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It’s not like your expectations were particularly high when Parker told you he had a great idea for a romantic night.
First of all, his promise came along with a cartoonish level of eyebrow-waggling that didn’t inspire much confidence. Secondly, you already know he has a wildly different definition of ‘romance’ than you and pretty much everybody else you know. Still, you can always count on him for a fun, if bewildering, time, and you’ve got other people in your life for things like ‘stable relationships that don’t only exist at the whims of a pair of dice,’ so…why not play his game?
Literally.
You turn the old, slightly dented box that Parker’s handed you over in your hands. Maybe if you just stare at it long enough, it’ll answer all the questions you have. Parker watches you with bright-eyed anticipation, waiting for whatever reaction he expected you to have. It apparently doesn’t deter him when you look up at him, deadpan.
“What the fuck is this?” you finally ask. Parker leans forward and taps the box’s lid.
“Sexy Bingo, obviously. It says it right there,” he replies.
“Yeah, no, I got that.” You turn the box over again and squint at the dated, extremely suggestive art adorning the back. “I meant why do you have it? I never bought this. It looks older than me.”
“It is older than you!” Parker announces cheerfully, snatching the box back. “I got it off EMarket. I think Mac was joking when they showed me the listing, but joke’s on them – Parker Bradley never loses a bidding war.” He tosses the box haphazardly on your bed and pulls the lid off, revealing a folded vinyl mat, an instruction booklet, and a dart gun that he immediately brandishes at you. “Pew-pew!” You step out of the way before he can accidentally fire a foam dart at you, unfolding the mat to reveal an equally vintage-looking bingo board filled with an astonishing array of sex positions. You’re not even sure some of what you’re looking at can actually be done by two people limited by the laws of physics. It’d be enough to make you blush if you weren’t still preoccupied by how Parker got his hands on this.
“…You said you bought this used?” you ask hesitantly.
“Don’t worry! It was still shrink-wrapped when it got here,” Parker assures you. “I only opened it to make sure everything was in there. No one scams me on EMarket! Not twice, anyway.” He tosses the dart gun aside and takes the game board from you, practically skipping across the room to hang it from the closet door. When he turns back to you, his eyes are sparkling. “Would you like to hear the rules?” You raise an eyebrow at the board.
“I…kind of feel like the rules are self-explanatory. But sure, go ahead.”
“They are kind of self-explanatory, aren’t they?” Parker admits, gesturing at the board all the same. “You shoot a dart with the included dart gun, and then you do whatever’s in the space you land on!”
“But don’t we both do it no matter who fires the dart?” you ask, frowning. “How do you win?”
“I think the idea is we both win because we get to fuck,” Parker explains. “Cooperative games have their place too, you know. Even if some people – not me! – think the idea of everybody winning is lame.” That last part was just defensive enough for you to give him a skeptical look, but he’s already heading for the bed. “Alright! Let’s get naked.” He yanks his shirt over his head, balling it up and tossing it in the general direction of the dresser. Shaking your head, you follow suit, leaving your clothes in a slightly more organized pile at the foot of the bed. You glance back at the game mat on the wall, admittedly not sure how well this is going to go. As contagious as Parker’s enthusiasm can be, it can also cloud his better judgment, and you can’t help but think it’s a dangerous combination with some of the game’s more…ambitious positions.
He clearly doesn’t have the same concerns. At the moment, he’s humming to himself, fully nude and spinning the dart gun around one of his fingers. When he sees you’ve undressed, he at least mellows out long enough to admire you, running his tongue across his bottom lip as his eyes roam your body. He moves closer, and you tilt your head, lips parted as he leans in.
“You can go first.” Instead of kissing you, he hands you the dart gun with both hands, so reverent that you’d think he was handing you an ancient relic. You take it, trying not to let the wound to your pride show on your face, and turn to the closet. You suppose this isn’t that different from the various, more modern sexy games you’ve played together since your relationship began. The gun makes a satisfying clicking sound when you fire it, and you follow the dart to where it landed.
“Okay, looks like this says you’ll go down on me.” You grin over your shoulder at him. “Pretty good start.” Parker beams, flopping onto the bed and gesturing at the space beside him.
“Come on over!”
