Chapter Text
Alright. This is it. It’s not that hard. Just gotta walk into this building, look for Ares, hope he’s not here, do whatever work I’ve been assigned to do, and then go home. Or, if I can’t work, then come up with an excuse and go home. That’s all…
These words were put on loop, a mantra, inside of the mind of a particularly poor, nerve-wracked Hofnarr as he walked towards the building he had approached so many times in the past. A past which was, apparently, the present. Not the first time he had time-travelled, so it wasn’t as confusing to think about as it could have been, but his confusing thoughts did nothing to ease the mild shaking that had set itself into his bones.
Christoff, noticing this, set a hand upon his shoulder in an attempt to ground his friend. This made him jump for a moment, flinching at the touch, but he quickly calmed back down afterwards, repeating the mantra once more like a character following a script.
Once more watching his companion silently, Christoff decided to make a move by opening the door to the building in front of them, but before he could grab the handle, the door slammed open by itself, an incredibly irate Dr. Crackpot walking out from the room. If this was a cartoon, steam would have been pouring out from where is ears should be simply from how annoyed and upset he was.
“Christoff,” He hissed out, clearly annoyed, “The Director wants to see you.”
The two friends exchanged weary looks with one another before turning back to their masked co-worker, who stared at them both with his eyes narrowed and a singular brow raised.
“What happened to you two? You look like you’ve been through hell and back!” He was unable to stop himself from letting out an abrupt laugh as his posture relaxed, which simply caused the duo to deadpan at him.
“Oh, yeah? Well, you look like a…. like a…” Hofnarr tried to come up with something, eyes darting around the area for anything he could use as an insult. He was quickly failing, making himself to look more pathetic than he actually was.
“Hmm? I can’t seem to hear you over all that stuttering!” Crackpot laughed, the sound somehow coming out as zany, as odd that adjective was to describe things. Christoff’s hands clenched themselves into fists as he opened his mouth to yell at him for being such an asshole, but his friend interrupted him before he could.
“…a sewer rat!”
The other two then turned to look at the scientist, who was pointing at the masked man with an unusual amount of determination in his eyes.
“…Pardon?”
“Yeah, that’s right! You look like a sewer rat who has an underground cult that worships… something stupid! Like a false god! Or something!” He continued onwards, although internally he was slightly cringing at his clearly improvised words. He probably sounded incredibly stupid at the moment- but at least he wasn’t one of the people who had to listen to himself speak.
Now it was Crackpot’s turn to be offended, and he gasped overdramatically as he placed a hand on his chest.
“Well now, I happen to like sewer rats and cults, thank you very much, so I’ll take that as a compliment!” He huffed before turning heel and walking away from the building, arms still crossed as he left their field of vision.
The two turned to look at each other- which was a habit that they carried out very often- before one of them huffed and began picking up the conversation again.
“Well, that was weird. But if Ares wants to see us, then that can’t be good,” Christoff commented as he grasped the doorknob of the door into the building, finally able to turn it and open the door that they had been so rudely interrupted from opening earlier.
Wandering down the corridors of their workplace felt odd in a way which neither of the duo would never be able to describe. Perhaps it was the sudden shift from a constantly hostile environment where everyone was planning and thinking up ways of how to kill each other, the lack of violence, or maybe it was the fact that they were even back at work which was so shocking- but either way, taking steps down the concrete, painted-white building felt so foreign, so strange, that they had to focus on where they were going, to rack their brains to figure out where they were even going.
Luckily for them, their ex-boss’ office was fairly close, so it didn’t take them too much time to remember where it was, nor to navigate the hallways and arrive at their destination.
The door in front of them read ‘PHOBOS’ OFFICE,’ and although the duo could’ve sworn that there used to be two other signs on the door as well, they seemingly had been taken down. And judging from the fact that they had been in this timeline for a couple of hours, it must’ve been recent- which meant that the director was likely inside.
“Attempt number 2,” Christoff huffed as he stared at the plaque on the door. “Hopefully this goes better than last time.” The words were said jokingly, but the response he got was anything but.
“…and if it doesn’t?”
The whisper coming out of Hofnarr’s mouth was just barely loud enough for him to hear, and even then he couldn’t exactly make out the words which were being said.
