Chapter Text
June in New York was hot. Rey was not prepared.
“What do you mean it gets worse than this?” she asked Ben, who just smiled and threw his arm around her as they walked down the steps to the subway.
They were renting an amazing loft space in Bushwick and Rey found that she liked Brooklyn, despite the humidity.
They walked. A lot. Like, way more than she ever did in San Francisco, but it was significantly less hilly so she figured it evened out.
They had gotten into the city a few weeks ago. It had been a big change for both of them and Rey had been worried about Ben, who, it turned out, had just been worried about Rey, and she had to kind of laugh at that.
It was a different lifestyle though, and Ben seemed slightly ill at ease around so many people all the time, but Rey had to remind herself that he was a New York native, he had grown up on these trains, on these dirty streets, alongside these gorgeous parks.
Sometimes he rocked on the subway. Rey thought it was cute, honestly, but she knew that Ben was self conscious about stimming at all.
“Baby,” she said to him one afternoon, when he was rocking back and forth, tapping his fingers in odd number sequences and looking horrified. “Don't worry about them, you do what feels good.”
Ben had let out a heavy breath and closed his eyes, rocking gently. Rey didn't touch him. Although she so wanted to, she knew that outside stimulation would defeat the purpose so she slipped her headphones in and stayed close and after about ten minutes, Ben locked his hand with hers.
When she opened her eyes he was smiling down at her, his face open and full of love.
They were in their new bed in their new apartment a few nights after moving when Ben said, “I can't work with him.”
Rey felt relief surge through her entire body. She didn't want to tell Ben what to do, but she had hoped that he would make this choice for himself. She liked Han but… he didn't seem to be good for Ben.
“I think that's for the best,” she whispered. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
Ben nodded but he didn't speak, not at first. His jaw worked as he searched for the words. Rey scooted closer to him, tangling their naked legs. She could feel his entire body against hers and marveled at how intimacy had changed them, how she had never thought about being pressed against another person, feeling all of Ben flush against her, and being content to just stay like that. Soft and warm.
“It's complicated, you know? I can see that he's reaching out and he's trying-- trying to fix--” Ben broke off and swallowed. Rey pushed his hair out of his face.
“He just wasn't nice to me, not ever. And I blamed myself for a really long time. I felt like I was broken because I couldn't be the person he wanted me to be. It's why I moved so far away, it's why I-- I didn't want kids of my own you know? I thought if that's what a father is, I could never be that--”
“Ben,” Rey whispered.
“I know just-- let me get this out.”
He sighed deeply and Rey nodded.
“But I think he was wrong, you know? I think about it now-- having kids with you and I would never do the things he did to me. I would never want my kid to feel what I felt. I won't mind if they are different. They won't ever have to feel bad about being different,” he said. He looked so serious but his eyes were bright with unshed tears.
“I know,” Rey whispered.
“And I care about my dad. I love him, and I think I can forgive him-- mom too-- but I can't be around him every day and I can't expect him to change, even if he says he wants to.”
Ben was crying a little bit. Rey leaned over and kissed his cheek. Ben's arms came up to wrap around her tightly, he was trembling.
“I’m so proud of you,” she said, kissing his jaw. “You're amazing. I know this isn’t easy.”
Ben nodded. Took a deep breath.
“I wanna forgive him, I really do, I want a relationship with my father. But I want him to understand what he did, too. And mostly, I just want to do better. If we have kids, I promise you, Rey, I will do better.”
“We both will,” she said, thinking of her own parents, and then she kissed him until he wasn't shaking anymore and their kissing turned deeper and more intense and she was lost in him, they were lost in each other.
Rey danced with the New York City Ballet. Like… holy shit!!
Paige and Rose and Finn had been so sad for her to leave, but they promised to come out and visit her as soon as they could swing it. There had been a lot of tears.
Rey had been heartbroken to leave San Francisco but she was no stranger to change, and seeing all of dreams unfold in front of her was so surreal and wonderful.
The Ballet was competitive and intense but the pay was excellent and with no school or work, it meant that all Rey had to do was dance. It was amazing.
Leia had come by after her first day to congratulate her.
“You're remarkable, we’re so lucky to have you,” she said.
“Thank you,” Rey said, locked in a tight hug. Leia pulled back and her eyes, so much like Ben's eyes, were shining.
“Thank you ,” Leia whispered.
Rey knew what she meant.
Rey spent a lot of time walking. A lot of times on trains. It meant a lot of time to think.
She left rehearsal one evening just as the sun was setting. While riding the train back into Brooklyn she looked out over the Hudson, admiring the city skyline, gentle mist hanging to the buildings. New York was so old, you could feel the spirits of millions of people who had come before. She thought about the men who built the Brooklyn bridge, what a feat of engineering it had been at the time. People thought it was impossible.
