Chapter Text
Lea could have written a novel about how unnecessary it was to have exams that significantly determined one’s grades. To spend the whole year working only to have your worth determined by two weeks at the end of the school year was dismissive of true talent and competence. What if someone was having a bad week when exams took place and scored A’s on subjects they had been getting O’s in all year? What was the point?
It was all she could think about when the exam period flew by – the seven years she had spent fearing those very things only to have them over in what felt like a minute. These exams had brought Laury to tears – sweet, level-headed Laury had bawled because she thought she had failed the History exam. Daisy hadn’t said a word for those two weeks, executing a laser-focus Lea had never seen from anyone before. Bri was overly unbothered about the whole thing, her nonchalance painfully forced. It made their dormitory an unimaginably chaotic space with all of them pointedly trying to avoid each other while unavoidably living on top of each other.
But that was it. Exams were finished. They had a single week left at Hogwarts, one that would be topped off with a graduation ceremony on the final day.
There was an unspoken agreement between the seventh years to spend the days together and time was passed mostly on the grounds or the Quidditch pitch or the Great Hall. The nights were long too, full of conversation and laughter and drinks and food in common rooms and dormitories.
So, when Lea had ventured up to the Astronomy Tower on a walk late one night, it was because she was craving quiet her dormitory wasn’t allowing her.
She rested her forearms against the railing, eyes trained on the sky stretching out in front of her. It was a cool, clear night, lit clearly by the unobscured waxing gibbous.
“Do you remember the last time we were up here?”
Lea felt Remus settle next to her, his hip against the railing and his body turned towards her. She didn’t look at him, and she knew he wasn’t looking at her.
“Prefect rounds?”
“You were fighting with Sirius. I congratulated you on holding your ground.”
From behind them, a protest sounded, “Hey!”
Lea smiled to herself. “But that wasn’t even my favourite time. You remember before that?”
“When you tried to use the Map to skip rounds?” he teased.
“When you got high with me to skip rounds,” she corrected, smiling wider. “I think that might have been when I properly decided we were friends.”
“Is that all we are? Friends?”
She finally looked at him, observing the way the moonlight sharpened his features. Remus seemed to get taller every time she saw him, his handsomeness made rugged by the scars that scattered his skin. It wasn’t such a stretch to see him as an adult, as someone who had graduated. His face was turned to the sky, but his eyes were closed, soaking in the moonlight as one would sunlight.
Softly, she said, “What did you think this was going to be?”
She turned until her back rested against the railing, facing Sirius. He was leaning against a pillar with his arms crossed, watching her and Remus. His hair was loose, tucked behind his left ear and shifting slightly in the wind. The familiar parchment of the Marauder’s Map was sticking out of his jeans pocket.
“What’d I tell you, Moony? I knew she would complicate it.”
The words made her irritated. “Is that so?”
Sirius nodded, pushing off from the stone and sauntering forward. “Oh, yes. Allow me to simplify it for you – all of us like each other. You can’t argue your way out of that one, for sure. So, we should spend more time together. Snog a little.”
“You’re oversimplifying,” Remus interjected, still unmoving. “It’s not only about sex.”
Sirius stopped before her looking vaguely chastised. “It’s not,” he agreed. “But the sentiment remains. It’s not very complicated.”
But Lea had decided. “I disagree.”
He nodded sagely. “I suspected as much. That’s okay – we’ll just have to convince you.”
“No, Sirius –”
“You won’t even give us a chance?” Remus had turned his full attention onto them.
“A chance to convince me I should snog you both a bit?” She smiled wryly. “That will be embarrassingly easy, believe me. It’s what happens after that I don’t think will work.”
“You can’t know that.”
“I know enough.”
“You can’t be afraid,” Sirius said, disbelieving. He stepped closer in his earnestness. “Lea – how are you going to get anything done if you’re scared of –”
Lea had been calling herself a coward for months – years, even – but hearing it from Sirius? She was furious. “Do you have any idea what you’re walking into?” she said dangerously. “You need to be focusing. We all need to.”