“Could you… repeat that?” He said each syllable so carefully, as if the doctor standing opposite from him would shatter if he said the wrong thing. Which wasn’t true- he knew that he could stand up for himself and wasn’t as fragile nor delicate as everyone thought, quite the contrary actually- but it didn’t stop his instinct from making himself sound like that.
“What if… this doesn’t work? What if we have to go through all of that again?” The words came out as a bit of a jumbled whisper rather than full sentences, but this time, Christoff was paying enough attention to tell what he was saying. He took a long inhale before sighing.
“Well, we made it out alive once, so we can do it again.”
This caused the other to perk up a little bit, and their eyes met, Hofnarr’s posture straightening as he listened to his fellow doctor’s words.
“And now, we know what to do if something does go wrong. We can make that device in record time and set everything right again. I won’t let anything happen. I promise.”
The words hit him so close to his heart, that Hofnarr gave in to the urges to hug his best friend, arms tightly wrapped around the doctor as he squeezed him softly, feeling a hand on his back as the other reciprocated the gesture. He didn’t bother to think about how some passerby might’ve seen them and gotten the wrong idea, he simply wanted to indulge in this moment to the fullest.
“…Thanks,” He murmured as he pulled himself out of the position, the other nodding with a soft smile as he spoke his gratitude. Despite the fact that neither of them really had to do what Ares said and speak to him, no less pay him a visit, it was something in which they felt obliged to do, in order to sign off and end this adventure once and for all.
“Ready?” Christoff asked the other, fully prepared to enter the room as he gripped the doorknob tighter than he had ever gripped any other doorknob before.
“…Ready,” Hofnarr nodded, newfound determination and vigour clear on his face as he did so.
And with one swift move, the door swung open, revealing Ares- in his typical, old red Director attire. The resemblance he had to the other Phobos was shocking, but it made sense, considering that this was what he had been wearing in the past/present.
He paid no attention to the two in the doorway, however, instead focused on the small, oddly-familiar child who he was in the middle of a conversation with, the sound of the door opening not having been enough incentive for him to stop talking to the kid.
“…Are you sure? I mean, you’re always busy with work and ‘stuff, and I get it’s important, so you don’t have to take the day off if you need to work…” The child tugged downwards on their grey cap, pulling it over their face, both the gesture combined with the kid’s voice causing recognition to stir within the two doctors.
This… this was a younger Deimos. He couldn’t have been older than 8, and although he had much more childlike innocence than his alternate future counterpart, it was still unmistakably him.
And the way that Ares responded was also so odd, so foreign, instead of the usual shouts and yells and begging and outbursts, it came out soft, paired with an equally and bizarrely warm smile to go with it, one likely reserved for his brother alone.
“No… no, it’s alright. We’re not behind, anyway, and I have plenty of time to get the work done when I need to; besides, since when has work stopped me from hanging out with my ‘lil bro?” He said, affection rooted deep into his words as he pushed down on Deimos’ hat to ruffle his hair, much to the child’s annoyance as he started whining, which caused his brother to chuckle.
The sounds quietened down quickly enough as Ares’ hands found their way back to his sides, and he sighed.
“Don’t worry- you’ll be fine,” He patted him one more time, much to his confusion.
“What? I’m going to see you in, like, an hour, right? ‘ts not a big deal…” Deimos said, although the way his foot was tapping constantly voiced his anxiety in a way that words never would be able to.
“Yeah… yes, right…” Although Ares said those words, the exact way in which he said them were distant, as if he couldn’t quite believe them himself. He then hastily shook his head to clear it. “I just need to finish things up here first, though. You should hurry on home, alright?”
Deimos stuck out his tongue at the thought, but didn’t protest. “Okay, fiiiiine…”
His brother pat him on the back one more time before he picked up a small grey backpack that had been tossed onto the ground next to him, slinging it over his shoulder before running off. Due to his small stature, he squeezed easily inbetween Hofnarr and Christoff, who took a few steps to the left and right respectively to give him more room, not that he needed it to get by them, but it was the gesture that really counted.
With the child gone, Christoff closed the door, instead looking at Ares who was now sitting down at the desk across from them, singular eye narrowed, although the expression he wore would better be described as ‘tired’ rather than ‘cold and calculating.’
