Chapter Text
The day was as dark, deary and cold. The rain hadn't let up since they left two days ago, and their spirits were as dampened as the ground beneath them.
No one knew when they had left, but they had surely figured it out by now. Mikasa's intent was to go alone in the beginning, but Armin knew her, and he knew she had been planning something.
She had her bag packed and her hopes high when she tried to sneak out of the scout barracks undetected, only to see that Armin had already been waiting by the door for her. He had his own bag packed and met her with a weary smile that morning.
"If you go, I go," he said. So they went.
If Levi or Hange had known of their intent, they would no doubt be sitting in a jail cell right now until they came to their senses.
But Mikasa's mind had never been clearer. She had to find him.
Armin followed closely behind Mikasa, their boots sinking in the mud with each step they took. Mikasa's eyes were tired, her face pale and cold beneath her rain-slicked hood. She glanced back at Armin, who was seemingly focused on his footing and didn't meet her gaze. Her heart ached as her eyes fixed on the yellowed skin along his jaw line and the dark pink gash on his bottom lip. His wounds were healing as nicely as one could ever hope, but there was a deep emotional fog that lingered between them, and it was suffocating.
It had been almost two weeks since their confrontation with Eren.
They hadn't really talked about it; It was easier not to. Armin's face had been swollen for days after the encounter and Mikasa felt utterly nauseated when she remembered what Eren had said to her.
"I've always hated you," ran through her blood like poison.
She remembered it all so clearly-the table being overturned, Armin lunging at Eren, the sound of Eren's knuckles meeting Armin's jaw and the sound of bones cracking.
The cracking, the blood, and the silent sound of betrayal still loomed over Mikasa like a constant shadow.
Armin had known he couldn't possibly take Eren in a fight. As smart as he always had been, he never possessed the same physical strength as his best friends, but that day he didn't care. With every blow that Eren dealt, Armin still got back up. He had wanted so desperately to reach out and grab Eren, not to hurt him, but to heal him, to pull him out of the darkness that enveloped him.
Eren had only responded to that desperation with cold, brutal force.
Her stomach hurt when she looked at him. The bruises, the cuts, the desperation in his deep blue eyes. The stunned silence and internal walls of her heart shattering as she had watched the two people who meant the most to her go to blows.
Armin looked up at her, past his hood and through the rainfall. He gave her a weak smile, one that she knew was forced, and said "I think we're getting close."
Mikasa nodded and turned back around.
Armin had hoped that by walking behind Mikasa, she wouldn't notice the subtle limp on his left side. His hip hadn't quite healed yet from when he had hit the floor from Erens blow, but he didn't want Mikasa to worry about him more than she already had.
"We should be able to see the village over that hill," Armin pointed ahead, "According to the information I've gathered from patrol logs, Titan activity and fire trails, this is the best place to look next." Armin reached into his pants pocket and retrieved a wet, weathered map. He opened it carefully and studied it before saying, "The scouts dismissed this area, but the patterns just seem strange to me. If we know Eren, he will want to hide in a secluded area that no one would think about. Most people don't even know this village exists."
Mikasa reached up and palmed the wet, crimson scarf that clung to her neck and shoulders. Even with the weight of it from the rain, it was still her biggest comfort.
She felt her pace quicken as the top of the hill approached closer. Trees had surrounded the both of them for what felt like an eternity, surrounded by nothing but lush green forest and the smell of wet pine, they finally saw a break of light in between the trees.
The forest around them was restless, branches buckled under the weight of water and wind; insects sang their loud songs. Roots snaked under their feet as if they had a life of their own. Their boots slid in mud and wet moss, but they did not stop. The climb was steep, It hurt Armin to keep up to her pace, but he didn't complain, and he didn't slow down.
Eren was there. Armin knew it and Mikasa felt it.
They didn't speak as Mikasa broke through a curtain of wet leaves and stopped. Armin came up right on her heels, he panted and placed his hand on her shoulder, both for a bit of support and a gesture of victory.
"That's it," he breathed as his pushed wet blond hair out of his eyes.