“That doesn’t have anything to do with us!”
She put a hand on Sirius’s chest, stopping his advance. “It has everything to do with us. You might not see it now, but you will.”
Remus said quietly, “You really won’t even try? Not at all?”
She prayed to Merlin and Morgana that the pain throbbing where her heart was supposed to be would just stop. “I’m not even going to be in the country for the next few months.”
Sirius opened his mouth to protest but Remus lay a restraining hand on his shoulder, nudging him out of Lea’s space. He huffed and turned away from them.
“This won’t be forever,” Remus murmured, turning eyes that were more gold than green onto her.
Lea moved into his space, feeling a flutter in her stomach when he automatically lowered his head, closing the distance between them. She stood on her toes, pressing her lips chastely to his. “If you still remember all of this after,” she whispered, “then let me know. Maybe then it’ll be my turn to try and convince you.”
She pulled back, brushing her fingers reverently against his cheekbone.
Sirius’s back was still turned to them. He jutted his chin up when she stood in front of him, pointedly looking away. Lea wrapped her arms around his waist, closing her eyes when he softened and responded in like. “Please don’t be upset with me. I’m only trying to do what’s best.”
When she let go, she saw the way he had clenched his jaw, holding back his words. She could read his response on his face. Best for you? he said silently. Best for me?
“Best for us all,” she said. When she kissed him, he held her against him with a hand on her cheek.
As Lea made the long walk back to her common room, she held onto Remus’s words with all her might. It won’t be forever.
The graduation ceremony was a simple affair that took place on the grounds near the lake.
Rows of seats had been brought out, as well as a large platform that acted as a stage. The weather had blessed them, and the sun poured down on them as teachers made speeches. Lily and James said a few words themselves, amusing recollections of things that had occurred over the years. At the end of James’s speech, Peter, Sirius, and Remus had set off a few fireworks, not bothering to be discreet about their behaviour. The ruckus had brought the Giant Squid to the surface, and she drove her tentacles in wide arcs over the water, creating loud splashes that rivalled the bang of the fireworks.
They each received their graduation certificates, then each professor handed out special awards for their subjects. James received the highest mark of their grade in Transfiguration, Lily in Charms, Severus in Potions, and Lea in Defence Against the Dark Arts. The Slytherins cheered especially loudly for her and Sev, and Lea curtsied dryly while James waved like he was the Queen, pretending not to notice when the wolf whistles turned into boos.
The levity of the day grew heavier once the ceremony was over. Students lingered on the grounds as Professor Flitwick charmed the chairs into stacks and shrunk the platform. Teachers remained too, congratulating students one last time.
“I know I have been telling you this all year,” Professor Singh told Lea, “but I must say it at least once more. Please consider nurturing your Defence skills. Continue your studies, even if you choose to focus on theory.”
They were stood a little bit away from the crowd, facing the lake. The Giant Squid remained near the surface and Lea could just see the outline of her figure in the murky water. Professor Singh was dressed as smartly as ever, her long hair knotted in a sleek bun at the base of her neck. The deep red of her robes was embroidered with shimmering thread, patterns that Lea had discovered to be runes scattered across the fabric.
“I’ll think about it,” Lea said, repeating the response she had been giving the professor all year. “I wasn’t planning on continuing with academics at all but I’ve already changed my mind about that. I shan’t say I won’t ever do it. Besides, I heard a rumour that you’re going to start your own duelling academy, Professor.”
Professor Singh rolled her eyes. “You students and your incessant gossip,” she muttered, not without fondness. “Yes, I will. My cousin has been running the place for years but her wife just gave birth so they’re going to need some help. Perhaps I could tempt you to come and give some demonstrations?”
She laughed. “Are you asking me to show-off, Professor? That’s awfully underhanded. You should know I can’t resist an offer like that.”
