Chapter Text
Remus
“Guys, I have a stupid idea!” Sirius announced, walking in with his usual unwavering confidence.
“Is that anything out of the ordinary?” Remus asked blandly.
“Ah, I can not believe you.” Sirius gasped, feigning offense. Falling back onto the armchair with a hand on his forehead, and an over dramatic sigh. “I am never stupid!”
“Now, now, Moony, there is no need to be so hostile this early in the morning,” James chided, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes.
“Hostile, I am not being hostile. I am being honest, for fucks sake” Just because he wasn’t hungover didn’t mean he’s not tired, especially of their jokes, this early in the morning.
“Sirius, how do you even have the ability to think? You drank ten times more than I did last night. I can barely stand the volume of your voice.”
“Maybe I’m just not a lightweight like you Prongsy,” he laughed, bopping James on the nose.
Or maybe, it's because he never stopped drinking.
“Sirius you can’t be hungover if you don’t ever stop drinking,” Peter rolled his eyes, “How do you even drink that much?”
“It’s a learned ability, I’ll teach you if you want,” he grinned, winking at Peter.
“No thanks, I don’t need to be an alcoholic.”
Sirius rolled his eyes, “I’m not an alcoholic;” he scoffed, “I can stop anytime. I just don’t want to.”
“Which is exactly what an alcoholic would say,” Remus deadpanned.
“Back to my idea,” Sirius announced excitedly, ignoring the last comment. “I was watching TikTok and I saw an ad for the newest season of Love Island and I may or may not have signed us up but I didn't tell you guys and we all got on the show!” He was rambling at this point.
“Absolutely the fuck not!” Remus protested, at the same time as Peter screeched, “You have to be fucking kidding me; you are kidding right?”
“Nope. We’re all going, but it's okay because now we can all get laid!” Sirius sing-songed, far more excited than the rest of the group.
“I mean I wouldn't have done it myself, but it sounds fun. Right? We can do it together?” James stated, not sounding to sure himself, but far too excited for Remus’ liking.
“What about that feels like a good idea to you, Prongs?” Remus questioned.
“I dunno just sounds fun, I guess,” he shrugged, blatantly hungover.
Remus sighed, of course James would agree with Sirius, he always sided with him, those two practically shared a brain cell, just the one though, they clearly had killed the rest.
“Might as well get used to it because filming starts in a week, so there really isn’t a way out of this,” Sirius grinned at Remus, who shot him a glare in return.
“Do we at least get paid for this?” Remus asked with a resigned sigh.
“Yep, 250 dollars a week and then more if you win.” Sirius grinned knowing he had Remus on board, even if not eagerly.
“Alright I guess I’ll do it, but you owe me big time, Padfoot!”
“Yes!” Sirius cheered “C’mon now Wormy you’re the only hold up,” Sirius grinned, wiggling his brows at Peter.
“There is really no way out of this?” Peter pleaded.
“Nope not a chance, now come on what the worst that could happen.”
“Well I guess if I have to,” Peter relented.
James and Sirius jumped up whooping in celebration and high fiving, causing James to wince.
“Okay now can we celebrate a little bit more quietly?” James requested dropping back into his chair.
Mary
-3 months earlier-
It was one of the first tolerable days they had experienced that spring and Mary, Marlene, and Lily had planned to use that to their advantage. The three of them had agreed to meet at the park for a picnic, but Marlene and Lily were still nowhere to be seen.
Mary:
Where are you two, starting to think I might need to call search and rescue.
Marlene:
Sorry, class ran long driving your way now.
Mary:
Okay see you soon. ALSO DONT TEXT AND DRIVE YOU DUMBASS!!
Mary:
Lily where are yoooouuuu??????
Mary tucked her phone in her pocket and sat down on the picnic blanket laid out in the grass, trying to make the most of the sun while it lasted. Marlene was always late, but where in the world was Lily? She pulled her phone out of her pocket to check and see if Lily had responded; she hadn’t. Mary sighed and with nothing else to do opened TikTok while she waited.
As she was scrolling through her For You page she saw an ad, she didn’t usually click on them but this one piqued her interest. It said, Trying to find love? Join Love Island this summer! She thought it would be perfect for Lily to get over her broken heart, from her douchebag ex, Snape. She could get over him? She clicked the share button, then clicked on Marlene’s profile to send it to her.
Mary:
*TikTok Link*
Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Marlene:
ABSOLUTELY 😈
Mary:
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU RESPONDING WHILE YOU ARE FUCKING DRIVING????
Marlene:
Well if you’d stop texting me while I am driving then I wouldn’t respond.
Be there in 5.
The unsafe idiot was going to get herself killed - well that was Marlene for you. Even with all her faults she was her best friend, and would help with Plan Kill Snily; Get Lily over Snape and right back in love.
