Chapter Text
It was another tense situation for the Ghostbusters. A hulking, spectral dead man walking was ripping through New York. They were on full-view as they stood, four men against that… thing. They’s used every trick they had in their arsenal to try and fight this bastard but it was too strong. It wouldn’t have been so bad had it just been a ghost. They’d fought big ghosts before, but this one was causing meteorological disturbances. The sky had gone from clear to a deep, nearly pitch black green hue as small rope tornadoes touched down in the vicinity. The only light came from the blue flashes of transformers blowing clean off power poles and the emergency spot lights that were moving in with the firefighters.
As Ray saw the already large ghost seemingly merge with the tornadoes, he couldn’t believe his eyes. The vortexes looked as though they were walking, just like a giant zombie. His mind raced as he froze with fear, remembering an old saying he’d heard from an Apache elder he’d spoken with: “If the dead man walking comes towards you, you will die as well.”. He’d never fully understood what it meant until he saw the horrific sight before him. Every yell from his friends were muffled with the sound of the howling wind mixed with the sheer terror he felt. He couldn’t do anything, he simply target locked on the streams of particles mixing with the debris and the clouds. The dead man was coming right towards him and his friends. He started reciting the last rites absent-midedly, convinced it was over. He closed his eyes when he lost his footing, his pack ripped from his back from the pressure changes. It was indeed over, he and his friends had nothing they could do except surrender to the Dead Man.
The men awoke in a barren parking lot, a beautiful sunset engulfing the sky. Ray sat up slowly for fear he’d broken bones while he was smacked around in the Dead Man. He looked over and saw his friends, also all slowly sitting up. He could hardly contain his joy upon seeing all of his friends were alive and well. He jumped to his feet and started to laugh as though he was mad in the head. He rambled about the dead man walking and how he thought for sure they were done for. Peter winced at the racket and stood up slowly, looking around.
“So that’s it? The paradise I was promised since I can remember is a fucking parking lot?” He demanded. Winston grunted as he stood up. He walked over to Peter and sighed.
“I guess that Joni Mitchell was right… They paved paradise and put up a parking lot.” He muttered. Ray bounced over and pulled both of them into a big hug.
“What do you mean? We survived it! We survived the dead man walking! You guys really think heaven is a mall parking lot?” He asked, tripping over his tongue as he spoke so quickly and pointing at a sign that looked like it had been through hell. The sign read ‘Mall Enterance’ and was just chipping red paint on a white wooden sign. Peter looked around, there were a few cars that were unlike anything he’d ever seen before.
“Well, Dorothy, we’re certainly not in Kansas anymore…” he quipped, pointing at a line of towering, spindly pine trees overlooking a trailer park. Egon got up and walked over to Peter.
“It is possible that we travelled with the tornado… It was on a north-western path. My best guess is somewhere in Canada.” He said. Peter looked at him.
“And how do you figure that, Egghead?” he snapped. Egon pointed at the license plate of a nearby white car.
“Unless we gained a new state that I was unaware of, that plate clearly says Nova Scotia, which, again last I checked, is in Canada.” Egon explained. Peter squinted at him and walked over to the car, Winston following. Ray was aflutter with the idea that a tornado had made it all the way to Nova Scotia. He asked Egon if he really thought such a thing was possible, excited that they’d perhaps inadvertently made a massive scientific discovery. “Raymond, this has to be supernatural. We sustained absolutely no injuries and we managed to wake up hundreds of miles from New York. May I remind you that this cyclone was supernatural from the outset.” Egon affirmed. Ray nodded.
Just as Ray was about to verbally agree, Peter beckoned them over. “Uh, hey fellas just to be clear, when we went up against that big bastard it was 1985, right?” Peter asked. Egon rolled his eyes, worried Peter was obtuse enough to fake a head injury.
“Yes. It was June 12th, 1985.” Egon sighed. Peter nodded and smiled, uncomfortably.
