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A hopeful man once said, looks like Barry won’t be last place this time.
Oh, how wrong he was.
It was funny, it was a funny idea. Oh, ha ha, Dante wants to ‘Establish Order’ and uh, ‘Strengthen Security’ and let’s not forget ‘Freedom from Fear, oh come on.
It was like being presented with a big red button— you knew the outcome couldn’t be anything but bad but you just had to know how bad it could get.
We’re bored, don’t blame us.
It was something to do, something to shake up the sleepy life of bored billionaires and maybe troll some clueless newcomers. Perhaps we should have been concerned when our gods told us not to vote for him.
Perhaps we should have just ignored him. Y’know, let Barry stretch his legs from the last place position. Perhaps we shouldn’t base our votes on how funny or how interesting a candidate is over our wellbeing as citizens and focus more on that candidate’s effect on the community as a whole.
Perhaps.
It wasn’t even that bad at first. Inconvenient, sure, but not bad .
No one likes taxes, but Dante’s goal of ‘Economy Restoration’ will prove to be futile with how fast things go in and out of demand. (Lest we not forget the laughable tragedy the Potato War caused.) Dante underestimates the heights the community will go for good items; the dark auction is a prime example of that.
The events being cancelled caused a bit more of an outrage but Dante remained firm on his promise of ‘protecting his citizens from hazardous events.’ Okay, dude, just say you’re the grinch and go.
Not to mention how the goons are a pain— not just by doing their job but on the eyes as well. There were rumours that they sweat some sort of green substance, not to mention the way they talk was annoying too. Primitive is a good word for them; they seemed more animalistic than human. Their mere presence as well was more oppressive than protective— as Dante was apparently going for.
Still, we sucked it up cause it’s not like this would be permanent, no matter what Dante said. Like everyone else, his term will come to an end.
And when his term did supposedly end, when election day came, inconvenience turned to detrimence.
No SLASHED prices. Nothing on increased bank interest. And for once, I think someone was actually hoping to see Barry’s stupid extra experience on alchemy— Nothing.
No Barry, Just Dante.
The Age Of Dante had begun.
The people of skyblock never thought they’d see Seraphine again.
The day she’d been fired from Dante, she ran off in a supposed rage deep into the wilderness. With all the chaos— sorry, order (wrong mayor) of the election, everyone kind of forgot about the dark auction. Some assumed Dante had closed that as well.
It was weird seeing the door opened for once. Sirius usually kept the door locked tight, only allowing those in under special occasions. What they found that day wasn’t Sirius or any high level things to buy, but instead Seraphine, their lovely clerk back with a new fire in her eyes.
It was there that word of a revolution began to spread.
Those who saw through his tyranny crowded the dark auction house, looking to Seraphine for answers.
“What about Hypixel!” We asked, “Su-surely, he wouldn’t allow this.”
The way Seraphine’s frown deepened was enough of an answer.
“The-The admins?” We tried again and Seraphine stared back at the crowd.
“They’re on his side.” She announced softly, “Our gods gave us a choice and because we didn't heed their warnings we pay the price.”
Oh, gods. If the admins weren’t going to clean up their mess—
“What are we going to do?” They were doomed…
It was strange though.
Seraphine was calm. Too calm for a woman who’d just lost her job. Far too composed for someone who was currently watching her home be subject to this kind of tyranny. Seraphine, our first mayor who stepped down in the name of democracy, didn’t look the slightest bit disturbed.
“We’re going to have a vote,” She said, in the same poised and controlled manner. “We’re going to have it so that you all can vote for someone to lead this revolution.”
Confusion rang amongst the auction house, questions being thrown left and right.
“Bruh… Not you making us pick again.”
“I’ve seen this trick before.”
“Is an admin vanished or something?”
“Wh— Seraphine, this is your revolution. Why can’t you—”
“No.” The last question had caught Seraphine’s attention and her stern voice was quick to shut down any other chatter, the citizens stunned by her resolve. “No, I’m not going to put myself in power simply because I set this up. I would be no better than Dante in that regard.”
“But Dante is—”
“Delusional and dictatorial, but believes he’s doing us a service.” Seraphine saw mouths opening to protest and she held a hand up, continuing with her voice a bit louder.
