped from Alastor, but his eyes doggedly avoided Lucifer’s as they landed on the clothes. After a long exhale, Alastor muttered, “I hardly think the king of hell would be interested in sinner overlord matters.”

Such a statement from his beloved stung, the implication that Alastor was nothing more than a lowly sinner overlord to Lucifer. Pain welled in his chest, threatening to break the dam holding back his feelings. “You aren’t some overlord to me, you’re my beloved. Whatever impacts you is important to me, even the smallest grievances and victories. Yeah, okay, I may not care about the inner workings of other overlords, but I care about their every interaction with you and how it affects you,” Lucifer admitted, speaking with conviction even with a heavy pit eating away at his stomach. “I’ve been failing to be your lover and partner. I know I’m realizing that too late, but I want to start rebuilding whatever you’re willing to let grow back as soon as you’re ready to let me listen. That starts with you sharing, even if it’s things you think I’ll find mundane, and me actively engaging without judgement.”

Light static and storming rain filled the quietness between them, although the rain was muffled by the heavy curtains. The uncertainty of what came next chewed any confidence Lucifer had as the seconds of wordless contemplation stretched, but Alastor finally opened up while wringing his hands. “Well, if you must know, there’s been much this month. Not just our lingering fight, but other fights.” Alastor began telling Lucifer about his time since they last truly spoke, and Lucifer did his best to encourage more discussion by actively listening. He wanted to hear anything Alastor offered about his life that Lucifer had missed. Relief washed away some of that pit in his stomach when Alastor finally looked at him, a few minutes into his recap of time lost. His eyes went back and forth between Lucifer and the clothes, before finally settling on Lucifer as if deciding the clothes could wait for now.

When Alastor concluded, his voice trailing off at the end as he summarized the issues facing Rosie and him, Lucifer nodded and replied, “That’s beyond exhausting for even the strongest demon or angel. I can see why you haven’t slept well.”

“What makes you think I haven’t slept well?” Although his words might have been taken defensively, Alastor looked more weary than guarded.

“You have circles under your eyes, my darling deer,” Lucifer explained, the pet name slipping out.

“Yes, well… perhaps I could use a better night of sleep.”

Nodding as he considered his next words, Lucifer suddenly shivered. The fine hairs on his arms were standing up again, but this time not from anxious worries. Rubbing his cold arms with colder hands, Lucifer murmured, “I forgot how bad this giant, stone palace is at keeping heat. I mean, hell runs hot but somehow never when you need it most.”

Alastor nodded in return, and concurred, “This is the first time I’ve experience power loss in this unreasonably large residence, and it certainly feels as though you’re right.”

Lucifer could see that Alastor was just as cold as him, if not more thanks to the thin demon’s recent weight loss, as Alastor’s whole body suddenly violently shivered. An urgent need to care for his beloved pulsed through him and he offered Alastor the first idea that crossed his mind, wanting nothing more than to warm up his pale lover. “We should get under the covers and let me heat up the bed so we don’t freeze or get sick.”

“I’m not exactly in the frame of mind for climbing into our shared bed, as I’ve said before,” Alastor reluctantly refuted.

Coughing to hide a pained wince, only to fail, Lucifer cleared his throat. He privately reiterated that Alastor’s need for support came first, giving whatever it took so Alastor didn’t fall ill. Not that he only cared about Alastor’s physical wellbeing, but sinners weren’t meant to fall ill and thwart their eternal punishment with a second death so easily. Cruel torment through slowed healing from a rocky illness was a possibility at risk right now. “What would you like to do to keep warm?”

“We could light that old fireplace and sit by it?” Alastor suggested.

Snapping his fingers, the dusty fireplace on the wall facing the foot of their bed lit up. It wasn’t exactly close to the bed, the room running longer than it did wide, but there was a pink loveseat between the fireplace and their bed. A glance at it reminded Lucifer how Alastor used to pester him about needing to update the furniture, and Lucifer wistfully hoped that conversation would resume one day soon. This time he’d even let Alastor pick the upholstery without complaint – well, so long as it didn’t look like a butcher shop or a garish nightmare.

“Thank you for taking care of that. As much as I do enjoy my own green flames, I find the coloring of our surroundings to be off when my green flames dominate your white light,” Alastor appreciated as he sat on the couch.

Respectfully, Lucifer sat on the opposite end of the loveseat, or as much as one could on a loveseat anyway. Their gazes lingered on the fire, occasionally glancing at one another as they spoke intermittently for a few minutes about Charlie’s hotel and wondered if it were any better off.

After another small conversation weakly died, Lucifer slumped into the couch when he couldn’t find any other topic to keep the conversation going. His crinkling clothing bristled against fresh goosebumps, and Lucifer realized the fire’s heat still wasn’t fully reaching them.