You leave the gun on the dresser and lay back on the mattress, settling into the pillows. Any reservations you have about this melt away the moment Parker buries his head between your thighs, licking you with the same enthusiasm he does everything else with. You rest a hand on the back of his head, your eyes drifting closed and a shivery sigh escaping your lips when he moans against you. It doesn’t take long for you to start grinding against his face in time with the rhythm of his tongue, your head falling back against the headboard.
“Mm, f-fuck,” you gasp when he reaches up to grip your thighs. You don’t realize just how wet he’s already gotten you until you hear him lapping at you obscenely loudly, and your face flushes. It tracks with the Parker you know, though – both his skill and his eagerness had surprised you a little the first time you tried this with him, but by now you know he could win this game with his mouth alone if he wanted to.
At least, you think he could. You open an eye again, distracted by the question that’s just occurred to you.
“Hey, Parker…?” you ask breathlessly. “I-I’m not complaining or anything, but how long do we do each position?” Parker pulls away, furrowing his brow.
“Huh.” After a moment’s pondering, he shrugs. “Until we’re done, I guess.” You stare down at him, incredulous.
“Until we’re done? Aren’t we supposed to get bingo?” You gesture at the board. “You know neither of us is gonna shoot straight every time.” Parker sits up on his knees and looks over his shoulder at the board.
“What’s the problem?” he asks, sounding genuinely confused. You pull yourself upright as well.
“This might be a human thing, but I’m not sure I have it in me to cum at least five times in one session,” you point out. “There’s such a thing as things feeling too sensitive, you know?” Parker hums, mulling this over.
“Normally I’d say that’s quitter talk, but…you’ve got a point,” he concedes. He rises abruptly from the bed and darts over to where his clothes lay in a pile. “Alright, alright. How about five minutes per position?” He procures a timer from the pocket of his pants. You know better than to ask why he just has that with him. As he sets it on the bedside table, you cock your head to the side, an idea forming.
“What about five minutes per position, first person to cum loses?” you suggest. Parker gives you an unusually sincere look.
“God, I love you,” he says. Shaking your head affectionately, you lean over to grab the dart gun and hold it out to him.
“Go on. Your turn.”
Parker whirls towards the board, aiming the gun with a flourish, and fires. You both squint at the board until Parker cheers.
“Woo! The M!”
You continue to stare at the chart, trying to make sense of the silhouettes just above the dart. One partner appears to be laying on their back with the other laying flat on top of them and facing away, their hips meeting in the middle. Your gaze roams to Parker, trying to recreate the position in your head. He seems to have no such misgivings, judging by the gleam in his eyes as he climbs back into bed.
“Alright, honey,” he says brightly. “Let’s get you on your back.” You lay down slowly, spreading your legs in hopes of giving him plenty of room to maneuver.
“Are we sure this isn’t one of those positions that just sounds good in theory?” you ask, watching him shift around clumsily on top of you. He seems to be in the right place if the picture on the board is any indication, but there’s no way he can actually get inside you from where he is.
“Of course it isn’t,” he insists nonetheless. “If it’s on the board, I can do it. Do you really think there’s any board game out there that can trip me up?”
“Is that a rhetorical question, or…?” you ask wryly. Parker either doesn’t hear you or ignores you, instead sliding himself further down in hopes of getting a better angle. You buck your hips up in hopes of helping him along, only getting more concerned the more he mutters to himself. Eventually, though, you do get there, even if it isn’t the most comfortable position you’ve ever put your body in. You hear a quiet beep from somewhere below you as Parker sets the timer, and then he moves. Your body relaxes, and you sigh, pulling your thighs closer to your chest to take him in deeper.
“You like it, honey?” Parker asks. His voice is a little muffled, but you can hear the strain in his voice, a tension that reveals just how deeply he’s affected.
“Yeah, it’s good,” you assure him, pushing yourself further down the bed to meet him. Encouraged, Parker rocks his hips down a little harder, pulling a gasp out of you before you can think about it. “Oh…! Oh, that’s…that’s really good.” That’s all the approval Parker needs to keep moving at that pace, and you reach up above you to grip the headboard, your panting giving way to long, lilting moans. Your mouth hanging open, you finally give yourself over in full to the delightful and confusing pleasures of The M.
