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Later on, Theta didn't know why he'd even let her get this far. Ushas was nice enough, a good pal to hang out with, but she also scared him a little. When she'd sat down beside him in that deserted corner of the library, he hadn't suspected anything. He'd willingly gone with her when she'd told him that she wanted to show him something in her room--he hadn't known how to refuse, and he'd been curious. When she'd shoved him against the door and had started kissing him, her hands on his shoulders, her long fingers pressing into his skin and her mind pushing, trying to invade his thoughts, he'd been too surprised and mortified to protest.
He had protested a moment later, when her fingers had found their way from his shoulders to the clasps of his tunic, had shoved her away and bolted, but it had already been too late. He'd kissed her, her mind had left an imprint in his thoughts, and he hadn't been able to hide it.
When Koschei came by later that night, when he ran his fingers over Theta's cheek and gently touched his mind, the first thing he saw was the proof of Theta's betrayal.
"You little whoring shit." Koschei had backed off and was standing in the middle of Theta's pitifully small room, his voice very low, his eyes wide and blazing. "Did you honestly think I wouldn't notice?"
"Kos, it's not like that." Theta's voice was choked. He got to his feet, reached out, but did not touch Koschei. "Really, it's not, you have to believe me!"
"Don't lie to me."
"I'm not! Please, Kos, I'm not." He sought out Koschei's eyes, saw the anger and the hurt and the hate there, and swallowed. "Nothing happened, I promise. She only kissed me. I didn't want her to, but she -"
"She what? Forced you? Tied you down? I seem to remember that you actually enjoy that."
"Please, Kos, I wouldn't do something like this. You know I wouldn't."
"Do I?" Koschei's expression had gone from livid anger to a cold, hard stare. Theta licked his lips and backed off a few steps, feeling his hearts pound a rapid cacophony in his chest. "All I know," Koschei continued, and he took a step forwards, cruel anger radiating from him, "is that when I touch you, I can feel her presence in your mind. That's not how it's supposed to be, don't you agree?"
"I'm sorry, Kos." The tears he'd been trying to hold back spilled over, cold wetness creeping down along his cheek, and Theta hated himself for it, for showing this weakness that he knew Koschei would find disgusting. "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen, and I'm so sorry, but really, she only kissed me. Just a kiss, nothing more."
"Why should I believe you?"
Theta swallowed and didn't answer, just felt behind himself, his fingers brushing over the cool stone surface of the wall behind him. He pressed his back against it as Koschei moved in even closer.
"All I know is what I saw in your mind, Theta. And I know that you waited until I had to find out for myself. If nothing at all happened, why didn't you tell me in the first place?"
That was a good one: why hadn't he? It was simple enough, really; he'd been scared, of angering Kos, of losing him. In the end, it hadn't really made a difference. "I'm sorry," he said again and bit his lip. "I'm sorry, Kos."
"Not good enough."
The words hit him like a punch to the gut; was this Kos telling him that they were over, that he'd ruined it? Theta reached out, wanting to touch his lover, to keep him close and make him change his mind, but Koschei was faster. He grabbed Theta's face with both hands, his fingertips digging into the skin of his scalp and his temple, his face mere inches from Theta's own.
"Telling isn't good enough, Theta. You'll have to show me."
And suddenly, he was right there, Koschei was in the middle of his mind, an angry, mad presence so different from the usual gentle touch that it made Theta cry out and clutch at Koschei's shoulders. Hot, white anger flooded Theta's consciousness, and he could feel the heat of Koschei's fingers on his skin, burning him.
Show me.
He didn't really have a choice; the memory surfaced like a fresh piece of wood in the water, much clearer and sharper than Theta would ever have been able to remember it on his own. There was Ushas, smiling at him in the library, putting her hand over his, and don't you dare claim you didn't know what was going on; you're dumb, but not that dumb; him following her to her room only to have her practically jumping him. There's surprise and shock, and there's anger, a mad fury that makes Theta moan again, and then Ushas' lips on his, her hands and mind all over him, and it hurts, a lot more than he remembers, because it's wrong and it should hurt. Her fingers find the clasp of his tunic, and in a mad rush, Theta pushes her away, making her expression go from lust to surprise to anger, and for a split-second there, he can glimpse through Koschei's mind into her thoughts, and what he sees makes him grow cold, much colder than he's able to stand, and their mental connection breaks and shatters into tiny pieces.