“Even if it’s difficult to understand, I can’t— I just… I don’t feel right doing that.”
How she manages to be even the slightest bit sympathetic to such a man didn’t make sense to us. Not just because of how much of a pain he was, but because of what he did to her. How he tainted elections and made democracy difficult shouldn’t be given the slightest bit of sympathy but she was defending him.
Seraphine took a deep breath and gently smoothed down her skirt as she continued, “Democracy isn’t any harder than it was before. Still simple.”
“It’s never been this simple.”
Seraphine smiles. “There’s no limits this time. Vote amongst yourselves someone you’ve deemed worthy.”
It was even more votes than we were used to— the horror of more choices weighed upon us when it was presented. Skyblock is big, there are a lot of people there and simply choosing one person was a bigger stress than Seraphine made it out to be. I suppose we could look to the more popular hard working players. Dante added a tax on speaking and checking out forums, but surely we could come to a safe and smart conclusi—
“Gonna vote Technoblade,” One voice shot out, heads turned towards them. The name hadn’t been uttered in sometime but everyone knew— everyone had a memory of the guy when his name was spoken. The speaker glanced up and blinked. The crowd blinked back.
“It’d be kinda funny, dontcha think?”
Seraphine narrowed her eyes at the explanation. “Well, at least pick someone who’s going to presen—”
“LMAO, that is kinda funny,” another person agreed and the soft ding of voting sounded in the auction house. Sounded by another, and the next, until the sound filled the small room so many times it might as well have given them tinnitus.
Do two jokes make for good content? It’s not a common question but it’s still one that’s worthy of being asked.
One vote that cost them their freedom, ruined their gaming experience and sunk Skyblock into an age of despair and another vote that freed them of such.
In the same way they didn’t think too much about the last vote, they didn’t think too much of this.
Thirtyvirus, the runner up, was a great pick for a leader. The few who actually did some critical thinking when voting (lmao, imagine) were right in thinking so.
It didn’t matter. Technoblade was too busy garnering clout from that SMP he’s a part of to even glance in the direction of Skyblock.
There’s no chance in hell that he’s coming here.
“It’s so strange…”
“What’s wrong, Seraphine?”
“I’ve been looking at ways to defeat Dante, to have
a proper fight against him but there’s something…
off , about him.”
There’s a beat of silence. Seraphine sighs.
“It’s not too much of a problem. I’m going to
have a meeting with the blacksmith. I’ll bring up
the topic of custom-made armour and weapons.”
Technoblade returned home just as he’d left: abruptly.
He came back to us with the airiness of someone who never left. He slipped into the old coat of skyblock like it didn’t squeeze his biceps and tighten around his throat. He returned with the promise of a revolution.
Technoblade was just as over the top as he was when he left. His love of theatrics was prevalent and was familiar in the way the taste of silver is on a privileged child’s tongue. He stood above us all from the overhang of a building, high up on a mountain where you could marvel at the way icy wind didn’t seem to bother him. His very passion was enough warmth for him to withstand it.
Perhaps in those heavy Greek myth books Technoblade likes, most likely ones that inspired the scenery he led them to, the leader standing above his army was a show of their difference in power. It would be a grand and inspiring moment, perhaps most would compare it to a Greek Hero shouting proclamations to the city of Athens.
Unfortunately for him, skyblock players and trained soldiers had very different values of discipline.
Personal space? Very nonexistent when everyone wanted to be on top as well. You could see how taken aback Technoblade was at first, but he brushed it off, deciding that his speech was more important than the setting.
It was kind of down-to-earth in a way. Technoblade seemed to be in his element as he sparked inspiration in the members with his words, barely faltered, growing more excited with their cheers and even sported a grin when chantings began.
It still felt like their Techno as well; the speeches were new but the grandiose of it sounded very similar to the tangents he would get into during the potato war when people caught him in the marketplace
His humour was still there as well, something most people assumed he’d lost with how serious he was sounding now. It absolutely delighted the crowd when Technoblade boasted about being #1 in combat on the skyblock server only to press his screen against his chest when wandering eyes tried looking too closely. It was ironic hearing him lament about taxes when everyone knew he was one of the richest players with how interest worked.
