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You're On the Air

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Dan got the signal from the engineer. "Our next caller is on the line with a question."

"Hi. Uh, this is, um, Ronald. Yeah. I wanted to ask your advice on something big."

"Sure, Ronald. No questions are off topic here."

"Say there's a guy who ran, for um, mayor. He didn't expect to win. He figured he'd say the worst bullshit no one would possibly like, pick up some donations, and get another season of his show renewed." He broke off. "Anyway, it turns out some assholes wanted that bullshit, and he got the job he didn't want. What can he do now?"

Dan covered his own microphone for a moment. He had plenty to say, but he had to choose his words carefully.

"Okay, Donald."


"Right. You've got two choices. You can show up for work every day, do the best job you can, be fair to everyone, even the people who didn't vote for you, and heal the rifts your self-described bullshit cut through the country."


"Sorry. City."

"What's the other option?"

"Continue to act like an unhinged loser and hope they impeach you."

"I'm doomed."

Dan sighed. "We all are. Any questions about your sex life?"

"There's nothing wrong with my sex life! My dick is huuuuuuge."

Dan hung up on him.