Chapter Text
I am Sayo Iguana. You may admire me.
In fact, I am Sayo Iguana and you are required to admire me, because I am the most iguana and the iguana that is most to be admired and this morning the people who live in this house which is my house did not admire me. This lack of admiration is unacceptable and must be rectified because I am the most admirable iguana with the most green scales and the most orange spikes and the most large dewlap and the most to be admired.
Last night it was unusually noisy in this house that is my house, and I was unable to be the iguana who was the most sleeping iguana. I was instead the most grumpy and tired iguana. But this morning I became the most pleased iguana, because the house returned to its usual state of silence and the bathhouse was warm and perfect for my basking and for people to admire me in.
The first person this morning who did not admire me was Sayo Warm Magic. I do not prefer it when Sayo Warm Magic is the first person in the bathhouse in the morning, because Sayo Warm Magic does not understand the regard due to me, the most iguana. Instead of providing things for my biting and admiring the fast mischief in my claws as I reach for the things for my biting, Sayo Warm Magic interrupts my basking in the bathhouse that is my most warm bathhouse on the tiles that are the most warm tiles for my basking. This morning, he interrupted me with his magic which was not warm magic but cold magic and made me into the most cold and unhappy iguana, until I left the bathhouse that is my bathhouse and found a patch of sunshine in the garden that is also my garden. I flicked my tongue at him to indicate that this was unacceptable but he failed to rectify the situation and instead thrust his arm upwards, shouted “yes!” and retreated into the bathhouse.
I continued to bask in the sunshine, because the sunshine was pleasant and warm and I am the most dignified iguana and needed to become the most warm iguana again. It was unacceptable for Sayo Cold Magic to prevent me from basking in the place I chose to bask in in this bathhouse that is my bathhouse, but at the time I became the most warm iguana again, Sayo Cold Magic was still in the bathhouse, singing loudly, and I was also the most hungry iguana. I decided to go into the house that is my house where there are many things for my biting and to rectify the situation with the bathhouse later.
The next people this morning who did not admire me were Sayo Things For My Biting and Sayo Handprints. This was most surprising because Sayo Things For My Biting is excellent at providing things for my biting, and so has earned the excellent name that I have given him. Sayo Handprints is also excellent at admiring me, but this morning, instead of admiring my most beautiful scales and my most orange spikes as I stretched myself out on the kitchen table for his admiration, he sat down at the table and put his head in his hands. And instead of moving directly to the cupboard that contains fruit for my biting, Sayo Things For My Biting sat down beside Sayo Handprints, put his head in his hands as well, and made a loud, strange sound. Sayo Handprints replied by also making a strange sound, although not so loud. These sounds were unpleasant and if they are a new language for Sayo Things For My Biting and Sayo Handprints to communicate with, that is unacceptable and must be rectified.
The next person this morning who did not admire me was Sayo Dear Kip, when he arrived in the kitchen soon after. Instead of gazing upon me, the most admirable and most hungry iguana, he sat down beside Sayo Handprints, also put his head in his hands, and also made a strange, loud sound. I became even more concerned that these unpleasant sounds might be a new language and flicked out my tongue to indicate that this was unacceptable. While none of them rectified the situation by admiring me with their usual words, they did not make any more of the strange sounds. This was less bad but still unacceptable.
It had become apparent to me that many things this morning were bad and unacceptable and must be rectified. While all these things must be rectified, I decided it was necessary to rectify the most important of these things first, so I removed myself from the table and made my way most sneakily across the kitchen to the cupboard that contains fruit for my biting. Sayo Things For My Biting and Sayo Handprints and Sayo Dear Kip did not notice this because I am the most sneaky iguana and because they had their heads in their hands and could not see. The cupboard door was closed but I have excellent fast mischief in my claws and am the most clever iguana and the iguana who is most capable of opening cupboard doors. The cupboard contained many pieces of fruit that were perfect for my biting. This was most acceptable.
The final person this morning who did not admire me was Sayo Nice Smelling, who as usual was the last person to come down the stairs. He bustled into the kitchen humming, and called out, “Good morning! Wasn’t that a wonderful party last night?” He looked around and I waited for him to admire me, because Sayo Nice Smelling is a person of admirable taste who particularly admires my spikes which are the most orange spikes. He did not do so this morning, which was totally unacceptable. Instead, he rushed over to the cupboard and gasped, “What is that creature doing in the cupboard? Get out of there, you, before you eat all my mangos!”
I retreated in dignity to my patch of sunshine in the garden that is my garden to contemplate these unacceptable things and make plans for how to rectify them. I am the most clever iguana and my plans will be the most clever plans with the most fast mischief in them. I am sure these unacceptable things will shortly be rectified and I will once again be the most iguana who is the most admired.
In the meantime, the sunshine is still the most pleasant sunshine and I am no longer the most cold and hungry iguana but instead the most warm iguana with the most mangos in my stomach. This is most acceptable.