“Okay, cool… So, I guess that means that Canada has vehicle registration stickers that are good for… oh, i dunno… thirty-some-odd years?” Peter said, slowly. Ray looked at him confused.
“Oh, that hardly seems safe… Maybe you hit your head.” Ray said, gently. Winston shook his head, looking as though he’d seen, well, a ghost. He pointed down at the license plate. At first Ray was completely taken with the schooner on the plate that he didn’t even see what he was looking for. He was just about to comment on the design of the plate when he saw the reflective green sticker that very clearly said Oct. 2023. “Holy shit.” He hushed. He was struck silent only for a moment before he looked at Egon who also couldn’t believe his eyes.
“This… Ray, it can’t be…” Egon stammered. For once, he had no explanation. “We lost almost 40 years.” He hushed, his heart dropping as he thought of Janine. He met Ray’s eyes and saw an expression that could only be referred to as child-like wonder.
“You mean to say we… No, we can’t’ve… Did we actually-” Ray thought out loud.
Peter slowly walked to another car a few yards away and looked at the plate as Winston walked to another. They called out confirmation to each other, saying that all the cars had stickers that said 2023. Egon beckoned them all over quickly. While he may not have been happy to discover time travel completely by accident, he was well-versed in science fiction. He knew that under absolutely no circumstances were they to ever reveal what had happened. He looked at Ray. “How old are you?” He demanded.
“33 in July… um… why?” Ray replied, uneasily.
“1990. You were now born in 1990.” Egon snapped. He then looked to Peter who sighed.
“Fine, 1989. That’s my new birth year, whatever.” Peter sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. Egon shook his head.
“No, not whatever, Venkman. Under absolutely no circumstances can you let anyone know we’re from the past. We may be stuck here for the rest of our lives, do you understand that?” Egon had an uncommon tone of urgency. “Pick a birth date, pick a last name and stick to it. We’re travellers from New York. We’re lost, our car is…”
“Where’s our car, Iggy? Tell me now so I can remember when I meet a local.” Peter said with a laugh.
“Shut up, Venkman! This is bad! We have no valid identification, we have none of our equipment and the closest thing we have to money is the cash we have in our wallets which isn’t any good here! For all we know the United States dollar completely tanked and we can only buy pennies on the dollar!” Egon shouted. Unfamiliar with such an outburst from Egon, Peter immediately realized how dire the situation really was. Egon’s gaze shifted to Ray. “We need to go in there and find a payphone and hope to god someone we know is still at the same number.”
Just before they agreed on any action, they heard what sounded like keys jingling together. They all looked over and saw a young looking woman approaching the vehicle. She was tall and sturdy, wearing a black and white gingam dress with an oversized brown plaid shirt over it. Long dark brown beach waves hung over her shoulders and a black lanyard with keys attached to it swung wildly as she took long strides towards them. They all looked terrified, knowing she’d soon catch them behind her car. They all froze up, completely petrified with fear, the same way they were at the feet of The Dead Man Walking. Peter saw her brow furrow as she pointed at them.
“Hey, um I think you guys have the wrong car…” She called out slowly. Peter felt three sets of eyes fall on him all at the same time. He huffed and moved closer to her.
“Well, funny story about that… we uh, we’re from New York and uh, we were travelling and, well…” Peter stammered. She met his eyes, her car keys now sticking out between her fingers that had formed a fist. “Look, we’re really up shit’s creek. Do you know where a payphone is?” He asked, exasperated. She looked at him like he had three heads, but her shoulders went down as she began to ease up.
“My brother in christ, I haven’t seen a payphone since I was four.” She said simply. Peter looked back at Egon who gave him the same wide-eyed look. She took a step forward. “If you need you can use mine, though. I mean, if you need a tow truck or anything I’m not above scamming my roadside assistance to get you outta whatever ditch you landed in. Just tell me where to drive, I guess.” She offered. Peter smiled but shook his head slightly.