Sighing at the difficulty of their situation, he wondered if it was just him before seeing his dearest deer fully shudder again. “Maybe we should sit in front of the fireplace so we actually warm up?”

Slowly nodding, Alastor murmured, “I agree; this couch is not close enough.”

They scooted onto the soft white rug until they better felt the warmth radiating off the fireplace. There was still a gap between them, yet with the rug narrower than the loveseat, the distance was slimmer. Alastor sat cross-legged while Lucifer wrapped his arms around his knees. His elbow nearly brushed Alastor’s pants being so close, yet the space never felt wider between them.

A quick glance saw Alastor resolutely looking towards the flames, so Lucifer did the same. After another long pause, Lucifer offered the only other neutral topic that came to mind. “How many hell storms have you been through?”

Alastor hummed as he thought about the question. “I would say two or three. I’ve been in hell for about… ninety-five years?”

Despite himself, Lucifer chuckled at Alastor’s questioning tone. “I’m not any better at measuring time, so I can’t help.”

“No, for all our capabilities, telling time is not one of them. Such a silly thing to lose,” Alastor returned with a slow chuckle of his own.

Lucifer hummed with a soft smile and reminisced over a nearly forgotten memory. “Like that time we were going to move into the palace together, only to both forget the date and confuse Charlie why we showed up at dinner?”

A snort escaped Alastor. “Given all the servants overseeing the palace, you’d think at least one could be dedicated to keeping your head on straight.”

“Totally not true,” Lucifer protested, humor coloring his words. “No one could be that dedicated.”

Another small laugh eased Alastor’s shoulders, but when neither continued, Alastor’s shoulders tightened again. The sight squeezed Lucifer’s heart, and he blurted out his next question. “Have any hell storms been hard for you?”

“Hmm, I recall the one ten or fifteen years after I first arrived. I didn’t know that hell could have storms, let alone ones more aggressive than any during my time on earth. I also never knew burning rain.” The corner of the Radio Demon’s eyes crinkled in distaste.

“Oh yeah, acidic rain is a bitch,” Lucifer agreed. “The first time it rained acid Pentagram City wasn’t prepared for it. Took some time to rebuild after that, but now the city survives just about everything thrown at it.”

“You mean besides weaponized angelic beams?” Alastor dryly teased, and Lucifer grinned, pleased to see some humor return to Alastor. Perhaps it was the small change in scenery from their bed to somewhere without strong memories, but Alastor seemed less weighed down. Lucifer hoped it was his efforts to help ease the pain Alastor had been carrying, but he didn’t risk such thoughts going to his head.

Unaware of Lucifer’s musings about Alastor’s small shift in mood, the deer continued, “I’m surprise this old stone palace still remains, given I’m sure it has seen many acid storms in its centuries.”

He shrugged before explaining, “Spell work. Every year when I refresh my wards to keep this palace safe, it’s practically automatic to keep wards for storms.”

“I see; I suppose I could have asked at some point about your annual ward refresh,” Alastor reflected.

Unsure what Alastor was thinking, whether Alastor saw it as an oversight or lack of interest, Lucifer tried to keep the light attitude going. “No big deal, it happens.”

There was a brief silence, static dimming around them, before Alastor suddenly pushed back. “It really shouldn’t. We shouldn’t normalize ignoring things either of us do, regardless how often they’re done.”

His attempt to keep the mood light died from the implications of a heavy topic on the horizon. Lucifer rested his cheek against his drawn knees. “Well, I suppose we have things like that to go over at some point when we can reconnect better. I mean, assuming you want to reconnect.”

Alastor’s head snapped to Lucifer with a startled warbling noise. “Angel, just because I’m moving away for a little bit doesn’t mean I don’t plan to reconnect. I’m only doing this so we don’t prolong our problems and then truly fall apart.”

“You see moving out, even temporarily, to be the best solution for us to come back to each other?” Lucifer didn’t quite understand the logic.

A heavy exhale followed by chewing on his lip, Alastor hesitantly elaborated. “It worked for my family, for the brief times we were happy. Times were often difficult at our house, and when tensions grew high enough my mother would take me with her as she left. Eventually my father would convince her to return, and then for a few months I wasn’t reluctant to come home after school. Of course, it didn’t last, but neither you nor I have his horrible behaviors.”

Even though Lucifer had been actively listening to Alastor recap his month of problems, this revelation made him the most uneasy. It took him a moment to find a reply that didn’t undermine his efforts of giving Alastor a sense of support while also explaining his perspective. “We might not share anything in common with that man, but I’m surprised you took anything away from him. I understand that your mother taught you much, loved you unconditionally, and that you often retrace her footsteps where you think is reasonable. But, my wonderful buck, do you think retracing something that probably routinely hurt your mother over the years is what you want to keep?”

