Work Text:
Regulus Black was many things: literature student, coffee addict, cat dad, and recently, TikTok famous.
And he knew he was hot.
The mirror told him. The camera told him. His boyfriend told him. Well James mostly told him he's adorable and handsome but still. The thousands of likes and the DMs packed tighter than Pandora’s suitcase told him.
The first time Regulus posted a thirst trap, it was mostly a joke.
Oversized grey shirt sliding off one shoulder, boxers visible under the hem, that tiny little smug smirk on his face as he did some painfully Gen Z TikTok dance he learned from Pandora.
“You owe it to the world,” she slurred dramatically, eyeliner slightly smudged, “to serve.”
[TikTok: @regulusblack]
Sound: “Paint the Town Red – Doja Cat”
Caption: don’t you wish your bf was hot like me?
Hips rolling in slow sync to the beat. His silver rings clinked against each other as he moved, dark curls messy like he just rolled out of bed—which, knowing him, he probably had. The caption was just a skull emoji.
It got a million views in under 24 hours.
Regulus didn’t even notice at first. He posted it, put his phone down, and went to bully Barty into making him coffee. By the time he got back to his room, it was blowing up.
And the comments?
A battlefield.
---
@moanformagic: i’d sell my soul to lick the sweat off his abs
@jampotterblack: you’re gonna have to fight me, and i fight dirty.
@kviirz: did it hurt when you fell from heaven or—
@jampotterblack: nah but it’ll hurt when i find you. back off, he’s mine.
@i2rizz: genuinely how is he real
@jampotterblack: i wonder that every day. then i rail him and remember he very much is.
@cwooard: no bc i’d let him spit in my mouth
@honeyreaper: the SHOULDER. the HAIR. the ATTITUDE. i’m in love.
@jamespotterblack: you will all know pain
@roseev: it's serve the country regulus, not serve cunt.
@regulusblack: shut it evan.
---
Regulus had snorted when he saw James’ username. The irony.
James was lying on his bed beside him, chin resting on Reg’s stomach like the clingy menace he was. He was aggressively typing, tongue between his teeth, eyes narrowed like he was dueling someone with words alone.
“You good?” Regulus asked, running fingers through James’ thick curls.
James didn’t even look up. “No. Your fans are whores.”
“They have taste.”
“They’re trying to flirt with my boyfriend.”
“You’re jealous.”
“I’m protective,” James said, finally meeting his gaze with that hazel-eyed, wild-eyed intensity that always made Regulus feel both soft and wrecked. “Also, this one bitch said you look like a snack, and I just replied with ‘he’s a whole meal and I’ve got a fork, try me.’”
Regulus barked a laugh. “You’re such a menace.”
James smirked. “You love it.”
---
The more Regulus posted, the more chaotic James got.
Three minutes later:
@regulusblvck posted: “this one’s for the girls, gays, and theys.”
Sound: Doja Cat - Kiss Me More (Sped Up)
---
@dykelupe: i just know he smells like expensive cologne and childhood trauma
@jamespotterblack: and lavender shampoo. i know because i wash his hair. try again.
@thatoneblonde: i would ruin him.
@jamespotterhot: bold of you to assume he hasn’t already been ruined (by me)
@marluxury: respectfully, sir, he’s everyone’s bf now.
@jamespotterhot: respectfully, choke.
@bcrouchjr: that's my best friend
@jamespotterblack: BARTY YOU TRAITOR
---
Eventually, Regulus had to put James' TikTok comment rampages on the list of reasons people followed him. His followers would scroll through just to see what wild, possessive, slightly feral thing James would say next.
And James? He didn’t care.
He’d comment while watching the video on loop, sitting in Regulus’ lap, their cat Nyx curled between them, his voice low as he murmured, “They really think they can have you, huh?”
“You’re the one with your hands in my boxers,” Regulus would say, completely unfazed.
James would grin. “Exactly.”
---
@jamespotterblack: y’all keep thirsting in the comments and i’ll drop the private version where he moans my name.
@regulusblack (creator): jamie what the fuck
@jamespotterblack: sorry i blacked out from love
---
Later that night, James took Regulus apart slow, reverent, whispering about how beautiful he looked in that stupid shirt, how proud he was of him, how mine, mine, mine he was between every kiss.
Regulus posted another dance the next morning.
And James?
He wrote poetry in the comments.
And threatened at least four strangers.
Balance, as always, restored.
Regulus stitched the last comment in a new video. The camera pans up from his legs as he says, deadpan, “James. Go to jail.” And then cuts to the next transition: Regulus biting his lip as he drops into a body roll that nearly breaks the algorithm.
---
Sometimes James just lurked. Other times, he dropped essays of his own.
Regulus posted a thirst trap to a sped-up version of “Work” by Rihanna, wearing nothing but a cropped tee and Calvin Kleins.
@jampotterblack:
I just want everyone here to remember that I hold him after, I get the privilege of that laugh against my mouth, that he keeps my glasses on him for me and no one else, that his thighs feel better in real life than you’ll ever imagine. So shoot your shot if you want, but remember: he calls me ‘baby’ when I’m buried inside him.
Regulus saw it, laughed so hard.
---
.