At least, you do for another three minutes and nine seconds, at which point the timer beeps. Parker is gone quickly enough to leave you dazed, though he gives your thigh an affectionate pat as he gets to his feet. You’re still a little fuzzy when he hands you the dart gun.
“It’s your turn!” he says. You rise shakily to your feet, point the gun in the general direction of your closet, and fire. You’re a little surprised that you hit the board at all, and you’re admittedly a little relieved when you see a more familiar position under the dart.
“Alright, I go down on you this time around,” you announce. “I can do that.” You return to the bed, giving Parker a knowing smile. “Go on, stand up.” Sure enough, his eyes gleam, and he pushes himself off the bed. You can see the hunger in his gaze as you sink to your knees, and you keep your eyes on him even as you motion towards the bedside table.
“Set the timer,” you say just before you swallow him down. Parker’s loud, shaky groan nearly drowns out the beep entirely, and he grabs the back of your head with his free hand.
“Oh, baby, you’re gonna win in no time if you already feel this good,” he chokes out. With a pleased hum, you slide your lips along the length of his cock, your eyes drifting closed. You can feel him making an effort to hold back, to resist the urge to give in and fuck your mouth the way you both know he likes best. For a moment, you’re not sure why he’d bother – you’ve never complained about it before, and you wouldn’t now.
It's because he wants to win, you realize fondly. He’s holding back because he still wants to come out on top, even in a game like this. It’s exactly the same reason that you made sure to do this on your knees instead of in bed – because you know it turns him on, and working him up makes it more likely that you’ll win.
Maybe he’s had more of an influence on you than you realized.
You take his cock down to the base and pulse your mouth around it, relishing in the shaky, startled moan that he lets out in response. His other hand rests lightly on your cheek, like he’s trying to decide if he wants to pull you off or push you further down. You open your eyes again, giving him a coy look, and his bright red face somehow flushes even redder.
“Y-You—” he begins, but the timer beeps before he can finish his sentence. You pull away reluctantly, licking your lips, and sit back on your heels. Parker sighs, giving you a decidedly lovestruck look.
“Whew,” he says shakily. “You…you really play to win, you know?”
“Always,” you say with a grin, rising to your feet. “Your turn.” Still winded, he grabs the dart gun, and you sit back on the bed to watch him take aim. You hear a click.
“I got ‘His Choice,’” he says dramatically. After a pause, he turns back to look at you. “Am I ‘him’ in this situation? Or do you want to be ‘him?’”
“You can be ‘him.’” Truth be told, the only thing you actually want is for him to hurry up and get back in bed, which makes it all the more frustrating when he takes forever to scrutinize the board.
“Hmm…hmm…okay!” He finally claps his hands together. “It’s time…for The M.” You frown at him.
“What, again? Why wouldn’t we do something new?”
“It doesn’t count as a different space if we do something new, silly!” Parker explains, pointing at the newest dart on the wall. “No matter what, it counts as His Choice.”
“I mean, I know that, but why The M?” you argue. “We barely pulled it off last time.”
“Exactly.” Parker’s already left the dart gun on the dresser and returned to bed. “I wanna practice it. No sexy board game’s getting the best of me.” With a heavy sigh, you flop onto your back and bend your knees.
“Whatever you say, Parker.”
For what it’s worth, it takes less adjusting this time to get comfortable with The M. You both understand where your bodies need to be, and Parker gets into position more confidently than he did last time, even if he’d never admit he had trouble before. Before long, your hands are fisted in the sheets at either side of you, your breaths shallow and shaky as he thrusts against you.
“See? Practice makes perfect,” he says, so matter-of-fact that you’d think he wasn’t in the middle of fucking you. You’d tease him, but he feels good enough that the only thing coming out of your mouth right now is variations on oh, fuck, Parker, yes. It’s hard to believe that The M of all things might be what ends this game, but you can feel pleasure winding up within you in that blissfully familiar way. Despite his laser focus on the game, you can feel Parker’s pace growing uneven, and you can hear the unsteady moans escaping his lips. If you can just outlast him, if you can just ignore the heat swelling within you for a little while longer, you can—
The timer beeps.