“I don’t believe what hurt her is what would hurt us. As I said, neither of us are him. I thought that what helped her try again with hope each time had enough success to try at least once for us.”  Finally, their eyes met as Alastor looked into Lucifer’s eyes, flames dancing in the deer’s eyes, and for a long moment their gazes held.

Unable to break away, now that he could really truly finally look Alastor in the eye, Lucifer studying him closely. It wasn’t just the dark circles under his eyes or paler skin, but also the lack of bite in his eyes. Before now, it’d always been present; Alastor’s eyes always hungered for more, whether it be power or time with Lucifer, and Lucifer had always cherished the little light that shined as if to say “you’re mine” to Lucifer.

Pained by his realization, Lucifer quietly confessed, “I think in this dim light I’m seeing you better.”

“What do you mean?” Alastor’s brows furrowed.

“You look so worn down,” Lucifer softly observed. “Being so worn down, it makes more sense why you’re trying to fix us the only way you know how. From the only way you’ve seen work over the years of the one romantic relationship you really witnessed.”

Tsk’ing weakly, Alastor protested, “Well, there was Mimzy, and she –”

“She didn’t do romantic relationships, as you’ve said several times,” Lucifer corrected before Alastor could go down that false path. “Not really, anyways. She did infatuation, and it never lasted enough to become loving or romantic.”

Alastor’s eyes drifted and he murmured as he leaned his elbows into his crossed legs, “I suppose if I must honestly reflect on my own limited history of relationships and what relationships I’ve witnessed, you are right that I’m doing the only solution I’ve seen. I fail to see how being worn down fits into this, however.”

“When we’re worn down, we can’t work better or smarter on finding a new solution. Trust me, after centuries of working on finding new ideas, I know how hard it is to find one when you aren’t your best,” Lucifer supplied.

“Hmm,” was all Alastor said as his chin rested on his propped hands. As Alastor studied the flames, deep within his own thoughts, Lucifer couldn’t help but notice a faint shiver running through the deer’s gaunt figure.

Snapping his fingers, a large blanket with circus ducks manifested over Lucifer, half of it dangling between the pair. “Here,” Lucifer offered as he tugged the other half towards Alastor. “You still look a little cold.”

“I’ve forgotten how astute you can be when there aren’t distractions going on around us,” Alastor mused. “Nevertheless, I don’t want any misgivings between us.”

“I swear I’ll consider this just a warmth thing.” It did hurt a bit to think of being under a blanket together as nothing more than meeting a basic, but Lucifer was determined to not let depression sink in and ruin Alastor’s health or their chances of simply talking.

“If you promise,” Alastor agreed as he scooted over to Lucifer. Wrapping the draping blanket half around himself, leaving a gap between them barely wider than a jacket fiber, Alastor readjusted himself into the same position as Lucifer. It took all of Lucifer’s self-control to not sweep Alastor into a hug and rub his back until the demon stopped shivering.

Instead, Lucifer swallowed his wishes and mirrored Alastor by looking forward. If simply talking was one of his hopes tonight, then Lucifer needed to offer the first building stones to bridge the distance between them. “I miss when we used to tell each other everything about ourselves, so thank you for sharing about your family’s history.”

“You’re welcome.” It might have been taken as dismissive, if not for Lucifer’s awareness that a soft “you’re welcome” from Alastor was a confession, not a dismissal.

Pondering how to keep things going, Lucifer took his cue from the outside weather. “Do you remember our first time together in the cold?”

“Of course,” Alastor snickered with a hint of genuine smile. “Who can forget the rare night hell is actually cold?”

“Especially when your night starts outside when the cold snap hits,” Lucifer grinned at a memory not meant to be fondly recalled. “We were so frozen by the time we figured it out and I could snap a portal back to my hotel room.”

“Yes,” Alastor curled in the blanket a little further. “I didn’t know how to ask for closeness even for just warm without sounding needy. Back then that was one of the worst things I feared.”

“You have never been needy,” Lucifer earnestly reassured. “If anything, you could’ve stood to need me a little sooner that night. But we did get over the hurdle of asking each other for a cuddle to warm up that night, eventually. I remember trying to subtly watch you and see if there were any openings for me to ask.”

A light scoff, and then Alastor teased in his usual dry way, “I’ve got news for you, little angel; you weren’t subtle at all.”

Pretending to be pained by the reveal, Lucifer mimed beneath the blanket being shot in the heart. “All this time, I thought I’d been so smooth! Shut me down now, there’s no recovering from this.”

