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Her skin was doused in gasoline, and it felt like every word that came out of his mouth was a lit matchstick inching closer and closer. She didn’t want to hear any of it, she didn’t want to hear that they were technically only second cousins, or that what he felt was true love. She didn’t want to hear that what they had wasn’t real- she knew that. Of course she knew that, Danny was an asshole white football player that she only really dated because it felt like that’s what she needed to do.
Mari always imagined their relationship would end with her breaking up with him, either finding a boy who was much better or just cutting it off before they went to college because she needed to ‘find herself’. She didn’t imagine that she’d be here holding back angry tears as her bright red face took in the information.
The sensation of eyes on her wasn’t new but it was in every way more intense. It was just her and Danny in her room. Her room with all of her stuff, all of the Valentine’s Day gifts and birthday presents, and anniversary, and- Mari took in a sharp breath.
“Get out of my room.”
“Mar-“
“Out! You perverted cousin fucking asshole!” She threw a textbook at him, because there wasn’t anything near her that could actually hurt him and she didn’t think throwing her pillow would work.
Mari cried for a long time, just sitting in her bed with her blanket wrapped tightly around her body as the sun rays from her window slowly disappeared and replaced by the moonlight. She cried until it was time to get ready for the back to school party- the party she was supposed to go with Danny on her arm. The two of them were starting their Junior year, “when shit got serious”- one of the reasonings Danny gave to her for their break up- and she wanted to start it off good.
So Mari stood up, dragging herself to the bathroom connected to her bedroom and started wiping her face with a damp towel until it looked like she was crying hours ago instead of two minutes ago. She took careful stock of her collection of makeup, trying to figure out what kind of look she wanted to go with. She was single now, so maybe something a little more innocent.. then it hit her.
What if this turned into a whole thing? What if people found out about their break up, spread rumors. Would Danny be openly dating his cousin? How could that affect her reputation?
Mari nearly threw the towel in her hand before she could calm down. She’d need to get ahead of this- obviously- so innocent it was. Mari started with the foundation, maybe making herself a little paler than she actually was in the process, and by the end of the hour she was in there she almost looked preferable. Apparently not preferable over someone’s own cousin but-
/
Lottie trashed her drawer as she searched through it, then the drawer under it and the one under that because where the fuck was her pills. Fuck. She scratched her arm nervously as she dumped out the contents of her purse and looked through the pile. Not in there either. She needed to take these now, before the party because if she didn’t then she’d forget and she’d be a whole dose behind and fuck!
Lottie groaned as her shirt pocket produced similarly disappointing results. She knew that she couldn’t get a new bottle until the start of September, she knew that if she said anything to her father about losing the pill bottle then he’d freak. She couldn’t tell him- you know if it weren’t for him rushing her so much to get to church this morning while she was taking her first dose of the day then maybe she wouldn’t have fucking lost it!
Lottie took in a deep breath, counting gently in her kind as the seconds ticked by. She was fine, she’d be fine. She had missed doses before, never over two weeks like she was about to, but that was fine right?
The doubt set in quickly, you’re like clinically diagnosed crazy Lottie, you can’t just skip your pills for two weeks! But the thought of telling her father, seeing him angry again- the last time she saw him angry set her off for like a month. Something about seeing his eyes glaze over with pure, unadulterated anger, shook her to her core.
As Lottie debated telling her father, she was alerted by the ringing of the phone in the hallway, she wasted no time in running to the device and answering it before one of her parents could. She held no short doubt that her mother often listened in from the other phone, so when she answered it to hear one of her teammates voice she swiftly reminded her about that fact.
“Right. Well.. are you still coming to practice Wednesday?”
“Yep. I’ll be there. See you soon!” She slapped the phone back into place and sighed. She’d need to put everything back in her purse and get ready for the party in like thirty minutes before she had to leave. Great.
-
By the time she made it to the party, the crowd had already situated themselves into their respective places in the house. Lottie didn’t actually know the person who was throwing the party, let alone their parents who owned the house, but it was pretty nice. Two floors, a basement, and even a pool that stayed mostly empty for now, though there were already students daring their friends to jump into it.
While she didn’t know the party thrower, she did know quite a few people at the party. Lottie saw quite a few of her soccer teammates, including Jackie who seemed preoccupied with her new boyfriend. Well ‘new’ was a loaded word, because while they were technically only recently together, this was like the third time they’d broken up and gotten back together, so it was a new, past, boyfriend.
Lottie decided not to go talk with Jackie, Jeff seemed kind of gross in the few interactions they had, and talking with a girl when her boyfriend was nearby never really produced anything meaningful. Lottie always had the most meaningful conversations with Laura Lee, and she wished she were here right not. But, if that girl saw even an inch of what was going on in this house she might’ve just fainted. Lottie herself saw at least 3 pairs of teenagers making out by the time she made it to the kitchen, and a lot more pairs were doing a lot more than kissing.
