Chapter Text
Sometimes, the Crystal Exarch feels much more familiar than he should. The Warrior of Light feels a strange sense of deja-vu at times, brought on by the way he moves his hands when he talks, the sound of his voice when he chuckles, even by the bit of his expression that can be seen from under his hood when he catches her staring at him for longer than she should.
And she shouldn’t be staring so. She’s entirely worried that she’s mistaken, that her suspicions and the similarities she sees with G’raha Tia are nothing but coincidences – ones that she’s maybe even created in her own mind out of desperation to reunite with him. She had not known G’raha for long, but the time they’d spent together and then cut short had left a mark on her heart. She had wanted to know him better, to talk more, to see the way he lit up when speaking of archeology again.
And now, perhaps she’s projecting all those wants onto the Exarch, someone entirely unrelated. It was better, she tells herself, to shut these thoughts down now, than it was hold onto hope only to inevitably be crushed by reality and have her heart broken all over again. G’raha Tia is asleep in The Source’s Crystal Tower. He will not awaken for hundreds of years. She will not see him ever again. That is the mantra she repeats in her heart over and over again, trying to turn it as hard as crystal so that her adventures, and the continued loss of people she holds dear, will no longer chip at and scar it.
So, when the Exarch’s hood is pulled down, and the Warrior of Light sees his face, she does not believe it at first. She assumes that her hopes have turned to delusions, now, briefly showing her the face that she’s yearned to see again for so long. But it’s not a delusion. He’s here. And the hardened crystal around her heart shatters in a flood of emotion that she screams out his name with.
Of course, though, that flood of emotion is cut short, her shock and joy and love and frustration with his secrets is taken from her when Emet-Selch fires his gun at the Exarch's back, and only a lonesome despair is left in her.
G’raha Tia thinks to himself – no, The Crystal Exarch thinks to himself. About how many things he wants to say to the Warrior of Light. He wants to tell her that he is so happy to see her again, about how much the time they spent together investigating the Crystal Tower inspired him – gave him the strength to enter his long slumber, thinking it’d mean being separated from her forever.
He had thought she was a fleeting yearning of his heart; one he’d lock away with himself in the tower, to look back on one day when he awakened as a bittersweet memory. But awakening, especially in the situation which he found himself in, did not smother that yearning like he thought it might. Instead, it seemed to only grow within him, like a fire in his chest.
He was doing this to save the world. He had to save everyone, of both the Source and the First. But while he of course did want to save both worlds which had been his homes, there was a loud voice in his mind that emphasized how much it mattered to save her, and not just because she was the Warrior of Light. She had to survive; he could not let her lose her life like this. He needed to know she lived a long life – that her kindness and smile would keep existing longer. It brings him guilt, makes him wonder how impure his motives are – but he finds that at the end of the day it does not change anything about the work he has to do. Instead, he uses it as motivation, the fire in his heart fueling his work and plans.
When he looks at her, he quietly daydreams of gallantly offering to accompany her to wherever she is headed next in the First. Going beyond Lakeland, staying by her side, providing her counsel when she needs it, seeing her expression when she sees new places, and not just through the crystal mirror he quietly observes from. He wants to be there, to be a part of her mission, one of the companions she laughs and cries and becomes angry alongside. He wants to see every part of her.
But he’s convinced himself that’s not what he deserves. If he’s to travel far from the tower, it must be for good reason. And with all the secrets he’s kept, both from her and the companions he so longs to be one of, how could he truly stand among them? He can imagine equally vividly a future where she learns who he is and rejoices, and one where she curses and despises him.
And he has to remind himself, that either way, it does not matter. He will do the one thing he can do for her – absorb the light building with in her, and give his life to save the person he adores more than anyone else in any world. If it’s for her, he can be proud of his long life ending that way.
Just as he resigned himself to death for her sake, the Warrior of Light makes a decision: She no longer cares if she becomes a monster – it’s more important that she saves G’raha Tia, and that she does it now. If he’s still alive, and with Emet-Selch, then she can’t wait a moment longer, especially not after spending so much time asleep and then moping. Of course, she does not want to hurt any of her friends in her death march to save him, so she’s fully prepared to go alone before the Scions stop her.
She even warns them. “I’m a danger to everyone I am around.” And it’s only when suddenly, nobody cares, that they all insist on coming with her anyways, not allowing her to abandon them so she can die for a purpose she thinks is noble, that she realizes something.
“...Did G’raha Tia feel the way I did just now?” She quietly asks herself as the group leaves the Crystarium, remembering when he tried to die for her sake. She still wants to save him, more than anything. But… the feeling of wanting to throw herself away hadn’t really been a happy one. It had made her desperate and lonely, and she was realizing how lucky she was that her friends saved her at the last moment.
She still doesn’t entirely know how, but she wants to save his life, somehow, without becoming a sin eater. She wants to have all the time in the world to spend with him. And she wants to save him from his own feelings, too, so that he wants to, and thinks that he can live with her, just as she wants to with him.
And then, once he’s safe, once she calls him by name, and sees him smile… then she’d ask him about her next adventure. And ask him if he would wish to be a part of it. Together they’d travel the lands and cross the seas and take to the skies upon the eternal wind. Her heart swells simply to imagine it…