She thought about her own life, her own horrors and the things that had felt impossible.
For so long she was sure she was doomed to be nothing, to waste away, to be used by men who were dangerous and dark.
How strange it is to heal.
She thought about Ben, her Ben, and the first time she had seen him.
It was clear to her now when she looked at Ben that he was autistic, she could see it in the way his eyes narrowed during conversation, the way his fingers butterflied around him, tapping and shaking, in the way he would rock or miss jokes, it's almost funny to her that she didn't get it sooner.
The first time she had seen him she felt a rush of belonging. She never wanted to be that girl, falling for clients, but she had never doubted that what she felt for Ben was real.
And he had done nothing but make her a better person. Rey felt connected to someone in a way she didn't think was possible for her. She was calmer, she drank less, she listened better. Ben had supported every decision she made.
She was so, so lucky.
And she could see improvements in him too. When she thought about how uncomfortable he used to be with any kind of affection, with any kind of touch, she laughed out loud.
She would have stayed with him no matter what, if they never slept together she wouldn't have cared, as long as it meant she could come home to him at the end of the day and lay in bed, listen as he told her his secrets, stories of his father, things that made him scared.
She loved touching Ben, and being touched by Ben, but for the first time in her life touch wasn’t the thing she craved most, and sex wasn't the reason Ben loved her.
He saw her, exactly as she was, and he loved her for that.
She was so overwhelmed with love, with how wide the world was, with all the ways the future could play out that she leaned against the cool class of the subway door and wept.
_______________________
Ben accepted a job doing data analysis for a tech company. He wanted a little change of pace, and it gave him yet another excuse in his arsenal for not accepting Han’s offer.
He hadn't told him yet. He was incredibly anxious.
Part of Ben was always waiting to disappoint his father, waiting to be yelled at, waiting for Han to tell him to snap out of it or to act normal for once.
He hated how nervous he was.
He was sitting in a coffee shop in Park Slope, waiting for Han. He had gone over all of this in his head. He was prepared. He was just going to explain that he accepted a position with more security and that he appreciated the offer. It should be simple.
But it never was, not with his father.
Han looked old. Ben had seen him as recently as Rey's dance performance but the odd thing about not seeing him more than every few years was that he was constantly adjusting to a new version of his father. New lines, lighter hair, shakier hands.
It was strange to see the effects of time so blatantly. Ben looked a lot like his father, and watching him age was a strange taste of his own mortality. Ben didn't usually dwell on things like that, but it was hard not to, looking at Han.
“I thought about your offer and while I really appreciate it, I have to decline. I've accepted something else with better security, benefits, you know with Rey--”
“Well hi to you, too, Ben,” Han said, with an amused smile.
Ben blinked at him. He hadn't said hi.
“Hi, dad. Listen-- as I was saying--” he just wanted to get this out.
“Ben-- it's okay. I uh-- I get it, and I don't hold it against you.”
There was a pause.
“Really?” Ben asked.
“Look-- it would be nice to see you all the time, I'm getting old you know, and it makes me realize that I-- I haven't been there for you the way I should have been. I know I was kind of a lousy father.”
Ben wasn't sure if Han expected him to disagree, but he didn't and so it was quiet for a minute.
“I want to do better,” Han said.
Ben nodded.
“I’d like that, dad. Really I would. I think I just--” Ben thought about all the things he had rehearsed. They don't work for this conversation. “I just need a little distance, still, and I think we both do. I want you to be in my life, mine and Rey’s, you know? But it can't be all the time, it can't be every day. I'm sorry.”
“You don't have anything to be sorry for, little starfighter.”
Ben's heart clenched at the forgotten nickname, something he hadn't heard in 25 years.
He swallows thickly and nods.
They spend the rest of lunch talking casually about cars and market trends and Rey and the trouble Lando and Han got into in Mexico last spring.
It's the most fun Ben has ever had with his father.
The apartment was really a loft. It was and industrial space with 30 foot ceilings and massive 12 foot windows along one wall. Both Ben and Rey loved the light.
Rey could use the space as a makeshift dance studio and Ben set up and office and honestly, he loved it. Having Rey in his old plae was nice but felt like just that; Rey in his place . This is so undeniably theirs .
Ben unlocked the door and set his keys down. There was music playing, loud and moody, just like Rey liked.
Ben walked into the main space and leaned against the exposed brick, utterly transfixed.
Rey was nearly naked, she had just a see through cream colored slip on and as she leapt into a grande jeté he realized she had no underwear on.
Watching Rey dance was Ben’s favorite thing in the entire world. Sometimes he wondered if he had been sleeping before he met her. That first night in the club it was as if she crashed into his life in a blur of colors he had never seen before, or had seen but never noticed. Everything with Rey was brighter and softer and better .
He watched as she spun, and she smiled at him, pulling her leg up so her ankle brushed her cheek and her entire pussy was on display for him.