She briefly wondered if any new couples might prop up during this party. Gossip was never really ‘her thing’ but she did enjoy knowing things others didn’t. It felt like keeping a secret that she knew would eventually get out. Like knowing it before other people gave her higher agency over the secret.
So she kept an eye on all the people giving ‘those’ looks to others as she poured herself a drink, sniffing the drink to check if there was alcohol in it. Did she care about getting drunk? Not.. particularly, but starting with something alcoholic sounded sad, so she just drank what looked and smelt the most like Hawaiian punch before making her way back to the living room.
More of her teammates were there, mostly the JV kids she didn’t know by name yet. Since she hardly knew them, Lottie just decided to stand in the only corner not occupied by a couple making out and watched for a long while.
Long enough for her drink to eventually find itself empty, and filled again by a guy with a sleazy smile. This new drink was definitely alcoholic, but Lottie drank it all the same because she felt pretty safe. Now she didn’t have some crazy belief that nothing bad ever happened at teenage house parties, that if she didn’t watch what she drank then she could be in real danger, but the drink came directly out a pretty big bottle, and unless that guy was roofieing everyone he was pouring drinks to- including several men- then Lottie doubted there was anything in her drink.
Besides, what really made her feel secure was the presence of so many of her teammates. She didn’t know most of them, and they didn’t know her but there was this sort of camaraderie that came from practicing and playing together that meant she would do anything for them and they’d likely do the same.
“Oh my god, did you hear?” Lottie stood a little straighter at the voice near her ear. The girl was speaking with her, and her words were incredibly slurred despite the party only being going on for like 40 minutes before Lottie walked in, but she could hear it clearly.
“Hear what?” The other girl spoke loudly, trying to speak over the music and not realizing how loud she actually was. But her friend didn’t care.
“Danny Mears walked in with Julissa- or Julia..?”
“Julia Bake- his cousin??” The other girl giggled, “but wait- isn’t he dating Maria?”
Mari? Lottie tried to lean in a little more once she realized the voices were coming from the fireplace not too far from her. Were they talking about Mari? To be completely honest Lottie didn’t know what her name was short for so Maria could definitely have been Mari.
“I guess they like, broke up or.. something.”
“That’s, so gross.”
“Yeah.” The girls giggled a little while longer before one of them whined about an empty cup and they walked away.
It wasn’t long after that Lottie caught Mari walking into the house, her face clad in makeup and her clothes perfectly paired together to give off that nonchalant summer look. She always did know exactly what kinds of things to put together to encapsulate what she wanted to, but right now it gave off this air of sadness. Maybe Lottie could say something to make her feel better? It was a stretch but.. she kinda had to try something no?
/
Mari made a beeline to the kitchen, this party was either going to be amazing or horrible but regardless of that she was absolutely going to be drunk. She was nearly there too, when a voice she never excepted to hear came right up against her ear. “I don’t think you’ll find anything that’s not spiked-“
“Shit!” Mari nearly dropped her cup, and definitely splashed her white shirt with it as the cup went up.
“Oh my god- Mari, shit. I’m sorry.”
“What the, fuck!?” She whisper shrieked, because starting a scene was not something she wanted to do, but yelling at the girl responsible was definitely something she wanted to do.
“I’m sorry- really.. ah..” Lottie scrambled to grab a paper towel roll and started wiping against Mari’s shirt, spreading the bright red stain further and all but rubbing against her chest.
“Jesus Christ- stop that.” Mari grabbed the paper from Lottie’s hand and threw it in the trash, glaring at the guy who was smiling at them, like they were doing all of this for his entertainment, until he looked away. “The fuck is wrong with you? I know the drinks have alcohol in them- that’s like the whole point of a party.”
“Sorry..” Lottie mumbled, trying not to make eye contact.
“Ugh. Gimme your sweater.”
“What?”
“The ugly thing you’re wearing? You ruined my shirt and I’m not walking around with a bright red circle on my shirt that exposes the color of my bra.”
“Ah. Right.” Lottie looked around for a moment, catching the eye of that same guy. “Can we go to the bathroom?”
“Whatever.” Mari filled a new cup with her drink before following Lottie to one of the bathrooms in this massive house.
“Can you loc-“
“There.” Mari clicked the lock into place, wondering if people would think they were like.. doing things. Gross. “What is this even supposed to be?” Mari tugged in the hem of the sweater and looked at the vaguely animalistic character.
“A llama..” Lottie pulled up her sweater and looked at Mari awfully embarrassed. Mari was in no mood to care at all really, so she just stuffed the thing over her shirt.
“Oh, cute.” Her eyes landed on the pink shirt Lottie had underneath, a little yellow star in the center.
“I didn’t think anyone would see it.”
“Well get drunk enough and you won’t care about what people see.” Mari choked back the cheap drink in her hand and reached for the doorknob to leave-
“Are you okay Mari?”
“Hm?”
“I uh.. heard what happened with Danny. Wanted to know if you-“
“You what??” Mari was in Lottie’s face at the drop of the second, staring deeply and angrily.
