Chapter Text
Friday nights were for movies, video games, and maybe a few beers. And Yut-Lung. Since he started university, Sing had made his best effort to keep his Fridays free for Yut-Lung, at least while the businessman/crime boss wasn’t out of town on business.
Of course, they’d still do other things together on other days, especially because Sing still occasionally assisted Yue with business, but Fridays were always on the schedule. Yue would implore him to not go out of his way to shirk dates and parties just for him, considering the general importance of Fridays for college social life. So occasionally Sing would listen and go out to some house party or even a casual date with some girl from class, but he always left feeling a little empty, which was unlike how he felt after hanging out with Yue.
Some weeks, Sing felt like he was living for Friday nights. This was one particular week where there was nearly nothing to look forward to, except this.
“Hellooo,” Yue greeted him. Sing knew the passcode and could come and go as he pleased, of course. Yue was sitting on his sofa wearing some kind of facial mask. It was green and must have been dry because cracks formed when he smiled.
Sing was lately filled with some indescribable warmth when that happened. When Yue smiled. Especially if he was the one to make him smile.
“Want some fruit?” Yue asked. “I cut up some kiwi and a mango.”
“Sure.”
Yue left the room and Sing sat down where Yue had been sitting. It was warm. The two cats, Shu and Mittens, crept out from the adjoining hall and began sniffing him and rubbing their heads on him in that strange way cats greet humans. Sing breathed deeply and tried to relieve the tension from another hectic week of classes. He checked his email on his phone and looked to see if his test scores from the day before had been released. Yue came back after a few minutes. His face was no longer caked in green mud. His skin was flawless. As usual.
“You seem gloomy,” he told Sing as he sat down on the couch and set the bowl of fruit out in front of them. “Another hard week?”
Sing shrugged. “Mmmm, guess so.”
“You worry too much. You’re a college student. You should be enjoying yourself.”
“Stop acting like you’re all mature and wise,” Sing mumbled. He wasn’t in the mood for a lecture.
“I’m just saying, be sure to take care of yourself and relax a little. Don’t be so wound up over schoolwork all the time.”
“Come on. You haven’t ever even taken a college course,” he snapped.
“God, you’re a brat today.” Yue rolled his eyes. “Something wrong? Girl dump you? Fail a test?” Yue picked up the bowl of fruit and held it close to Sing, prompting him to take some.
“I’m just tired,” Sing said plainly after eating a slice of kiwi.
“Well, maybe go to bed a bit earlier. Not everyone can be a night owl you know.”
“No, I’m just, like, tired.” Sing sighed. “Like, I don’t really wanna take classes anymore.”
“Wait, seriously?” Yut-Lung looked concerned.
“Yueee,” Sing groaned. “I don’t really want to talk about it right now.”
“Hey, you really don’t? But you just brought it up. Maybe you should go to bed.”
Sing groaned again.
“Sorry,” Yue said, shaking his head. “I’m being a crab. I’m sorry you’re not having a good time. But I hope you feel like you can talk to me. Are you seriously thinking about dropping out?”
“I don’t know.”
A few moments passed before Yue spoke again. “If you’re overly stressed or something, you don’t need to work for me. If you decide it’s now working out for you, I’m perfectly happy if you’d like to concentrate full-time on your studies. You know I’ll support you.”
“Yeah, I’m stressed. I just… it’s hard to keep up with all the assignments and studying. Like, last year I made some good friends and we shared a lot of classes, so we studied together and I had a lot of motivation, ya know? But this term I’m in different classes than my friends and haven’t really met anyone else. So I’m more on my own. And I just feel like I’m gettin’ more and more behind.”
“Are you failing anything right now?” Yue asked.
“No… not yet.”
“Why do you feel like you can’t keep up? Like is it just too time-consuming, or?”
“Like, it’s a lot of work, and yeah it’s time-consuming, but I feel like I spend so much time on everything and get nothing to show for it. It’s hard to sit down and study, especially if I’m alone. And then writing papers? Forget about it. I’m a mess when it comes to that.”
“And last year was different?”
“It was just… more manageable I guess?” Sing thought out loud. “Maybe because the workload was a bit easier. And maybe because I could sit and work next to my friends.”
“So, like… is it hard to concentrate?”
“Yeah, that’s the core of it, maybe. It’s really hard to concentrate. I sit down to study and I’m suddenly doing something else that’s completely unrelated. Then I feel bad, and I get ready to study again, but the cycle repeats itself.”
Yue nodded. “That does sound really shitty.”
“It fuckin’ sucks!” Sing’s chest tightened. Just that bit of empathy, that sense of validation, felt like it could break him. “I try hard. I’m good at memorizing, thankfully, so I’ve been managing doing okay on my tests this term, but essays and stuff I’m always finishing last minute and it’s super stressful. I feel like I spend way too long keeping it all together compared to other people. I dunno how they do it. I’m so fucking tired.”
Yue patted his back. He left his arm around Sing’s shoulder. Sing leaned into it.