They both lightly giggled at Lucifer’s overly dramatic reply, and when the sound of a cherished recollection shared faded, small fond smiles remained. Stretching the laughter a little further, Lucifer joked as he tenderly watched Alastor, “I don’t know how I’m going to recover from this.”

Alastor returned the king’s look with a suffering sigh, but Lucifer’s stomach flipped when a small mirthful light at last returned to Alastor’s eyes. It was small but there, and Lucifer wanted to cradle the joy so it might bloom into the playful brat he missed.

The demon gave an exasperated huff. “Please let your outlet be anything besides duck making. We finally got all the ducks contained after these past few years; I’d hate to have to redo it for another several years.”

“Hmmm…,” Lucifer pretended to ponder. “Too late.”

“Oh, good grief,” Alastor rolled his eyes before they settled down to gaze into Lucifer’s.

They watched each other for a few quiet moments, Lucifer smiling softly as he wondered what was on his demon’s mind, before Alastor sighed and his eyes wavered. “We haven’t been good lately as serious conversations, have we? It’s so much easier to tease you right now.”

Although his smile faded a bit at the shift, Lucifer took the moment to contemplate Alastor’s words. “We’ve had serious conversations, but yeah… we aren’t good at starting them.”

When Alastor’s face began tilting back to look forward at the fire, Lucifer realized how badly they needed to have this conversation, no matter how much it hurt. “I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” Alastor asked as he gave Lucifer his full attention again. “You know I hate general statements that could be taken as anything, unless I’m the one saying them while making a deal under my terms.”

Nodding, Lucifer reflecting on how their current argument came to be, leafing through his memories backwards through the month. As they played, he focused more on Alastor than his own self, and suddenly he was acutely aware of the times Alastor had tried talking to him when they actually shared space. Each time Lucifer had been tired and unable to keep up the conversation, if it even truly started. Letting the fight linger wasn’t the only issue on his mind anymore, now joined by guilt. “I’m sorry that I shut down every conversation you tried to start, and I’m sorry I shut down from, well, everything important to you. Everything that was important to us. I took us for granted that I could put our relationship on the shelf and come back to everything the same as when I… well, I didn’t leave, but I guess I did sort of check out.”

Eyes shrewd before Lucifer spoke now flickered, their sharpness dulling as Alastor’s smile slipped. The blanket covering Alastor slipped down a little, giving way from bleeding tension in Alastor’s shoulders. Instead of his usual quick wit, Alastor stared until he cleared his voice and blinked a few times, static rising before falling. “I know we haven’t had much opportunity to see each other, let alone really be with one another. While I’d usually rather claw out my own throat than admit this, it has been lonely this past month without you beside me.”

“I’m sorry I made you feel alone,” Lucifer solemnly apologized. “I was so focused on being a successful king, I forgot to be a loving partner to the one I want to spend my life with.”

A light blush touched Alastor’s cheeks. “Some allowances can be made for a king overseeing an unruly kingdom. I suppose I could have grabbed you and plainly said I was drowning.”

“Drowning how?” Lucifer’s arms around his knees unfolded and he placed one hand on the ground, so close to Alastor that he could almost feel the fuzzy fibers of his pants. “I know there’s been some attempts to overthrow you as overlord. Have they been happening more than I realized, or is there even more going on?”

Alastor rolled his lip between his teeth, almost hesitant. Lucifer hoped it wasn’t hesitation to open up to him, but something else. Finally, Alastor explained, “There’s been aspiring overlords trying, and some established overlords assisting them. That has been a lot of issues, including sitting across from the backstabbers at Carmilla’s meetings and pretending I’m unaware of their plans. You know I love secretly scheming and manipulating my enemies, but when it’s multiple overlords over a prolonged period? It’s less exciting.” Alastor sighed as his shoulders drooped, the blanket almost sliding completely off his outside shoulder.

He continued, “Not only that, Niffty has been struggling and I’ve done my best to be there for her. Attentiveness to emotional needs are not my strong suit, and I usually spend all I can afford on you. Splitting my efforts between her and trying to talk to you has been taxing. Arguably very taxing.”

Biting the inside of his cheek to keep from blurting out another sorry, Lucifer gave a somber nod. Yes, he knew Alastor was often emotionally constipated, so whatever was happening in addition to their problems had to be wiping him out. “You’re a very good friend and partner for doing your best to push beyond your reserves for providing emotional support. I’m sorry I haven’t met you even halfway, let alone lift you up just as much as you’ve tried lifting me up. What’s happening with Niffty? Can I help?”