“I- I-“
“Who told you?”
“I don’t know, uhm.. two drunk girls were talking and I overheard..”
“Fuck fuck.. fuck!” Mari groaned as she covered her face and stepped away from Lottie. “Everyone knows now-“ That hadn’t been said. “And junior year is ruined.”
“Hey-“
“I’m getting another drink.” Mari stormed out of the bathroom.
Lottie chased after her, clearly concerned and trying to say something that would make Mari calm down. But by the time she caught up Mari was already half way through her second drink.
“Maybe nobody else knows-?” Her comforting words were proven wrong almost immediately but a group of girls walking by and openly giggling Mari’s way. She grabbed and poured more of the drink into her cup and downed it before pouring a fourth- now she wasn’t stupid. She wasn’t going to drink four drinks immediately, even if they were probably only like 20% alcohol and 80% juice it was a bad idea. Mari kept the fourth drink as she looked around the kitchen to find more than a few stares. Almost none of which appeared sexual in nature.
“Everyone’s heard.”
“Mari, I- I’m sorry.” Lottie put a hand to her shoulder, offering nothing but her apology.
The two girls stayed near each other for the next while as Mari walked through the house, determining just how over it was for her Junior year. They came across a few teammates from soccer- Mari didn’t actually greet anyone until they made it to Natalie. Natalie was a total social outcast, but she was good at soccer and Mari figured if she was going to lose out on some social credit in other circles she’d need to gain some with the girls.
Mari sort of stood back as Lottie and Natalie spoke, looking around the room and rubbing her arms. That feeling that everyone was staring at her returned and the alcohol in her system didn’t help. She was hungry too, and maybe that was making it worse but her stomach felt agonizingly empty as the liquid shifted in her stomach.
“Well- I’m getting another drink,” Natalie shot a glare at her friend, probably one of her boyfriends if Mari were honest. He looked like one of the geeks she’d hang out with, messy hair that’s slightly curled, but in a way that just looks all wrong on his face. He glared back, probably alluding to an argument Mari had literally zero interest in. She looked back at her drink, glancing to see Lottie already looking for someone else to go talk to when the boy smiled at her.
“So he left you for his cousin?”
“Second cousin!” The retort came naturally, the only argument she remembered from the man. Truthfully it held no stock but the words left her mouth already and the boy’s smile got wider.
“Sure.. well, if you want to forget about all of that. I got the perfect drug for you.”
“Drug?” Lottie squeaked, her attention back on the boy. “Mari lets-“
“What d’ya got?” Mari had obviously tried drugs before, marijuana and ecstasy and honestly whatever other bullshit her boyfriend would put in front of her. The boy in front of her pulled a small plastic baggie from his bigger bag and dangled it infront of Mari. “Gummy bears?”
“This is some new shit- my cousin said he got it off a guy in a suit, and when he tried it.” The boy did some sort of explosion noise. “Doesn’t even have a name yet, that’s how new it is.”
“Why gummy bears?”
“Dunno. Make it cooler I guess?” Right because when Mari thought of cool, she thought gummy bears. “Nat won’t take it cause she-“
“Yeah whatever dude.” Mari grabbed the bag and looked at what was inside. There were only like two gummies, she raised an eyebrow and looked at the guy but then just sighed and grabbed them from the bag. “Thanks!” She gave him her best pretty girl smile, shoving the first one into her mouth and handing the other to Lottie.
“Oh I don’t.. think that’s a good idea..” Lottie started, and Mari had to seriously consider the girl next to her. During practice and at school she seemed like this all around, confident girl who definitely never stuttered like she had been at this party. Mari just sort of stared at her until she frowned and took the gummy into her mouth.
“That guy was creepy, but trust me. He’s not the kind of guy to try and lace drugs like that.” Mari explained as she got Lottie to sit down on the couch, she was feeling a serious sort of regret for making Lottie take that gummy bear- okay technically she didn’t MAKE anyone take anything, but Mari doubted she would have taken it if not for her presence. Lottie made this sort of whiny sound as she sat, and Mari stood there awkwardly for a minute not knowing what to do.
/
Lottie wanted to know how Mari had influence like that. The girl just gave one look to the sophomores on the couch and they got up and moved. Lottie knew she was somewhat popular, being one of the star players on the girls soccer team and all. But while people seemed to try and flock her, Lottie had no idea what to do with all that attention. Most of the time those around her would either realize she wasn’t as cool as she seemed and leave, or they’d become good friends. Lottie had a lot of friends.
There was definitely a clear distinction between the kind of popularity Lottie garnered, and the kind Mari did. Mari had power, where Lottie just sort of existed near the kinds of girls like Mari.
“I’m gonna get something to drink, save my seat.” Mari stood up.
“Water!- could you.. get me some water?”
“Sure.” Mari walked out of the kitchen, leaving Lottie to push her legs out and let them stretch over the rest of the couch.
