Shifting uncomfortably on his feet, Richard drew in a breath and let it out quickly – hands on his hips. “Where the hell is he?”
“Late as usual.” James mused, his own eyes on the far end of the hangar where they were filming a segment on the world's cheapest and fastest super cars. They both would have figured that Jeremy would be here first but predictably, he wasn't.
“Damn.” Richard muttered, so softly that James barely heard him. But he had.
“Something the matter?” he asked, turning to look at him.
It was Richard's immediate, shifting look to him and away again that undermined what he said next and confirmed his intuitive notion that something was amiss.
“No.” Richard replied immediately.
James reigned in a loving amount of patience. To say Richard was their 'younger' lover felt sometimes like a vast understatement. Really the age play he and Jeremy had been participating in for the past eleven years was hardly a shock of epic proportions. Sure his occasional regressions were brought about by old injuries to his brain, which at the time had been unusually unapparent. When that happened it was hardly play. It had caused Richard's divorce to his wife, brought out things in Jeremy that James shouldn't have been overly surprised to see, and had shifted their entire relationship on a pivotal axis. When those episodes happened, less frequent now than ever before, it was hardly play. James still barely held on through some of them for reasons he couldn't explain. Jeremy however had taken to it like a fish quite literally to water to borrow an overused expression.
There was an ease of things now though that there had never been before. Years had passed and the episodes had eased, along with Richard's few and thankfully far between seizures. Age play had been a light term for it because it had seemed to reach so much deeper than that. It had been them, though more Jeremy, helping Richard through something vastly upending to his life. The age play had eased in later, Jeremy plunging into everything as recklessly as James wished he wouldn't. It had been Richard's mind they had been talking about. But in the end... he was so gratefully appreciative for Jeremy's nature in this instance that he couldn't put it to words. It had been so natural to him that his nearly entire lack of hesitation on his part had probably saved Richard's psyche.
“Richard...” James said gently, but firmly. It was really quite surreal how natural it all was for them to occasionally slip this in when relating to their lover and it made it strikingly obvious how long it had always been there.
Richard winced and cast his eyes down to the asphalt below their feet, shifting his stance a bit anxiously. “I just want Jezza to get here already.”
James frowned a bit and studied him more closely. He wasn't anywhere near regressing. But he was anxious and there was something there that he obviously didn't want to let on about.
“Richard?” he tried again, softer this time, regarding him with a calm – unwavering gaze. “Did you have an accident?”
The brief, pained expression that flashed over Richard's face and how his eyes were now not leaving the ground for anything was all the answer he needed and James felt a bit of a rush of anxiety hit him and gravitate to the pit of his stomach. It only increased when Richard nodded and he drew in a breath to steady himself. He'd never changed Richard. That was all Jezza.
After the accident there had been a shocking lack of residual damage. So they had thought. All sorts of horrifying scenarios had played out in their minds but none had been realized. Not right away.
The Lego’s should have been any indication but they hadn't been. They'd just been so happy to have him back and whole and alive that they hadn't really looked closer or had even thought to expect anything in the aftermath of it. When Richard had first regressed it had been with them, bless the stars, and it had been sudden, terrifying, and beyond rattling. Jeremy had seen him through most of it while James had supervised worriedly on – trying to appeal to whatever Jeremy had in the way of rationality that they just couldn't try and treat whatever it had been themselves. They weren't doctors, they couldn't fix it and more likely, they could very well irreparably harm him.
James had never been so grateful for Jeremy disregarding his higher sense of common sense in his entire life.
Psychologists and doctors had both agreed that it could just keep happening but they doubted that it would increase in severity. And fortunately it hadn't. But Richard had been terrified of it happening around Mindy, never remembering much of the episodes when he 'disappeared' for a time and they'd barely talked him out of a hasty divorce. But when his fears had been confirmed later and it had happened at home with Mindy and the girls well there had been no talking him out of it then. The best thing and the worst thing to come out of that awful incident was Richard moving in with him and Jeremy. They'd briefly and whimsically fantasized about it but not like that. Anything but like that painful affair.
But it had all been Jeremy. Seeing him through his age regressed episodes, fashioning a nursery for him when just such episodes occurred. James really had been nothing more than a bystander and sometimes an awkward one at that. There was some emotional block he had, which ones didn't he have? And it prevented him from getting all that close to everything. He was there but it wasn't with an ease that Jeremy was. He knew that Jeremy enjoyed it and he knew that Richard did too. Deep down... James was afraid of his own desires in that regard but just as with everything, intimacy wasn't easy. And that was so very intimate there were scarcely words. It was his mind for God's sake. He was as terrified of Richard like that as he had been his own girls when they'd been that young.