“Fuck,” you groan quietly. Parker untangles himself from you and climbs out of bed again, reaching for the dart gun. As abrupt as it all is, you can see an intense, slow-burning lust in his eyes when he offers you the gun again. You raise an eyebrow at him, a bemused smile dawning on your face. You’re getting to him, you realize. And sure, it turns you on to know that you’re getting to him, that he wants to give in to his own pleasure just as badly as you do…
But it also makes you feel deeply, deeply competitive.
So you take the gun and make a show out of firing it at the board. And then you squint at the spot your dart landed on, and the confidence building within you deflates in an instant.
“Oh. Uh…should I just try again?” you ask. Parker sits up on the bed for a closer look, then blinks at you.
“Why, what’s the problem?” he asks. You turn back to him, bewildered.
“What do you mean, what’s the problem? They’re sixty-nining standing up, Parker. We can’t do that.”
“Well, we’ve gotta try!” Parker protests. “If you were worried about that, why didn’t you shoot at a different square?”
“You think I can actually aim accurately with this thing?!” you ask, waving the dart gun for emphasis. “You’re lucky I’m even hitting the board!”
“You’re not actually gonna let the game win, are you?” Parker asks, crossing his arms and glaring at you. “Where’s that sense of fun and adventure of yours? You know that’s what would’ve made me fall in love with you if my feelings for you weren’t determined by the dice!” You don’t even acknowledge the absurdity of what he just said, instead pointing back at the board.
“Parker,” you say firmly. “I don’t believe for a second that you’re going to be able to hold me up, and I’m not breaking my fucking neck for a horny game you got off of EMarket.” Parker groans, loud and long.
“Fine. God.” The two of you look at the board for a moment longer.
“…We could do this one instead?” you finally offer, gesturing at a square. “That’s just normal sixty-nining. Close enough, right? Parker narrows his eyes.
“I mean…ah, who am I kidding? I’m not gonna say no to that,” he admits. You move the dart one square over, and then you return to the bed, licking your lips. If he’s going to bend the rules for you, you’re going to make it worth his while.
The moan he lets out when you lower yourself onto his face reverberates down to your toes. Your eyelids fluttering, you bend over to take his cock in your mouth again, and he grabs hard at your ass, pulling you as close as he can get you. You roll your hips down to get the most out of his warm, eager tongue, and you can feel him whine needily more than you hear it. Your thighs shake, threatening to give out entirely when he circles your clit, and you moan weakly. This is driving you crazy in the best possible way. Having to stop over and over makes you all the more responsive when you start up again.
It’s almost another game in itself, each of you picking up the pace just a little more, moving your lips just a little differently to get a new reaction. You lick your way down to the base of his cock, your eyes glazed over. It’s the easiest thing in the world to get lost in this feeling, to forget what started this in the first place. When the timer beeps, you’re tempted to just ignore it, to stay like this until he cums down your throat.
Unfortunately, Parker doesn’t share the sentiment. He taps insistently on your thighs until you lift yourself off of his face. You’d sulk, but you’re distracted by the deeply sexy, blissed-out look on his face when he sits up. Shaking your head, you motion at the dart gun.
“Hurry,” you say simply. Smiling dizzily, Parker drags himself off the mattress and takes his turn. The gun clicks.
“Missionary!”
“Missionary?” you echo with a scoff as he comes back to you. “Why would missionary even be on there? Like, you don’t really need a game to tell you to do it that way, do you?”
“Oh, don’t be like that,” Parker teases, pressing a hand gently to your chest to guide you onto your back. “Get in the spirit of the game!” He settles between your thighs, and you scowl up at him.
“I’ve already done The M twice! How much more ‘in the spirit of the game’ can I be?” You bite your lip, any other complaints vanishing when you feel his cock pressing against you. “Mm…fine, fine. Get me in the spirit of the game…” He eases back into you, and your voice wavers on the end of your sentence. You settle in beneath him, your hands resting on his waist as he reaches up to start the timer again.
Considering how frenetic the night’s been so far, you’re a little surprised when he takes it slower this time. His eyes are locked on yours in a way that’s somehow both tender and a little unsettling. You reach up to press a palm to his cheek, smiling lightly when he leans into it. It almost feels too intimate, but…oddly enough, you can also feel yourself mellowing out a little.
“Are you having fun?” you ask. Parker nods insistently.