Lottie sat alone for a while, letting her arms dangle over the edge of the couch as she waited for the gummy bear to hit her. What was getting high like? Would she feel good, or bad? She watched the crowd, saw how they melded together in an awkward mess of bodies. There was music playing but she could not for the life of her understand what the lady was saying, what the instruments were doing. Where was it even coming from?
She closed her eyes for a moment, gathering herself before opening them. Then it felt like everything had changed. Everything was dull and without color- almost everything. There was a faint glow from the kitchen, and one from the hallway, she wondered what was happening there. Who was happening there, and why. Lottie almost stood up when she was gently pushed back down.
“Lottie, hey, you alright?” Natalie was in her face. She wasn’t glowing. Lottie knew that because of two things. First, she could see Natalie. But second and most importantly, the moment Natalie entered her view she understood that Natalie would never glow. Like it was an ancient truth suddenly thrust upon her being, and now it would be forever true. Lottie felt pity.
“Do you know where Mari went?” Natalie spoke with gentle words, almost like a mother. Lottie shook her head, but her mind forced her eyes back to the kitchen light. It was Mari, and she was glowing. But she couldn’t see Mari. Lottie started to let her eyes drift to the much dimmer light from the bathroom. Tai.
Lottie then looked down at her own arms, and they too were brimming with the light. It started to become unbearable, everywhere she looked was light. Even if she knew, primally, that there were only 3 sources. 3 sources for now, until- The last light started to shine and Lottie whined, covering her eyes.
“Lottie? Lottie- shit. You okay?”
Why was Mari so tall? That was Lottie’s first thought as she found herself looking up the girl. She was so tall because, as Lottie realized with a start, she was kneeling in front of her. Mari placed a hand on Lottie’s chin and raised it until they were looking at each other in the eyes. She felt embarrassed. Why was she kneeling like this?
Lottie looked around, trying to figure out where she was. Mari wasn’t the only girl she knew there. Tai was there, but she was in her own section of the plane. Shauna was there, and she knew with absolute clarity that Shauna must have been the fourth light in the house before she came here.
“Lottie,” it was Mari speaking, but she knew that the voice was Natalie’s. “Come here.” Mari guided Lottie to her feet, and planted a kiss to her lips. She needed to lean down for the kiss because Mari was now shorter. Her lips were so soft against Lottie’s, the distant taste of lip gloss beckoning Lottie deeper and deeper into the sensation until they were basically just tasting each other.
/
Shauna had to remind herself why she was at this party frequently. Not because of Randy Walsh, not because this was his house and he was running around the house trying to minimize the damages, not because she liked him. Not because she wanted him to fuck her, like everyone around her seemed to expect her to want.
Shauna was here, because Jackie was here. That seemed, to her, the best answer. Jackie kissed her boyfriend once again, wrapping her arms around his neck and relishing in his warmth until suddenly she was off of him and staring at Shauna.
“Babe, tell Shauna how she should have let me do her makeup. She put way too much lipstick.”
“Uh..” Jeff looked up, his eyes flicking down towards Shauna’s chest- disgusting lecher- and shrugged.
“Ugh. Come on. Why are you pouting?”
“I’m not pouting,” Shauna rolled her eyes and hid her face behind the cup in her hand, sipping as slow as possible as to not be given another too quickly. She’d need to stay sober for Jackie to have fun.
“Come on. Jeff get Randy- we’re gonna go have a private little get together in the master bedroom.”
“Jac-“
“Come on!” Jackie smiled as she dragged Shauna up the stairs, nearly letting her trip on the top one before making it to the room she was looking for.
“Woah.” Jackie scoffed as they entered the room- it was, insanely, massive. The bed was probably bigger than a bathroom in Shauna’s house, and the blankets hardly even fit on the top. Not to mention the amount of posters on the walls. “Is this actually Randy’s room?” She looked at all the old rock bands, running a finger along the face of one of the band members.
While Jackie admired the men with long hair on the wall, Shauna found herself near the corner of the room where a shiny looking electric guitar was. She grabbed the neck carefully and once the strap was over her shoulder she smiled. Randy had better taste than she thought.
She was fiddling with the strings, realizing how insanely out of tune it was and deciding to then fix that, when the boys finally walked in. Randy seemed mildly surprised that this room was left empty, and not currently occupied by some couple having sex on his parents’- or his- bed, but his face shifted quickly when he saw Shauna.
“Shit- don’t mess with that! That’s my dad’s.” Shauna shifted out of his grasp before he could take it from her, nearly scoffing.
“Relax.” She finished the tuning with one more check, and turned to the other three. It wasn’t plugged into anything, but despite that she still decided to play something for them. Something they’d probably know, one of the guitar parts from a nirvana song she can’t be bothered to remember the name of right now. Nirvana was sort of popular right? Honestly she didn’t care too much about that kind of stuff, but the growing smiles on their faces meant she did something right.
Shauna’s audience clapped and hooted quietly when she finished, Jackie even stood up to throw Shauna’s arm into the air like a celebration. “Wooo! When’d you get so good at that?”