He didn’t trust it.
“We need to talk,” he said, and the director nodded in agreement slowly, a hand slowly gliding down his cheek as he did so.
“Yes… we do.”
They were frozen for a few minutes like that- silent, not entirely sure how to respond to the other- until Christoff decided to finally begin interviewing the person who was apparently his boss.
“So, Ares-”
“The nickname’s unnecessary,” He said, waving a hand at the other’s words, although his words came out as a resigned sigh, “now that there are no counterparts to get confused with.”
“I thought you preferred-”
“It’s unnecessary. I no longer have the power that comes with that name… and It’s not like there are even any keystone fragments here to use in the first place.” He interrupted Hofnarr, preventing him from finishing his sentence as he stood up from his chair, pushing it back as he did so. His fingertips were still lightly pressed against the top of his desk, though.
“Alright then… Phobos. What happened to them?” Christoff questioned, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. He doubted that the other would answer truthfully, judging by his track record, but he figured that he might as well let himself get surprised in the unlikely scenario that he did.
“I’d assume that when we were taken to the void, they got lost… permanently.” The answer was the same one which he had expected, having come to the same conclusion himself, but the confirmation and honesty made his fist loosen slightly despite the fact he hadn’t even noticed it being clenched in the first place.
Christoff then squinted at him, looking up and down at various things such as his hidden facial expression or posture, all in an attempt to figure out if he had any ulterior motives or something else to hide. Whilst it didn’t seem that there was anything blatantly obvious, there was still something which was bothering him.
“…You seem very relaxed about all of this.” He crossed his arms, disapproval clear in the questioning, slightly sharp tone of his voice. The director mirrored the gesture, but refused to dignify the doctor with a response.
Seeing that he wasn’t responding, Christoff decided to ask a question that had been on his mind for a while, even before they ended up fighting and getting teleported into the void.
“Why shouldn’t we kill you right now?” He said, all of the scepticism he had about the whole situation pouring into his words. Phobos huffed, seemingly already having a response prepared.
“First of all, it would look terrible to kill your boss, especially such a fantastic, well-known individual such as me,” He put a hand on his chest as he praised himself, “although, you likely already knew that.” It then fell down and over to his side quickly enough as he finished speaking. The duo didn’t look convinced, but they supposed that it was a valid reason.
“And why won’t you kill us?” Hofnarr asked, pushing his glasses up back onto his face so that they could float there using whatever semblance of logic they had in their world. The interruption made Phobos seem mildly annoyed.
“Because, second of all, at the moment, I have no motivation to follow through any of my previous plans.” This shocked the two, who looked at each other with widened eyes and their eyebrows raised. Perhaps the fact that they hadn’t instantly been slaughtered upon entering the room should’ve been a dead giveaway at this fact, but that didn’t stop them from acting surprised, nonetheless.
“…What? Why?” Hofnarr tilted his head in confusion, eyebrows furrowing as if this was inconceivable. And to anyone who had gone through this and witnessed what he had been like, it was.
“The hypothetical- or, not-so-hypothetical Dissonance energy is gone. I can’t feel it anymore.” He said, looking down at his right hand before slowly flexing it, clenching and unclenching it, as if testing it out for the first time, “…it seems that now my mind is clear and I know what happens in the future, it’s like all of my passion for the project is gone now. Not to mention, no matter what I do, I can’t win. Not like this. I’ve already accepted defeat… Not to mention, of course, I couldn’t even put my previous plan into action, anyways… there’s nothing I could do to regain that power I had, nor to even build the machine, anyways, considering it was the Keystone fragment which it relied upon…”
“If you’re trying to make us feel sympathy for you, it’s not working. You still did all of those terrible things...” Hofnarr said as he listened to the other’s words- and, in particular, the sheer raw emotion that came with them. Emotion which instantly made him suspicious, causing him to remember all the terrible things he did- not just to them, but to everyone in the other universe as well.
Such as their Phobos and Deimos…
“Well, everyone is alive now, and I can’t fathom how we possibly managed to end up back here, but we might as well make the most of it.” Phobos sighed as he pulled his chair closer to him, sitting down in it once more, one hand laying across the desk while the other propped up his chin. Despite his hopeful words, his face was seemingly stuck into a grimace, as if the thought wasn’t as pleasant as he was making it out to be. The other two could only hope that he wasn’t getting any ideas.