“Mary I’m so sorry, but I am somehow here before Lily,”
“Well, she’s gone radio silent so very impressive” Mary deadpanned, voice dripping with her infamous sarcasm.
“So you really want to sign us all up for Love Island? This sounds like a bad plan.”
“Yes I do, what if we find the loves of our lives?”
“What if we get voted off immediately and have to go home week one?”
“Then at least we tried, Come on please.”
“Fine but we can’t tell Lily”
“I would never!”
Present day
“Marlene?” Mary hollered when she heard the door of their apartment open.
“What’s up?” she asked, setting an arm full of reusable grocery bags on the counter top.
“Do you remember 3 months ago when we filled out the love island applications?”
“Oh no. That was your idea. You get to tell Lily. I’m claiming no part in this.”
“Please, she’ll be mad at you for agreeing to do it anyway,” Mary pleaded.
“Which is exactly why I can’t help you. I don’t need her being twice as angry at
me. That's a great way to get like- stabbed or something,” Marlene reasoned.
Mary let out a resigned sigh, “Fine, I guess you’re right.”
“Always am,” Marlene winked before returning to putting away the groceries.
Later that evening when Lily got home from work Mary was waiting for her in the kitchen. She had ordered takeout for dinner which was now spread across the kitchen island.
“Hey Lily!” She greeted, wincing when she realized how abnormally cheery she sounded.
“Hi?” Lily replied clearly, picking up on Mary’s strange excitement.
”I got take out.”
“I noticed,” she replied as she set down her purse, clearly still skeptical.
“So how was your dayyyy?!”
“Fine… What did you do??”
“Um- Well- I did a thing.”
“And what exactly was that?” Lily asked, obviously growing more concerned.
“I kind of, maybe, sort of, signed us up for love island.”
“You did WHAT?!”
“Marlene agreed” Mary accused, trying to lessen her portion of the blame.
“It was your idea!” Marlene countered from the other room.
“You still agreed,” Mary yelled back with a hint of accusation.
“So what I’m hearing is you're both at fault here.” Lily didn’t exactly sound angry but she sure as hell was not happy.
In unison Mary and Marlene pointed accusatory fingers at each other exclaiming “it's her fault!”
“You two sound like petulant school children.” Lily rolled her eyes.
“We do not sound like ‘petulant school children’” they wined in unison.
Lily raised a skeptical eyebrow at the pair.
“Okay maybe a little bit,” Marlene shrugged, demonstrating with her pointer finger and thumb.
“But only a little,” Mary added quickly.
From just the roll of Lily’s eyes Mary could tell the redhead was questioning all of her life’s choices up to that point.
“Are you sure it was actually love island and it wasn’t just some internet scam to steal your banking information?”
“Yes, I’m sure. I’m not an 80 year old woman, I know what an internet scam looks like.”
“Then why are you participating in one?” Lily asked with a smirk.
“We’ll Blame Marls, she’s the 80 year old woman giving out her bank info on the internet,” Mary teased.
“I am not!” Marlene scoffed.
“Now back to my point, did you really make this decision completely sober”
“Obviously,” Mary rolled her eyes.
“Are you questioning our decision making?” Marlene gasped, shaking her head.
“Yes, yes I am. Because in no universe does any sane, sober person just decide ‘I should sign me and my best friends up to be on a dating show and not tell one of them’.”
“We never did claim to be sane,” Marlene offered.
“But regardless, it's too late now. I got a response all three of us are on the show so your kind of stuck,” Mary grinned sheepishly
“I’m being coerced! This is a crime!” Lily mock shouted. “But, like, actually is there no way out of this?”
“No not really,” Marlene shrugged sympathetically.
“Fine,” Lily let out a deep resigned sigh. “But my god you two owe me.”
Alice
“I think my mom did a thing Alice” Frank’s tone sounded worried.
“What did your mom do this time?” Augusta was always doing something. Pushing her and Frank together, finding a girl deserving of her little Franky. It never stopped and it drove Alice up the wall.
“She signed us up for the Love island show and we leave in 2 weeks for a boat to take us there.” He said it matter of factly like it was just what was going to happen because his mom said so.
“How did you even find out about this? And why do we have to do it”
“I got an email from the producer that we have been selected. I called her and she said it was an amazing opportunity for us, but I was thinking if we do it mama will get off our backs.”
“She would, but is it worth going on a dating show? Like do you really know what that means, we will be stuck on an island with 8 other people we don’t know being televised, going on dates, and getting judged by everyone around us”
“I know but just maybe it could be fun!” This wouldn’t be fun for either of them but sometimes you’ll do anything to get people off of your back and this was one of those times. “Hey will be ok, you know that right?”
“Yeah i guess, as long as you’re at my side we can do anything”
“That's what best friends are for right?”
Yep, as long as we are together we can do anything bestie” Maybe it would be terrible but as long as they did it together. Alice and Frank could do anything. That's how its always been