Chapter Text
Bianca
John had lived next door to me my whole life. We were only seven when he knew every secret about my life and it didn’t scare me. It was the crutch I would depend on my whole life. I held on to it like a vice, so scared that if my grip on it faltered even the slightest, I’d lose him. That fear crippled me so bad I didn’t know how to live without John, but I soon realised life with John wasn’t living. It was surviving.
He and I had just finished playing in his garden and it was time to go home. I tried to stall- think of other things we could do together, but I couldn’t hide much from John. He asked me why I was avoiding going home. I tried to come up with an excuse, mommy said we weren’t supposed to discuss things that happen in the family with others. So I lied said it gets boring at home. That Gianna and Sophia don’t like to spend time together anymore.
But John knew me better than I thought. He knew me well enough to know not to ask. Instead, he invited me in and said we could play video games together. We spent the rest of our day in front of the TV as John tried to teach me how to play a new games his brother Roman had just bought. John was so patient, as I struggled to figure it out. I wondered if I was special if he only treated me this way. But, I knew better, I knew the Hastings were different to us, they were kind to one and other. You would never see that at home. Daddy always pushed us to compete with each other, he said that was how the Spencers would get ahead in life - some “healthy competition” he called it. There was nothing healthy about it. All it did was distance me from my sisters. And it made me angry that mommy allowed it. I knew it protected her from his anger, and I wanted to accept that and love her despite it but I couldn’t understand it. How could a mother see her children being pit against each other, see them struggle and breakdown and choose to look the other way. I would compare her to Cecil and I would hate her more, the way Cecil would brush a hand over her sons heads as she walked by or pull them into a hug despite their protests. I used to wish I could run away and live with Hastings, they already treated me like a daughter.
It was late now and I knew I had to get home before the family sat down for dinner or daddy would get angry. So when Cecil came to invite me to stay for dinner, I had to decline despite every part of wanting to stay wanting to pretend that I was a part of this family and not my dysfunctional one next door. As always John said he’d drop me and be back, we lived just next door and it wasn’t even dark yet, but John always walked me to my door. We walked in silence but I could feel him next to me trying to find the courage to speak up. “Bianca, I know that it can get hard at home sometimes” I didn’t turn, I wondered if he knew, maybe he had heard the shouting or had seen me crying. He reached out for my hand “but you can always come over or call me if you need to get away”. I knew seven was too young to be in love but in that moment I knew I loved John. I finally turned and looked at him, I still didn’t know what I was supposed to say so I just hugged him instead, and then I ran home.
Dinner was worse than I expected. Daddy was mad Gianna hadn’t won her tennis tournament and was yelling at her to quit if she wasn’t going to do it right. She had come second, and was pointing that out this fact to my father, which he pretended not to hear. I could tell he was getting angrier, his teeth were grinding and his ugly scowl was becoming worse. I tried to reach for Gia’s hand, silent plea begging her to stop. I wondered how she was only three years older than me but was braver than Soph and I ever could be. She always spoke back and that only caused daddy to get more angry at her. Sometimes Gia would push so far daddy would hit her and she still never cried. Sophia being the oldest tried to protect Gia and I, be the mother ours was too much of a coward to be. But Gia would always say something worse when daddy turned his anger to Soph for getting involved. But these little moments were how I knew my fathers attempts to distance us never worked, I saw the way my sisters protected each other and me. After dinner I walked up to my room with my sister just behind me, before heading in I turned around to look at my sisters they both reached down and pulled me into a hug and said a quiet goodnight before going to their own rooms.
As I always do when I first come into my room, I peeked over the window seat to see if John was in his room, I could see him playing. I remembered what he had told me and I felt maybe John loved me too. He finally looked up and saw me. He walked over to his window and asked me how dinner was and for the first time I didn’t lie to John. “I don’t want to talk about it”. His dark eyes were so kind as he stared at me “would you like to come over and play tomorrow” he tried to change the subject. I just nodded and he smiled. He spoke to me a bit, I could tell he wanted to make me smile and when he felt he had accomplished that he said goodnight and we both went to bed. We spent the rest of the summer together. I started telling him what was going on at home and he would always listen and hug me at the end of my long winded description. I knew John would try distracting me from everything horrible going on at home and I felt myself falling more and more in love with him.
As I walked home after spending my last day with John before school started tomorrow I thought back to how I had spent this summer. I always hated the summer it meant I was at this awful house the whole day, around mothers cold disposition and having nothing to divert from fathers cruelty, but this summer spending it with John made this one of the best summer I could have ever had and I was grateful. So as I went to bed I promised myself I would love him, till I had no more love to give