Chapter Text
Alex snaps, relocating himself, Rex, and Dave into the pocket space they always use.
It's a blank space with 3 chairs, a table, and a coffee station.
"Lets start this month's meeting" They say, snapping again to get themselves a cup of coffee.
Dave leans forward, sighing "I still feel conflicted about secretly meeting 2 villains once a month" he says, standing to get himself a cup.
"You'd rather deal with a sterling without help?" Rex asks, more teasing than actually questioning.
"No" he answers "just voicing my concerns so they're on record"
Alex rolls their eyes "okay, moving forward. I have an urgent matter"
Rex and Dave both groan.
"You always have an urgent matter" Rex says, using finger quotations on the word urgent "let someone else go first this time, namely me"
"I also have problems!" Dave cuts in
"Shut up, frisbee boy" Alex scowls "you're in a loving romantic relationship with your sterling, and you have a child. Your membership to the Sterling Support Group is on thin ice"
"You're married to Morgan!" Dave argues
"For tax benefits!"
"Since there are no objections" Rex folds his hands together "I will go first"
Alex snaps, giving both Rex and Dave metal zippers over their mouths "shush, you. My pocket dimension, I go first"
"Now" they lean back "back to my urgent matter" they toss a glare at Rex for his earlier comment "Morgan made breakfast this morning, and made heart shaped pancakes. What does it mean?"
They wait for the support in the support group, and when none comes they snap to remove the zippers.
"Rude, Alex" Dave scolds "but it could mean anything. If it was a normal person I'd say they reciprocate your feelings. But since Morgan is a sterling it could mean literally anything. Did they say anything about them?"
"Yes!" Alex leans forward conspiratorially "they said they, quote, no how much I like tearing up hearts and thought I would enjoy it"
"This hardly seems urgent" Rex rolls his eyes "same Morgan different day"
"Maybe it's good?" Davw offers "obviously Morgan knows things you enjoy, even if it's a very disturbing thought. I hesitate to ask, did you enjoy it?"
"I. Fucking. Loved. It" Alex smiles
Dave shutters, as it's the same smile he's seen when Alex turns heroes into little more than piles of bone and occasionally flesh.
"My turn" Rex waves a hand "Chad is the worst and I hate him"
"Oh, I'll remove you from the support group then" Alex teases, raising a hand.
"He's so dense. You know, he assumes everyone loves him, but assumes villains are incapable of love, so anyway I set up a romantic date and lured him to it with a simple hostage"
"I heard about this!" Dave points excitedly "Chad said he went to rescue a hostage and when he got there you were trying to turn him into soup!"
"I tried to get him in a hot tub!" Reg groans "I had champagne, rose petals, and a poster that said 'date me' "
"Did he say anything about the poster?" Alex directs the question to Dave.
"Maybe?" He answers "he did ask if dates were in season, and if they had nefarious purposes"
Rex groans "I cannot be more obvious. My villainous monologue the time before that was pretty much a marriage proposal, and he thought I was trying to bring him to the side of Evil"
"Okay, enough villain chat" Dave clutches the sides of his chair "my turn"
"Go on then, Mr. Happily Married" Rex mocks him with crossed arms.
"Sydney asked me if I was, quote, in love with her or being paid by her parents"
"Again?" Alex asks "didn't you answer her last time and fix this problem already?"
"That's what I thought" Dave agrees "but it turns out she still thinks her parents have manipulated me into marrying her"
"What did you say?"
Alex nods with Rex's question
"Same as last time. I thought it went well. Then I heard her talking to Morgan on the phone about how she thinks I'm a robot with pre-programmed responses "
"That explains why Morgan asked me to x-ray you and check for metal parts" Alex chuckles.
"I guess we're sliding into the portion where we discuss things our sterling may have said about each other's steelings"
"You have something Rex?"
"Well" Rex shrugs "nothing really new. As always Chad mentions Alex frequently. When he thought I was trying to turn him to evil he mentioned one again that Alex is mind controlling Morgan, saying that's the only way someone with true good in their heart can be turned. And, as always, promised to break your foul control over Morgan"
"I have a new idea" Alex snaps, transporting both Sterling parents to the room, frozen
"Noooo" Dave groans "why? I thought this was going to be a safe space"
"It is" Alex waves him off "I'll wipe their minds when I send them back. But I want to see if it's nature or nurture"
"What?" Dave asks "I dont-"
"I get it" Rex leans forward "please, do"
Alex approaches Morgan's mother and snaps.
She takes a glance around and switches into a fighting stance.
"No need for that, we just have a question"
"I'll never tell you anything, villains! Leader USA, dont let them get any information from you!"
"Shhh" alex presses a finger to her lips "does your husband love you?"
"What?"
"Do you think your husband loves you?" They repeat, snapping to make sure she tells the truth.
"We've been married for a long time, he sees me as his best friend. He loves me in that way" she answers, eyes slightly glazed from the snap.
They snap again, refreezing her and unfreezing Morgan's dad. They go ahead and make him only able to tell the truth as well.
"Does your wife love you?"
"I have no idea" he answers "It is literally impossible to tell. We've been married for 35 years and I cannot tell"
"Wow" Dave claps his hands together.
"Impressive" Rex adds "I would've put my money on it being nurture, but nature wins"
"I'd offer to let you join our support group" Alex snaps, freezing him and wiping both memories "but you're both still the worst"
They snap both of them away and sit.
"Okay" they clap "next on the agenda, things the Sterlings did that made us shake with the urge to kiss them"
Both Dave and Rex raise their arms up
"I'll go first!" Dave practically shouts.
"I have the best one!" Rex scowls
Alex snaps, zipper time.