someone_usingao3



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  1. Rec *

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    “Hello,” Ilya repeats, still kind of stuck on those freckles.

    “Hi?” the man says.

    “Hi,” Ilya says—again.

    Oh god, he's said hello three times now. He should literally say anything else. His name, probably. His phone number, preferably.

    “Hi,” Ilya says again, because he can’t help it. “I am—”

    “Are you Nick?” the man asks, and it comes out as a breathless sound.

    OR: Shane gets stood up on a blind date, and Ilya comes to the rescue, and proceeds to make a series of questionable decisions.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    64,878
    Chapters:
    12/12
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    2,748
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    30 May 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    In late 2014, celebrity photos start dropping. Ilya deletes his texts, his photos, a video he should never have taken. It isn't soon enough.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    66,960
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Collections:
    4
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    2,024
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    11,787
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    3,888
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    178,648

    29 May 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Shane Hollander is just trying to survive NYU biochemistry, hockey practice, and the graveyard shift at 7-Eleven. He's too exhausted to notice that his new regular customer is Russian mafia, or that Ilya's interest in him goes beyond terrible coffee and cookies.

    When Ilya hands him a $10,000 designer scarf and matching gloves, Shane doesn't panic. He sells them for next month's rent. Any normal person would be terrified. Instead, Shane uses the leftover money to buy a Hello Kitty watch, pastel pink, childish, utterly incongruous with the danger circling him. He wears it to his next night shift without irony or apology.

    Ilya notices immediately. He is fascinated.

    (Currently under major editing. Can still be read.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    192,758
    Chapters:
    32/32
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    21 Mar 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    A part of one of Rozanov's sex-tape gets released. The internet blows up trying to figure out what women he hooked up with but the video only saw her thighs.

    Only that woman is actually Shane Hollander.

    Inspired by the people on Twitter mistaking Shane/Hudson as a woman based on his thighs alone.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,591
    Chapters:
    1/1
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    123
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    17 Mar 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    “Bullshit. Maddox is the only correct choice. Did you see her suit in the new Y-men movie? I almost popped a boner in the theater.”

    “Miitka, didn’t know you liked picking through Rozanov’s leftovers.”

    “The fuck does Rozanov have to do with this?”

    “Oh yeah,” the rookie chimed in. “Didn’t she say something about Rozanov on Jimmy Fallon?”

    “Rozanov?” Shane’s voice cut in.

    The conversation about the hottest actresses hadn’t interested him in the slightest. But hearing the name of his archenemy? That got his attention immediately.

    “Holzy has Pavlov’s dog reflexes,” JJ cackled.

    “What did Rozanov do?” Shane asked, frowning.

    “Relax, Cap. It’s just another tale of Russia’s Greatest Love Machine doing his thing. This motherfucker.” Comeau said, already opening Twitter.

    // OR Shane getting jealous over an actress who confessed on national TV that Rozanov is her celebrity crush.

    Language:
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    09 Mar 2026