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Whole Lotta Rosie

Summary:

A collection of oneshots, not in any kind of chronological order, continuing the life and love of Bombur Broadbeam and Nori Rivers from chapter 87 of Dirty Deeds (Done Dirt Cheap).

Notes:

Due to popular demand (and my own remarkable lack of willpower) I'll be exploring more of Nori and Bombur and their adorable domestic lives here in Whole Lotta Rosie. These shorts won't be in any kind of order and in theory will cover the lives of Bombur and Nori both apart and together. There is no update schedule and prompts are always welcome in my askbox over on tumblr- you can find me under greenekangaroo.

Chapter 1: Tomcats

Chapter Text

Based on Moonrose91's prompt: The first cat Nori brings back with him after a stake-out or something. A scraggly, half-eared, thing that, despite looking like it will be the evilest, most foulest cat to ever walk the earth, will adore Bombur and Nori with all it's shriveled little husk of a heart and attack Dori whenever the need arises.

 

---

 

The cat had followed Nori home.

That was what he insisted on, anyway, and since Nori was half-asleep on his feet and the creature just looked so pathetic in the carrier Bombur couldn't say no, he led both of his tomcats inside and put one to bed while the other got a can of tuna.

The cat was not pretty, there was no denying that. He was a big animal, a gray-brown tiger with one ear torn to pieces and molten orange eyes, one of which was stuck in a permanent squint due to scarring, rigid and white. His tail was a little crooked but when Bombur fed him he purred and presented his wedge-shaped head for scratches. Bombur laughed, created a makeshift litter box, and waited for Nori to wake up.

That the cat would stay was hardly a question; Nori wouldn't hear of getting rid of him. "That animal followed me and Dwalin for three days, Bombur. Besides, you've fed him, and we both know what happens when you feed stray cats."

Bombur had laughed and blushed and pulled Nori in for a kiss. The cat yowled and put his paws up on the table. Nori picked him up and placed him next to the vase of flowers.

"Don't do that!" Bombur said. "It'll teach him bad habits."

The cat began gnawing on the decorative grass.

"Too late." Nori said.

---

Everyone had an opinion on what the cat's name should be.

"He looks like a Tiger to me." Bofur had offered as the cat sat in his lap and got covered in pine shavings from the man's newest carving, purring like a motorboat. Bifur disagreed; he thought that the cat should have a more noble sounding name, like Reginald or Fredrick.

Ori declared that the tomcat didn't look anything like a Fredrick and said, while rubbing his ears, "Maybe Solomon?"

Fili and Kili were holding out for Boggins, which Bilbo did not appreciate at all.

"He really is quite sweet." Bilbo said, petting the animal as he sipped his afternoon tea, "But he looks so fiercesome. Perhaps Smaug?"

"Smaug?" Nori asked, wrinkling his nose. "Why would I name a cat-"

The buzzer rang.

"Hold that thought." Nori went to the door. The Cat hopped off of Bilbo's lap and followed. He had learned that generally good things came through the door.

That was not quite the case.

---

Bombur had no idea which version of the story was true, Bilbo's or Nori's. To hear Bilbo tell it, Dori had merely been dropping by to ask if Nori was going to be attending a function at Ori's University, and the cat had taken offense to him putting his hat down too close to where the animal was sitting on the counter. Nori's version said that the cat had simply launched himself at Dori in a howling, spitting fury of righteous furry rage.

Regardless, the Cat finally had a name.

"He's Sweets!" Nori exclaimed, holding up the purring mass for Bombur to see.

Bombur just laughed, shook his head, and gave both of his tomcats a kiss.