“It happened all of a sudden –” Richard continued, crossing his arms over his chest and wincing – eyes still averted. “I just thought I could wait for Jezza.”
“How long ago did this happen?” James managed, immediately coming down a bit hard on himself for not noticing.
“About fifteen minutes ago. I'm sorry... I didn't mean to make you angry James.”
Now he was regressing and James felt his control of the situation slipping. Had he ever had it?
“No, no.” he tried his best to assure him, softening his tone and raising his hands. “I'm not angry, just concerned.” James let out a slight breath and forced himself on with the subject. “How bad?”
“Bad.” Richard winced.
James shared it. “One or two?”
James relaxed marginally. That wasn't so bad.
“What are you doing?” Richard asked a bit anxiously as James reached for his cell phone.
“I'm going to call Jezza.” James said gently, “See where he is.”
“Oh okay.” Richard said, relaxing immediately.
James was more relaxed too, reaching out to rub a hand gently over Richard's arm and giving him what he hoped was a reassuring smile as the phone rang.
James felt a flicker of irritation at just how cheerful the other man sounded. “You sound awfully happy for a man whose nearly an hour late for filming.”
“Oh don't get your knickers in a twist. I'm nearly there... just about.”
“Where in blazes are you?”
“Traffic! It's absolutely unreal this morning. I feeling like bashing my skull through the steering column! How can there be this much traffic?”
“Jeremy?” he cut into his lover's small rant, which he sensed was about to turn into an even bigger one. “There's something else.”
“Yeah what is it?”
James glanced over at Richard, who cast anxious eyes in his direction. “Richard has had a bit of an accident.” he reported calmly, holding his gaze and hoping it was reassuring. “He says it's bad but it's only a number one.”
Jeremy cursed something even James didn't understand. “God I might be stuck in this traffic for another hour yet. I think some idiot crashed their car or something. Probably a cyclist. How is he?”
“He's all right. I just imagine he's a bit uncomfortable.”
“Put him on for me.”
“Here.” James said, handing the phone over to Richard.
James watched Richard's expression and though he couldn't hear what Jeremy was saying he could imagine well enough what it was because Richard immediately lost most of his years. He seemed to get smaller even though his change in posture was minimal. The arms around his chest turned into a hug and James' chest tightened watching him. He wanted to help, he really did. But his stubborn autistic tendencies were presenting in full force now, the anxiety swelling.
“Yeah.” he heard Richard say over the phone, voice smaller now and more fitting for a young toddler than a forty something year old man. He didn't say much else, nodding here and there to something James couldn't hear and a few minutes later, he handed back the phone.
“Okay.” Jeremy said, letting out a breath, “I'll try to get out of here as soon as I'm possibly able. If he gets too anxious just give him a soother if you can. That should calm him down until I can get there.”
“Okay.” James said, reaching out for Richard's arm again, “We'll be fine.”
“You want me to stay on the line?”
“No, no.” James said, “We'll be fine.”
Jeremy didn't seem all that convinced by his response but relented. “All right. I'll be there as soon as possible. Call me if you need anything.”
“Right. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
James ended the call and looked over at Richard, debating for a moment. Jeremy could be stuck in traffic for awhile yet and their lover had already been standing in a dirty nappy for quarter of an hour. The thought of him enduring an hour on top of that provoked James to say something he might not have had the courage to say otherwise.
“Richard... would you let me change you?”
Richard gave him an understandably surprised look and even appeared to temporarily lose the ability for words entirely.
“Look.” James said, plunging ahead as calmly and as rationally as he was able, “You have to be sorely uncomfortable besides the obvious sanitary concerns. I've seen Jezza do it enough times.”
“You really would James?” Richard said softly and it was the man now that was asking him, shocked and quietly touched, and not his age regressed self. “You don't have too...” he continued hastily, “I can wait for Jezza or –”
He was getting insecure now and James was quick to halt the process further. “It's only number one right?”
Richard nodded and James shared it. “And as I said I've seen Jezza do it enough that I don't see the harm in trying. I have changed a diaper or two before.” he said, managing a smile.
“Really?” Richard asked, finding a smile himself, a challenging and teasing light in his eyes that warmed James' heart to see and invariably relaxed him some at the familiar, characteristic jesting.
“Really.” he said, reaching out and gently squeezing his arm, nodding towards the hangar where their everyday cars were parked. “You have a bag with you?”
“Yeah.” Richard nodded and James was thankful for that much at least.