“You’re not thinking of trying to travel into alternate timelines again, are you? By building a different machine?” Two nervous yet condescending glances were thrown at him, and he felt his mouth close as he closed his eyes as well. Nobody said anything, simply sitting in silence for a minute before he exhaled and finally responded.
“…No. It would be virtually impossible to find another way to travel between timelines. Plus, looking back on everything… I have everything I need right here.” The duo missed how he quickly flashed a glance at one of the photos on the wall, of Phobos and Deimos, the older brother affectionately carrying up the younger, who was showing off a big smile towards the camera.
He then looked back at the doctors and shook his head, new thoughts filling his mind which took priorities over his own little fantasies. Damn him and his tendency to daydream, his inability to pay attention.
“…On second thought, that report you made… none of that was hypothetical, was it? Had you all experienced it firsthand, or was it something else?” He asked. Hofnarr and Christoff were internally debating on whether or not to answer his question, but the former figured that if he wasn’t hiding anything, then they might as well tell the truth, too, if only to not end up on his bad side.
“You know the timeline that you ended up in? The one we’re from?” He said, careful to phrase his words in a way which the other would understand. He would really hate to repeat himself, so he would rather avoid that in general and be as clear as possible without stating things outright and forcing him to work out at least a little bit.
“Yes?”
“You know how everything was an apocalyptic wasteland?” He wouldn’t quite say that he took pleasure in watching the other’s face fall, because that was terrible thing to do, but it was a little nice seeing him being the one to face reality for once.
And face reality he did, judging by the way that he blinked before staring over at the ground with a mix of unreadable emotions on his face, the most prevalent one not quite shame, because the great and almighty Director-Emperor would never experience shame, but something else similar to it.
“…Oh. Perhaps I should’ve listened to the lot of you from the beginning, then, instead of being stubborn as always.” Despite his words, the way that he said it still had an ounce of determination and annoyance, as if saying it upset him. It likely hurt to swallow down his enormous pride and say that, but he did.
“It’s good to see that you’re finally admitting it.” Christoff said calmly, yet internally, he was elated that this stupid fucking idiot had momentarily ceased to be a stupid fucking idiot and listened to someone for once. However, this still wasn’t quite enough for him.
“Although, clearly, we can’t trust you. Why have you even had this sudden change of heart anyways? We don’t know that you’re not going to kill us the moment our backs are turned.”
“How much really changed in those two, three hours that we were gone for?” Hofnarr agreed, nodding.
In response to the two’s scepticism, Phobos stood up once more, pushing his chair in as he began to pace around his office, walking around in a steady rhythm to match his words.
“As I’ve stated before, I’ve already accepted defeat,” Five more steps, then three, before he paused as he reached the opposite end of the room once more, staring straight ahead at the photo from before as he did so. “And sometimes, the things you look for were right in front of you the entire time.”
“…weird, but okay.” Neither of the other two understood what he was saying, but since he seemed so genuine about it- which was the biggest factor to them- they decided to let it slide- for now, at least.
A question was still left on their mind, though- and maybe it was for peace of mind, but they decided that it would cause more problems if they didn’t ask it, so ask away they did.
“…You said you’ve been here for two, maybe three hours. Did you ever see the other Hank in that time?” Christoff inquired, knowing full well that Phobos wasn’t obligated to answer, but was pleasantly surprised when he did.
“Well, he’s not from this timeline, nor yours. I would think that he would have been sent back to his own, but he doesn’t really have much of a timeline to be sent back to, so perhaps no-”
The door slammed open, the sound covering up the rest of his sentence and cutting him off as the exact person which they were talking about stomped into the room furiously, shutting the door behind him with a loud thud.
“You…” Nexus hissed through gritted teeth, slamming a hand onto the desk as soon as he got close enough, grabbing the director by the collar and choking him as he pulled him upwards so that they were face-to-face. “What the fuck did you do?”
“Why are you assuming it’s me? As you can clearly tell, I don’t have the halos anymore, and I’m not even the one who used the damn device!”