“When you took me to that music club last year..?” Shauna smiled as Jackie looked forward confused.
“Oh yeah. I thought we quit.”
“You quit, but I still needed to be in a club. So I just stayed.” Shauna shrugged as she placed the guitar back down and sat on the bed, dragging Jackie down next to her so she didn’t need to sit near Jeff or Randy.
“Anyways,” Jackie rested her legs over Shauna’s lap as she watched the two boys with careful consideration. “This party is cool and all, but it feels so impersonal.”
“It-“
“Shhh..” Jackie put her finger up to Randy’s face and leaned back against Shauna. “We need to have some real fun just the four of us. Ooh! Idea. Randy’s parents are like totally cool, maybe they have something we can take in these drawers-“
“Jackie I don’t think..”
“Oh relax. They let you throw this party didn’t they?” Jackie stood up once again, unable to sit still, but honestly Shauna was just happy as she started going through drawers. This was the first time in weeks Jackie was freaked out over becoming captain now that she was a senior. The whole team knew that Coach would need to appoint someone as captain when school started, and that the choices were clearly Jackie or Taissa.
“Hah! Found it!” Jackie grabbed a small metallic container in from under the bed and presented it. She slowly uncovered the container and looked inside, her face dropping. “The hell..?” She pulled out a tiny pink gummy bear.
“What is it?” Jeff leaned over Shauna’s shoulder, making the girl shudder inwardly before standing up to both get away from the boy and see what else was inside.
“It’s just 5 gummy bears.”
“Maybe they’re edibles?” Shauna offered, grabbing one and inspecting it. She didn’t like this. “Or something stronger. I don’t think we- Jackie!” Jackie had already swallowed the first one and started handing them out to the boys. Jeff took it with the same energy that his girlfriend did, while Randy stared at Shauna with hesitation. He was waiting for her to eat hers.
“Come on Shauna. Don’t let me get high alone..” If Shauna was being honest with herself, that was what sealed her fate. The fact that Jackie didn’t consider Jeff good enough company for a high.
“God damn it.” She grumbled, pushing the gummy bear into her tongue and swallowing it. At least she’d have Jackie if anything went wrong. Then again- what was she saying earlier? She was supposed to stay sober so she could take care of Jackie.
/
Tai smiled when she heard the signal she had agreed on with Van, moving from the end of the bathroom to the other side and opening the door quickly to let her in before shutting the door.
“Hey there.”
“Hey,” she felt all the air fall out of her lungs at the sight of her beautiful lover. Not girlfriend because right now they were.. technically, on a break. The longest one yet actually, nearly a month long during the summer. But now summer was coming to an end, and they were becoming seniors.
“What’s up?” Van raised an eyebrow, “Why’d you get my attention like that.”
“So I could do this.” Tai set her hands on Van’s hips, pulling her closer to her own body and pressing a soft chaste kiss to her lips. “Take me back?”
Van laughed politely before stepping back to smile at Tai. “Are you serious?”
“Insanely serious.”
“Oh yeah? Insanely..”
“Van, come on.. I miss you.”
“I miss you too Tai- I just..”
“I swear I’m here now. For you. Forever.”
Van sighed slightly but eventually she stepped back into holding range and Tai gave her another kiss. It wasn’t long before they were making out, pressing their bodies together in a desperate attempt at swallowing each other’s essence through lips and touching skin. Van dragged a hand up Tai’s shirt, feeling soft skin under her palm and smiling into the current kiss.
“Here?” Tai asked.
“Here.” Van confirmed, carefully extricated the shirt from Tai’s body and reveled in the sight of it. “God..” she whispered.
“You’re such a dork.” Tai smacked Van with the crumpled shirt before placing it on the bathroom counter.
“And you, my love, are beautiful.” They kissed for a while longer as Tai tried to ignore the increasing pressure in her stomach that was probably arousal. Even when Van stayed fully clothed, Tai couldn’t resist the temptation of her existence. “And how can I be a dork, when you clearly wore this bra for me. My favorite color and.. smells like you sprayed perfume on your chest. Do the panties match?”
“You’re gross. We’re not doing anything in the bathroom of Randy Walsh’s house.”
“That’s whose house this is?” Van looked around the bathroom another time and ‘hm’d’. “Weird.”
“Hurry up!” Someone pounded a fist on the door and Tai all but jumped out of Van’s arms.
“Shit.” She reached for her shirt but Van just grabbed her wrist, kissing the slight protrusion of her bone.
“Relax. He’ll just go to one of the other bathrooms- I saw like 3 on the way here.”
“Mm..” Tai frowned but when her girlfriend’s lips were on hers again- yes, girlfriend again because they were clearly back together- she stopped caring about the noise outside. Van was all that mattered, all that would ever matter. “Thank you..-“
“Hurry up you dykes!”
Now Tai was rightfully freaking out, because not only did whoever out there know there were two people in here, he knew they were both girls. Did he see who they were? Even if he didn’t, he’d definitely see them when they left. Shit.