Though it was through careless, memey means, they were happy to have Techno back. It didn’t take a statistics buff to know that he was going to win the vote by a landslide.
His own popularity was a large factor of it. That and a bit of gratitude.
Only Technoblade would go out of his way to make a speech to inspire the masses. A speech he didn’t even need to make— hell! He could have just vaguely mentioned his interest and still won. Though that wouldn’t be like Techno at all. Hypixel’s favourite golden child, their beloved overcompensating piggy, their little oink oink, of course, would go above and beyond.
Technoblade was welcomed into the Resistance HeadQuarters with open arms. The pigman had won by a landslide and the runner ups were put in the position of generals. After being informed of his new title, Techno did what any good leader of a revolution would do: completely disappear and only show up a couple of times in public, most likely in a disguise. (Some people would be observant enough to see through this and report on it later.) Then out of nowhere showing up on the day of the revolution stacked to the gods.
You know, basic Techno behaviour.
“Wh— why can’t I use my pet?”
“Uh, Dante banned them.”
The pigman deadpanned.
“Ah yes, because the law matters in this case.”
“Look, I can’t help what Dante chooses
to disable. We just have to deal with it.
work around it.”
“We are currently plannin’ a coup for a brutal
Dictator— a coup led by an anarchist with a history
of violence and crime but y’know, it would-it would
be rude to break the rules! I get it, I get it.”
“Am I stupid or is it too dark for 1pm.
Is this that daylight savin’s thing?”
“Dante decreased sunlight.”
“HEH?”
“Yeah, ‘did it to prevent sunburn—”
“I don’t care about the reasonin’! How’d
he manage that?!”
“Why are you putting so much effort
into this man? I mean we appreciate it
but what do you gain from this?”
“Skyblock is my home. My roots, where it all started
for me. I can’t bear to see a place I have so many fond
memories of— a place where I made my mark on the
world for the first time be subjected to something terrible.”
“Oh wow, really?”
“No, I’m desperate for validation and appreciation.
Everyone here loves me and I could use the ego boost
if I’m being honest.”
“That SMP not doing so well?”
“I literally gave them everything they could have
needed and more to win a war—AND THEY STILL HATE ME—”
Most men consider it impolite to bring a knife to a gunfight.
Technoblade, the pig that he is, showed up on the day of the uprising with four swords strapped to his belt. Despite the so-called disappointment that was his opponents back on the SMP, he still allowed himself to overprepare.
He was a bit bummed that his time in dungeons was wasted— ‘cause that took time and effort, getting carried, I’ll have you know. It’s not to say Technoblade was ungrateful that Seraphine provided them with items to aid them in the revolution, but you could see a little bit of him die inside when he shucked off his newest armour set.
The day of the Uprising was tense to say the least. To say they had a plan was a bit wishful; they had a goal. Get rid of Dante. How they get there, they’d figure it out on the way.
Okay maybe saying we didn’t have a plan was downplaying our abilities. We planned, we had the armour and the weapons, and most importantly, our element of surprise.
“Leaders of the Resistance,” a booming voice rang through the hub. It’s the same voice Dante used when shouting out his announcements. This one in particular sent a cold sweat running down our backs. “Meet me in the community center. It's time we settle this.”
Okay, so, no element of surprise. That’s fine! Despite the fact that Dante had goons, we have wonderful generals and a great leader. The armour proved to be much stronger than most had expected and with the power of his loyal voters endorsements, Technoblade barely even had to use his swords. His laughter could be heard bouncing around the crowds followed by the fresh smack of a fist colliding with a goon’s face.
It was a moshpit of clashing swords and wrestling, fists descending on bodies and blades pressing into supple flesh, the shrieks of pain could be drowned out by the laughs of surprise at how easy it seemed to defeat this wave. In terms of power, they were winning and slowly but surely raising the ranks in terms of numbers. Blood was flying, radiant orbs were twinkling and they were seemingly in the clear, a step closer to freedom from the tyrant.
“These Goons are utterly useless,” Dante sighed, leaning against the hub portal like he wasn’t the tyrant everyone was fighting against. Technoblade must have realised this since he scoffed, drawing his sword before something he saw made him pause and stumble back.