“Well, clearly you did something, considering that this is your timeline and not mine!” He fought back, shaking him as he spoke, not that Phobos was jarred by this in the slightest. Christoff and Hofnarr just watched on, turning to each other as they always did before the latter spoke.
“Can… you clarify how you know that for sure?” Hofnarr asked, confusion etched deep into his features as he tried to make sense of what he was talking about. It wasn’t necessary to know, no, but he always did have such a high amount of curiosity, and even with all that he had been through, that still hadn’t changed.
Nexus opened his mouth to respond, however, Phobos rolled his eyes and remarked before he had the opportunity to.
“You don’t really want to go back there, do you? That’s just condemning yourself to a pathetic, miserable existence.” The way he said it was insulting, as if he didn’t care that the man in front of him was still holding him by the neck and would have been able to kill him much easier than anyone else in this cramped office. This caused Nexus to flinch, his grip loosening slightly as he thought about it.
“…Of course not. But still, I would rather not be… here, of all places.” He huffed and glared at him as he punctuated his words, hinting that he was the reason he would have been in any other timeline right now, if he had his way.
“My timeline is… different. If it even deserves to be called a timeline.” He said, scoffing as he looked off to the side. While he spoke, he released his grip on Phobos, but didn’t change position, ready to grab him by the throat once more if the need arose.
“What does that mean?” Hofnarr asked, although the way an emotion that was almost fear crept into his voice subtly implied that he wasn’t a hundred percent certain that he even wanted to know the answer.
“It was… very similar to the void. But it was, at the same time, different. For one, there weren’t any subtitles, and for two, it wasn’t ‘between’ timelines or anything. It was just me. And Nothing.” By the time he finished speaking, the last few words were reduced to nothing but mumbling and murmuring, leaving everyone to be in silence for a few seconds until the doctor spoke again.
“That’s terrible,” Hofnarr spoke in a hushed, sympathetic voice, “how could that even happen?”
Nexus squirmed, clearly uncomfortable with the question, and decided to respond with a simple sigh as he shook his head to clear his own crowded mind.
“It’s not important. The point is, I got out of there, because someone thought it would be fun to take advantage of my situation.” When he spoke, he glared at Phobos, who held his hands up in defence, looking as if he had suddenly aged a thousand years.
“Not going to do that again, I promise.”
This only made his gaze sharpen as his movements grew stiff.
“A promise is an awful lot like a deal.”
Judging from the lack of response apart from the sharp exhale he made, Phobos was at a complete loss of words- but it seemed that the person he was talking to wasn’t.
“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you won’t ever do that again. That’s why I came here, after all.” The specific way that his words were phrased, paired with how he suddenly reached into his inside pocket and pulled out a dagger, really seemed like a threat. And knowing him, it probably was.
“…Oh, so you’re approaching me? Are you really going to try and kill me?” He smirked, putting his hands on his hips confidently, only letting out a single chuckle at the other’s mere suggestion of maiming him.
“No, I’m going to become assistant director- of course I’m going to try and kill you!” Nexus then reached into his pocket with his free hand, and this time, pulled out a pistol, pointing both weapons at Phobos, although he continued smiling and grinning as if nothing was wrong.
He didn’t even get the chance to pull the trigger, though, because Hofnarr and Christoff put themselves between the two squabbling men, doing their best to stop them from killing each other. It would be quite annoying to have to clean up their corpses, after all.
“While we’d love to do that, at this point, it would be a lot more trouble than it’s worth. Considering that we have no way to go into a different timeline and he’s still the Director here, we can’t exactly kill him off and call it a day, which is a fact he seems to be very proud of.” Christoff said as he turned to Phobos, who continued smirking haughtily, knowing that, for a fact, he had won for today.
“The assistant director thing isn’t such a bad idea, though…” Hofnarr hummed as he placed a hand on his chin, looking off to the side in thought. Nexus looked offended even at the slightest implication of that, disgusted expression clear despite the dull red goggles over his eyes.
“You can’t possibly be serious. I am not going to be working with him, let alone help him with any projects he has.”
“It’s a disaster waiting to happen.” For once, Phobos seemed to agree with him, ready to shake a fist and ward off every single living being in a 30-mile radius.