“You’ll have to stay in fighting shape for that,” was the stern response. “But I would love to have you as my student again, Cecilia. Perhaps even an apprentice, if you get serious about it. Think about it.”
Lea looked up at the woman, smiling. “I will, Professor. Thank you.”
Professor Singh placed a hand on Lea’s shoulder. “You know how to contact me.”
Lea was left to her thoughts for a few moments before another figure filled the space Professor Singh had left.
“I can’t quite believe we’ve finished,” James said, sliding his hands into his uniform pockets. The first thing they had all shed when the ceremony was over was their robes.
“I know. Congratulations on the Transfig merit. McGonagall must be so proud – you’re going to get the House Cup too, aren’t you?”
“Thanks. You too.”
She nodded her thanks. The silence between them was awkward, and Lea couldn’t remember hating anything more.
Finally, James cleared his throat. “Will you still come home?”
Meekly, she asked, “Are you still okay with me coming home?”
Lea saw James’s jaw fall open, aghast. “Do you really think I wouldn’t be?”
She shrugged, feeling wrong-footed.
“I’m not trying to tell you that you should be fighting,” he said, crestfallen. “I promise I’m not. I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you. I shouldn’t have said any of that and I hope you come home.”
She turned back to the Great Lake. The way the sun glinted off the water made it seem endless and Lea had never felt smaller in her life. “Is that what you’re going to be doing? Fighting?”
“If you wanted to know that you would’ve joined,” he told her evenly.
She ripped her eyes from the lake and turned them onto him sharply. “I’m not asking because I’m interested, James.”
James met her gaze without flinching, waiting for her to continue. He was apologetic for how he had spoken to her but not for the disagreement.
Lea turned to face him more fully and lowered her voice even though there was no one nearby. “Let me make this very clear: there is nothing I wouldn’t do to make sure you stay safe. I will never be okay with you taking part in some poorly co-ordinated, misguided attempt at a –” she choked on the words and shook her head; he got the point. “But if you insist on doing it, I will make sure I have as much information concerning your actions as I possibly can. You can be helpful about this and I would appreciate it if you did, but if you choose not to be it won’t be much of a deterrent for me. Am I understood?”
He gaped at her again. She could see the understanding dawn. James blinked, his hazel eyes a paler brown in the sun. A hand ran through his hair as he considered what she had said, ruining the almost neat style he had attempted for the ceremony. “You’re understood.”
Lea shifted until her arm was pressed against her brother’s. A hint of a jagged sceptre emerged from the water, hinting at the presence of a Merperson. It was extremely rare that they neared the surface and Lea had only seen a handful of them from the Slytherin dormitory over seven years. Perhaps the squid’s excitement had brought them up.
“I want to tell you something,” James began, a careful edge to his voice, “and I want to make it clear that you don’t have to respond at all. I’m only saying this because I want you to know that I know.”
“Okay?”
“Padfoot and Moony were never good at hiding the way they looked at you – I don’t think they ever tried, the scoundrels. Only, they were so hopelessly gone for each other that I decided to make it very clear that they were to refrain from involving you in anything. Not – not to take away your choice or assume you couldn’t decide for yourself but because – I love them like they’re my brothers but they don’t always take the most care. You should have seen the things they went through before they settled with each other, the way they waffled about for ages.”
James smiled at her, sad and only a little bit amused. “Not that it made much of a difference, mind. They were more than happy to continue as they were even though I’d told them to back off. They were so sure that it would work out when they decided they both liked you…and for a second I almost thought it might.”
Lea could feel her face getting warmer and fought the urge to bury it in her hands.
“Only yesterday,” he continued, “when I slapped Padfoot ‘round the head for staring at your legs he started sniping at me to relax because it would never fucking happen anyway. I’m guessing that you told them to back off or something equivalent because let me tell you – I only ever see Sirius that tetchy when he’s fought with you.”
