Chapter Text
“ Ah .” Yiling moaned, breathless as he worked two slender fingers into his tight heat. They moved and pressed with a practised ease that made Lan Wangji shiver in his seat with his cock hard and wanting. His hands were gripping at the material of his pants until they were white-knuckled and he was too hot within his skin that even taking off his clothes wouldn’t help.
He suppressed a groan at the whimper that floated through his laptop’s speakers and watched keenly as Yiling’s hole fluttered around his fingers. It took his breath away, seeing Yiling rocking into his fingers with a desperate need to have them deeper. Until they reach that spot that would make him—
Yiling cried out at the crook of his fingers and his back went into an elegant arch as his thighs trembled. His hips pushed into the pleasure greedily and Lan Wangji felt his mouth go dry as Yiling’s free hand went up to his chest to fondle a nipple. It raged a heated war within his stomach and he could barely look away even as the chat on the side of the screen pinged away as viewers showed and paid their approval.
Lan Wangji was slowly losing the battle against himself as he resisted the urge to cup the bulge that rested in his pants. It pulsed its need when Yiling moaned again, this one higher in pitch as he added another finger to the quickly thrusting two. His hands twitched and his nails were soon digging into skin as even the barrier of fabric couldn’t hold them back. His sight was hazy, his body too warm and ears flushed hot while his mind was on fire. It fed him thoughts that he’d only think in the private sanctum of his bed and taunted him with images that would make his uncle ashamed.
“Oh my god ,” Yiling whined loudly, shaking all over but managed to pull his knees against his chest so his audience would have a better view. It had been fantastic, to begin with, as Yiling had positioned the camera near the foot of the bed and had laid with his head near the headboard. He had given his viewers a sight to behold with the roundness of his delectable ass and a perfect half-erect cock. Yiling had been on his hands and knees at the time and wiggled his hips before looking over his shoulder with a teasing grin.
“I think I’m ready to get started,” he had said, blue eyes bright and vibrant between the eyes of the mask he always wore. The once teasing grin turned coy as he reached an arm back to land a hard smack upon his right cheek. Lan Wangji had inhaled sharply, his gaze lingering on the barely-there hand imprint the smack had left. “Are you ready?”
The words had been purred, utterly seductive and Lan Wangj’s heart had begun to thunder within his chest.
Whether out of excitement or partial fear, he did not know.
But truly, he had not been ready.
.
.
Lan Wangji came from a very conservative family who had certain rules and held certain rules. His parents had died from the injuries they sustained in a car accident when he was a child but he still remembered his father’s warming laugh and his mother’s comforting hugs. His uncle had been the one to take custody of him and his brother and raised them in a way that he saw fit. He wanted them to be fine gentlemen and learn the values that had been bestowed upon their families.
Living with his uncle had not been the easiest and his brother had been lucky enough to escape when he was old enough. But heading to college had been his escape even if it meant that he’d then be on his own.
That was hard when he wasn’t like most of the other students.
There wasn’t an issue with how he was treated and the students treated him well though that was where it ended. He had been labelled as the quiet one who didn’t care for partying and drinking and staying out past nine in the evening. They respected that even though he still received the occasional invite from an admirer and he was grateful. While Lan Wangji didn’t care for those things, a part of him wished that he did.
He’d look outside his window and see groups of people his age heading towards a party or heading to see a movie. The sight did spark a sort of longing within his chest and it never lasted long but it lasted long enough to leave an impression. Being under his uncle’s care had thought him to hold onto his inhibitions tightly. Nothing else mattered more than doing well in education and moving on in life to be respectable as well as successful.
But there was so much loss in the process and it was hard not to think about the what-ifs. That didn’t change anything though and it didn’t bring his parents back so there was no point in wishing to change a past you couldn’t.
“Life doesn’t begin and end with Uncle,” Lan Xichen had told him during one of his visits. He had looked good and happier than he ever has. His relationship with their uncle had gotten strained in the process of him finding himself but Lan Xichen said that he had no regrets. He had meant it with his whole entirety and Lan Wangji couldn’t help but be envious. “You’re allowed to do the things that you want to do.” He then paused, his eyebrows furrowed. “Within reason, of course. No crime.”
Lan Wangji couldn’t hold in his amused snort and Lan Xichen smiled at that. He was perched on the window sill while Lan Wangji sat at his desk, his laptop and textbooks open with notes arranged neatly for easy use. His concentration had drifted once Lan Xichen had removed a bag of White Rabbit from his satchel thirty minutes and Lan Wangji had been snacking on them since.