“Our whole lives are disasters; what makes this any different?” Christoff sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose, surprised that he was going along with this stupid idea to begin with. But it seemed to satisfy his partner, so he might as well do so.
“I hate that you have a point. But still- I refuse.” He huffed in disagreement, to nobody’s surprise.
“It’s not like you have any place to go, though. And I bet it’ll be much harder to find a job as a mercenary.” Hofnarr pointed out. It was 30 years, 6 months and 6 hours into the past, after all, and surely that would’ve been difficult for anyone to adjust to, let alone someone going from an apocalyptic, void setting to an actual civilisation with society and whatnot.
“I also don’t trust him with this much power.” Phobos, who was still blatantly unfond of the idea, growled.
“And you trust him?” Nexus’ face scrunched up as he stared at Phobos, who once again shrugged, rolling his eyes. The people who he had been talking to waved their hand up and down in a ‘so-so’ gesture, which simply made him facepalm.
“What the hell does an assistant director even do?”
“Well… I don’t know, maybe you could just have that as a front, and secretly do… mercenary things. We’re not really experts at this stuff,” Hofnarr sighed as he admitted it.
“You just said it would be harder to find a job as a mercenary.” Nexus seemed both suspicious and confused at their words, internally debating whether or not they were lying or just had no idea what the hell they were doing. It didn’t take long for him to realise that it was the second option.
“Yeah, if you don’t already have any credit or a title behind you!” He attempted to defend himself, although judging from the way the other sighed in defeat, he didn’t really need to.
“Look, you have valid points, and that’s the worst part about all of this- I hate that you’re seriously making me consider this.” He grumbled, the grip on his weapons now almost completely slack, just barely holding on to stop them from falling onto the ground.
“That’s what we do best! Consider it a mission from us.” The cheerful scientist said, and the words seemed to spark something in Nexus. It wasn’t a shiver, no- it was more like a mini flame, a mere fragment of passion which he once so deeply held for his own occupation.
It was this spark that caused him to snarl, throwing his hands up into the air.
“Ugh- you know what? Fine. I’ll try it out for a few days, and if I fucking hate it, then I’ll find a job somewhere else, maybe even leave Nevada. Who fucking knows?” Whilst the suggestion may have been appealing to someone who had spent their whole life in Nevada, there was something about leaving this place which seemed so very wrong to him. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to leave, nor that something was preventing him, but he just couldn’t help the feeling that he was supposed to stay. Yet it was nothing more than a feeling, still…
He was snapped out of his swirling thoughts when a voice pierced through them, like an arrow dispelling a cloud.
“…I have a sneaking suspicion that you’ll like it here just fine. It’s not too bad… if you learn to ignore Crackpot, that is.” Christoff’s expression grew a little dark as he finished speaking, but there was still the ghost of a smile present on his face which stopped him from seeming even the slightest bit threatening.
Nexus was just about to ask him to expand on that when they heard a particularly loud beeping sound, only to see Phobos looking down at his watch, eyebrows furrowed.
“…Oh, look at the time. My apologies, underlings, it seems as if I must take my leave, lest I be late.” He had already turned around and walked towards the door, ridiculous red cape (because it was red, it always had been, at least here it was) flapping behind him as he gently laid a hand down upon the steel doorknob.
“To go to what?” Nexus asked, distrusting as always to whom he supposed would be his boss for the next week, at least. Admitting that left a bad tone in his mouth, the thought of having to work under him again somewhat terrifying. But if he really did have the power to ‘keep him in check,’ per se, then he shouldn’t have anything to worry about. Regardless of his own thoughts, though, it took the director a moment to respond as he spoke in a clipped, yet somewhat optimistic tone.
“…Well, for the record, my brother and I are going to a convention that he’s been wanting to go to for a while now, and I’ve finally caved.” He was turned away, so none could see his facial expression, but if they were to imagine it, it would be one that they’ve never seen on him before.
“Have fun, I suppose,” Christoff said, which made Hofnarr give him a funny look. But judging from how he nodded along, he agreed in whatever sense there was to agree.
And with that, Phobos opened the door before stepping out, closing it behind him and causing the other three to stare at each other in silence for a little bit. Hofnarr chuckled nervously at the calculating (yet not cold) gaze that Nexus had as his eyes wandered over to the duo.