Tai started pulling her shirt on and looking around the bathroom. Was there a way to sneak out? No windows. One of them could hide in the bathtub behind the curtain while the other left. That way it would look like there was only one girl in there, but then whoever stayed could be stuck in the bathroom for the whole party. Who knows when the bathroom would be left unoccupied again? Getting in here in the first place was hard enough-
“Tai. Tai, fuck. Chill out.”
“Chill out? What do you mean chill out- I can’t fucking ruin my life because of Y- this.”
“Because of me? Seriously? I thought you were done being all wishy washy about us.”
“Van- this is our senior year I.. I have a chance of being captain this year.. and if rumors start spreading that I- that I’m a.. Dyke,” she whispered that word. “Then I can kiss my chances of anything good happening for me this year- and probably all the colleges on my list.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Van pushed pass Tai and walked to the door.
“Wait-“ she pushed the door open and walked out. The guy who was pounding on the door walked in immediately and glared at Tai. She stood there for a second in shock before the realization that he was absolutely just gonna pee whether or not she left and she made her way out of the room.
Tai needed to find Van.
She squeezed through the crowd of party goers, trying her hardest to find a gap in the sea so she could truly take stock of what was around her. It was when she made it to the kitchen that she found something hopefully helpful. One of her teammates- well, not really a teammate- Mari. While she was technically on JV last year, Tai still knew her name and face. She walked up and stood in front of her for a moment before the girl looked up at her with a delayed reaction.
“Hi,” she said, pupils wide.
“Uh.. hi. Have you seen Van?” Mari slowly shook her head, her eyes trailing for a bit before refocusing on Tai and smiling. “Are- are you high?”
The girl put a hand to her forehead like a salute before comparing her height to Tai’s, “no I think you’re taller.”
“Right.”
Tai moves to leave, to continue her search, but Mari grabs her wrist before she can leave. “The music..” she mumbles, looking up to Tai.
“Huh?”
“The music. I can’t concentrate, and I can’t.. get through the crowd.” Is she pouting? “I need help.”
“Uh..” Tai sort of buffers for a second, trying to comprehend what’s happening. Mari Ibarra, JV Soccer player and well known for being unfairly pretty, is holding onto her wrist and pleading for help. She was totally high. “Yeah let’s.. I’ll take you upstairs.” Tai shifts her own hand to grab Mari’s and turns around once more to push her way through the crowd, making sure the girl was still following her every few seconds.
Taissa let herself think for a moment on what she knew about this girl behind her. She was on the JV team, or was last year. While that was technically subject to change now that they would be going through conditioning again in about a week, from what Taissa could remember she doubted the girl would move to Varsity. She just didn’t take soccer seriously, and obviously that was fine but for what the Yellowjackets were, she would never make the cut.
‘What the Yellowjackets were’ pangs in her heart. They weren’t a great team anymore honestly. Sure she was a good player, great even. Also Lottie, with her insane ball control. Then Shauna, who was faster than any of the other girls on the team. Maybe Taissa could include Van in that list of players worth something, if she wasn’t upset at the moment.
The point is, they had good players but when it came to team chemistry and roundness, they lacked heavily. Not to mention, their captain and previous star players had graduated last year in what seemed to be their last chance at a championship.
Second round. Taissa flinched internally at that thought. They had hardly made it to regionals, facing a lot of losses through the season and hardly getting enough goals to make it, only to lose to their rivals in the second round. Those same rivals went on to win, making it to nationals before going on an impressive run to be proud of.
Taissa felt the grip on her hand tighten as she started up the stairs, and she realized how far out of reality she had been. She slowed down, looking down to make sure Mari had made it into the empty stairs before helping her up each step. The girl seems utterly transfixed at the idea stairs.
“Okay come on, let’s find a..” Taissa trailed off as she caught one of the doors opening, and out walked Jackie. She may have clenched her hand because Mari whined next to her, and she made sure to move out of Jackie’s way as her and her boyfriend kissed. They were going down the stairs slowly, taking a break every few seconds to redouble their efforts.
She had little time to try and wonder what kind of people would leave a bedroom to make out, because as she dragged Mari inside the seemingly empty room she was met with Shauna Shipman sitting rather pathetically on the ground near the wall with an expensive looking guitar under her arms.
“Hey.” She jumped up as the voice entered her ears, looking to the side to find Randy Walsh on the bed with his arm thrown over his head. What the fuck was going on her. Taissa hadn’t been aware this was a drug kind of party, but was everybody high?? “Oh.” He whispers and stands up, moving past her without another word.
“Sit down,” She guided Mari down to the bed and briefly glanced back at Shauna. The girl on the ground was crying as she moved to adjust the guitar in her arms, her fingers already messing with the strings at a speed that hurt Tai’s ears. “Fuck- Shauna. Stop!” She gritted, trying to refocus on Mari. “I’m going to get you some water.”