After giving a quick rundown of Niffty’s struggles with Baxter and her fears of repeating the relationship failures of her life on earth, Lucifer could understand how the irony of such a situation could bring Alastor further down. Whatever advice he could offer as Alastor spoke was given, and Alastor seemed appreciative of Lucifer’s efforts. Not all of them were accepted as plausible solutions by Alastor, which wasn’t surprising since Lucifer’s familiarity with Niffty was limited more to stories than interactions, but Alastor’s softening expression suggested that Lucifer’s attempts were valued anyway.

“I’m glad you told me all of this,” Lucifer said at the end of their discussion over Niffty. His fingers beside Alastor curled, wanting so bad to reach out and finally make that physical connection. “I want you to know I’m going to make a better effort to be available to you, even… even after you leave. I know you won’t be calling me on the phone, but however you want to reach out to me just to talk, I want you to know I’ll set aside anything just to be with you. I’ve failed to give you what you deserve, and I’m going to make sure that doesn’t repeat.”

“Oh angel,” Alastor murmured before closing the gap between them by resting his outstretched fingers around Lucifer’s curled ones. “You haven’t failed. You’ve just slipped up. I have as well, considering what I could have done.”

“No,” Lucifer protested, doing his best to focus on the conversation rather than the fluttering heartbeat in his chest at Alastor’s touch. “You’ve tried, despite being so worn, and I’ve been ruining your efforts. Okay, yeah, we’re allowed to struggle with the things happening around us, but we shouldn’t allow ourselves to stop trying to be there for one another. When we feel like stopping, that’s when we need to try harder. I’m scared you’ll end up thinking I don’t care one day.” He held his breath after voicing such vulnerability.

Fingers curled around Lucifer’s and Alastor’s smile tightened in concerned. “I would never think you don’t care. I’m worried that you’ll forget me in the commotion you deal with, rather than you simply stopped caring.”

“I’d never forget you!” Lucifer steadfast refused. His hand pulled back just enough to slip his fingers from Alastor’s laying on his and allow their fingers to intertwine. The tips of his fingers pressed into the back of Alastor’s hand. “Heavens above, please never think I’d forget you. Even if you leave and never come back, ten thousand years from now, I’d still never forget you.” How he wanted to press his lips against Alastor’s, to reassure him with all his affection that he’d never forget Alastor, no matter what happened.

“I hope my planned small hiatus is not ten thousand years long,” Alastor tried to laugh, although it came out more uncertain than calming. Lucifer saw some Alastor’s mask working to slip into place.

Swallowing thickly, Lucifer’s tongue felt numb as he imagined a world where he’d pushed Alastor permanently away. Somehow the room became greyer than it should have with mingling white and green lights. “I want to show you how much you mean to me, but I’ll respect your boundaries. I want you to come back as soon as you’re ready, when the time comes for you to safely leave after this storm. Until then, I wish I could remind you how I’d never forget you.”

A wistful smile combined with relaxing eyes, Alastor tried comforting Lucifer, “I don’t require you reassuring me.”

Lucifer didn’t believe that for an instant, knowing Alastor had a tendency to deflect when things became too real. “If I could brush your lips with mine, I would. If I could hold you until you fell asleep, I would treasure that forever. You have no idea how badly right now I want to prove to you that you’re not only important to me, but completely unforgettable.”

Alastor sucked in a breath, guarded expression loosening a fraction. “And if I dared to give you a minute of permission to show me how you’d reassure me, what would you do?”

Not expecting to have even a minute, Lucifer felt his own eyes grow large as his desire to do more than just touch hands leaped. “Well, first I’d cup my hand like this,” he murmured as he shifted to better face Alastor, allowing his free hand to come up to Alastor’s face. Instead of immediately cupping Alastor’s face, he let his thumb brush lazy caressing circles on Alastor’s cheek as he stared softly into Alastor’s cautious eyes.

Brushing movements slowed down as Lucifer’s fingers carded through Alastor’s hair to cup the side of Alastor’s face. With a tone so soft it bordered on inaudible, Lucifer continued, “Then I’d see if your lips are still willing to melt against mine.”

Shifting to his knees as he fully faced Alastor, Lucifer leaned in slowly as if approaching a skittish animal, only to break when he felt Alastor’s breath and swiftly move. He tried to only brush lips against Alastor’s, to give the deer a chance to protest if there was even a hint of reluctance, but his need to let their connection bloom outpaced him. The kiss sunk deep into Alastor’s lips, professing Lucifer’s love for his dearest heart.

His awareness of time broke after Alastor’s indecisiveness disappeared a split-second after their lips touched as he wholly gave into the kiss, his free hand coming to rest on Lucifer’s shoulder while the blanket fell to his lap. Only the corner resting on Lucifer’s back stayed up, as it pooled around them. The heat between their bodies finally so close allowed them to remain lip-locked without noticing the coldness beyond the blanket.