“…Yeah, I think we’re just gonna…”
He reached for the doorknob and pulled open the door- not specifically to follow Phobos, but simply to get away from the area and to not feel as awkward as they currently did right now.
Nexus let them go, not protesting as they walked through, and they only stopped walking once they had retraced their steps and left the building as a whole, largely uncomfortable with the atmosphere that the general area had been emanating.
“Well, that could’ve gone worse.” Christoff remarked, although he still remained highly sceptical of the whole situation himself.
“I mean… yeah, nobody died, so…” Hofnarr bit his lip, but let it go less then a second later as he pulled out his phone. This caused his friend to flash an odd look in confusion, and noticing it, he decided to clear up what he was doing.
“…We should, um, probably let everyone know what happened.” This made him mouth a small ‘oh’ as he nodded, pulling out his own phone.
“Yeah. Good… good idea.”
Haha we are fucked
2:42 A.M
2BDamned: How are none of you fuckheads asleep yet. Go to sleep.
TriKurrDurr: BUT THE PARTY’S JUST STARTED!
Hank: You’ve all been awake for over 24 hours, go to sleep!
Sanford: you can go to your own room, you don’t have to stay out here
Hank: …That’s a good point
TriKurrDurr: OHH HANK’S RETREATED NOW :(
TriKurrDurr: NOW CLOWN ONLY HAS ONE PERSON TO TORMENT!
Jesus Christ: Please. Don’t.
Hofnarr: You all sound like you’re having fun!
Yeehaw: nggggggg i am sso drunk righ now
Phobos: You are drinking fruit juice.
Yeehaw: pponit still standns
Yeehaw: appel,,,,,,,,, dangerrus,,
The Auditor: So? How did everything go?
Christoff: Everything went well
Christoff: I think.
Still Smokin’: what do you mean you think??
Hofnarr: Well, Ares and Nexus are alive, just in our timeline.
Phobos: What?! Are? Why didn’t you kill him?!
Christoff: We’re in the past, remember? Do you know how much trouble that would’ve caused?
Phobos: But after everything he’s done to me, to us, you’re going to let him go just like that?!
Christoff: We would kill him if we would, trust me. But we really can’t without ruining the outcome of this timeline, now that it’s actually salvageable.
Christoff: And I’d rather not you risk coming over to our timeline, giving us the device, and then having us go to a new one. Who knows what would happen then.
Phobos: But still!
Christoff: It also would’ve been a bit rude to leave your brother without a brother.
Still Smokin’: oh shit smol me
Still Smokin’: how smol was he
Hofnarr: Very cute, smol and pinchable!
Still Smokin’: ok granddad
The Auditor: Back on topic, what actually happened there?
TriKurrDurr: BUZZKILL. CLOWN WANTED TO TALK ABOUT SMOL DEIMOS MORE >:(
Still Smokin’: fuck yea
Hofnarr: The Auditor has a point, though.
Hofnarr: Well… Nexus said he wasn’t going to kill us or try to take over timelines again… and I don’t trust him one bit, but we’re not dead, so I guess that’s something.
Jesus Christ: Yet.
Hofnarr: ?
Jesus Christ: You’re not dead, yet.
Hofnarr: Um, yeah, I guess??
Christoff: We also forced Nexus to pose as an Assistant Director to keep an eye out on him.
Sanford: Are we sure we trust that guy?
Hank: I mean… I guess he’s not all that bad.
Hank: Apart from that he somehow thought vents were better than blenders?!
2BDamned: Hank, face it, even another version of you thinks your blenderfucker status is gross.
Hank: But… blenders…
Yeehaw: blendersa are jfuny,, they gi rbrr
The Auditor: Well, your timeline sounds like it’s either going to be dead within the next month, or everything might even end up better than ours, considering that there’s no improbability drive active.
TriKurrDurr: IMAGINE BEING CONFINED TO LAWS AND PHYSICS??? LOL
Hofnarr: Don’t worry, I’ll punch God in the face for the both of us!
TriKurrDurr: YAAAY!
Phobos: I still can’t believe that we’re letting them go. After all they did to us…
Hofnarr: I can’t believe it myself, but you do realise that Tricky and the Auditor were basically mortal enemies with the majority of the rest of you, yes? And you, too?