All her willpower went to biting down her embarrassment. She had known that James probably knew how she had felt but it was still horrifying to hear it first-hand. James at least, seemed to understand this because he generously kept his eyes in front, allowing her the illusion of privacy.
“Nothing good would have come of it,” she said finally.
He seemed surprised by the finality of her statement. “I don’t think it would have been that bad, Le. Not if all of you wanted it. It’s been long enough that I don’t doubt that they genuinely care for you, no matter how dangerous their waffling can be.”
“We’re going in very different directions, Jamie. All of us. This isn’t the time to be risking things like this when we’re going to have so many things demanding our attention outside our relationship.”
He fell silent, the air heavy with understanding.
Lea took a deep breath. Released it. For the second time that week, she said, “We need to be focusing. I won’t have any of you making avoidable mistakes.”
“You don’t think that’s even more reason to be taking these chances?”
Lea thought of James asking Lily to move in with him, the way Lily had been a pillar of strength for James since they lost their parents. “I think it’s a good incentive to stick around until it’s all over. It won’t be forever, after all.”
“Then I’ll watch your back,” he told her, grinning.
She knocked her shoulder against his. “Thanks, Jamie.”
There was a yelp as Miles Goldstein got pushed into the lake, whoops of laughter sounding from the surrounding students. John Wilkes was looking on with a smirk, proudly receiving congratulating slaps on the back by other onlookers.
“Wanna side-along from King’s Cross?” James asked her, trying for levity. Lea didn’t think either of them were particularly excited to be returning to the manor. They would spend a few days alone before Lily joined James and Lea left for the first property in Amsterdam with Regulus.
But he would be with her nonetheless, and that was more than she thought she would have. “Sounds good to me.”
Lea had spaced her packing out over a few days, beginning with her books and stationery, and working her way up to her clothes.
When she collected all her belongings, she discovered she had amassed a not insignificant number of letters from her newest correspondent. Parchment on parchment was filled with neat handwriting, each penned with growing familiarity. It was something Lea had kept completely to herself, though Severus might have guessed when he discovered she had been getting books from the Dark Lord. Even as she tucked them neatly between the pages of her Charms textbook, she felt an odd sort of protectiveness over them. She wasn’t going to delude herself into thinking she was special but there was something to be said about the way she got a response within a few days, long and detailed and clear.
It was as she sorted through the loose parchments floating around in her trunk that her fingers landed on a familiar square, folded precisely to hide her own writing. Lea paused in her actions, fighting back the sudden anguish that filled her. It had felt like another lifetime in which she had written the letter to lay on Twitchy’s grave. She had lost countless other things in the few months since and gained countless more. She had thought it would be her parents who would take her and James to see Twitchy. It was up to her, now.
Minnie roused her from her melancholy state, leaping from her bed onto the open trunk she was kneeling in front of. Wide blue eyes peered up at her innocently.
Lea jumped, falling back onto her palms. She threw a mock glare at her familiar. She still needed to ask James and Lily to watch her while she was gone. “Silly thing.”
But she was smiling, and it was with a vague sense of resolution that she placed the letter in her pocket and shut her trunk firmly.
“I wonder what it’s going to be like without you next year,” said Regulus, shielding his eyes from the sunlight with a hand. They were leaving the castle and heading towards the carriages that would take them to Hogsmeade Station.
The night previous, Slytherin had brought home the Quidditch Cup. The resulting party had been monumental and they had all only gotten two hours of sleep at the most before they had to rise and leave to catch the train. Lea was still drunk and she knew Reg would only be in a worse state than she was in.
“We’ll miss you, Lea,” Barty said tearfully, settling an arm over her shoulders as they walked. She cuddled against him, wrapping her arm around his waist.
“You’ll hear from me so often you’ll regret saying that,” she told him playfully. “Besides, you’re going to see me much so much this summer there’s no point in getting sad now, love.”
“We’ll floo to your house first, yes?” Reg checked. “Then Amsterdam?”
“I shall await you eagerly.”
