Chapter Text
"Something brought you here,” whispers Deadpool as Spider-man stands over him. “Call it what you will. Fate, destiny-” “
“A web, Wade. Pretty sure it was a web.”
“It’s fate, it’s destiny, we both like burritos!” Wade holds up a bag of burritos.
Spider-man sits down and takes a burrito before Wade can make any more pop culture references. He shoves his mask up to his nose to eat, Wade doing the same. Somewhere over the last year, Deadpool started letting Spider-man see smiles of scars. He’s even taken off his entire mask a few times. And his name is on the fucking business card he tried to slide between Spider-man’s asscheeks the first time they met. Somewhere over the last year, this roof has become one of their ‘spots’.
Somewhere in between Deadpool mucking up some of Spider-man’s rescues so badly that Spider-man had wanted to kill him. And then had to convince Deadpool not to kill anyone in the name of ‘fixing’ things….
Somewhere in between that and what? Deadpool still causes Spider-man problems, it’s just the initial problems were waning and the new ones are waxing like the moon.
Spider-man tunes back into the conversation that Wade is having with himself. Sometimes it’s impossible to tell if Deadpool is talking to him, the boxes, or Spider-man. Who realizes he’s going to need to revisit the start of this story if he’s gonna have any clue what Wade is talking about, and zones out again staring at his mouth.
Like he said, some problems are waxing.
If he was Deadpool, he’d break the a fourth wall to make a ‘waxing like deez nuts!’ joke. But he’s not. He’s balls deep in fantasy land, watching the scars on Wade’s lips pull as he chats. And isn’t pulled back to reality again until his spidey senses start tingling.
Spider-man drops the burrito. Deadpool let’s out a “Noooooooo!” as Spider-man stands and pulls his mask back down.
“You don’t have to come with me,” says Spider-man.
“ You don’t have to come with me ,” mocks Deadpool in a high pitched voice as he winds up and throws his own burrito like a baseball, spraying beef everywhere as it arcs through the sky. Then in his regular tone, “Baby boy, I’ll always prefer we come together.”
It’s a joke. A flirty joke. Like he’s made constantly since Spider-man and Deadpool started accidentally patrolling together on purpose. A flirty-means-nothing joke, that has Spider-man glad he’s wearing a mask.
Like he said; growing problems.
...
Spider-man wants to gawk when he walks into the Avenger’s meeting room and see’s Deadpool sitting in Tony’s seat, feet on the table. It’s not the first time the Avengers have called in Deadpool, but it happens so rarely that it should set off his spidey senses.
Deadpool wiggles his fingers at Spider-man who takes a seat somewhere between the merc and Black Widow. He finds both of them concerning, but for different reasons. “Hiya Webs, miss me?”
Spider-man wiggles his fingers back at him. “Like a hole in my head.”
“Wow,” whispers Deadpool, “I feel like that comeback was tailor made for me specifically.”
Clint aka Hawkeye drops from an air vent and lands into a seat next to Natasha. “Leave Spider-man alone Wade.”
Wade flips up his mask to his nose, and mouths, “Wish I could, but I don't want to."
Natasha sighs. “Please tell me this isn’t another Steve and Tony situation.”
Clint raises an eyebrow. “You and I see the Steve and Tony situation very differently.”
“As much fun as it is talking about me, and trust me I agree,” says Tony striding into the room tailed by Steve and Bruce. “We need to get down to business.” He pushes Wade’s chair so it rolls down next to Spider-man, and takes his normal spot. “Jarvis, where the hell is Point Break?”
“Arriving momentarily sir.”
“Wait no-”
It’s too late. There is a thundering crack and Thor appears, along with a giant burn mark on the carpet.
“Greetings brethren!” crows Thor.
Wade turns to Spider-man. “I always have the hardest time deciding if Clint or Thor is the Legolas of this group.”
“I get this reference!” says Steve quickly. “Hawkeye, because he uses a bow and arrow.”
“But,” says Wade, waving at Thor. Then he and Spider-man say at the same time, “The hair .”
It gets a lot more boring after they get shushed. Blah blah blah there’s a new drug ring in town, blah blah blah, Avengers only care because now because said drug ring is starting to run weapons, blah blah blah. As if Spider-man hasn’t been trying to bust drug sales on the streets for ages. Blah blah blah. They are sending Deadpool overseas to dealing with ‘sourcing’ because Avengers don’t want to get their hands dirty blah blah blah.
By the time they are all dismissed, Spider-man is again wondering why he bothers with these guys. Sure, Peter has a giant boner for the Avengers. What average guy wouldn’t?
Spider-man is less impressed.