Hofnarr: So it shouldn’t be that hard to believe that they’ll stop trying to kill us!
The Auditor: ‘Change’ is not the issue. It’s moreso how in the world this whole thing will affect your timeline.
Christoff: We’ll make sure nothing bad happens. We know what to do if it does, though.
Hofnarr: Yep!
Hofnarr: (We do?)
Christoff: (Yes.)
Still Smokin’: i don’t think you guys understand how private messaging works.
Yeehaw: y’all
Sanford: Yes, O Sheriff, who is drunk on fruit juice?
Yeehaw: did we ever figure out how our phones defy reality
Yeehaw: like clearly they aint normal fuckin phonez
Yeehaw: but they also didn’t work in the void
Yeehaw: so wahts controlling them
Yeehaw: what if the phones are watching us
Yeehaw: waiting
Yeehaw: biding their time until they can overtake us and stop us from being able to talk in any way that isnt texting
Phobos: Oh my god, go to sleep.
Still Smokin’: why talk when you can text. like why. words are so stupid out loud you have to actually stutter.
Still Smokin’: but you have like 5 minutes to think about what you want to say, or even longer, and nobody will care. irl people would look at you awkwardly and think youre an idiot. you know what I mean?
Sanford: You’re right and that shows how disappointing reality is
TriKurrDurr: I MEAN I CAN MAKE YOU ALL MUTE IF YOU WANT!
Sanford: please don’t. really. that is not what we need right now.
Jesus Christ: I do not wish to be mute, Tricky.
TriKurrDurr: IK! THAT’S WHY I SUGGESTED IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!
The Auditor: I feel as if we’ve gotten incredibly distracted.
Still Smokin’: your existence is so sad. it’s like you only exist to tell us how stupid we are and how much we disappoint you. don’t you wanna go batshit insane. don’t You wanna just snap.
Still Smokin’: you fucking. Candle. black smoke personified. really Stupid looking flame. get a hobby
The Auditor: Being disappointed in your hunchback, blind, Minecraft-socks-wearing ass is my hobby.
Still Smokin’: i’ll have you know that I am wearing VERY BEAUTIFUL KIRBY SANS SOCKS, THANK YOU VERY MUCH
Sanford: I thought we burnt your kirby sans socks????????????
Still Smokin’: no?!?!?!?!?!?!?
2BDamned: This segment wasn’t supposed to be going on this long, and you’re supposed to all be asleep. Go to sleep.
The Auditor: Not after last time. I’m watching you like a hawk.
Christoff: Have fun not getting any sleep.
2BDamned: What will make you idiots sleep…
Jesus Christ: Nothing, unfortunately.
2BDamned: OH
2BDamned: What do you think would happen if I turned off the wifi
2BDamned: All the mobile data towers and all are absolutely broken, so…
Still Smokin’: don’t you DARE
2BDamned: Well, we are supposed to end things off with a bang, aren’t we?
Hofnarr: If you leave us two alone to have this crisis, I will personally teleport over to your timeline and strangle you.
2BDamned: Alright, I’ll do it.
Christoff: Please don’t. We are having a crisis.
Hofnarr: WE NEED SOMETHING TO VENT TO
Still Smokin’: your problem lol
2BDamned: 5
Hank: Goodbye world
2BDamned: 4
Hank: It was nice knowing you
Phobos: I can’t believe I’m admitting this, but this was fun, everyone.
2BDamned: 3
Sanford: DEIMOS I’M SORRY FOR STEALING YOUR KIRBY PLUSHIE AND TRYING TO FEED HIM PEANUTS JUST TO PROVE HE WASN’T REAL
2BDamned: 2
Still Smokin’: YOU W H A T
Jesus Christ: Everyone calm down, this isn’t the end of the world.
2BDamned: 1
Phobos: YES IT FUCKING IS.
Yeehaw: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Sanford: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Still Smokin’: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Hofnarr: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Phobos: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Hank: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
TriKurrDurr: AAAAAAAAAAAA WHY ARE WE SCREAMINGAAAAAAAAA
2BDamned: 0
The Auditor: Everyone, what the f