“Hey, no need! No car, we just wanted to call our friend in New York to hopefully sort everything out.” He replied. A look of recognition flashed through her eye.
“Oh, are you guys here for the base? I heard the place is crawling with Americans for that. Press and all for the new planes we got.” She asked. Peter nodded.
“Oh, so you know all about it then! Yeah, we were here for the new planes! Media coverage, actually! We were set to leave today and, uh, wouldn’t ya know it, we got left behind!” Peter lied. Ray walked over.
“Yeah, we were just wandering around and lost all track of time! Totally missed our ride to Halifax and, well, by extension our flight.” Ray added. Peter looked at Ray and nodded before sticking a hand out.
“I’m Peter, by the way! This guy right here, this is Ray. He’s my camera man! Great guy, but I mean you can see why I’m the one on tape.” Peter joked. Ray looked a little hurt but also went in for a handshake.
“Nice to meet you guys… Listen, I really wanna get home. My close was a shitshow and I just wanna go home and see my cat. You can use my phone but just… Keep it under five minutes, I really don’t wanna owe Telus anymore fucking money than I already do” She sounded exhausted. So exhausted that she completely forgot to introduce herself.
“We’d really appreciate that! We promise to keep it under five minutes. Honestly it’ll only take like… two minutes max. How far’s your house from here?” Ray asked, his head cocked slightly. The girl again screwed up her face in confusion.
“Um, like twunny minutes if I don’t see any cops? Why are you asking me this? If you’re tryna kill me, go for it cuz, like, you’d be doin’ me a favour, but just don’t be weird about it. Keep my corpse recognizable; I’m not having a closed casket funeral. I loved attention in life, I intend on loving it in death.” She joked. Ray shook his head, horrified that she’d think he’d kill her.
“What? No! We’re not- we just want to use your phone!” He stammered. The girl started laughing so hard she had to prop herself up on her car.
“Girl? I have my phone in my purse! Who the fuck has a house phone anymore?” She giggled. Ray’s eyes widened and he looked at Peter who was laughing uncomfortably.
Peter put his arm around Ray and mimed punching him in the stomach. “Ha, good one, Ray! Tryna get cozy with the locals again! Typical cameraman move, right?” He looked over at the girl who was looking amused. “Sorry about him, he’s a real dog. I’ll go over and call if you can babysit him and the other guys… Iggy and Winston, by the way.” He said. The girl nodded and reached into her purse to retrieve what looked like a thick piece of glass. She poked around on the glass for only a second and as she was handing it to Peter he gave her a sly grin. “So does my guardian angel have a name or do I gotta guess?” He asked. The girl again erupted with laughter.
“Oh, shit! Sorry about that, my name’s Katherine!” She answered. Peter smiled at her and took the phone.
“Beautiful name for such a beautiful guardian angel.” He cooed. Katherine rolled her eyes and took a step back toward her car.
“Yeah, great, thanks for the flattery. Go make your phone call before my cat eats through my furniture, dickhead.” She snipped though still smiling. Peter walked a few yards away to make his call.
Katherine took the time to take what looked like a pink piece of metal out of her purse and put it up to her lips. She breathed in for a few seconds and then released a plume of smoke and approached Ray, Egon and Winston. The smoke smelled wonderful compared to what Ray was expecting. It smelled like cotton candy which was a far cry from the regular tobacco musk. Ray went into his breast pocket and pulled out a cigarette pack and his lighter; it hardly occurred to him that cigarettes may have gone the way of payphones. She looked at the cigarette pack and her eyes widened.
“Woah! That pack is ancient, man! Where did you get it in such nice shape?” She asked. Ray smiled, uncomfortably.