Spurred on by Alastor eagerly giving away after pause and meeting him with just as much need, Lucifer shifted once more so he knelt taller to be slightly above Alastor’s soft posture. His hand holding Alastor’s letting go and wrapping around Alastor’s slim waist. His splayed hand rested somewhere between Alastor’s lower and mid back, and he swept Alastor up so that their chests were flush. A muffed squeak of surprise escaped Alastor, but their kiss remained unbroken as Alastor’s head tilted upward with the movement, just as eager to keep their connection alive.

His whole world narrowed to feeling Alastor’s pliant body against his, the sounds of a crackling fire dying into faint ambient noises, becoming almost ghostly in comparison to Alastor’s tempering static. If this was his last chance to give Alastor every bit of his love for however long, then he’d take every second he had to shower his devotion upon Alastor, making sure his beloved knew that he never meant to let it fade from Alastor’s world.

The hand cupping Alastor’s face massaged the deer’s scalp a few times before his hand released its tender hold and drifted to rest on Alastor’s chest. Was it Alastor’s heart beating thunderously in his chest, or was Lucifer’s heartfelt desires tingling even his fingertips?

A quick motion with his hand would have magically divested Alastor of his clothes, but such a move felt as though it’d deprive them both of what they needed – for Lucifer to unwrap Alastor as if undoing the painful burdens trying to snuff the life out of them. Jacket buttons were slowly undone as their kisses continued with uneven breaks for breathing.

Fingers curled on Lucifer’s shoulder, as though Alastor was afraid his partner might disappear, finally released and made their way to Lucifer’s tie. Alastor fumbled as he tried to undo Lucifer’s bowtie, a faint tremble and distracted focus leaving him unable to do more than loosen the ribbon. Helpless to Lucifer’s hot mouth lavishing his, and the fallen’s hand pressing him close while other’s outstretched fingers caressed Alastor’s collarbone, a wanton moan escaped as he surrendered. Any tautness that was in Alastor’s body dissolved, leaving him to be Lucifer’s to do as he pleased.

What pleased Lucifer was the mewls he swallowed from his hungry buck. They gave him just as much pleasure as the receptive quiver when his hand finally moved from Alastor’s undone jacket to rub a pebbled nipple through his shirt. Kisses between them became more broken as the need from Alastor grew with each pinch and roll from Lucifer.

Holding back a delighted chuckle, relieved to know Alastor needed this just as much as him, Lucifer guided Alastor to his back on the plush white rug. Only then did his hand on Alastor’s back leave, allowing Lucifer to unbutton Alastor’s shirt with more precision than when he undid Alastor’s jacket with just one hand.

After the first button was released, Lucifer gave one last firm kiss to Alastor’s mouth before nudging with the expanse of his noseless face for Alastor to lift his chin. Despite his whimper for more kisses, Alastor extended his chin upward, allowing free access to his neck. Mouthing kisses along the offered tendon, Lucifer moving languidly downward until his open mouth found the dip between Alastor’s collarbones. His lips hovered as his fingers opened a few more buttons to uncover easy access to the fluff of Alastor’s chest.

Nuzzling Alastor’s chest as he murmured words of love and praise until Alastor’s shirt slid free from his body, Lucifer moved to lavish his worship with his tongue upon Alastor’s neglected nipple. His hands moved from Alastor’s discarded shirt to the waist of his pants, fingertips playfully ghosting inside the elastic. A shudder rippled through Alastor, followed by a weak “please.”

Never one to deny his buck outside of certain games, Lucifer gave one last lick to Alastor’s nipple before returning to reassure him with another kiss as his fingers tugged Alastor’s waistband down. This time their kisses were less hurried, if one might describe the earlier needful kisses as such, lasting until Lucifer had to break free to finish pulling Alastor’s pants away to reveal boxers with a dampened center.

Alastor’s resting hands reflexively tightened as Lucifer admired his body with a worshipping gaze from his haunches, rug strands straining tightly in his curled fingers. His mouth opened in a small “O” as he panted, his eyes swimming with unshed tears. Lucifer prayed to whatever being in heaven would listen that those were tears of need and not tears of sadness.

Hooves now exposed to Lucifer’s ministrations, the fallen angel worked his way up from hooved foot to waist band with a hand teasingly moving along each leg. Bending down to hover his chin above Alastor’s navel, he inched Alastor’s boxers down as he adoringly locked eyes with Alastor.