Something like a boil formed on Dante’s face; a boil that swelled red and continued to cover his face like a persistent rash. “But we knew that already.” He turned over at the audience he had assembled who flinched at the sight of the boils turning green. Whatever was beneath those boils slurred and slushed, the sight so jarring it had everyone pausing. The reaction was something Dante had anticipated and grinned, only to show no teeth and slimed gums. “Goons! Assemble!”
Their moment of confusion proved to be their momentary downfall as another wave of goons ran in from inside the town centre. Everyone raised their weapons, preparing for another battle. Instead, the goons passed them, running straight to Dante.
Those who managed to get a closer look noticed their eyes were leaking, absolutely dripping with green goo— slime, they realised a tick too late.
“I am Dante.”
One goon jumped in a full tackle, colliding with Dante. Instead of falling backwards, the goon merged into Dante’s torso, a large green boil sporting from his stomach like a concerning case of beer belly.
“My voice is thunder—” he grunted as another goon merged into his side and another, after another.
“My speech is law.”
It seemed like the numbers would never end and the few resistance members who realised something was off were pushed to the side or the few who managed to down a goon before they got to them, another went in his place.
“My skin is tougher than a thousand armours.”
Just when it seemed like it was finally over, eyes turned to the hub central to see the slimy amalgamation of Dante, now fueled by the form of his useless goons. For just a moment, it was a grotesque sight of legs and arms, and stray torsos, a mixed meld of green and tan bodies as well as a single goon’s peeking head before it swelled close together and bursted out into a large shape.
A slime. Dante was a slime.
A slime that towered over them. A creature so large it cast a shadow over the hub. Eyes that only looked small on this new Dante’s face, formed in his head before glancing down at the town he’d vowed to protect; at the citizens he promised nothing but safety for.
“I am Dante and the world quakes beneath me.” His voice wasn’t as deep as before, now overlayed with this gurgling sound like constantly choking on his own spit. Slime dripped and clung to the floor around him. (Idly, someone sighed, pitying the poor fool who had to clean this up.)
“You had a choice and you chose Death. Before your end, witness my fury.”
Okay, maybe we’re a bit behind on power.
Dante’s gelatinous form wreaked havoc on our community center. Destroying the town hall, the auction and the bank, (the last one bringing tears to more than the last two) nothing was safe from his wrath. Thunder descended on the earth and the sky, once placed in eternal darkness, burned red with Dante’s fury.
Panicked swords attempted to drive themselves into Dante’s sides only for it to phase through without any sign of it doing much. Hands blindly grasped for the staff that had laid useless at their sides, now the only thing that could be used to get a hit of damage onto Dante. Chunks of his slime form were being taken off, the first chunk falling and landing in the town house.
Celebrations quickly drew to a halt when he slowly began to regenerate. We couldn’t work slowly it seemed. Not only that but the chunks that did fly came alive; the remnants of Dante’s goons still fighting against us in a new slimey form.
It was scary. The sight of our home— our community for years now being destroyed really put into perspective how hopeless our situation was.
“You voted for me, my sweet children!” Dante gurgled, “But Technoblade corrupted you!”
In the distance, one could hear a shaky ‘bruhhh’ from said man. “Can’t you see! I’m built different.”
Whether it was to prove a point or just a moment in anger, Dante lunged at Technoblade, who’d been perching on one of the buildings.
Luckily the pigman just barely jumped away, his eyes now trained on the slime once he realised he was being challenged. A wall of lightning crowded around the two, now facing each other in a heated stare off. It was unsure whether it was stupidity or some self-sacrificial instinct that fueled his next move but Technoblade only got closer, nearly eye to eye with Dante.
A tyrant against an anarchist.
“Y'know, Technoblade, Peace isn’t earned,” Dante bubbled firmly. Technoblade shook his head, not out of disapproval more confusion than anything.
“That just makes no sense— what does that mean?”
“Peace is taken by force,” Dante continued anyway and Techno sputtered exasperatedly.
“I thought that was what peace being— dude, whatever.” Technoblade gripped his staff, intent on his rapid fire attack all while Dante sloshed his slime volley through his lips. Just as the two seemed to be charging up, a voice cut through the air.