As she tried to remove herself from Mari’s grasp, the girl grabbed her harder once more. “Lottie.”
“What?”
“She took it too.. downstairs.”
“Fuck,” Tai sighed. “Okay. Stay in here, both of you. Don’t let anybody in but me, okay?” The last thing she needed was these two getting taken advantage of by some high school guy. Mari nodded at her, lips shut tightly together like she were some sort soldier following a command. Kinda cute.
Tai needed to find Lottie, grab three cups of water, and go back upstairs.
First she goes to where Mari told her the girl would be. One of the couches in the front room- one of, because apparently Randy was filthy rich and needed several couches in the room- but only found an empty, slightly damp spot? That was sort of worrying, but she could see the empty cup on the ground so at least Lottie hadn’t peed herself.
Taissa decided to take one more wide sweeping look around the large room, taking note of a few faces she knew and a few others she didn’t quite know but subconsciously assigned in relation to Lottie in her head so maybe they were friends of hers? None of the faces she saw proved to be Lottie herself though, and just as she was about to give up Taissa found something she wasn’t looking for at the moment.
Van was still there, at the party, in the corner and talking with another girl. A girl she didn’t recognize immediately, but as she furrowed her brows in scrutiny she realized that it was one of her classmates from art class. The class she shared with Van last year, when they planned their electives together. They hadn’t done that this year.
She could go over there. Forget the three girls who needed her help, and go see her girlfriend. Go apologize. But she remembered the argument they had. She has a chance of being Captain. What did that mean, truly? Did it just mean she’d call the shots during a game, inspire her teammates to play better? Or did it mean, being here for them. Helping them stand when they needed it?
/
The music downstairs had given Mari a headache, whatever it was she had taken made everything crazy slow. The music was so distorted in her mind she wanted to find the source and rip it apart for what it was doing to her. But, everything was slow, not just the music. She sat in that kitchen watching as the people moved around her. She saw the way their eyes shifted. She saw exactly what they were looking at, every second.
The tall boy with curly red hair had walked into the kitchen with his eyes downturned, like he was disappointed, then his eyes swung around like a pendulum before landing on the counter with all the drinks. His frown curled into a lazy smile when he smelled the alcohol.
The short, pudgy girl walked into after that, glaring daggers behind her and flipping someone off. She pushed past the ginger boy, not caring about his reacting because he was a loser. She filled her own cup, then frowned when the keg tapered off and didn’t give her enough. So she opened the fridge without care before groaning and walking out of the kitchen. She was probably leaving the house all together.
But now, here, as she stared helplessly at the girl on the ground playing her guitar, it felt normal. It wasn’t slow, the strings moved perfectly, and the sound had no distortion or messed up rhythm. Maybe Mari should’ve have cared that Shauna was crying, or she should have antagonized the girl over it.
She didn’t. Mari stared.
It felt sort of like a tiny concert, just for her, and when she moved off the bed to sit on the ground she felt even more immersed in the music.
“What.. are you playing?”
Shauna flinched at the sound and her fingers plucked the string wrong, messing up the sound before only now looking up to find Mari looking. “They Might Be Giants.”
“I like it,”
“Really?”
Mari nodded slowly, watching Shauna carefully as she continued the song. She watched carefully and with rapt as Shauna focused her self, clenching her eyebrows together and closing her eyes. She moved closer.
When the song finished, Mari cradled Shauna’s face in her hands. The girl nearly dropped the guitar in surprise, staring at Mari with wide eyes. She couldn’t really explain why she was doing this. But Shauna was the only thing moving normally, and she needed to relish in the moment.
“Shauna.”
Mari was not close with this girl. She honestly can’t think of a single interaction they’d had outside of soccer practice and they certainly never played together, not in any official sense. She didn’t know who Shauna was. Did she know who Mari was?
“Okay I got Lott-“ Tai walked back into the room and trailed off at the sight of the two girls, Mari wasted no time in shoving herself away from Shauna and sitting back on the bed next to Lottie who stared at her with a weird expression. “Right. Anyways, I got Lottie and cups of water. Drink.” She shoved the cup into Mari’s hands, slowly, before walking over to Shauna and handing her the other, even slower and she was right back to be frustrated.
She was going to kiss her, Mari realized. In that moment, with Shauna looking up at her and her eyes were misted over with this expression that just screamed grief. Whatever had happened in this room before Tai brought her here, Mari found herself wanting to make better. Would a kiss even fix that? She wasn’t gay. Maybe Shauna was- and that was like totally cool and all- but she wasn’t.
So why was she going to kiss her? It couldn’t have been the song. She’d never even heard of the band Shauna mentioned, it had sort of a silly name. Maybe it was the fact that Shauna was normal. Despite her drug addled mind, Shauna somehow managed to be this island of normalcy in an ocean of confusion. Comfort.
Lottie started digging through drawers, desperately looking for something before she dropped to the ground and giggled. Tai hurriedly grabbed Lottie to set her back on the bed, but the girl offered a small piece of candy to Tai.