Barty would join them for much of the first stretch of their travels, and return intermittently for the rest of the trip. There were perks to having your father as the Head of the Department of International Magical Co-operation.
When they reached the grounds, Lea broke off from the boys, promising to meet them on the train, and made her way to the edge of the lake. Hagrid was towering over the other seventh years that had gathered there, talking to James and Lily. His booming laugh made students jump.
“I don’t feel nearly as upset to be leaving as I thought I would,” Daisy was saying as Lea joined her dorm-mates.
“It’s because the bloody exams put a damper on everything.” Bri’s honey-brown curls were bouncing in the wind, and she pushed the strands away from her face impatiently.
“I didn’t realise how stressed they had made me until I finished them,” Laury agreed, reaching out to loop an arm through Lea’s as she approached. “They’ve got extra boats – we can only sit two to one now.”
Just as she finished speaking, Hagrid called out, “Seventh years! Two to a boat!”
Daisy and Lea stepped into a boat, Bri and Laury into the next one over. A few boats away, Peter Pettigrew rocked the boat precariously when Sirius tried to take a seat, laughing when he swore colourfully.
The boats pushed off from the shore.
“Can I still come over for tea tomorrow?” Daisy asked Lea, her familiar blue eyes watching her with worry.
“Of course. I’ve only got the first half of my tour planned; I’ll need your help with the second half.”
“You’ll have to come back for Aster’s wedding,” she said sharply.
“Then you’ll have to make sure I schedule a break.”
There was a squeal as Lily Evans reached over the edge of the boat to splash Marlene McKinnon with lake water. Lea almost laughed at the judgement that crossed Daisy’s face.
“And after your trip,” she said, turning her attention back to Lea, “we’ll have our weekly meet-ups, right?”
“Daisy, you can come live in my pocket if you so desire,” Lea said emphatically. “I shan’t have you worrying about not seeing me – I’m not going anywhere.”
There were more shouts as other students followed Lily’s actions. Jenny White screamed when Miles Goldstein rocked their boat in his attempt to throw water at her.
“Oh – Lea, look.”
A hush fell over them as they looked up, far away enough to see the entire scope of Hogwarts castle. The day wasn’t as clear as the previous ones had been, but – somehow – the sunlight made the structure seem even more formidable than it had looked at night seven years ago. Every line of the towers, every arch of the windows, was clear.
Lea thought about drunk nights in the warm kitchen and long conversations in the deep Slytherin common room. A library with obscenely tall shelves and endless knowledge. The wide, open courtyards where they had spent many summers on the grass. Chocolate cake served for dessert during exam periods. The comfort of her friends, giggling in the beds around her own.
But Lea had spent so many years in this one place and she was ready for something new.
“I’m going to miss how close we all were at school,” Daisy said sadly. “Even if there is no one I despise more than that bitch Olivia Rivers, at least I saw her every day and could pass my judgement with ease.”
Lea bit down on her smile. “That will be a disappointment. Never fear, love. I’m sure you’ll find a new group of people to pass judgement on. We do have the whole world at our disposal.”
“There is that,” she agreed, the corner of her lips tilting up.
For Lea, it was a bit of a relief to get some space from everyone. She would miss the girls, for sure, but Bri always sang loudly in their dorm and Laury left her stuff all over the room and Daisy emptied all of her clothes onto their beds every time she got dressed. It would be nice to have her own space. One where she didn’t have to come downstairs and see Sirius and Remus at her kitchen table every day. One where she could catch her breath properly.
It was Peter who drew the short straw of being the one that made it into the water, making it back onto the boat with the help of the Giant Squid. By the time they made it across the lake, everyone was breathless with laughter, giddy and light as they made their way to the platform where the Hogwarts Express was waiting for them.
“Come on, ladies,” Bri said gruffly, waving them forward. “I know Mum’s already got lunch on, let’s speed it up.”
They joined the line of students slowly making their way onto the train.