Theta's hands were still on Kos' shoulders, and suddenly there were arms around him, pulling him in close. Theta pressed close to Koschei and held on, hiding his face in the warm hollow of Koschei's neck, gasping and trying to catch his breath, moisture making his eyes burn.
There were shushing sounds in his ear, Koschei's voice telling him that it was okay, it was over, he believed him, and Theta curled his fingers even tighter into the fabric of Kos' tunic.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to happen -"
"I know, I know, I saw, it's okay." Koschei's voice was as tender now as it had been cruel before, and his fingers were running through Theta's hair, soothingly. "It's okay, I know you didn't mean it, it's okay now."
Koschei's fingers found Theta's temples again, but the touch was so much gentler now, so much more like the tender touch Theta was used to; Kos' thoughts a reassuring presence in his mind rather than a ruthless intruder, and Theta couldn't comprehend how they could have been the same thing. He felt Kos' thumbs on his cheeks, wiping away the tears.
"I'm sorry," he said again, and through a slightly blurry haze, he could see Kos nod.
"I know," he said. "I know you're sorry. It's okay." Then Kos leaned in to kiss him, and he was there once more, right in his mind, another set of thoughts asking for admission; gently, carefully, respectfully. Theta reached out, mentally and physically, and they embraced, and while just a few moments ago, this presence had been a hurtful force tearing his memory from his mind, it was also Kos, whom he had accepted so often into his thoughts and who he knew would never harm him.
Their lips met, and the embrace became more physical, Theta's crotch pressing against Kos' thigh. Warmth was spreading from the centre of his body and was picked up by his lover and amplified in his mind. Theta moaned again, but this time not from pain.
Come on.
He let Koschei guide him to the bed that stood across the room, let himself be pushed down onto the sheets and let the sensation of Kos' hands on his body run through him, his mind and body enveloped and kept safe by the other one's presence. Koschei undressed him, his fingers roamed over Theta's skin, and then Theta felt Koschei touch him, the sensation made all the more intense by Kos' thoughts guiding his.
"It's all right," he heard him say, "it's okay, you're safe with me." Theta could feel Kos' arousal in his mind, a familiar feeling, a reassuring one. He reached out to touch, ran his fingers over smooth skin, and leaned forward until Koschei's lips met his again. They kissed, and then Theta could feel a finger stroke his opening, pressing gently. This was familiar, but it hurt more than it should, and the cool slick sensation of lubricant was missing. Theta opened his eyes and sought out Koschei's gaze, and Koschei was right there with him.
It's okay, he whispered soundlessly, it's fine, you'll be alright. Just trust me.
So Theta did, closed his eyes again and let Koschei hold him and let him stroke and probe and press with his tender, skilful fingers. He felt one slipping inside him, and Theta couldn't suppress a gasp of pain, but Koschei was there, reassuring, telling him the pain was not important, telling him to trust him, just trust him and everything would be okay. So he did.
At some point, he felt that the moisture was back on his cheeks, but there was no time to pay attention to it. Koschei was pressing on, now with two fingers inside of him, stretching, loosening, and it took all of Theta's concentration to relax, to believe Kos telling him that there was no pain, that it was okay, that he was safe. He almost lost the battle when Koschei pushed inside him, the presence trying to fill him too huge and too much, and he heard a strangled cry resonate in their joined minds. But Kos was there, as he always was. Then Koschei was inside of him, moving, and everything else was secondary.
Theta came first, arching off the bed and clutching at Koschei with both his mind and his body, tears of pain and relief staining his cheeks. He could feel his climax wash over Koschei and take him away, pushing him over the edge as well. Their amplified feelings resonated in their minds and bodies, and Theta was sure he felt something inside him break. Then it was over, and Theta drew in a sharp breath as Koschei pulled out, the smarting pain sending another surge through his body. He reached out, and Koschei was there, his arms wrapping around Theta and his lips on Theta's cheeks, kissing and licking the tears away.
"You're mine," Theta heard him whisper. "Don't you ever forget that. You're mine."
"I won't." Theta's voice was just as inaudible, and rough from crying. "I won't forget."
"Good."