Past the cold and wet forest, a village lay in a valley of desolation and fog. It looked as if it had almost sunk into the earth. It was small, but the few buildings that existed were all dilapidated. A haunting mist lingered over the village that made it look like a graveyard.
Mikasa swallowed, her heart rate picking up slightly. "Eren," she muttered to herself.
"I don't know of a more perfect place for someone to hide," Armin stated, "Of course, if he isn't here, then we've just wasted an entire day"-
"He is here," Mikasa interjected, she stared at the forgotten village as if he were standing right in the middle of it. She felt a lump in her throat that she desperately tried to swallow down. "Eren told me about a dream he had when we were kids. About a village that looked just like this. He said it looked like a ghost town, yet it was peaceful in a way."
Armin stared at her for a minute and then asked, "You remember a dream he said he had when we were kids?"
Mikasa reached up and took the frayed edges of her scarf in her hands, she nodded and said, almost in a whisper, "I remember everything he tells me."
Armin didn't say anything for a moment; he just squeezed her shoulder slightly. She brought her left hand up and placed it on top of his and turned to look at him, her lips in a thin line as she felt herself shaking slightly. Whether it was from how cold she was or the anxiousness of what they were about to walk into, she did not know.
Armin's eyes were filled with concern, but he managed to fake another smile for her.
"Let's go," he said.
She nodded and they walked towards the village,
together.
Once they were in the town, they truly realized how hollow the town had become. Glass littered the roads; weeds grew through the slits in the pathways. Roofs collapsed on nearly every building, vines and ivy were reclaiming their homes.
The rain finally began to slow down, although it didn't matter now. Mikasa and Armin were both soaked to the bone, weary and cold. Mikasa's scarf was heavy on her shoulders, and did nothing to offer warmth, but she would not take it off. She refused.
They walked next to each other, past everything that used to have life. Mikasa stepped over a single shoe that obviously had belonged to a child, Armin watched a snake slithering under the broken door of an old food storage.
This wasn't the first time that they had walked through an abandoned village. Over the course of their careers as scouts, they had come across numerous lost towns that once bustled with life and love. This one felt different, though.
It was eerie. Heavy.
As they continued walking, Mikasa kept her eyes wide open, looking for any signs of life. Of Eren.
"Do you see anything?" Mikasa asked, her voice rough and uneven.
Armin started to shake his head, and then stopped. Mikasa stared at him, and he lifted up his hand to the sky, index finger pointing straight ahead.
"It's hard to tell because of the rain and fog, but…does that look like smoke to you?" He asked, wiping his forehead with his sleeve.
Mikasa followed the direction of his pointing, reaching up and pushing raven black hair away from her eyes. Just about a mile or so away, there was the smallest hint of what looked like smoke. If it was smoke, the rain would have surely taken care of any wildfires, so it had to have been man made.
Mikasa felt her stomach drop as she immediately began walking, then running towards it.
"Mikasa!" Armin yelled after her, causing her to slide in the mud to stop her traction. She turned to look at him, he motioned to the blade in his holster on his hip. "Be prepared for anything," He said, his eyes serious and his tone flat.
Mikasa nodded. Of course. She had almost let her emotions get the better of herself and charge in without being prepared. The chances of it being anyone other than Eren were slim, but not zero. She placed her hand on her blade and began to walk toward the smoke again.
Her heart began beating faster and faster as she got closer and closer. She looked ahead at yet another broken down building and saw that the smoke was coming from behind it.
She hurried around it and stopped. Armin followed quickly behind her and saw that what they had seen was indeed smoke. That smoke was coming from a single cabin tucked along the edge of a large, bare tree. It was the only house they had seen here that wasn't completely destroyed, in fact, it still looked completely useable given the circumstances. A small chimney adorned the roof where the smoke had been making its escape.
Mikasa took a step forward.
"Careful, Mikasa," Armin warned behind her, "If that is indeed Eren, we don't know what state of mind he's in."
She didn't look at him as she continued walking forward.
"He doesn't scare me," Mikasa muttered dryly, more to herself than Armin.