“You’re supposed to glow brighter.” She said, eerily.
“Lottie, just try to ride th-“
“Taissa.. eat this.”
Mari let herself look over at the pair, look at what Lottie was offering. A blue gummy bear. Was it.. an actual gummy bear, or..?
“Lottie, just-“
“I will. I promise. I need you to eat this.”
“Sure. Fine.” Taissa grabbed the candy and-
“No!” Mari stood up, yet despite the slow pace at which Tai ate the gummy bear, she couldn’t stop her. Just as she made it to the pair, she felt the floor slip from under her and the carpet came flying up to her face.
/
“No yeah she’s out.” Taissa checked on Mari again, for the third time in a minute, before sighing and standing up straight. Shauna had been watching them silently, wondering what that was about. She hadn’t seen what Lottie gave Taissa, but she also could not imagine anything possible that would’ve given Mari that reaction.. only.. maybe.
With a raised eyebrow Shauna crawled from her spot to near the bed, grabbing an empty container and groaning.
“You drugged her?” Shauna spoke softly when she stood back up, her and Lottie were in the opposite side of the bed and with any luck Taissa wouldn’t be able to hear her. Only when she looked at Lottie, it didn’t look like the other girl understood either. “Why did you give her that gummy?”
“You’re speaking way too fast Shauna.”
Was she dense? Shauna grimaced at that thought, because no Lottie wasn’t dense, she was just high. Like everyone in this room either was or would be.
“Whhhyyy..” she drew out the word, “diiiid youuu dddrruggg herrr?”
“Taissa’s glow was very dull.. she needed to unlock her potential.”
Shauna debated what that meant, before she debated telling Taissa. What could would it do now? She had already taken it, and freaking her out would probably just ruin the high. Besides, she had her own grief to process.
Whenever the silence took over the room, Shauna’s thoughts drifted back to the way Jeff had been palm Jackie’s bottom. The way she giggled, saying something about Randy and Shauna before leaning into the touch. Those eyes on her. Randy’s eyes were obvious, expected even. But Jeff’s. He shouldn’t have been looking at her. He should have been looking at Jackie.
She didn’t feel great when wondering what the feeling in her stomach had been, like a waiting storm. She knew this was going to blow up in her face. In her friendship. But she didn’t look away either, she met his gaze. Watched as, with a harsh stare to Shauna, Jeff pressed teeth against Jackie’s neck. Jackie hated when he did that. Shauna knew that. Shauna knew that because- because they were best friends. She tore her gaze away and that’s when they finally left.
Both girls’ attention were stolen away at the sound of the bed rustling. What they saw, was Tai with vacant eyes holding a passed out Mari in her arms bridal style.
“Hey Tai, what’re you doing?” Tai looked confused for a second, staring at Shauna with an expression that exuded a sense of broken confidence before shaking her head.
“She might have a concussion. Taking her to emergency room.”
“You can’t!” Lottie blurted, shaking her head and nearly jumping over the bed. “They’ll find the ichor.” Ichor?
“Mm.” Tai nodded after a moment’s consideration- what the fuck were they talking about. What was wrong with Tai? “I’m taking her home.” She spun and started walking out the bedroom.
“Wait- do you even know here she lives?” Shauna stepped forward and found herself next to Tai in a second.
“Yes. It was on Coach’s clipboard last year.”
“Excuse me?” But Tai was already walking out the door and Shauna had no option but to follow.
When the three of them were outside, Shauna realized Lottie was following too. Tai made a path as soon as they walked downstairs, people shifting slightly as they saw the girl carrying Mari. Was this embarrassing? Shauna briefly wondered how Mari would feel if she knew about this. Probably would be best to tell her, let her figure it out in her own.
They stepped out to the warm summer air, even with the moon fully in the air, and Shauna felt herself loosen a bit. She hadn’t even realized how tense she was being, so she let her eyes shut resoundly before breathing in the night sky. When she opened her eyes the other girls were already half way down the sidewalk, so she move forward and caught up.
“Woah..” Lottie murmured, reverently, and Shauna had to ignore that because she was acting weird enough as is. Best not encourage it.
The thought that, she had actually chosen to leave Jackie behind, crossed her mind for exactly a single moment before she saw Tai sit down at the bus stop and settle Mari in her lap. Because- that was weird, but also because, she was just noticing for the first time just how strange her eyes were. Like she wasn’t looking at anything, but also everything, all at once.
“You two should go home.” Tai said, moving her head away from Mari and to the other two girls. “We are going to need to be prepared for our season.”
“Soccer?” Shauna scoffed.
“Yes. I’m going to be captain,” and for the first time the entire summer, Shauna didn’t think Jackie had this anymore. Tai’s words were very sure, like she knew something Shauna didn’t.
“What about Mari?”
“I’ll take her home, you need to go rest.” Lottie was already leaving, walking down the road that probably led to her house. “Don’t run,” Tai said softly, into the air, before looking back down to Mari.