“Oh, uh, I found it at my grand fathers house… I uh, I just keep it because-”
“Oh dude, if I had a vintage American Spirit pack I’d keep my smokes in it too! God, we don’t even have colours on our smoke packs in canada anymore!” She interrupted. She took another puff on her cotton candy thing. She looked over to Winston and Egon. “So you guys are journalists too, then?” She asked. Egon and Winston looked at each other and then nodded. “Cool, cool. I mean, total Thompson move to miss your flight like that. I just can’t believe you found anything interesting enough here of all places to make you lose track of time.” She added. WInston exhaled through his nose slightly.
“Well, military bases can be exciting when you know where to look.” He said. Katherine laughed.
“Yeah, I mean, I bet you guys absolutely tore up the Junior Ranks mess in those get-ups.” she quipped. She then looked at Egon. “I gotta say, your Ghostbusters costumes are good. Kinda helps that your buddy looks like Bill Murray if you hold your head right.” She continued. Egon tilted his head and Ray looked suspicious.
“Bill Murray?” Egon asked. Katherine took another haul on the cotton candy thing.
“Yeah, I mean, not fully or anything, but I could picture that dude playing Peter Venkman.” She said, pointing at Peter. Winston squinted.
“Yeah I guess so… I mean I dunno about playing Peter Venkman, but he’d be good in Caddyshack I think.” Winston stated. Katherine laughed again and high-fived him.
Nothing could have prepared them to hear that there had been a movie about them. The only explanation Egon could think of was that Peter had signed away the rights to their story while they weren’t looking. There had already been so much about the future that was giving them whiplash, but finding out about a movie about themselves caused them more confusion than the little piece of glass that could allegedly make phone calls. The day they’d been having was probably one of the strangest to ever exist in human history.
Peter came back and broke the news that Dana was no longer at her same phone number, nor was Janine. Well, really, he said that he couldn’t get through to anyone but his friends put two and two together. Upon hearing the news, Katherine sighed. She knew she was going to regret what she was about to do in some capacity, but her Nova Scotian hospitality won out. With a big sigh, she looked at the group.
“Well, if you guys have nowhere else to sleep tonight…” She looked at the back of her car and then at the group of men who were all either six-feet all or around there. “You can come home with me, but if you guys bitch about anything, you’re on your own.” She continued. Ray lit up and went in for a hug.
“Oh, thank you! I promise you won’t regret it, not at all! You’re the best, I mean that! You really are the best!” He exclaimed. Katherine, taken off guard by the hug, pat Ray on the back.
“Yeah, well, my weekend starts tomorrow and you’re gonna help my brother and me with yard work. I can’t have all this good man-power go to waste. You can stay until you figure out how to get back to New York, but I’m capping it at a week.” She said, still being squeezed by Ray.
They all piled into Katherine’s Toyota Matrix and hit the road heading west. She didn’t know which one was the best to have up front, but she settled on Winston as he’d been the least weird so far. As they drove, they got to experience life in a fuel-injected car with a radio station that never played any advertisements. Winston was thoroughly impressed with the performance of the car, though she maintained it was an old car that would soon cost her more to fix than to buy a new one.
Ray, who was sat in the middle in the back, was quite taken with the screen on her radio that not only said what station they were listening to, but also what song it was and who it was by. It was such marvelous technology that he could hardly believe his eyes. And ears for that matter. There was no static even as they dipped between hills and every song that played was perfectly curated to a specific mood. Whatever the BTA station was, it was incredible!
At one point, something happened that could only be described as the car ringing. The music cut out and it started sounding like, well, a phone ringing. Katherine looked down at her piece of glass and then pressed a button on her radio. This stopped the ringing and she just said: “Yo.” which was met by a disembodied voice over the car stereo that asked when she’d be home. She replied with what sounded like the name of a place, a time estimate, and a warning that she was bringing company. Just like that, both parties said goodbye, she pressed the same button and the music was back at the same part as it left off. No one wanted to say anything so as to not make her any more suspicious than she already was, but it was unlike anything they’d seen before. It was like Knight Rider was happening right before their eyes.