Chapter Text
Louis was still very tired when he walked to school the next day. His legs and bum where hurting and he still felt so disgusting. He couldn't grasp what had happened last night. It was so surreal. Liam was his friend after all. He wouldn't do something like that, would he? He wouldn't touch him against his will or … even more.
Louis shook his head and took a shaky breath, trying to get rid off the haunting memories. He entered the school at half past eight. It was a Wednesday, a bridge day, and the only reason he had to come today was that he still had to do a demonstration in PE. He absolutely wasn't looking forward to moving right now. But he needed a good mark. His head was still a bit foggy and he couldn't even master a smile when he greeted his PE teacher Mr. Corden.
“Good morning, Louis, you ready?” The teacher asked and smiled kindly. Louis just nodded and avoided eye contact. He didn't even notice the worried look Mr. Corden gave him.
“Alright then, I see you're already wearing your sportswear so you don't need to get changed, yeah? Can go right to the gymnastic hall then.” He still sounded cheerful but Louis just nodded again, apathetically.
Together they went to the gymnastic hall, Mr. Corden ranting about his favourite comedian and Louis not even trying to listen. His head was still swimming and he felt like drowning in his thoughts. He knew his eyes were constantly watering even though he still didn't understand what had actually happened to him. He dragged his feet ponderously, it was difficult to keep in step with his teacher.
Mr. Corden unlocked the doors to the gymnastic hall and hold them open for his student. Louis walked past him without a word. He still didn't take notice of Mr. Corden's frowning, just proceeded further until he was standing in the middle of the hall.
“Good, you know what to do, right? Just do your thing and I'll give you the mark right afterwards. Shouldn't take too long.”
Louis wasn't exactly a fan of gymnastics but right now he didn't even care. They had practiced what to do in their lessons previously but Louis hadn't attended the demonstration. He had been lying in bed with a headache. So now was his time to present.
He just started moving, without thinking too much and not really concentrated, but he always had a good body demeanour so it wasn't too difficult for him. He finished his presentation with a smooth roll and stood up again. He was still avoiding eye contact with his teacher and now he really had to hold back the tears. He was just so tired. He wanted to sleep. He wanted to understand what had happened but he just couldn't.
“That was good, Louis. I'll give you a B+ for that. You were a bit concentrated, but still managed quite well.” Mr. Corden smiled at him and stepped a tad closer. “Are you alright, Louis?” He asked and sounded deeply concerned.
Louis shook his head hesitantly. The first tear rolled down his cheek and he turned his head away.
“Do you wanne talk about it?”
Louis shrugged. Mr. Corden sighed and nodded slowly. “Alright, c'mon. Let's go and find a place to sit and talk, yeah?”
Louis didn't answer. He just trotted slowly behind his teacher. They left the gymnastic hall and passed the break hall. Mr. Corden led them into the staff room and pointed at chair, indicating Louis to sit down in front of the teacher. Louis let himself fall onto the seat. He felt so heavy, so disgusting still. He stared onto the tablet top, not daring to meet his teacher's eyes just yet.
“So Louis, tell me, what's wrong? Did anything happen?” Mr. Corden asked carefully and Louis nodded. He sniffled quietly and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth.
“Can you tell me, Lou?” Mr. Corden wanted to know and Louis shrugged.
He opened his mouth, then shut it only to open it again. “Liam touched me. Last night. He did … stuff.”
His voice sounded hoarse and shaky. He started chewing on his lip and kneed his hands in his lap.
“What do you mean, he did stuff?” The teacher sounded alarmed.
“He … you know. He did things … with me.”
“Sexually-wise?”
Louis nodded. He started shaking all over. He felt so uncomfortable. He didn't like talking about it, couldn't even put it in words properly. He felt like he was doing Liam injustice by telling, by ratting him out. But he just wanted to understand. He wanted someone to tell him that he didn't do anything wrong himself, that it wasn't his fault.
“Did you want it?” The teacher asked empathetically.
“No.” Louis croaked out and the shaking increased. He was feeling hot and cold all over and he wanted to run, but he also wanted to talk about it. Goosebumps where forming on his body and he was breaking into a sweat.
“Oh God, Louis. He touched you against your will? Did you tell him that you didn't want it?”
Louis finally looked up. His eyes met Mr. Corden's and then he quickly averted them again. “Yes. I told him.”
“And he still didn't stop?”
“No.”