They made their way to the front of the house and stood at the first stair. Raindrops ran down Mikasa's cheeks like tears as she inspected the old building. The house had a small porch wrapped around the front, with an old rocking chair that surprisingly hadn't rotted away. The wood was old and creaky, but looked stable enough. Armin stayed close behind Mikasa as she took a deep breath and began to ascend up the stairs. The wood groaned under her boots with each step, rain tapped against the shaded windows like music.
She made it to the top and stood in front of the old door. She lifted her hand to knock, but just as her knuckles were about to make contact, the door cracked open seemingly on its own.
It was subtle at first and she froze. Armin had his hand firmly on his blade as he watched the door crack open a little bit more; Mikasa could hear her heartbeat in her ears.
It opened a few inches. Then all the way. And then there he was, in the doorway right in front of her.
"Eren…" Mikasa managed to choke out. Her hands were visibly shaking and her stomach nauseous.
There was no hint of surprise as he flicked his eyes from her to Armin, and back to her. The eyes that she remembered being bright and full of wonder, were dull and tired. He stood tall in front of her, wearing a dark shirt that hung loosely on his frame, his stretched out collar exposed his collar bone. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, his pants were muddied and he was barefoot. His once neatly tied hair was longer now, stray strands framed his face and it was tied back in a loose knot that looked like it hadn't been redone in days. His usual tanned skin looked somewhat paler, and his face looked thinner. In general, he looked like he hadn't slept for several days.
But his eyes. His emerald eyes that once pierced her with a glance, now held no warmth, no familiarity. They were cold, emotionless…..tired. He looked so worn and so broken. He stood there like a ghost of his former self.
But he was still him. Even after weeks of not seeing him, after the betrayal and the tears, even though he didn't look like the boy she had grown up with anymore, he was stil him.
He was still Eren.
And Mikasa's heart still reached for him, even if her arms did not.
"So, you found me," he said, his voice was rough, hoarse like he hadn't spoken in a while.
Mikasa was frozen. His voice made her chest tighten. The whole way there, she had internally rehearsed what she would say to him…what she would do. And now, as he stood there like a statue, she felt like she couldn't breathe. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.
Armin, however, still had control over his words. He stepped forward, his eyes narrowed at Eren, his fists clenched.
"You bastard, that's all you have to say?" Armin's voice cracked. The feeling of betrayal laced his words.
Eren shifted his eyes to Armin. He looked unimpressed as he leaned his shoulder against the door frame. "I already said everything that needed to be said two weeks ago," he stated coldly.
Still, Mikasa felt paralyzed. She wanted so desperately to say something, but her mind wouldn't connect to her mouth. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but her body wouldn't obey.
Armin's brow knit together in frustration, "After everything we've been through, after everyone we've lost, you don't have anything left to say?"
Eren didn't respond. He blinked, completely stoic. Unfazed.
"We didn't come to fight with you, we came to sit down and talk," Armin stated dryly, undoing the strap on his blade as if to prove to Eren that he mean't no harm. He dropped his weapon to the ground and stepped forward, taking the first step up to the porch. "The right way," he finished.
Eren scoffed, "There is no right or wrong. There just is, and isn't. Do, or don't." He ran his hand through the hair on the top of his head, a few more stray strands falling onto his forehead.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Armin snapped back.
"It means I don't have time or the desire to talk to either of you," Eren leaned away from the door frame, turning to walk back inside the cabin.
No, Mikasa panicked, Don't go away again.
"Eren!" She exclaimed, she reached out and grabbed his wrist before she had time to think, "Eren, please, talk to us," Her tone was broken. Pleading.
Eren stood there for moment, almost as if he were pondering the idea, but then shook himself out of her grip and looked up at her. "There is nothing to talk about."
Armin hissed as he walked up the remaining steps; he stepped in between them and was now only inches away from Erens face, unintentionally pushing Mikasa to the side.
"So, that's it, then? That's really it? You're just going to run away and hide?" Armin bit harshly at Eren, his knuckles white from clenching his fists so tightly.
Eren's eyes narrowed at Armin, "I'm not running away from anything,"
"What do you call this, then? You abandoned us!"