There wasn't a question that Richard could change himself. But there was a mental block, the act of it regressing him to the point where he might not be able to carry through with it or easily become confused. Not only that but they loved him and Jeremy had never let Richard change a diaper himself – no matter the state of it. It was a rare occurrence that he ever needed changed and sometimes he didn't even wear them outside of the occasional age play session. James assured himself that he could handle it.
There was no one really around and they had the hangar to themselves. It was still early, though that didn't excuse Jezza for being late, and they'd made some passing explanations to the crew that weren't really needed. They'd been presenting Top Gear for twenty years. It was hardly a question anymore of whom was banging whom and their personal lives were never a topic of discussion. Experienced crew members just knew and it wasn't discussed – why should it be? But Hammond's issues had never come to light to anyone and it made them take all that much more care with it all.
“James are you sure?” Richard asked, watching with a bit of a mystified look as he laid back on the roll away thin canvas mat that James had put onto the floor for him. It always accompanied the diaper bag and it was easily excusable as a mat for working under a car what with being waterproof and durable with just the right amount of padding. Both he and Jeremy had this dual set up although Richard's was barely used and more kept for emergencies just like this one. Curious they had never considered that, in the case of Jeremy's absence, an emergency could in fact be dealt with by James.
“It's all right.” James assured him but he really wished Richard hadn't asked that. No he was not sure. No he didn't want to make a mistake, no he didn't want to bullox this up. And he didn't want to think about the chance that he might either.
He reached for Richard's belt and thankfully this time there was no more questions from the smaller man he was knelt beside, Richard more than accustomed to what was about to transpire as he relaxed further onto the mat. He promptly lifted his hips after James undid his belt and jeans and began to pull them down, revealing the diaper beneath covered with a Sparco emblazoned diaper cover.
It had been a loving joke. While filming, Jeremy had sufficiently joked that the only thing dependable on his car had been the upholstery and when they'd been finished with it, he'd fashioned a Velcro strapped diaper cover out of the very upholstery – made from Sparco. Richard had laughed but he'd never gone without it.
“I... I might get hard.” Richard said, hesitantly glancing up at him.
“I know.” James murmured, his lips feeling suddenly a bit dry as he watched his younger lover spread his legs as he finished pulling his pants down to where they now rested around his ankles.
He'd seen it happen before. There was more to age play now between him and Jezza than there had ever been when they'd just started out. Even Jeremy hadn't exactly been sure if he should let things progress in that direction but it had led to the age play without the episodes and lapses in age that Richard occasionally and rarely suffered from any more. It was something they'd continued well beyond and it was another thing James had outwardly observed. Rarely did it turn sexual but sometimes it did and by now diaper changes were often frequented by an erection or two.
It stirred something inside James, something he wouldn't speak of, just as Richard's words had just now. There was something inside him that wanted it, something that worried him a great deal by the force of that longing. He'd never dared to give in, never thought to try, but then again he had never been here... doing this, like this, to Richard. That had always been in Jeremy's control. Something the other man seemed to like very much.
James undid the straps of the diaper cover and let it fall away, reaching for the straps to the diaper with hands he hoped weren't trembling. “I've thought of this.” his mouth betrayed him. “Doing this for you.”
“Me too.” Richard said, a bit breathlessly.
James sent a surprised glance his way, smiling, “Yeah?” and he didn't know why but that realization relaxed him a bit more.
All Richard could do was nod, eyes a bit big as he watched James start to open the diaper. It drew James' attention to the fact that he was doing just that, his smile vanishing and his nerves returning in full force. “All right?” he asked as he reached for a pair of nitrile gloves. Jeremy never used them but to James that seemed an abhorrent lack of courtesy and good hygiene.
Richard gave another quick nod.
“Good. Lift your hips for me.” James noted that he was handling everything with the precision of dealing with an armed bomb but he didn't care in the slightest and Richard wasn't calling him out on it. The diaper was sopping wet and he was suddenly glad, as much as he could be through his nerves, that he'd found the courage to do this. He couldn't imagine Richard waiting.
The smell of urine didn't make him cringe although from this angle and this vantage point, it was worse than when he'd just watched Jeremy do it from a safe distance away. He realized Richard might be feeling a bit insecure but his mouth wouldn't form any words of reassurance, betraying him that far. He caressed a gloved hand over Richard's hip as he pulled the diaper away – hoping that much would suffice at least until he found his tongue again.
Placing in an odor proof bio-hazard bag he sealed it tight and then set it aside, reaching for the wipes in the bag. “Still okay?” he asked his younger lover who by now he noticed was in fact half hard.
Richard nodded, seemingly not having any words himself.