Mr. Corden took a very deep breath. His cheeks were filling with air and he shook his head unbelievingly, stunned.
“How far did it go?” He wanted to know and Louis shrugged again.
“He didn't stop.”
“You mean … at all? How far did he go?” The teacher had to ask this, Louis know, since he wasn't really talking. He couldn't talk. It was so hard.
“He … to the end.” He whispered and Mr. Corden looked dumbstruck. He seemed to be really careful while forming his next question.
“Do think one could consider it rape?”
Louis looked up abruptly. The shaking was so bad now, his whole body was trembling. He had tried to avoid this word, hadn't even thought about it at all. But now that Mr. Corden had said it … It was standing in the room like a fucking elephant, looking at him accusatory and so so wrong. It seemed so wrong to use this word. It was something that only happened to other people. Not to Louis. And most certainly not by Liam, his friend. But still … somewhere deep inside of him he found the power to nod and breath out a very soft “Yes”.
Mr. Corden seemed livid and kind of overwhelmed. “You really made clear that you didn't want to … have sex with you? And he still did it?”
“Yes.” Louis made again and Mr. Corden didn't seem to know what to do really.
“Okay, uhm. Do you want to go to the police? I could come with you, Lou. I can help you.” The teacher suggested but Louis quickly shook his head.
“No! No. He's my friend. Liam is my friend, I can't do that to him!” What was the teacher thinking. He couldn't rat out his friend to the police for something like that. He couldn't. He was sure Liam actually didn't want to do what he did. Maybe everything was just a big misunderstand. He wanted to believe that. He really did, but deep inside his head was a voice telling him that there hadn't been anything to misunderstand. He had said no, after all. He had even started crying and thrashing around. He had tried to push Liam off of him and had begged him to stop. Who would misinterpret that?
“Louis, is he really still your friend after what he did? No friend does that. I think you really should tell the police.” Mr. Corden tried to convince him but Louis was stubborn.
“NO! I'm not going to the police. And you won't either. I don't want anyone to know.”
The teacher shook his head. He seemed to contemplate whether he could fill a record on his own but then obviously decided against it. “Okay, listen, Louis. I could take you to some kind of psychologist so you can talk about it if you want. It's a place especially for people like you where they can get more information and help. No one would no. It's like a first aid station for rape victims. I can go there with you or you can take a friend if you want. Or both.”
Louis had to think about it, but it didn't sound as bad as the police after all. The only problem was that he didn't want to go there alone with the teacher. He would have to tell someone else. Harry maybe. He and Niall were his best friends after all and he really trusted them. But Niall was in his and Liam's class and he didn't really want him to get involved in this just yet. Harry, who was visiting a different school, seemed like the better option.
“Okay. Okay, yeah, but can you come with me then? And I'll ask Harry, he's one of my best friends.”
“Of course, Louis. Whatever you need. And … do you think I should maybe talk to Mr. Ross so we can make sure that Liam won't sit next to you during your exams?” It was a suggestion Louis didn't even have to think about.
Right now he couldn't even concentrate when he was only thinking Liam's name. What would it be like then sitting next to him? “Yes. Please. But … don't talk to anyone else, okay?”
“Sure, Louis. Promise.” Mr. Corden smiled and started searching for a notepad. He then quickly wrote something down and handed it over to Louis. “Here. This is my mobile number. You can call me whenever and we can find a date to go to the … psychologist. Alright?”
Louis took it thankfully and nodded. “Thank you, Sir.”
“Don't worry about it.”
It was a bit awkward now and Louis really wanted to be alone. He needed to be alone with his thoughts for a while and really wanted to get that itch off from his skin … or from under his skin, more like. He didn't know what to do about it, but he was sure he would find something. He still felt like it was kind of his fault though … everything that had happened in the last few hours. And know he even felt kind of bad for telling someone, for betraying Liam, even though it had helped a little bit. It still felt wrong. He really needed to get out of here for now. The anxiety was slowly kicking in.
“I – I should go home, Sir. I bet my Mum's already waiting for me.” He sputtered and the teacher nodded understandingly.
“Of course, Lou. Take care, yeah? And call me if there's any problem or you just want to talk.”
Louis smiled halfheartedly and stood up. He looked back at his teacher for a moment and mumbled a “Thank you”. Then he quickly left the staff room and the school behind. He just really needed to be alone now. The guilt was flooding his veins and he really wanted to cry.