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Three Tweets of Old That Were About the Doctor

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1. Illinois, 1886.

"'The low-down scoundrel who crawled upon a back shed of a certain building to play peek a boo, had better not repeat the trick,'" read Rose. She peered over the newspaper at the Doctor, whose ears stuck out from behind the cold compress he was pressing to his forehead. "Peek-a-boo?"

The Doctor lowered the compress, revealing an enormous egg-shaped knot on his head, and grimaced in Jack's general direction.

"What?" Jack said innocently.

"You and your... your..." the Doctor sputtered.

"Dancing?" Rose supplied.

Jack grinned. "Eugenie Milbanks is a pretty great dance partner."

The Doctor eyed Jack. "Maybe you should dance solo for a few days."

"Hey, it's not my fault Mrs. Milbanks caught you climbing around on her back shed."

"Yeah," Rose said, gazing at the Doctor speculatively, "and what were you doing there again, all alone? And how did you get that lump?"

The Doctor hid behind his compress.

"I think the Doctor has a fatal weakness for elderly termagants in flannel wrappers," Jack said, and Rose laughed.

"I thought she was Gorvian!" the Doctor said. "Turns out she just wears terrible perfume."

"Ladies and gentlemen, the Oncoming Storm!" crowed Jack with a flourish, and even the Doctor couldn't help but laugh a little at that.


2. Malphon Orphidia, 1909.35.428

He was more cheerful than the average ice man, and that was what had ended them up in ice prison on this bloody great ice planet. A master of disguise the Doctor was emphatically not.

Donna had thought the Oods' planet was the coldest she was likely to encounter, but now she thought her fingers were about to fall off.

"Doctor," she said, "my fingers are about to FALL OFF."

He was bouncing on his toes and seemed to be about an inch from licking the wall. "Ohhh, Donna Noble!" he said, his enthusiasm somehow undimmed by helpless imprisonment. "You and me in a prison cell! It's been a while since I've been trapped in a cell with someone. Used to happen all the time!" He paused and frowned. "Thought I'd grown out of it, actually."

"DOCTOR," she said dangerously.

"Yes, we-e-ell, not optimal, I agree, but it'll all work out in the end."

"What, are you going to talk our way out?"

The Doctor turned and looked at her, slightly wounded by her derision.

"There's no one to talk to!"

"Oh, come on now! There's you, and there's the cameras, and there's the guard at the end of the corridor who's camouflaged himself to blend in to the wall -- hullo, you! that's a lovely bit of camouflage, really a beautiful job, don't be upset I noticed, Time Lord, you know -- not to mention our fellow prisoners, one of whom, if I'm not mistaken, is a genuine heliotrope! Maybe next we can go to Helos IV, Donna? What do you think?"

Definitely too cheerful.


3. Kansas, 1930

The explosion at Beeby's Suitatorium blew out all the windows and hurled buttons and spools of thread to the middle of the street. Rory stood in the midst of the sartorial debris, arms crossed over his down vest, watching bits of fabric smoldering in the dust.

"Three minutes," he said. "That's got to be some kind of record, right?"

"What?" said the Doctor absently, fiddling with the sonic screwdriver. "Oh. No. Sorry."

"Not a record," Rory said. "Three minutes in town, giant explosion --"

"Evil is vanquished!" Amy said. "Sometimes it happens more quickly than others. Can we have an ice cream?"

"But -- what if -- how did you know --"

"Rory," said the Doctor, the corner of his mouth turning up gently in that little smile he had. "Rory, Rory, Rory. I'm the Doctor."

Rory rolled his eyes. "Oh, yes, clearly that explains everything."

The Doctor cleared his throat. "Yes, well, maybe it was just a tiny accident; how was I to know they had hooked their plasma couplings straight into the building's electrical system? Completely daft. They quite deserved that little shock."

Rory and Amy glanced at each other, then down at the buttons and spools of thread littering the street.

"But that's them sorted!" the Doctor said, clapping his hands together and smiling. "Now that they're headed back home, how would you two like... an ice cream?"

"You are a very great genius," said Amy dryly, and Rory laughed as the Doctor took them both by the hand and pulled them toward the drugstore.