This time when freeing Alastor of his boxers brought his face to Alastor’s crotch, he gave the neatly groomed petite apex of the deer’s thighs a coquettish kiss. Being as short as the king was, while he wanted to stay where he was as he pulled off Alastor’s boxers, he mournfully left the damp heat and heady scent of Alastor’s core so he could finish his task. Before returning to Alastor’s arousal, he peppered Alastor’s thighs with butterfly-light kisses.

The state of his own clothes swiftly came back to him as he was reminded of his trapped erection when his cock bumped the rug as he lowered his body. Just as he was about to snap away his clothes, having no interest in wasting time undressing himself, an idea popped into mind. Kissing the air as he kept his gaze leveled with Alastor’s, not blowing it away but using it to hold Alastor’s gaze, all but his skewed bowtie blinked away.

With one hand massaging Alastor’s thigh, his other hand pulled his bowtie free so the ribbon dangled freely. Teeth grabbed the ribbon, and Lucifer lowered his body once more until the ribbon was caught between his chin and the top of Alastor’s pelvis. With the practiced easy of hedonist eager to use his mouth at every opportunity, Lucifer position the ribbon to dangle over the center of Alastor’s cunt all the while his hands kept Alastor’s shaky thighs in place. Only then did he finally use his magic, locking the top of the ribbon so it would remain resting on Alastor’s short curls.

Hands still firmly keeping Alastor’s thighs parted, Lucifer’s teeth nipped at Alastor’s folds through the ribbon. The black cloth stretched taut from where it was locked on top and where Lucifer’s teeth teased, causing it to firmly press into Alastor’s clit. A gasp followed by a bigger shudder embolden Lucifer to continue scraping Alastor’s cunt with his teeth while nuzzling the ribbon so it kept the silken pressure against the little bud.

Despite feeling Alastor try remaining in control, Lucifer was the one locking Alastor’s squirming body into place. His hands migrated close to Alastor’s hips to ground the deer better.

More words of adoration and love spilled intermittently between nips and licks of Alastor’s glistening core. “If there’s only one taste in this life I’ll remember ten thousand years from now, it’ll be the sweetness of your love. From the tease of your tongue as I lavish your lips, to your need dripping on my tongue, I want nothing more than to bask forever with you. Not just with memories, but with any presence you’ll willingly bestow me. No other treasure in my life compares to the moments when your breath teases my skin as you sleep on chest, or when I see your smile grow in genuine fondness of my silliest antics.”

“Lu… my angel,” Alastor shakily breathed as Lucifer confessed every bit of desire he held for his beloved, and how he longed for Alastor to know each and every one. If there was only one failure Lucifer could rectify for now, it would be his mistake neglecting to tell Alastor all the ways he mattered so that he knew he was always cherished by the fallen angel.

Lost in letting free his vulnerabilities so that Alastor would not be left uncertain of his value to the Sin of Pride, the ribbon fell as his magic gave way and Lucifer’s tongue eagerly slipped into Alastor’s freed entrance. Thrusting with his tongue to stimulate Alastor’s walls, repeatedly pressing the pad of his forked tongue against Alastor’s sweet spot so he could feel Alastor buck against his face, Lucifer wished he could speak while his mouth was occupied. A clone could achieve the effect, but a third body between the two of them felt like an intrusion rather than an addition to the love Lucifer wanted to swaddle around Alastor.

He didn’t let up, his hands continuing to ground Alastor’s hips even when a crest of radio noises broke as the demon’s back bent at an impossibly sharp angle. The small stream of slick drippling from Lucifer’s lips down his chin suddenly turned into a flash flood and Lucifer greedily drank up Alastor’s orgasm. When Alastor’s body collapsed back into the rug, every tight muscle relaxing as if his internal demons had left him, Lucifer gently pulled free.

When Alastor stirred, Lucifer licked his lips and then kissed along the center of Alastor’s body until he reached his navel. “Love, I want you. I want to be inside you so I feel you wrapped around me, if you’ll let me continue showing you my affection for you.”

Despite being breathless even as he looked at Lucifer, Alastor sucked in air enough to steady himself as he nodded. “Please… please. I want to wrap my arms around you while you remind me why everyday we’re together is precious.”

Alastor’s words ignited a flame within Lucifer, coursing through him to burn away whatever shame he felt lingering in his flush body. His body easily melded into Alastor’s as he crawled up to meet his buck’s waiting lips. For a moment they simply kissed, Lucifer savoring the moment of pressed lips as his cock rested in the warm promises of Alastor’s core.

Their kiss turned desperate as Alastor squirmed, jostling Lucifer so his cock almost breeched the entrance to Alastor’s cunt. Moaning with Alastor, Lucifer placed his arms so they rested next to Alastor’s ribs as he positioned his body. With one last reassuring kiss, Lucifer pressed his wet cock forward to sink beyond Alastor’s folds.