Ben swallowed thickly.
“Rey,” he whispered.
“Yeah?” she said, so sweet and faux innocent.
Ben rushed to her, dropping to his knees.
“Keep your leg up,” he said, and Rey held her leg. Ben let his hands find her hips and held her as he pushed his nose into her sex. Fuck she smelled so good, he groaned.
He could see all of her like this, part of him wanted to just stop and study her, take his time memorizing what she looked like all spread out like this, but she was so wet and she whimpered .
He started to lick her, fingers digging into her hips and she was shaking, holding onto his head with the hand that wasn't holding her leg up.
“Fuck, Ben,” she groaned.
Ben worked his tongue over her clit and her knee buckled, so he gently pulled her extended leg down to the floor and spread her legs apart.
He was on his knees in front of her, and fuck, there was nowhere else in the world he wanted to be.
Ben hadn't thought about eating pussy until Rey. He knew people did it and he wasn't put off by the idea in general but it had never seemed particularly fun .
He fucking loved it now.
Ben pressed his nose against Rey’s clit as his tongue dipped inside of her.
“Oh my god, Ben!” she whimpered.
Ben smiled against her sex and moved his mouth to nibble on her clit again, sucking the hard and swollen button into his mouth.
Rey was tugging his hair, pulling him closer and he had the wild and impractical idea that he would like to climb inside of her and live there.
Ben pushed two fingers inside of her roughly, letting the his skin drag inside of her as he pushed and and back out. He curled his fingers inside of her until her knees were shaking and he knew he’d found the right spot.
“Ben! I'm gonna--”
Ben worked her harder and he felt it when she came, felt the hot gush of liquid against his face.
“Yes that's it,” he groaned, “cum on my face baby.”
“Oh fuck-- ah!” Rey cried out, body arching over around Ben and legs shaking. She liked it when he said thing like that, he could tell.
He stood and scooped her up before she could collapse completely, kissing her.
“Bed, now,” she whispered, her voice low and rough.
Ben carried her over to their bed and gently tossed her down. He unbuttoned his shirt, sliding it off. Rey got on her knees and crawled to the edge of the bed. She grabbed his belt buckle and tugged him closer, undoing the clasp.
Ben let his hands fall to his sides. Rey slid his belt off and the feel of it, the sound of it, so loud in the quiet room made his dick twitch.
Ben leaned down and kissed Rey, sliding his tongue into her mouth. Rey’s hands came up to tangle in his hair pulling him closer. He pushed his pants off, nearly tripping in an effort to get them off and get closer to her.
She giggled as he collapsed on top of her in just his briefs . She was still in that sheer little slip-- why were so many of Rey’s clothes see through?
Probably a stripper thing.
Or just a having boobs like that thing.
He was not complaining .
Ben let his cloth covered dick slide between her hot folds and his face scrunched up at the sensation.
“You're so hot,” he whispered.
“Need you,” she panted.
Rey was clawing at this hips, pushing his briefs down. Ben's heart sped up at the feeling of her hands on him, and then doubled again when her fingers wrapped around his length.
“Oh--” he sighed, pushing his face into her neck. He was holding himself above her but turned on his side, flush against her, letting one leg drape over her as she brought her fingers to her mouth and licked them, sucking them between her lips with a wet sound, and then bringing them back down to his cock.
“Oh my god,” Ben panted against her neck, nipping gently at the skin there as she began to work him faster, fingers catching the head of his dick in a little twist.
“Ungh-- fuck, I love the way your hand looks on my cock,” Ben breathed out in a rush.
Rey kissed his jaw, teeth trailing across his skin and sending shivers down his spine. She pulled back to watch the way he pumped in and out of her little hand.
“I love it too,” she whispered, “but I need you inside me.”
“Uh-huh,” Ben mumbled, working the leaking head of his dick against Rey’s clit. Her body twitched under him and he groaned.
“Fuck, I love you so much,” he said, lining up with her center. Rey wrapped her legs around Ben and slowly slid inside of her, inch by inch.
Ben brought one hand to her abdomen as he sunk all the way inside of her.
“Fuck yes,” Rey said, pulling Ben against her. She was so tight, so hot around him, and he felt his cock twitching inside of her, body, aching to move. He took a second to get his breath back.
“Baby please,” Rey whimpered.
Ben pulled his hips back, his cock dragging along her cunt as he voided her, and then he slammed back in.
Rey cried out, little fingers clawing at his chest. Ben leaned down and licked her tits through the mesh shirt and she moaned.
“Keep fucking me,” she said.
Ben started pushing into her and lifted himself up to watch her face as he fucked her.
Watching Rey cum was a close second to watching her dance. Best case, he got to do both, one right after the other.
“Lemme get on top,” Rey said, and Ben slid out of her, rolling into his back.