"I am doing what needs to be done," Eren responded, frustration beginning to creep on his face.
"What needs to be done?" Armin shouted back, "No, what you're planning on doing will destroy everything we fought for. Everyone that died for our cause, you're going to erase it all like it was nothing. Don't try and play the hero, we didn't ask you for this!"
Eren's jaw clenched, and his eyebrows furrowed with anger, "The whole world wants to destroy us, I saw it. I have seen everyone die! You, Mikasa, Levi, Hange, everyone!" Eren stepped up to Armin, his nose almost touching his. "I am doing the only thing that can be done to save everyone!"
"No, you're talking about genocide! You're talking about becoming the monster that everyone says we are!" Armin roared back, veins popping out of his neck.
"Please…stop…" Mikasa tried to intercede, but it came out in a whisper, and neither one of them gave her any acknowledgment.
Eren was visibly beginning to unravel as his temper began to rise to the surface, "If I have to become the monster to save Paradis, then so be it."
"You're no monster," Armin snarled back with clenched teeth, "You're just a scared, selfish child that never grew up."
"You're the one who needs to grow up!" Eren growled, his face morphing into someone that neither one of them recognized. "I am doing the only thing that will bring peace. You don't understand what I have seen!"
"Stop it…" Mikasa whimpered, it came out a little louder this time, but they still acted as if she weren't even there.
Armin was so angry now, he was shaking. "What you've seen? You think trampling the world will save us?" he spat. "You're not fighting for Eldia anymore. You're fighting for yourself!"
That was when Armin, unable to control his growing temper, shoved Eren in his chest. Eren staggered back a few steps, then with wild eyes, lunged at Armin. He collided with him, his shoulder rammed into his chest, and they both went crashing down the stairs into the rain and mud.
Mikasa watched, devastated, as Eren quickly rolled and got on top of Armin, connecting his left fist to the left side of Armin's face. He pulled back for another swing, but Armin took the opportunity to reach up and grab Eren's head. He headbutted Eren in the nose, causing blood to pour like a stream, and as Eren was holding his nose in agony, Armin pushed Eren off of him into the mud.
Eren wasn't down for long, though, because as soon as Armin stood up, he was being tackled to the ground again. A fist cracked across Armin's jaw, teeth clacking together, blood filling his mouth. Armin coughed, spitting blood, and brought his knee up into Erens ribs.
The cracking of bone. The blood. Mikasa was frozen, again, just like the first time. She watched, distraught, as the boys fought each other, mud and rain mixed with their blood.
Eren rolled over into the mud, grasping his side as Armin jumped up. Eren's body jerked forward in a flash, his fists flying without any coordination. Armin dodged one hit, but the second made contact with his abdomen, forcing the breath from his lungs. He retaliated with a sharp elbow to Eren's cheek, drawing more blood.
But he didn't fall.
Eren raced forward with a snarl and slammed a shoulder into Armin's chest, knocking him back against the cabin wall with a thud.
"You think I want this?" Eren shouted, pressing his forearm against Armin's throat, "You think there is any other way that I haven't already thought about? You think I haven't dreamed of a different way every goddamn night?"
Armin coughed against Eren's grip, trying to catch his breath he cried out, "Then why didn't you choose one? Why didn't you trust us to find it together?"
You have to stop them, Mikasa thought to herself, her eyes were stinging, but still her body would not listen to her.
Eren growled—his temper flared too high, his rage too deep to hold in. He swung again, and Armin ducked, retaliating with a hard jab to Eren's face. They grappled, crashing into a fence post that splintered under their weight.
They were slipping in the mud, punching, kicking, clawing...ravenous like animals.
Armin bellowed. "You left us! And now you expect us to just watch you become everything we fought against?"
Tears began racing down Mikasa's face. Stop, she begged them, but the words wouldn't come out of her mouth. Please, stop!
Eren slammed him to the ground. Rain splashed around them.
"Because if I stay, then all of this, everyone we lost, meant nothing!" He roared, his voice breaking.
"Bullshit!" Armin hissed back, "Stop acting like there isn't any other way!"
