Work Text:
The bell on the door jangled.
I know it was the same bell that sounded every time someone came in the store. Even the late nights that I was there since I expanded my business hours a few months ago in the fulfilled hope that I would increase business. And just as my customers appreciated not having to rush out of work, school or the many after school activities my customers participated, I appreciated the escape from going home the nights Ben wasn't teaching a late class.
Tonight, though, the bell sounded different. I knew, without looking up from the row of Superman comics I was rearranging that it was Brian.
I turned and glanced around and confirmed my suspicion. I wasn't surprised when I saw him change the sign to "closed", even though we hadn't made plans to go out that night. What did surprise me was the intense look on his face. I had never seen it in real life, only in my long forgotten dreams. It made my heart skip a beat. Brian Kinney was on a mission.
"Hey, Mikey. It's been a while."
I'm suddenly at a loss for words. It's the same feeling I had when he walked into the bar in Toronto and told me that he had lost the love of his life. Couched as a joke. A mere six months ago.
"Yeah, I've been busy here at the store. And with Katy." And at home with Ben and Hunter. But I don't say that last part out loud. I can't bring myself to bring my husband's name into the conversation. Not with that look on Brian's face.
"How's she doing?" Brian's question inexplicably touches something deep inside me. I know he won't say it out loud, but I know how much he loves my daughter. I've seen the same look of concentration, adoration, and studied disinterest on his face when he holds Katy that I saw on his face when he held Gus when he was an infant.
I like to think it's because Katy's mine, but I don't dare let myself. Tonight, though, the thought arises unbidden in my mind. Something about him makes it so.
"How's she doing?"
I know he just saw her that afternoon when he went to visit Gus. Melanie told me about it on the telephone just an hour before when I called to check in before Katy's bedtime. The downside of my late hours is that I haven't had a chance to see her bath and bedtime as much as I would have liked. The loss is slowly eating at me.
"Getting big." I feel the tears gathering behind my eyes. I miss seeing my little girl grow up. I imagine this is how Brian felt when Gus was born and he couldn't live with her. I don't know how he managed to give up his parental rights. I am in awe of his commitment to Lindsay and, though he won't admit it out loud, Melanie.
"And...Ben?"
"He's all right." At the mention of my partner's name I feel my joy fading. I've never discussed Ben with Brian, not since the steroid incident. Part of it has been loyalty to Ben, another part has been because I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't leave him. Not when he got violent with me. Not when he began to blatantly cut me down about the success of Rage.
"What's going on, Mikey?" he asks.
This time, I know the question isn't casual. Not with that intent look on his face. This time he isn't going to let me get away with a casual answer. Still, I try.
"Nothing."
"Right. Now what's going at home, Mikey?" He puts his arm around my shoulders. Any pretense slips right out of me at his touch. As it always has. Since we were fourteen.
His familiar scent is overwhelming me and his body heat melts my resistance. God, I've wanted to tell him what's going on for so long. It all comes pouring out of me. I can no longer pretend that everything's okay. Brian isn't Hunter and deep inside I know that the conflict between Ben and I is hurting the kid.
I wish I could be stronger, I wish I could be more composed, but the tears have been so close to the surface for so long.
"Mikey, if it's not working, why are you still there?"
I stiffen at the question. Brian has been more than clear that he doesn't approve of my marriage. Heck, any marriage between men.
"Mikey." His throaty whisper yanks at a part of me that I had long suppressed. A part I thought I had dismissed that night at Ben's when I admitted my feelings for Brian went beyond platonic friendship. I thought, finally, that saying it out loud would make it go away.
What a fool I've been.
I don't want to give Brian the fodder to dismiss me again, but I can't control myself.
"Brian, you were right. We weren't made for marriage."
His answer shocks me more than anything has in months.
"Mikey, I was wrong."
What? I know I just mouth it. I can't get the word past my lips. I feel the dampness of my tears on his dress shirt pressing against my cheek.
"Yeah, I admit it, but I don't think it's gonna happen again, not for a long time." Once again Brian tempers the moment with a joke that falls flat.
The shock fades and the expected disappointment floods my system. I'd like to think that Brian meant something else, but he's just supporting my choice. My hasty marriage. The tears run faster down my cheeks.
"You want me to stay married to Ben?" I hate that I ask, that I put that weapon in his hands.
"Michael, Mikey." Brian pauses for a deep breath. "I was wrong about you being made for marriage, because you are. You just married the wrong man. You're mine."
My breath catches in my throat. I feel dizzy. I can't imagine he just said what I thought he did.
"What?"
Instead of the expected rebuttal, Brian pulls me into his arms.
End...for now