Lucifer’s forehead dropped to Alastor’s chest and rested there as he slipped in, inch-by-inch, reveling in the feel of Alastor clenching around him. It wasn’t just Alastor’s sex clenching his own that had him seeing stars, but Alastor’s arms wrapping around him almost too tenderly brought more light to the world.

When his pelvis met Alastor’s they both paused and panted, trying to overcome the feeling that almost made them each come right then. When they both gathered their wits, Lucifer gave the dip in Alastor’s neck a kiss and then began to move.

Starting off slowly, Lucifer found himself unwilling to speed up beyond a relaxed roll of his hips, each thrust deep and meaningful, making sure the moment lasted as long as it could. Meanwhile, Alastor’s arms stayed wrapped around him, only periodically letting go to brush the strands in Lucifer’s face away so they could make eye contact. When the coil in Lucifer’s body grew tight, knowing the moment would soon come to its conclusion, Lucifer rocked his whole body upward so he could pepper Alastor’s face with worshipping kisses.

A whimpering cry escaped Alastor as his body pressed up into Lucifer’s, his head thrown back, and Lucifer felt Alastor’s body clamp down hard enough to stutter his thrusts. Lucifer groaned into Alastor’s shoulder as he pressed his face in tight while his orgasm whited out his vision.

One blurry color returning at a time, one crackling noise after another, Lucifer’s groggy awareness cleared. The scent of freshly turned earth greeted him, his face still buried in Alastor’s shoulder and neck. For his part, Alastor’s head had rolled into Lucifer’s, his cheek resting against Lucifer’s crown. His arms had weakened, no longer wrapped around Lucifer. Only his hands rested against Lucifer’s sides.

Sluggishly Lucifer slipped out, his movements uncoordinated as he reluctantly moved to rest beside Alastor, afraid of overwhelming the one slowly panting with closed eyes. The one who Lucifer cherished above all else, and the one Lucifer could only pray now fully remembered his love so that they might reunite one day soon.

Halfway through weakly moving away, arms suddenly found new strength and grabbed him to hold him tight where he was, pressing him securely into Alastor’s flank. A soft sob escaped from above, static jumping to try and cover the noise. Lucifer snapped his head to look at Alastor. The demon’s eyes were still closed, but his lashline glistened with tears beginning to shed.

Resting on his elbow so he could steadily hold himself up just as much as Alastor was pressing him so their bodies melded, Lucifer eagerly returned their tight brace. The noises outside were nothing compared to the soft hiccups from Alastor. However long they stayed like that Lucifer didn’t know, but his own tears welled up in his eyes until they left wet trails on Alastor’s skin.

“I don’t want to go,” Alastor sniffled as he buried his head in Lucifer’s hair, his weakened voice almost washed out by static.

If Lucifer could have squeezed Alastor tighter without causing pain he would have done so. “I don’t want you to go,” his words were just as weak, muffled by Alastor’s torso, more tears rolling down the deer’s skin.

Their embrace was seemingly endless as they worked through their wrecked emotions, tears streaming freely until their eyes dried up. Only when a misty-eyed Lucifer saw the last of Alastor’s tears fall from eyes strained with blackened veins did Lucifer finally speak. “Stay here, at least tonight? We can sleep here; I don’t want to leave your side. In the morning, we can talk about anything you want, and I promise you that you’ll not only have my full attention, but I’ll give you everything I have so that you never feel like you have to leave again to bring back my love. You’ll always have my love, and I want to spend the rest of our days making sure you know that.”

Brushing his lashes, Alastor nodded and curled around Lucifer as he pulled the discarded blanket around them. Pillows appeared beside their heads, and they rearranged themselves just enough to rest comfortably on the rug without breaking their embrace. After they settled in each other’s arms, heads resting beside one another on their pillows as the blanket rested under Lucifer’s chin, Alastor spoke out loud. “If I were to put one hope above all others, it’s that we never feel lost without one another again.”

Heart clenched tight at his words, Lucifer calmed himself by reminding himself that Alastor was in his arms with the promise of a better tomorrow. Kissing the underside of Alastor’s jawline, Lucifer gave his own promise. “I’m so sorry I let the issues grow until you felt that way. Next time either of us have a moment of uncertainty, a moment of feeling lost, we sit beside each other and talk. No more waiting on other things so our problems fester. I don’t ever want this pain back, because the thought of losing you in any way, even if you move to another wing in the palace, is too much. I love you, and I promise to provide you reminders of my love every day, one way or another, so you are never lost without me.”

Notes:

Thanks for reading! I hope the tenderness leaves you with a :3 smile 😊