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Spencer Reid shuffled into the BAU break room, his eyes bleary and his hair even more disheveled than usual. It was clear to everyone in the office that he hadn’t slept in days—three days, to be exact. He stared at the coffee machine with the intensity of a man on a mission.
Hotch walked in, ready to grab his own much-needed cup of coffee. He spotted Reid, who was muttering to himself and fidgeting with the coffee pot.
“Morning, Reid,” Hotch greeted, keeping his voice neutral as he observed the young doctor.
Reid glanced up, his eyes wide but unfocused, and said, “Hotch, what if I made coffee with more coffee instead of water?”
Hotch paused, momentarily unsure if he had heard Reid correctly. He blinked a few times, then realized that, yes, Spencer Reid had indeed suggested brewing coffee with...coffee.
“Or,” Hotch said slowly, moving closer to the coffee machine, “how about you don’t?”
Reid didn’t seem to hear him. He was now furiously shaking a bag of coffee grounds, trying to get every last bit into the coffee maker’s filter. “Think about it, Hotch. Theoretically, if we replace water with brewed coffee, it could exponentially increase our caffeine intake. It’s the ultimate coffee!”
Hotch stared at Reid, his eyebrows furrowing. “Reid, that’s not how coffee—or science—works. You need sleep, not more caffeine.”
Reid waved him off. “Sleep is just a series of micro naps when you think about it. I’m fine! I’ve done the calculations in my head, and this will increase productivity by at least 14.7 percent. Maybe more, depending on—”
Hotch, deciding that the only way to stop this madness was to take direct action, reached over and unplugged the coffee machine. The light flickered off, and the room suddenly felt a lot quieter.
“Hey!” Reid protested, looking at Hotch with genuine betrayal in his eyes. “I was almost there! I could smell the innovation.”
Hotch gave Reid a stern look, but his lips twitched slightly in amusement. “You could smell something, all right. Reid, you’re three days without sleep. I can’t have you turning into some kind of caffeine-fueled mad scientist. We need you sharp, but we also need you sane.”
Reid pouted like a kid who’d just had his favorite toy taken away. “But—”
“No buts,” Hotch cut him off, his voice firm but kind. “Go take a nap. That’s an order.”
Just then, Morgan and Prentiss walked into the break room. Morgan took one look at the unplugged coffee machine and Reid’s defeated expression and grinned. “What’s going on here? Reid trying to make a new kind of rocket fuel?”
Prentiss smirked and added, “I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to drink it, too.”
Reid sighed dramatically, slumping into a chair. “I don’t think you all understand the brilliance of my plan.”
Hotch rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the small smile that crept onto his face. “We understand perfectly. It’s not happening.”
Morgan chuckled. “How about this, pretty boy? You go take that nap, and I promise when you wake up, we’ll have a fresh pot of coffee waiting for you. Made with water.”
Reid sighed again, but this time with acceptance. “Fine. But if this new coffee innovation becomes a thing, just remember who thought of it first.”
Prentiss patted Reid on the shoulder as he got up, guiding him out of the break room. “Yeah, yeah, you can put it on your resume right under ‘Tried to make coffee with coffee.’”
As Reid left to finally get some much-needed rest, Hotch plugged the coffee machine back in, shaking his head with a chuckle. “And people think this job is stressful. They haven’t seen Reid on day three without sleep.”
Morgan laughed. “You know what they say, Hotch—never a dull moment with this team.”
Hotch nodded in agreement, pouring himself a fresh, normal cup of coffee. “That’s for sure.”
And with that, the BAU returned to its usual routine, but with one less coffee catastrophe on their hands.