“I know,” he replied and refused to feel guilty for unwrapping another candy. His brother had bought them for him, after all, so they were his. “College has been quite hectic and exams are fast approaching.” He popped the white candy into his mouth and placed it beneath his tongue. “So I can’t be thinking of anything else right now.”
It was true and these exams were rather important so he needed to achieve those good grades like he always did. But he’d be lying if he said that he wasn’t stressed and there wasn’t a constant thumping at his left temple. He’d be fine though and the winter holidays were right around the corner.
...He’d gotten good at lying to himself.
Lan Xichen stared at him for a long moment and one could see the cogs turning in his head as he tried to think of what was right to say. His mouth opened, words at the tip of his tongue before he decided against it with a sigh. Instead, he smiled and said, “Just don’t forget that your life is yours, okay?”
He didn’t look away until Lan Wangji nodded and turned his attention to the window, looking at the outside world through the thick glass.
The silhouette of his brother was mesmerising, highlighted by the glow of the sun which shows the contentment that radiates off him. Tension lacked in his shoulders and his face wasn’t marred by the constant stress of needing to please someone who barely appreciated the bare minimum. He looked so calm and peaceful that Lan Wangji felt envious and wished that this was a life he could live. Wished that he could finally let go of his uncle’s expectations and run far away from them.
“Are we still on for lunch?” Lan Xichen asked, his smile still there and curved with happiness. “You’ve got to eat. It’s important while you’re studying.”
“Mn.” Lan Wangji said and that was all he could manage to say, for now, his thoughts far away but still echoing in his mind. A distant voice he couldn’t shake even after they had finished lunch and Lan Xichen had taken a taxi back home.
He wanted and wanted.
The want was almost too strong with how much he wanted a life that was a little different from this. A life where he could live without fear of disappointment and shame over not doing what was asked of him. A possibility of finding his own happiness without being terrified for the consequences.
Was it bad to be selfish for once?
Was it wrong to want something so much that it made you feel deprived?
This was how he felt as he watched Yiling smile prettily at the camera with pink lips that looked soft to touch. His hair was dark as ink which spilt over pale shoulders like a waterfall and Lan Wangji wondered if it felt the way it looked, like silk.
Arousal lit a familiar heat within the pit of his stomach and Lan Wangji craved, shamefully craved as Yiling moved to lay on his back to spread his legs wide.
Temptation in human flesh .
.
.
Yiling had been a discovery of one of Lan Wangji’s research into a world he was barred from. There were days when his curiosity overtook him and his papers would be left behind for a Google search into a side he briefly wandered into from time to time.
Sex was in abundance on the internet and Lan Wangji took in as much as he was willing to before the guilt washed over him. He’d look at the sights of women with their bared breasts and expressions contorted in pleasure as they were taken in all sorts of positions. He’d stare at the men who towered over them with their bodies and moved their hips in a way that made these women almost scream as they trembled.
Their noises were loud in the corners of his ears, only for him to hear through the small buds of his earphones. The repetitive slapping of skin against skin played on and on until it got too much and Lan Wangji had to pause the video. His breath caught in his throat while he rested a hand over his thundering heart. It got him aroused and caused his cock to swell but it never went past that as Lan Wangji never felt the urge to touch and pleasure himself.
Until he stumbled across a video of two men.
The actors seemed like they were in love due to the gentle touches they gave each other. Caresses and heated kisses that made the tips of his ears burn bright. They moved in sync and one submitted to the other so beautifully, whining pitifully as his cock was sucked and his nipples were pinched. It then got rougher and soon the smaller of the two was being fucked within every inch of his life. His hands nearly ripped the sheets beneath him and his moans and cries were muffled by his partner who grunted in his own ecstasy.
Lan Wangji had laid in bed that night and came into the palm of his hand while biting at his pillow to contain his gasps. He came to the image of those two men fucking and the sounds of them finding release.
It all changed from there and a few things started to make sense. How he would feel around men who he found attractive and how he’d get these stray thoughts of how kissing them would feel. The touch of their lips against his and their hands in his, the heightened heart rate and the overall confusion.
It all made sense.
He was terrified.
But finding Yiling had solidified the truth that he liked men. Yiling with his slender torso corded with lean muscle and the slight flare of his hip bones. Long legs held by strong thighs that tensed whenever he came and delicate fingers which could reach places inside of him that Lan Wangji could only dream of. His smooth voice which increased ever so slightly in pitch when he laughed or got excited and grateful to his viewers. He was every person’s dream and fantasy and once again, Lan Wangji craved.
He hadn’t been ready for all of this.
He hadn’t been ready for someone like Yiling.