Rey straddle his hips, taking the fat head of his cock and lining it up, she slipped down. Ben watched as he disappeared inside of her.
He had never been more connected to anyone, never thought he could be. It was overwhelming. Ben felt his eyes sting with tears.
“Hold still,” he said, gripping her hips tightly.
“Are you okay?” Rey asked, concerned.
“Yeah just need a minute,” he said. Rey began tracing little patterns over his chest with her fingernails and pushing his hair through her fingers.
“I'm okay, just, it's a lot sometimes, I love you so much and sometimes it's-- intense. Good intense but intense.”
“Shh you don't have to explain to me baby, I know, I feel it too,” she said, leaning down to kiss him.
He loosened the grip on her hips and she started to circle them, keeping him inside of her as she moved.
It felt good. He was so deep but the pace was slow and he could watch Rey, memorize the way her face scrunched up and her breath came in little puffs as she worked herself on him.
He couldn't believe that he did this to her, the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, and she fell apart like this for him, only for him. She chose him. Ben made a choking noise and grabbed her hips again, but this time he lifted her up before pulling her back down.
“Rey, please , move, please , fuck me,” Ben groaned.
Rey's eyes went wide and she arched her back, lifting her hips and pushing her ass out as she slide up his shaft, and then slammed back down.
She started moving fast, fucking herself against him with brutal, rough strokes.
“Good?” she asked.
Ben could only nod, eyes wide on her as Rey milked his cock.
He was aware of the grunting noises falling from his mouth but he couldn't care. He brought a hand up to tweak one of Rey's nipples, then arched his body so he could take the other into his mouth.
Rey grabbed his hair, pushing herself closer and Ben wrapped his arms around her and flipped them, taking control back. He slowed their pace, drawing out his stroke. He took his time, tantalizingly slow as he slid out, and then rough as he pushed back in.
Rey grunted as he bottomed out inside of her, and then gasped for breath as he pulled back and the head of his cock caught on the most sensitive place inside of her.
“Gonna-- Ben I’m gonna cum, please don't stop that’s-- that's so good.”
Her eyes rolled back as he angled himself to hit her g-spot again, and again.
“Gonna cum on your dick,” she whined.
“Oh fuck yeah,” Ben whispered, kissing her face, sloppy open mouthed kisses.
He felt her pussy tighten around him, felt the gush of cum as she cried out and squeezed her eyes shut.
“Fuck you're so pretty like that,” he said as she came back down, eyes fluttering, cheeks and chest tinged red.
“Where do you wanna cum?” she asked him.
Everywhere. Ben wanted to cum everywhere, he had no idea how to choose.
“Wanna cum on your tits,” he forced the words out and Rey nodded, clenching around him to help get him closer. It didn't take much.
Ben pulled out and jerked himself hard, rough and fast. His cock was an angry shade of red and his balls had drawn up tight already.
“Please cum on me I wanna feel it, wanna taste it, please--”
Her words undid him. Ben felt his whole body go tight, he was vaguely aware of crying out Rey’s name as he spent himself across her skin, milky cum catching on her nipple and her collarbone and the hollow of her throat.
“I love you so much,” he said, collapsing next to her. He turned on his side, breathless and sweaty.
Rey let her hand come down to trail through the cum on her chest. Ben watched her as she played with it, entranced. Some primal part of his brain wanted to scoop it up and push it inside of her.
She brought her fingers to her lips and licked it off. Ben's dick gave an interested little jerk and he applauded its enthusiasm, even though he couldn't get hard again quite yet.
“I love the way you taste,” Rey breathed.
Ben rolled into her and pressed his face into her neck, sucking the salt from her skin.
“Come shower with me,” he said, tugging Rey out of bed.
Ben took his time cleaning Rey up, using his fingers to lather her in soap, washing her hair, cleaning between her legs.
Rey washed Ben’s hair, taking her time to run her fingers through it, trailing her fingers along his scalp. She rubbed the back of his shoulders and neck, working out the knots there.
Rey leaned down and licked water from the dip of his collarbone.
“I love touching you,” she said reverently. “You have no idea, Ben, I love touching you so much.”
Ben dipped his head to kiss her just as the water started to go cold.
They put on pajamas.
“Do you want tea?” Ben asked.
“Yes please,” Rey said, following ben into the main space where he made a beeline for the stove.
Rey went to the sound system and put on a song, he recognized it right away.
“This is--” he started.
“The Book of Love, the first song we danced to.”
The memory hits Ben all at once, her warmth, the look on her face when the song had come on, the nervous way she asked him to dance with her, how much he didn't want to and also did want to.
Now all he did was want, want, want.
Ben turned the stove off and stalked toward Rey.
He slowly wrapped his arms around her, leading her out of the kitchen and into the wide living space of their apartment, and they danced.