[New TikTok: @regulusblack]
Sound: “Freak – Doja Cat”
Caption: he said 'mine' 7 times last night. i'm still recovering.
Camera pans up Regulus in an oversized tee—clearly James’—as he mouths the lyrics, hips lazy, mouth swollen.
Top Comment:
@jamespotterblack: look at my baby claiming me. i’m gonna kiss you so hard you forget your own name latere not right.”
--
Other comments were worse.
James got worse.
Regulus was thriving.
“Bro you really dating that guy??”
@jamespotterblack: nah i hallucinated him grinding on me last night. must be those mushrooms on my pizza.
@daniisoblonde: whoever her boyfriend is, I just wanna talk
@bionictwink: he didn’t eat this up—he devoured
@thirstykel: where’s the OF link?? asking for a friend (me. I’m friend.)
@jamespotterblack: Hey just so we’re clear, he belongs to me. Like. Biblically.
--
@regulusblack
song: SZA - Kill Bill
Regulus in low light, hips rolling slow, a sly look at the camera. Shirt says “My Boyfriend’s a Guitarist (And He’s Insane).”
Top comments:
@strxly: i’m free Thursday. or literally any day.
@axtinie: respectfully. please. sit on me.
@jamespotterblack: Hi. Boyfriend here. I will show up to your house.
@regulusblack: @jamespotterblack no you won’t
@jamespotterblack: WATCH ME.
---
Next one goes even more viral.
@regulusblack
song: Britney Spears - Toxic
He’s in their kitchen this time, cropped shirt riding up, sweatpants low. At one point, he does a spin and bites his lip, fully knowing he’s lethal. Regulus doesn’t even look at the camera in the next one. Just dances, all hips and flow. A delicate chain glittering at his collarbone. James’ hickeys very visible.
Top comments:
@kuqtny: THOSE ARE BITES
@koellect: god if ur real please give me this man
@jamespotterblack: god gave him to ME.
@jamespotterblack: bite marks? i was gentle actually.
@jamespotterblack: the bruises are lower. ask him how he’s walking today.
@regulusblack: j a m e s.
@ilyqiv: imagine the things he could do to me.
@tinqfiv: i volunteer as tribute.
@vxfrie: ok but imagine me dragging you by the throat away from my man.
@jamespotterblack: also imagine me fucking him stupid against the counter immediately after this was filmed.
@regulusblack: james. delete.
@jamespotterblack: can’t. truth is a public service.
--
James kissed the top of his head. “You’re beautiful. They’re jealous. Let me keep being annoying on your behalf.”
Regulus nodded, smile lazy. “Fine. But only if you film the next dance with me.”
James groaned. “Again? Baby, I have no rhythm—”
“Doesn’t matter. You’re hot and stupid, the algorithm loves that.”
“Fair.”
James stepped forward. Hands on Regulus’ hips. Tight grip, fingertips digging in, possessive in that way that always made Regulus melt. James dipped his head, hood casting shadows over his face.
Regulus nearly burst out laughing—but James manhandled him into position before he could get a word out.
The music started. The camera blinked red.
And Regulus danced—with James’ hands on his hips the entire time.
Guiding him. Holding him steady. Not even in a gross way—just close. A little rough. A little too intimate for TikTok.
James didn’t even look at the camera once. Hood shadowing most of his face. Chin tucked into Reg’s shoulder, lips brushing his neck every time Regulus moved just right.
Regulus didn’t miss a beat. Because he’s good. And also because James’ grip never let him stray.
After the beat dropped and Regulus bit his lip (on purpose), James leaned in and whispered, “Post it.”
Regulus turned, still breathless. “You looked mysterious as fuck.”
James smirked. “Good. That’s the vibe. Mystery boyfriend who’ll stab someone.”
---
Video Caption: “he said ‘hands where everyone can see them’”
---
@meadows: MY FAVOURITE GAYS
@regulusblack: <3
@bartycrouchjr: @meadows, the betrayal.
@dykelupe: WHO IS THAT
@honeyreaper: the grip. the HOOD. the JAWLINE. i’m deceased
@jamespotterblack: now do you understand
@regulusblack: i do look hot when you’re holding me
@jamespotterblack: don’t start unless you’re gonna finish that sentence
@siriusthestar: JAMES POTTER. A WORD.
@jamespotterblack: sirius i can explain--
@moonboy: he can't
@jamespotterblack: NOT YOU TOO REMUS.
---
Regulus let him finish it.
Off camera.
Against the mirror.
With the hoodie still on.
And the comments?
For once?
Silent.
Because everyone knew now.
Regulus Black had a boyfriend.
And that boyfriend?
Did not fuck around.
--
The chaos peaked during a livestream. Regulus was doing Q&A while James strummed guitar off-screen.
“Do you ever get tired of being objectified?” someone asked.
Regulus sipped his iced matcha and deadpanned, “No. I’m hot. Objectify me harder.”
James cackled in the background.
Another question popped up: Does James get jealous of your fans?
Before Regulus could answer, James leaned into frame, kissed his temple, and said, “Nope. I know exactly what I’m working with.”
Then he licked Regulus’ neck on camera.
Regulus yelped and smacked him with a throw pillow.
Chat exploded.