“And… I do feel kinda, like, lonely. I miss having classes with my friends. I don’t feel like connecting with anyone lately…” He couldn’t stop. It was all just gonna pour out now. “Also, I feel like my mom hates me.”
“Oh, Sing.”
“All I ever wanted was for her to like me as a person,” Sing said. He then realized something that made him feel guilty. “Sorry. I’m complaining about my mom when you don’t even have yours. I should be more grateful to her.”
“Sing, someone else’s circumstances doesn’t change that you have feelings about your own. It’s okay. You can talk about it to me.”
Sing took a deep breath. “I think she hates that I’m in college. And that you’re footing the bill. I think she’s jealous I have this opportunity. She referred to you as my ‘sugar daddy’ the other day.”
For a moment, Yue attempted to hold in a laugh, but it broke through. Sing couldn’t help but smile at that.
“She acts like I got it so easy. Maybe I do, but… her distance… it feels bad,” Sing admitted.
Yue adjusted his position and wrapped both arms around Sing. His heart seemed to flutter for an instant.
Sing continued. “I’m just… sad. And I feel bad about being sad. Like, I feel guilty I’m not more appreciative.”
“Don’t feel guilty,” Yue said as he continued to hold him.
“I’m really tired, Yue. I’ve fuckin’ killed people and watched people suffer, but this straight life ain’t so easy after all.”
“It’s okay to feel like that. I promise.”
“Fuck,” Sing said when the tears finally started to break through. He was losing his train of thought. “Sorry to be such a bummer.”
“So, I know this can be a tough thing to approach but I really think it would be of benefit to find a therapist to talk to,” Yue said softly.
Sing knew that was coming. His first instinct was to roll his eyes at this but he knew that was an immature reaction. He just nodded instead. It was just such a big step, to admit he needed help like that. To get real that there were some things he couldn’t do on his own.
“But… thanks for expressing yourself to me. I’ll listen any time, you know. I know it’s not always easy to talk about stuff like this.”
Sing looked up managed to give Yue a smile.
“Now, why don’t we get some sleep tonight instead of watching TV or playing video games or whatever?” Yue asked cheerfully. “Go get ready for bed and I’ll get you a glass of water.”
Sing groaned. “I don’t wanna move. Just lemme sleep right here.”
“Not happening.”
Before he realized what was happening, Yue scooped him up into his arms and suddenly he was being carried. Goddamn princess style.
“Hey!” Sing laughed as he pretended to struggle. “Put me down!”
“Hehe.” Yue grinned. “Nope. I’ll put you down in your bed.”
“I still have to brush my teeth and stuff anyway!” Sing yelled.
Yue just laughed, still carrying him.
“I didn’t know you were this strong,” Sing said.
Yue clicked his tongue. “Hey, I’m a man too, you know! And I work out!”
“Yeah and I’m like 6 inches taller than you! Don’t put your back out.”
“We’re almost there,” Yue said, his voice sounding a bit strained.
“Good,” Sing pouted.
Yue set him down on the bed (this spare room at Yue’s was pretty much Sing’s own) much less gently than how he picked him up.
“There you go, princess,” Yue teased. “Now get some beauty rest.” He turned to go out.
“Hey!” Sing tried to not sound flustered. “Carry me to the bathroom. I still need to brush my teeth!
“You’re on your own for that! Goodnight!” Yue said before he walked out.
Sing rolled over and buried his face in the pillow.
Crap.
So fucking cute.
Wait. Cute!?
Cut that out, he told himself. He is so not cute. He’s a spoiled brat who bosses me around. He rolled onto his side and breathed deeply. For a few moments, at least, the stress that had been building up had dissolved. Maybe everything would be all right.
“Knock knock,” Yue’s voice came through the cracked door.
“Yeah? Come in.”
“Here’s some water.” Yue set the glass on the nightstand.
“Oh. Thanks.” If he continued to be this kind, Sing might just break. “And uh, thanks for listening to me.
“Well, it’s not like you to be this down. Of course, I’m concerned.”
“Ugh. Sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. You’ve listened to my problems a million times. So I’m glad when you open up to me as well. I’m here any time. I’ll let you get some rest now.” Yue started to turn away.
Sing wanted to reach out and touch him, grab him, and ask him to stay until he fell asleep. To tell him that he needed him near that night. Just for his presence. Nothing more.
“Um, Yue?”
Yue stopped and turned. “Yeah?”
Fuck. “I realize… honestly, I…” Sing faltered. What was he trying to say? What did he want? Did he really need someone next to him to go to sleep that night. What was that about? Did he want Yue? He was just messed up and emotional tonight. Yue was just trying his best to be a supportive friend. Sing didn’t need to interpret it any other way.
“Hmm?” Yue summoned his thoughts back to the present situation.
“Thank you so much. And. I’m tired,” he repeated for the Nth time that evening. Because it was the truth.
“I know,” Yue said gently.
Just then, both the cats jumped onto the bed out of nowhere, roughhousing with each other.
They laughed. It was going to be okay.