“Everyone help out!” Seraphine called out, wiping slime from her dress. She pulled herself from a puddle of slime before pointing towards Technoblade and Dante.
“ SEND YOUR ENERGY TO YOUR LEADER, LOOK UP TO THE SKY! ” Seraphine exclaimed and she joined her hands together. Something blue began emanating from it. Mana.
Everyone followed along, hands joined, gathering as much mana as they deemed necessary. Blue orbs of light fluttered to Technoblade who took the energy with a grin, watching in marvel and pride at the energy building up on his forearms.
“So much power,” Technoblade said softly, clenching a fist before glancing at Dante. The gelatin creature just stared, it was hard to tell what he was thinking at that moment. (We’d like to hope he was shaking in his boots at least.)
“But even this much energy won’t be able to destroy you, would it?”
“You’re right.” Dante sounded pleased, triumphant of a battle that hasn’t even ended. “This is how an era en—”
“Interruptin’ me before I even finish, typical,” Technoblade piped and the barest hint of a scowl forded on Dante’s face followed by silence. Techno smiled sweetly.
“See you’re a tough man, Dante. You enjoy power, don’t you?” Dante waited a moment before replying like he was trying to avoid getting scolded again.
“Power is the only way to ensure security,” he said. Technoblade nods, noncommittal.
“You enjoy power. I know lots of men like you who enjoy power and it’s hard satisfying you cause you always—” Techno laughed in between like he’s remembering something funny. “—you always try to justify your greed. Safety for others. A love of your lands. A concern for others— unity even!
Whatever you guys convince yourselves, it all just goes back to the same thing. Power. Putting yourself above others because only you, only you, can be trusted with it.”
Technoblade had been toying with the Staff of the Rising Sun for a while before he just sunk it in the roof he’d been perching on, turning his back on it. He cracked his knuckles, still glowing blue from the abundance of mana he’d been given.
“When you need a place to settle, you call upon the community to create a home. When you’re lost and without someone to guide you, you appoint a leader. And when you need someone to smack some sense into a delusional tyrant hiding behind a sympathetic ploy to hide his greed for power, you call me: an anarchist.” Technoblade grinned, internally amused by the idea that he was annoying Dante with his speech or just pleased to ramble at all.
“And I have juuuuuust the thing to get rid of you.”
Dante grunted, obviously opposed to the idea and charged up another slime volley. One that splattered against the screen Technoblade held up— wait a screen?
Technoblade positioned the screen right in between Dante and him. His glowing hands danced on the keyboard before him, a look of total determination. What— Did Technoblade manage to learn some coding from the admins of that SMP he was from? Was he about to completely break skyblock apart, displease the gods with the sole purpose of taking down Dante?
The letters he was typing printed themselves out in large font. Murmurs of surprise sounded through the hub as the words came through.
‘/killdante.’ The absolute madlad. Surely not.
Dante must have thought the exact same thing when he exploded. Straight up popped like a zit without a second to even blink. His death wasn’t clean in the slightest. He didn’t blip out of existence, no, just like how he left an imprint in our minds, he left an imprint of the land, splattering slime and goo all over the town and its community members.
Excluding Technoblade who ducked behind his screen when it happened, and shot the slime-covered crowd a thumbs up. The relief from Dante’s death was enough for them not to get too butthurt about it.
The war had been won.
Dante is no more.
The sun rises on skyblock once more.
Technoblade remained with us for one week before dipping out again. He’s no mayor, he said, kinda goes against anarchistic values if you think about it. He left behind the Blood God’s blessing and humble request.
“Please, god. Just let Barry win for once. Or at the very least make sure he’s not in last place.” He turned away about to walk off before thinking it over. “Also, please vote smarter next time.” He added.
“Don’t worry, we learnt our lesson—”
“YOOO! JERRY’S CAMPAIGNING—”
“SHUT UP, SHOW ME.”
“LOOK AT HIS PERKS DUDE—”
“OH MY GOD, THAT’S HILARIOUS WE HAVE TO VOTE FOR HIM—”
I mean it’s just minecraft, we’re allowed to have fun here.