“Good. Almost done. Now –” he paused before touching the wipe he had in hand to his skin, “This'll be a bit cold. You know that.”
Richard gave another quiet nod.
“Here it comes.” James murmured. He cleaned him thoroughly, taking care to cover everything and leave nothing out. Stroking the cool wipe over his lover's half erect cock caused Richard to bite his lip but he did nothing else, seemingly worried about sending James off running to which he was grateful. He also seemed to be holding onto himself as much as possible, not age regressed at all and shockingly calm and quiet and that seemed to say much about his erection as well – something he also appeared to be willing down.
“Okay.” James said, his tone nearly as soft as a whisper now in the quiet of the hangar. “Close your legs. Knees up.”
Richard obeyed and James used a forth wipe on his bum, making sure it was just as clean as the rest of him. The diaper had been obscenely full and he wanted to make sure that the smell of ammonia was entirely gone and he was completely clean. He realized in doing so he was probably taking much, much more time than Jeremy would have but Richard wasn't complaining.
Feeling more assured, James looked up at Richard as he finished cleaning his bottom. “Need a dummy?”
Richard just quickly shook his head.
Since he had had an accident today, James took out another diaper and set it aside as well as the baby powder. And he was just as thorough with the powder as everything else, not wanting to leave it to chance that Richard get a rash or something else unpleasant. And once the new diaper was secured and firmly in place, it was only then that James began to relax to a larger degree – letting out a quiet breath as he moved to secure the diaper cover. “There we are.” he said, a bit impressed with his handiwork. It was probably the most thorough changing the man had ever had and he took some pride in that. “Feel better?”
“Much.” Richard said, looking a bit at a loss. “Thank you James.”
James shifted a bit uncomfortably where he knelt and gave a bit of a nod. “Well. Let's get you dressed shall we?”
They did it together and in relative silence. What James didn't expect as he was nearly finished packing everything back together in place and putting the soiled diaper in another bag just in case was to find Richard suddenly and slightly in his lap – lips pressed to his in a deep kiss that spoke of many things. Passion, love, thankfulness, and more in a blazing, quick rush.
“Thank you James and really, really I mean that. I know it wasn't easy.”
“It's not...” James sighed and tried again, “It's not that I don't want too you know.”
“I thought so at first.” Richard said, running a hand over his leg, “And I wouldn't have blamed you I really wouldn't but... I've caught your eyes sometimes when Jezza has done it. I knew it wasn't that. It was just... well you being you.” he said, breathing a bit of a grin.
“Yeah.” James agreed, smiling. “I'm just glad you know that.”
“I do.” Richard assured him, leaning in to give him another deep, lingering kiss as he reached up and held his face between his hands. “I do.”
James let out a soft sigh as they pulled slightly away from each other, brushing some hair back from Richard's face. But words failed him and when a second ticked by, Richard just gave him a soft, understanding smile and pulled away.
“Come on.” he said with a bit of a grin, reaching down a hand to him, “I'll help you up.”
“Like I need it.” James said but he accepted the help anyway, both of them putting away the pat and bag back into Hammond's car.
It was a good half hour before Jeremy arrived, looking less annoyed than he otherwise would have and more so concerned. But seeing the relaxed stances of both of his lovers and the easy smiles on their faces, he promptly relaxed and gave them each a look that bordered on confused and suspicious. “Everything all right?”
“Everything's fine.” Richard smiled, looking over at James, “James helped me.”
Jeremy gave James a baffled look. “You what?”
James rocked on his heels a bit where he stood, struggling not to look pleased with himself. It didn't help that Jeremy's expression was dissolving into something akin to love and awe, making his insides effectively mushy. “I did.”
“You...” he stepped closer, the crew was gathering now but still a good ways off. “You changed him?”
James cleared his throat and nodded, Richard grinning over at him from where he stood. “Yes I did.”
Jeremy gave a shocked grin though he looked to be trying to restrain himself. James was appreciative, overwhelmed enough as he kind of was but it felt good. It felt really good.
“How did he do?” Jeremy asked Richard.
“I think... I am the cleanest I have ever been in that area in my entire life.”
Jeremy started to laugh and Richard continued, sending a loving look over at James.
“He did fine. Better than fine. Amazing actually.”
After a second or two of Jeremy's awestruck look and the amount of love in his eyes, James shifted uncomfortably through his own smile. “Stop looking at me like that it's not good for the cameras. We're supposed to hate each other. It's better for ratings.”
Jeremy chuckled and Richard shared another grin. “Come on. Let's get this going.”
James joined them easily, falling into stride with his other lover's with a relieved, happy breath.