“Of course! You’re a good sport,” he replies, planting a kiss to your nose. “And fun, too. I meant it when I said I love it, you know.” You tilt your head up to catch his lips with yours, and his hands roam down to your thighs, hiking them up closer to his waist. He moves a little faster, deepening the kiss, moaning softly from deep in his throat, and you pull him closer. You wonder if he can feel your heartbeat when he’s flat against you like this.
You’re still kissing when the timer goes off. It might be your imagination, but you could swear that Parker takes a little longer to pull away this time, and there’s a notably affectionate look on his face even if he doesn’t waste time giving you the dart gun. You scoot to the foot of the bed, closing one eye when you fire. The square you hit doesn’t have a picture on it – just five words.
Go directly to The M.
“Oh, what the fuck.” You toss the gun on the floor and fall back onto the mattress. “Why the hell is that even a square?!”
But maybe it’s experience, or maybe you’re just too horny for your own good after being interrupted this many times, but you swear you’re starting to like The M. Parker’s figured out the rhythm by now, driving down into you hard enough that your moans take on a desperate edge. You reach down to grab at his thighs the best you can, your head pleasantly hazy. Your competitive drive is fading into sheer need. It doesn’t matter if you lose, not as long as he finally gets you over that edge. You kick your hips up to take him deeper, urging him forward.
“Oh, my god,” you pant. “Parker, please—”
The timer beeps so obnoxiously that you barely resist the urge to throw it against the wall. Parker’s gone in an instant, brandishing the dart gun with way more excitement than it deserves.
“You’re up,” he says. If he can see the wild, frustrated look on your face, he’s doing a great job ignoring it. You grab the gun, channeling your feelings into one pointed click of the plastic trigger.
“Doggystyle.” You point at the square, then climb back into bed. “Let’s go.” Parker grins wickedly, running a hand up your back.
“You might be grumbling, but you’re really getting into this game, huh?” he teases. You hear the beep of the timer barely a second before he plunges into you again. With a keening moan, you throw your hips back against him, trying desperately to get him to pick up the pace. Behind you, Parker laughs breathlessly, his grip tight on your waist. “Oh, wow, you really n-need it…huh, honey?”
“Please,” you gasp over your shoulder, way past the point of being too embarrassed to beg. “Fuck, Parker, please just—” He answers you before you can finish, setting a breakneck pace, and your hands fist in the bedsheets until you nearly pull them off the bed.
“Ooh, I’ll take care of you, don’t you worry,” Parker assures you between gasps. “It’ll – mmf, make it feel even better when I win…!”
“Fuck, win, then,” you fire back. You can feel the heat building in the pit of your stomach, and you shove yourself back again, chasing the feeling with everything you have. “God, fuck, if that fucking timer goes off right now I might actually kill you.” Parker rams hard against you, his voice strained.
“We’re g-good, we’ve still—oh, we’ve still got a minute and nineteen s-seconds and I’m…I’m not making it that long…! Oh, yes, yes, yes!” He grabs your hips and slams himself against you once more for good measure, cumming with a strangled shout. You push back against his shaking body a few more times, just enough for your climax to finally, finally hit. You’ve never been so relieved to cum in your entire life. You ride it out until your legs are shaking from the effort of holding yourself up, until your throat hurts from crying out into the mattress, until Parker’s hands are splayed on your back to keep himself upright.
Over the sound of both of you panting and the ringing in your ears, you can hardly hear the timer beeping. Bleary-eyed, you turn your head so you won’t be muffled by the mattress.
“P-Parker…please turn that shit off.”
Sprawled across your bed afterwards, you shoot him a tired grin.
“You came first, by the way,” you remark. Parker groans, his arms spread wide across the mattress.
“I know,” he concedes. “You win this time. At least until the rematch.”
“What rematch?” you ask. “I’m never doing The M ever again.” Parker props himself up on one hand, affronted.
“What? Come on, you liked The M in the end! I could tell!”
“Ah…maybe a little.” You roll onto your side, giving his sweaty hand a squeeze. “Still, though. Less acrobatics in the next game, okay?” Parker beams, snuggling in next to you again.
“Sure thing,” he says. “Same time tomorrow night? I’ll bring Sexy Uno.” He waggles his eyebrows at you, and you close your eyes blissfully. You don’t need to ask him to elaborate. You’ll find out tomorrow, after all.