The two collapsed in the mud, limbs still flying, heavy breaths echoing and the silent sound of their friendship breaking.
Somewhere behind them, thunder cracked in the sky. Mikasa shook at the sound, and somehow, she was now able to move. She jumped down the stairs, running to the boys and shouting.
"Stop it!" Mikasa's voice cut through the downpour like a knife. Her face was soaked with both rain and tears. Her sadness, now replaced with determination and anger, she shoved herself between them; shoving Armin back with both hands on his chest, and turning to grab Eren by the front of his shirt.
"That's enough!" she shouted. Rain dripped from her hair, her eyes wide, trembling.
Eren's chest was heaving. His lip was split, his nose bloodied. His hair was undone and matted to his face and he looked wild. His knuckles were painted red.
Armin stood panting behind her, bruises already surfaced in purples and pinks. His eye was already swelling shut; mud was caked on his face, his azure eyes piercing through like a light.
No one spoke. The only sound for several moments was their heavy breathing and the rain crashing against the ground.
After he caught his breath, Eren asked in a low, jagged voice, "You really think you can stop this?"
Armin's jaw clenched. Water dripped from his soaked hood. His eyes were burning now, not just with anger, but grief.
"I didn't come here to debate," he said. "I came here because I still believe in the Eren who wanted to change the world," Armin wiped a trail of blood from his lip, "Not destroy it."
Mikasa still had a hold of Eren's shirt. He pushed her hand away and spat blood on the ground. He didn't look at either of them as he turned his back to them, facing the old, creaky house and said, "That Eren is gone."
His words hurt. They cut so deep and stung so badly, Armin wanted to hit him again. He knew in the end, in a fight against Eren, he would lose. But he didn't care. In that moment, he just felt rage and betrayal.
Mikasa saw the look in Armin's eye and turned to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Armin looked back at her, with tears welled in his eyes, mud and blood painted on his fair skin.
It was fake, of course, but she mustered up the kindest smile that she could and blinked her own tears back as she said, "Armin, go back home."
Armin looked at her like she had been the one to strike him this time. "What?"
She sniffled, using all her might to hold back her tears, "Go home. You and Eren won't be able to talk to each other like this…It's pointless. You both are going to tear each other apart."
"Mikasa, I"-
"Please," She stopped him, "You need medical treatment, and the scouts are surely looking for us by now. If anyone can make up an excuse and buy me some time, it's you."
Armin looked at her, confusion plastered on his muddied face, "Buy you time?" He looked past her, to Eren, who was still standing with his back turned to them. He just stood in the rain, his dark hair sticking to his face, as he spit more blood onto the ground.
Armin shook his head, "No...you aren't talking about staying here?"
"Let me talk to him alone," Mikasa beckoned, "Maybe I can get through to him."
"He's dangerous, Mikasa!"
"He's still Eren," Her voice broke as she used her sleeve to wipe her cheek, unsure if it was her tears or rain, but most likely both. "He won't hurt me."
Armin looked broken, defeated, and opened his mouth as if he were going to protest again, but stopped as he looked past her again, watching Eren.
Eren started walking back to the old cabin, no doubt getting out of the rain and tend to his wounds. Mikasa turned and watched him as well, then turned back to Armin with a weak smile.
"I will be okay," She once again reassured. "If you shift into the colossal when you get back through the forest, you should be able to get back home fairly quickly. And you will be far enough away from us to where we won't get the backlash."
As much as he wanted to, Armin knew there was no point in continuing to argue with her. She had made up her mind to stay and there was no changing it. She was just as stubborn as Eren was and perhaps that trait could be what would convince Eren to come back home.
And he was tired, hurt, and heartbroken. He didn't have the energy to fight her too.
He pulled her into a hug, flinching from the pain, but choosing to ignore it. "Okay," He whispered against her shoulder, "I will buy you some time. Please, Mikasa…be careful."
She watched as Armin limped away, clearly in physical pain but sure that the emotional pain hurt worse than any blow Eren could ever dish out. Once he was out of sight, she turned back to the cabin, the rain still pouring over her.
Eren wasn't in sight, but the door was left wide open.